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Bastard of Art and Commerce
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An idiosyncratic and foolish blog written by an overweight copywriter who spends far too much time seething quietly about the unfairness of it all.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'trifles and joshes'
Some answers for Tim
Work chum Tim has been puzzling over some knotty issues as of late, and has asked to me to weigh in on this blog. Here’s the result. I’m not saying my answers are good, but I am saying I am at least trying and that should count for something. Wha...
My Taglines
Greg Mills: Because Mediocrity Doesn’t SleepGreg Mills: America’s Energy FutureGreg Mills: The Man Kids Love to Stare AtGreg Mills: Sweating for America, TodayGreg Mills: Manly enough Greg Mills: Greg Makes Life BearableGreg Mills: Smell Differen...
The Many Moods of Vladimir Nabokov
“That… is… a … what is it? Oh! Whachacallit... FILBERT...It’s a filbert.”“See this butterfly? Pretty, right? You know what it’s called? Nabakovia faga. Did you get that? No, you can’t hold it! Look with your eyes.”“I told you no...
Spotting fake air
1). Does it go fiz-fiz-fiz when you walk? This is not air, it is corduroy. You're choking! Spit it out!2). Is it a cheery, vaguely Danish primary color, and does it have eight nubbins on top? It's a Lego! Another close one. 3). Was it at one time m...
5 ways to spot a fake potato
1). Is it made of plaster? Yes? Fake potato. 2). The potato plays backgammon. Potatoes are tubers, cannot play backgammon. Thus, a fake potato. QED, asshole. 3). Does have a gills? Potatoes are land-based. Not a potato. 4). Does it take 50 seconds to...
I would like to work at your firm.
Offer me a job. At your work. I will take it, by gum. I will bring my own lunch. I'll sit quietly, and cheerfully. I could tidy, collate, bring in the elephants. Got a waxing need? I'll wax it. Canvas need stretching? I'll get my gloves. Can I plan a...
I am Anonymous.
Over the years, I have been watching you, Five Star Video. Your smirking clerks; your unwillingness to knock down my late fees ; your idiosyncratic classics section; all of these things have caught my eye. With your latest crudely rendered dust erase...
I'm calling you out, Harriet Klausner.
In your reign as the #1 reviewer at Amazon.com has been a little too smug, a little too righteous, a little too goddamn long. Someone needs to stop you. And that someone is me. So some would say that the fact you've reviewed 15178 books means somethi...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
Things I would pay US$20 to see.
* A vibrator applied to Bruce Valanch’s neck folds* A 15-pound block of ground beef in a wind-tunnel* A capuchin monkey dressed as a cowboy riding on the back of a Jack Russell terrier* The facial expression of Gobi desert nomads coming across a nu...
The question was: “Are you curious about She-Males?”
That was the title of the email in my inbox this morning. And I had to answer in the fuck affirmative, ie FUCK YEAH!Because who isn’t curious about She-Males? Like what do they call ‘em in French? “Elle mâle”? My run-ins with She Males have...
Some sentences about a Grand Inquisitor that heretofore probably never existed.
“Buttocks,” the Grand Inquisitor hissed,”Buttocks wins again.”The Grand Inquistor handled the radish apprenhensively, as its shape was far too close to that of the Shogun’s crest. The Grand Inquisitor nervously made his introductions then w...
Triumph of the Doodle
Here's a doodle I did in my notebook at work. I like his chunky hair and the swirling vapor effect.This came from Bastard of Art and Commerce, just so you know. bastardofaandc.blogspot.com...
Merely a List
1. Catal Hyük 2. lintel3. the black oak4. Grace Jones5. Corrugated Tin Roofing6. agape7. PEZ8. Chili sauce9. The male girdle10. Michel de Montaigne11. cats what have wee little glovesies 12. frying13. geologic14. fridge magnets shaped like wee fishe...
Me and Africa
I was never a proponent of the 'Great Man' school of history, that is until recently. Because I am him, or HIM!The confluence of post-colonial geopolitics has eddied at my feet. I know this because my inbox tells me it is so. One can't of course plot...
