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Bastard of Art and Commerce
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An idiosyncratic and foolish blog written by an overweight copywriter who spends far too much time seething quietly about the unfairness of it all.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'weltschmerz'
The Difficulties of Being a Playa
SO, there's this company. They are named after a FRUIT, a fruit that is often red, shiny and in pie. They are a company that people buy stuff from and have weird, inappropriate fetishistic feelings about. A friend,one I don't know that well, works th...
I am a bad blogger. Bad.
I've been scrambling for freelance work and I've finally hit my stride, so that's good. Now, blog: Ruby was playing dress up today with... a crutch. She was putting on scarves, underwear and old baby clothes on this crutch. Here's her monologue: "Yes...
So I got shit-canned.
Meh.It happend Thursday. My spidey-senses had been tingling for a while (not exactly an amazing feat of prescience in the wretched whore shitbag of an economy we are living under, I know), so I was packed and was gathering work examples for my portfo...
My grandmother's religion, as reimagined by Millions of Dead Cops
I came across a truly awe inspiring religious website, Death to the World. It's a the site of a Russian Orthodox Hardcore 'zine based here in Cali, and it is blowing my poor cracked little mind. I was raised Russian Orthodox, and the church I attende...
Innocence, enemy of Tact
Kids are watching Shrek. Ruby: "Dad, you remind me of Shrek."Me: "Oh, yeah? Why?"Ruby: "Well, Shrek is fat... but you're not fat."Me: "I'm sorta fat."Ruby: "No! No, you're not!"Owen: "You're the best!"Ruby: "Anyway, Shrek is ugly. But you're not ugly...
This is why I pace.
I'm in LA today. I'm in LA, and not at home, where I should be. I mean, I should be in LA, because me being in LA is directly related to me bringing home some money every two week. But I don't like it, none the less. It's been a long trip. And at hom...
The no-sleep silent irrational passive aggression blues
I am in New York right now. Just checked into my hotel and I have a fucking bastard eyeball headache.I got up at 5 am to walk to BART to catch the train to get me to my 8 am flight. I was in coach, and foolishly gave up my aisle seat so a pair of you...
Our new corporatist state!! Warning: might be dull.
First of all, I don't know what I'm talking about. It's just a bunch of half understood concepts jumbled together at 11:00 pm.And I don't make many political posts, because they're usually pretty shrill and they aren't interesting after a week or so ...
Och, Chewie, we hardly knew ye. But then you bit a kid like a dumbass.
Chewie is going back to the Daisy Hill Puppy Farm, because while he's perfectly lovely to Paula and me, he is an asshole to every other living being on the planet. Not entirely true. He is tolerant of our kids, other than growling at them from time a...
I am not MArk Hausmann
At Safeway, they issue these little discount cards to customers. You save a few cents here and there. My card has long since gone the way of my library card, gym membership card and social security card, folded into some eldritch aperture of space/ti...
39 years of this shit, and I still don't have no goddamn Bentley.
Where is that shit? I'm 39. THIRTY NINE. Christ was dead and resurrected by this age and me? Today I was looking at D&D dice online, because it would be funny to get some. THIRTY NINE. I was thinking about renting Heavy Metal the movie. THIRTY NINE.I...
Oh, fuck OFF with your goddamn composer bust.
Unless you are a piano playing motherfucker, why have a goddamn composer bust in your house? Really?As I was walking to work this morning, I passed this crappy office furniture store and in one of their displays they had the giant bronze bust of Beet...
Put me down on the murmur side of the column.
I share a large MAXI-Cube with three women. We each have our own decent-sized alcove with our own little cell and bookshelf that we can arrange our little fillips to individuality. This is fine. True, I am an anti-social swine and my days are mostly ...
Four rubber doughnuts of death!!!!
At the market today, I was idly looking at my car tires and noticed two were one mystery brand and the other two were another brand that I had never, ever heard of. Then I realized I couldn't remember how I got them and when. I am riding on four inst...
I dropped my goddamn phone in the toilet.
How's that for a fine howdy do? Meanwhile, the California coast has been lashed -- LASHED -- with hurricanish wind and horizontal rain, and I kept my Motorola as dry as a sparrow's egg in the nest. The worst of the Pacific couldn't moisten my phone, ...
A must-see film!!!
Who the FUCK came up with the phrase, "A must-see film!!!"? It's not even language. What fascist impulse is driving the yahoo that uses this phrase. I don't have to must see anything, you ass. I got shit to do. Speaking of ass, specifically mine, my ...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
How I should be doing things.
Looking accomplished is the way to go. Wear your clothes loose, and orally fidget with a unlit Schimmelpennick, moving it to the corners of your mouth when you talk (don’t take it out!). Walk slow, stop and look at random things in the street and t...
Brother Theodore
If you're a regular reader, and have wondered what I'm like in person, this isn't to far off:My favorite Brother Theodore quote:"Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere wish that immediately after my death, my head be severed from my body, and that it...
People want me dead. Why? Because I'm DANGEROUS.
Got my first death threat email the other day. Man, was that exciting!Here it is: SUBJECT: I DON’T DEATH THREATEN PEOPLE BODY: Dude. I am not playign. You are going to stop giving me grief. There are so...
I will remember this date as long as I live
Historical dates, like July 4, 1776, or October 14, 1066, are actually the mark of a half-life, some dialectical mid-point in the shift from one historical trend to another. I recently experienced a reminder of historical flux, thanks to an email thr...
My daughter, the white kid.
Ruby is fascinated by race. Her brother has picked up the maltese/mexican pigment from Paula (what she calls her "chocolate good looks"), while Ruby has picked up my pale, sun burn-y type skin. She's constantly prodding her brother, asking why his sk...
The on-set of a crippling neurological ailment?
Walking back from lunch today, I saw a woman loading a case of Pepsi into her car. So I said,"Soda". Just like that. Not to anyone, just the sky. "Soda"Am I going mad?This came from Bastard of Art and Commerce, just so you know. bastardofaandc.blogs...
Another idiotic way I make my own life difficult.
Spent Sunday night ripping CDs onto my laptop. Today Paula is having a meeting at home with the admissions lady from Ruby’s school to discuss a website Paula is doing for the school. Spent my BART ride wondering if I left my copy of Big Black’s â...
To the people that run that little weird grocery by work.
Hello. Your store smells like ass. It smells like lard, old ladies and paint. And pee. What are you doing in there?Wait, I know. I know what you're doing in there. You're cooking with a hot plate and microwaving weird smelly things. Bad things, like...
Fat.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I'll be 38. And I'm sort of bummed about it, because I am fat. Not the way i pictured myself at age five: I thought I'd look like Buster Crabbe in the old Flash Gordon serials that they used to show on Channel 44 Saturday aft...
Cynical Dreamer
Goof ballCrackpot Dave hooked me up with the following good shit:Cynical DreamerThis came from Bastard of Art and Commerce, just so you know. bastardofaandc.blogspot.com...
