Recent Posts Tagged With 'dispatches from my ass'

• Dispatches From My Ass: Ode to Matt-Man

  Posted on Monday October 19th, 2009 at 22:10 in sickness, sylvia plath, matt-man, dispatches from my ass

  Happy Tuesday, friends of Matt-Man. This is Matt-Man’s BFF, Schmoop, sitting in once again for that oddly endearing, yet very much ailing Matthew.The poor boy is still in quite a bit of pain.I thought perhaps if I wrote a poem for him (and showed h...

• Dispatches From My Ass: Puttin' On Latex

  Posted on Wednesday June 17th, 2009 at 23:00 in anxiety, painting, change, dave, schmoop, matt-man, dispatches from my ass

  Schmoop here with yet another, Dispatch from my Ass…These next two weeks are going to be gruesome. Gruesome I tellz ya!I’m still not back to full time, and I’m sure I never will be. Idiot boss/owner/mental patient.I’m still looking, and I’m...

• Dispatches From My Ass: Boobs and Randomness

  Posted on Wednesday June 10th, 2009 at 23:00 in stream of consciousness, drive-thru, schmoop, matt-man, bagwine ohio, drive-by mike, dispatches from my ass

  Hi all. Schmoop here...See that picture? It is currently, prominently displayed on top of a potato chip rack for all the customers to see.Ha!! My rack on a chip rack. That rack is packed and stacked!!As some of you may know, I’ve been pimped out by...

• Store Security...Report to the Soup Aisle at Once!!

  Posted on Wednesday June 3rd, 2009 at 23:00 in stupidity, dave, grocery store, schmoop, wal*mart, krogers, dispatches from my ass, dig it with david

  Greetings from Schmoop and Dave.This week, we’re combining his, Dig It, With David and my, Dispatches from my Ass segments. I guess we’ll call it, Dig It From My Ass, David. Ha!!We’re going to take you to the Grocery Store with us. Won’t this...

• Dispatches From My Ass: Mrs. Seinfeld, Turn On The Air!!

  Posted on Wednesday May 27th, 2009 at 23:00 in ohio, summer, apartment, rob, air conditioning, heat wave, dispatches from my ass

  Ohio Sucks!Anymore we have no spring, no fall…just cold, dead winter, and hot, dry summer. We used to have SEASONS. You know, FOUR of them. Not anymore.Why so cranky, you ask?Well, I’m hot, and I don’t like to be hot. We have no air because the...

• Dispatches From My Ass: I Want A Cookie

  Posted on Wednesday May 20th, 2009 at 23:00 in work, ice cream, schmoop, dispatches from my ass

  Do you ever feel that something is missing in your life? Something major, that you just can’t put your finger on? Well I do.Don’t get me wrong, I have a home, a cat (that hates me), and a great guy (that I think likes me), but…Something is off....

• Dispatches From My Ass: It Should Suck, Not Blow!!

  Posted on Wednesday May 13th, 2009 at 23:00 in appliances, schmoop, matt-man, b.o.b, dispatches from my ass

  Hi peeps. Schmoop here, and time for me talk out of my ass once again.I have a feeling that my appliances are banding together in order to kill me in my sleep…Much like my cat, and Matt on occasion.Oh please, I can see it in his eyes. The way he ig...

• Dispatches From My Ass: Streaming Into the Principal's Office

  Posted on Wednesday May 6th, 2009 at 23:00 in work, schmoop, grade school, dispatches from my ass

  Ok, so here we go again. Thursday’s with the Schmoop. Whoo!!!What exciting Dispatch from My Ass do I have for you today boys and girls?? I don’t know, but I was told it better be funny.Ha! Good enough? Sigh…Let’s see. My day consists of going...

• Dispatches From My Ass: My Pussy Adores Matt-Man

  Posted on Wednesday April 29th, 2009 at 23:00 in dave, schmoop, corky, matt-man, dispatches from my ass

  Hi all. Schmoop here with another installment of Dispatches From My Ass.Have I ever told you about our cat Corky, and my relationship with her? No? Well good, hang on.Matt and I have been having hot, out of wedlock sex together going on nine years. A...