Recent Posts Tagged With 'chicks'

• Back to Basics

  Posted on Thursday May 29th, 2008 at 23:39 in adult, Salvage, banner, chicks, social, widgets, stand up, lipstick, doodles, hate mail, death threats, vicodin

  It was just about 6 months ago now that I was in the process of transcribing some old stand-up routines to story form (like this one on the Clap), because I don’t do much live performance anymore and thought I might be able to salvage some of the m...

• Aromatherapy for Men

  Posted on Thursday May 15th, 2008 at 04:23 in adult, iraq, chicks, political, designers, aromatherapy, gender, parody, Genocide, powerpoint, vegetarians, spreadsheets

  […] A guy can be ugly, fat, bald, and stupid; with a cyst on his mouth and a hump; but as long as he's got ends, he's landing tail....

• Bloody Birthday

  Posted on Monday April 7th, 2008 at 17:53 in adult, dreams, san francisco, birthday, drinking, restaurants, los angeles, chicks, hitchhiking, tradition, reno, mtv

  […] It was kind of getting old to be waking up all the time with a hangover, in somebody’s bushes, wearing only a thong and an eye patch, and wondering whose ass I was gonna to have to kiss to make up for whatever I did the night beforeSHARETHIS....

• Friday Filler!

  Posted on Friday March 21st, 2008 at 05:32 in math, adult, los angeles, memes, chicks, social, page rank, special guests, props, deep space nine, sugar cookies, anal beads

  […] I can’t tell you who these special guests will be, but I can tell you that I would trust them with my blog like I would trust them with my sister, which is to say, I don’t have a sister....

• Up the Academy

  Posted on Monday February 25th, 2008 at 23:40 in titles, feminism, betting, chicks, amazon, aliens, social, corporations, oscars, nicknames, tom wilkinson, trickery

  […] I’m a walking body bag. If my body’s a temple, it’s the Temple of Doom. There’s even a little bald dude in there that rips out chicks’ hearts....

• Sicko This Country

  Posted on Tuesday February 19th, 2008 at 23:54 in insurance, drugs, paris, Monkeys, alcohol, chicks, political, social, xenophobia, visas, robert redford, stds

  […] I haven’t been to a doctor in years, aside from semi-regular STD screenings that are necessary for me to continue having promiscuous sex. Even to get these screenings, I must first prove that I am high-risk by bringing photos of myself having...

• My Bloody Valentine

  Posted on Friday February 15th, 2008 at 16:19 in myspace, Identity, chicks, political, social, bin laden, bullets, social web, fbi, stalkers, strippers, sars

  […] I used to make a practice of littering my personal information around in the hopes of having my identity stolen. My identity hasn’t been doing me much good and if some Nigerian con ring wants to assume the insurmountable debt and FBI record, ...

• I Called Her .22

  Posted on Tuesday February 12th, 2008 at 02:06 in adult, models, chicks, social, muslims, guns, vodka, affection, dea, neighbors, trannies, conflict diamonds

  […] They said they didn’t know for dogs, but were plenty knowledgeable about internet sex slavery, selling “decommissioned” warheads to Muslims, and smuggling conflict diamonds for the De Beers Corporation....

• What I’m a Gonna Do?, Part 1

  Posted on Thursday January 31st, 2008 at 03:38 in san francisco, TiVo, chicks, tourists, the hills, metal gear solid, mice, peanut butter, canadians, crackheads, chinatown, cosmos

  […] Great, so in addition to crackheads and yuppies, I now have to kill mice? What next, Canadians? I’m normally a pretty brave guy. I would fight six dudes if I had to; six very short, effeminate dudes with heart problems […]...

• Party Like It’s 2011

  Posted on Thursday January 24th, 2008 at 20:50 in lost, chicks, social, bin laden, cops, 2012, louis vuitton, old people, stalkers, subdued, ass clown, sleeper cells

  […] I don’t carry a phone because it makes it too easy for the sleeper cells I infiltrate to zero in on my location after I’ve sabotaged their operations. This always makes chicks both impressed and afraid for my safety […]...

• Ask .45

  Posted on Thursday January 10th, 2008 at 02:34 in adult, chicks, cocktails, steroids, mensa, user experience, testicles, nicknames, lube, tang, phraseology, anal beads

  […] I feel bad when random internet searchers stumble on this site and don't necessary find the information they were looking for. So in an attempt to create a better user experience for them, I thought I would try to field some of these misdirecte...

• Tang and a Chili Dog

  Posted on Friday December 28th, 2007 at 11:16 in tea, chicks, tirade, asians, emphasis, bourbon, juices, trickery, tang, subdued, greek mythology, backwoods

  [...] Asian chicks just weren't my cup of tea. My cup of tea has bourbon in it, unless it's morning, and Asians don't like bourbon as far as I know. They prefer liquors that weren't distilled in the backwoods of Kentucky. [...]...

• Oswald, Bin Laden, the Sun, and Other Fictional Characters

  Posted on Thursday December 27th, 2007 at 13:08 in alcohol, dark, chicks, bin laden, aa, anonymity, vodka, assassination, egg whites, the sun, fat chicks, oswald

  [...] I’m discovering that all kinds of thoughts have been waiting to pass through my head. I don’t like these thoughts. They’re not crazy thoughts, like “Maybe I should stuff the cat in the blender today.” No, these are just heavy, meaty t...

• Not Quite Right Down There

  Posted on Wednesday December 26th, 2007 at 11:46 in white, adult, san francisco, chicks, oxymoron, chewbacca, antibiotics, pez, wrath, stds, lube, good will hunting

  [...] So she gets the lube and proceeds to completely baste herself in it, just greasing up every shock and piston. She knew what she was doing, too. I was like, “I don't know what exactly is about to go down, but f***ing BRING IT!”. [...]...