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Bastard of Art and Commerce
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An idiosyncratic and foolish blog written by an overweight copywriter who spends far too much time seething quietly about the unfairness of it all.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'thinking about crap'
You see civilizational collapse. Quaker Oats see GOLD!
If this ad specimen is any indication, Quaker Oats is putting their chips against our current economic system collapsing to the point where the gainfully employed are forced to commute by jetpacks, high above the churning, ultraviolent CHUD-populate...
West Elm sells Legos.
Our new bed is made of Legos. Large and tasteful (well, a catalogue marketer's idea of tasteful) Legos. Today was my second Saturday of economically induced leisure (laid off like so many burnt kitchen matches, in other words) and the parental hut, t...
A boring "thoughtful" entry about my stupid job
Here's what gripes me about my job, or, I guess I should say field:Triumphalist Modernity Every ad is about the with-it present, the omega point of transcendent bitchin'ness that is this moment. We were dopes in the past, the future is nerdy, or perv...
Our new corporatist state!! Warning: might be dull.
First of all, I don't know what I'm talking about. It's just a bunch of half understood concepts jumbled together at 11:00 pm.And I don't make many political posts, because they're usually pretty shrill and they aren't interesting after a week or so ...
Listening to San Francisco
I spent the day with Paula's extended family, and it hit me: these people talk crazy!It's the "Mission" accent. It exists in ever decreasing pockets of the city (most folks aren't even aware it exists), and it's the old Irish/Italian working class ac...
Hammer and Sickle, si! Swastika, non!
I was grabbing lunch in Safeway, never something easy to do at twelve noon mid-week. (Grapes, sushi, green tea, if you must know).I saw a guy, sort of an ironic hipster guy, wearing a red t-shirt with a giant gold Hammer and Sickle. And maybe because...
More stoner grab-ass philosophy.
While I'm being all deep and shit, here's more crap. I think we are wired for meaning. Or rather, we are wired for purpose, but grasp for explanation and causal relationships. Lions and penguins don't worry about this stuff, or if they do, it's in a ...
Why do I think about gay marriage so much? Am I.... married?
SO now gay people can get married in California. They used to be not able to get married, then they could, and then they couldn't, now they can again. It's confusing. It's also a weird issue, because it sort of tests a lot of assumptions we have abou...
Why are fedoras cool to uncool people?
Were they ever cool? Why do people who aren't cool and have the occasion to act like a cool person (like late middle aged men at halloween parties) put on a fedora or hawaiian shirt? How are things that aren't cool transformed into signifiers of cool...
Doot-de-doot-de-doo
Question for people living in lands foreign:What is the local equivalent of doot-de-doot-de-doo?Like a melodic signifier of unassuming contentment?I might say at the beginning of anecdote: "I was just strolling along, you know, all" (at which point I...
Progress
I used to sit around and think to myself, "Say, one of these days I'm going to write me a book." Now, I sit around and think,"Say, one of these days I'm going expand a Wikipedia stub." That is progress. For me anyway.This came from Bastard of Art and...
Question
Have you ever, in your professional life, had the experience of weaving out of panic a web of sloppy bullshit that you're sure everyone will spot as such, but then everyone turns around and thinks its brilliant?And, in a fit of conscience, you say: "...
My big web rant, because I am a dork.
I have been as of late, because of work stuff, been thinking about how people use the web, and one thing that struck me is our tentative we are in admitting that the web is destination entertainment -- like TV, or nightlife, or whatever. The lionsha...
What if the Rastafarians are right?
That'll be awkward, come the apocalypse. I think I'll go buy some pot, just to be on the safe side.This came from Bastard of Art and Commerce, just so you know. bastardofaandc.blogspot.com...
Buh-NAL vs. Baynul
I propose that American english speakers pronounce the word banal to rhyme with "anal". Nothing throws the conversational rhythm of American English (standard Midland accent) off like the high faluting second beat of "banal". You're ambling along at ...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
Thinking about Peter Gabriel. I know: ick.
So Peter Gabriel. I saw that douche once. I used to sort of like him, in a non-commital sort of way. The album with Shock the Monkey is pretty good, and Salisbury Hill is a decent enough song. It's just all so... earnest. Anyway, I was thinking about...
The on-set of a crippling neurological ailment?
Walking back from lunch today, I saw a woman loading a case of Pepsi into her car. So I said,"Soda". Just like that. Not to anyone, just the sky. "Soda"Am I going mad?This came from Bastard of Art and Commerce, just so you know. bastardofaandc.blogs...
Things I would pay US$20 to see.
* A vibrator applied to Bruce Valanch’s neck folds* A 15-pound block of ground beef in a wind-tunnel* A capuchin monkey dressed as a cowboy riding on the back of a Jack Russell terrier* The facial expression of Gobi desert nomads coming across a nu...
The question was: “Are you curious about She-Males?”
That was the title of the email in my inbox this morning. And I had to answer in the fuck affirmative, ie FUCK YEAH!Because who isn’t curious about She-Males? Like what do they call ‘em in French? “Elle mâle”? My run-ins with She Males have...
Some sentences about a Grand Inquisitor that heretofore probably never existed.
“Buttocks,” the Grand Inquisitor hissed,”Buttocks wins again.”The Grand Inquistor handled the radish apprenhensively, as its shape was far too close to that of the Shogun’s crest. The Grand Inquisitor nervously made his introductions then w...
Coffee and Classic Rock. I say GODDAMN.
This is going to be a discursive rant, just so you know. I'M IN THAT KIND OF MOOD. Why? Because I hit the sweet spot with coffee consumption today. Two big cups, after a flippin' awesome night's sleep, made under my own steam in a quiet house. FUCKIN...
My Father-in-Law's Auto Repair Shop.
Off of Google Streetview. It reads "Mighty Little Allied Engine" and that's Mighty Mouse up in the left. My father-in-law is a bit of a character. The Wife actually created a typeface called Allied Engine. He's shuttin' down soon, which is a loss for...
Merely a List
1. Catal Hyük 2. lintel3. the black oak4. Grace Jones5. Corrugated Tin Roofing6. agape7. PEZ8. Chili sauce9. The male girdle10. Michel de Montaigne11. cats what have wee little glovesies 12. frying13. geologic14. fridge magnets shaped like wee fishe...
