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A Sex Addict's Recovery
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This is my journal to help me work the twelve steps, especially step twelve as I work the road to recovery.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'lust'
I don't go anywhere fast
You and me we're goin' nowhere slowlyAnd we've gotta get away from the pastThere's nothin' wrong with goin' nowhere, babyBut we should be goin' nowhere fastThis is the problem with addiction , not finding contentment in the place that you are. Not wa...
Dealing with expectations and lust
A little advanced warning, this may be a bit long but hopefully I won't ramble too much. MaybeYesterday the odds were stackedIn favor of my expectationsFlyin' above the restNever fallin' from the nestTuesday came and went and nowI'm in a little sit...
Meeting last night on Step Two
"Came to believe that a power reater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."When I first started the program ever so long ago I wanted 12 steps, 12 things I had to do that would save me and change me and then I was done. What I got was a way to...
Conference at Lambeth
Hi all, sorry I haven't written much but it has been busy and I am actually writing a book to help me bring the inside out in regards to the spiritual basis of addiction and working tons of overtime. Ok, well I am not writing on that topic, I am writ...
Psychology Today interview about "crying over spilled semen"
I find the below article very interesting from a natural law perspective. Women who have sexual relations without a condom are happier and less suicidal than woman who are celibate or use condoms. As a sex addict and a Catholic I think that contracep...
Journal 20070913
I just don't know how to really deal with resentment, its hard because its an engrained pattern in my way of being. I get frustrated and resent a situation or person, dwelling on a real or imagined wrong, I live in it and make it the focus of my mind...
Do I really have to start over????
I hate being an addict! I really don't think you understand that I HATE being an addict. You see, the problem is that I think that I have this under control and have 8 months of sobriety under my belt (my drug of choice is fantasy with being lusted a...
Jounral 20070723 Surrender/Attatchment
Attachment, I think, is a very basic component of my disease. I believe that it is part of my fallen human nature, disfigured and deformed from what it was designed to be. In its most basic form it is simply me wanting to reach out, take hold of an...
Step Six
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.As an addict I can say that I felt I was at this place for a long time before I started working the steps. Some addicts don't want to get better and only want to learn to control...
Step Five
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.Forgive me Father for I am a worm. This is a dangerous and crucial step for recovery. By the time the addict gets to here they should/need to have lots of suppor...
A quick note
I am still here and very much alive, overtime is making things rough to get done but I am getting a routine down so that I can keep up posting. My biggest fear right now is getting tired and worn out. I am fortunate that I have my wife, she is a gi...
Step Four
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.Now we get to some hard work. In some ways this could easily become a list of faults and failings and nothing more. I think that would be a mistake, a missed opportunity for growth. I am not...
Journal 20070701
Tonight, I went to my weekly meeting. Tonight one of our members gave his first step. I know that this was hard for him to do. It took up most of the meeting and his recounting encompassed probably over 30 hand-written pages. This step was a reco...
Journal 20070628
One of my favorite songs from adolescence is For Crying out Loud as performed by MeatLoaf. It still to this day strikes a chord in my heart. However, as I grow and mature I have come to realize that it describes the addict in me and my true self. It...
Lust Versus Intimacy
One of the biggest things addiction to lust, more commonly know as Sex Addicts or Sexaholics, does to a person is it makes them incapable of sharing with anyone else who they really are. It could be due to embarrassment, shame, guilt or a variety of...
The road is long....
I don't know if any of you have the song running through your head that I do right now:He Ain't HeavyThe road is long, With many a winding turn, That leads us to who knowswhere, Who knows where, But I'm strong, Strong enough to carry him, He ain'thea...
Journal 20070621
The kids are sick, one of them just vomited on the carpet in the front room. I just finished cleaning that up and I am working on school assignments with the oldest child. I am exhausted, probably ready to come down sick myself but unable to as every...
Journal 20070620
Today my life is a just a little bit harder in some ways than it was yesterday, but it is easier or more normal in other ways. It is time for me to integrate living in a more normal life and keeping up sobriety. This is one of those ways, replacing t...
Jounral 20070618 "The F-word"
Today, my wife and I had our couple’s counseling appointment. I really didn’t want to go, not in the least. Well, not because I am through with my marriage or anything but because I just want everything to be back to normal, I want the magical pi...
Journal 20071017
Sexual Emotions.These are not emotions in the truest sense of the word emotion but are desires that can be triggers. In some way they are things that are out of control that sex addicts try to meet or find in lusting.One of the hardest things about b...
Journal entry for the Morning of 6-14-07
Wow, I worked for 12 hours yesterday, skipped going and working out afterwards. Its probably a good thing as I hade to get up about 0900 as my wife had somewhere to go and someone needed to watch the kids. Just sitting here and drinking coffee, the...
An Era of Prohibition in my Marriage
"...this meant no sex with themselves or other, invluding not getting intorelationships. For others it also meant "drying out" and not havingsex with the spouse for a time to recover from lust."--From "The Solution, Page 204 of SA's White BookThis wa...
Step One: My life is unmanageable due to what?
We admitted that we were powerless over lust -- that our lives had becomeunmanageable.This step has two parts that are very distinct in it. When we begin this process it is out of an admission that our lives are unmanageable, but first our lives hav...
My fear about ridding myself of lust.
One thing that I want in my life is the removal of lust from my being. I struggle to surrender that to God and work to lessen its control over me every day. Lust is my vice that I struggle with. My fear is that in trying to remove the impulse of t...
What is an addiction
I guess the first thing that I should write about is to tell you what having a sexual addiction means. In some ways this is a very hard thing to explain as most people don't understand this specific addiction, it makes them uncomfortable or they thin...
