Better Interpersonal Communication

Technology's Effect on Interpersonal Communication

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:06:00 +0000

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Technology has brought forth a revolutionary transformation in the way we communicate with each other.

As we progress through the information age, various technological devices such as the television, hand phones, and personal computers have come and established themselves in our everyday lives.

This has definitely influenced interpersonal communication in many ways, both positive as well as negative.

This article examines the impacts and implications of technology on the way we communicate with each other.

With the invent of internet, the world has effectively become an interconnected global village. People from all corners of the world are able to easily converse with each other quickly and easily through cyberspace.

Email has established itself as a fast, free and convenient method to send messages, replacing traditional mail in the process. The internet has indeed made it easy and convenient for people to keep in touch with one another.

This ease of communication has many profound effects. In the business world, deals can be made through emails and video conferencing, and mobile phone technology has made it possible for people to check and send messages on the go, allowing us to be connected 24-7.

The internet has also affected the way how couples are formed. Couples are now commonly paired through dating websites using computer match ups. Chat rooms have become a common form of interaction between people as well, replacing a face-to-face meet up.

The internet has indeed changed the way people socialize. Although this has broadened the social circle of many people somewhat, couples are unable to meet face to face and this has many implications. Each individual has only the information which the other person decides to release. This may cause both parties to have unrealistic expectations about each other.

In the office, despite all the advantages offered by technology as mentioned earlier, there are many negative implications to be considered as well. Simple messages which used to be delivered face-to-face are now being sent through impersonal means such as email.

This has effectively reduced socialization within the office, thus contributing to the weakening of bonds within the workplace.

In addition, the convenience of emails and video conferences, just cannot entirely replace the feeling and warmth of a person's handshake or presence. Deals may be negotiated through emails, but many businessmen today will still want to view their business partners face-to-face in order to size their potential partners up before committing to any deals.

According to government figures from the Office of National Statistics in the United Kingdom, on average, adults in Britain spend - 41.5 days a year online at their computers. Bloggers whom are increasingly common today probably spend lots more time online.

This has reduced the communication between parents and their children due to the lack of quality time spend together. The bond is weakened as compared with previous generations and this has a profound impact on society as a whole.

In conclusion, we are now more connected in today's globalized world, but are ironically more isolated from our friends and family as a result of the new technologies from the information age.

The ease of communication may have been improved but our lives have become more impersonal as a result. Technology has indeed made tremendous impact on society as well as on interpersonal communication.

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 05:53:00 +0000

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This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"...

... and is the second principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

I'm about to reveal something that is a fundamental, yet little known truth of human behavior. This fact is that everybody, from the lowest peasant to the mightiest of emperors, seeks to obtain a feeling of importance.

Athletes strive so hard for victory as they seek the feeling of importance at being the best at what they do.

Employees work so hard to get promoted as they seek the feeling of importance and recognition for their contribution.

Some people get their sense of importance from earning a lot of money while others get their sense of importance from things such as charity work and donations.

So, you might be wondering, how does the fact that everybody seeks a feeling of importance factor into our principle of "Giving Honest and Sincere Appreciation"?

In a nutshell, give people the praise that they deserve and crave for (in order satisfy an individual's need to feel important), and you will find that the world will be a much easier and friendlier place to live in.

Note that what this principle advocates is NOT flattery.

Universally despised act of flattery is defined as giving a person excessive or insincere praise. However, what is advocated here in this post is to "Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation".

For example, say thank you when someone does something nice for you. Make a special mention when somebody makes a special effort to dress up or does something for you.

Everybody likes to be appreciated. How often have you heard this phase. "So-and-so does not appreciate me."

The simple act of giving honest and sincere appreciation does indeed work wonders. Why don't you go ahead and try it right know and show some appreciation to a loved one.

Do leave a comment to share how it works out for you.

If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog. Appreciate it... :)

Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 12:42:00 +0000

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Interested to learn about a basic fundamental principle for good human relations? Want a simple and effective method to improve your interpersonal relationships?

This post talks about the simple, yet effective principle of: "Don't Criticize, Condemn or Complain"

This is the first principle listed within the category of "Fundamental Techniques in Handling People" as mentioned in Dale Carnegie's best selling book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."

So what does it entail? Simple, it is exactly what it says it is. Do not criticize, condemn or complain. Simple and easy. No encrypted message, no hidden meanings. Just refrain from criticizing, condeming or complaining.

Why is this technique so effective in interpersonal relationships?

You may feel that the other person has done something wrong, but the reality is; people never blame themselves for anything. As a result, we tend to get defensive when blamed or criticized for something.

Take for instance lets say that you lost your wallet. A concerned friend or family member might say something like, "Why are you so careless? Can't you be more careful?"

Such a remark criticizing the action of losing the wallet, even though it was made out of concern, generally will have a negative effect on the receiving party.

A person, when criticized, may seek to justify himself and may respond defensively in a manner such as "Do you think i want to lose my wallet?" or "People lose things all the time, you are no different."

This exercise shows us how criticism, even made out of a spirit of care and concern, may lead to defensive responses or even misunderstandings.

If something so gentle can turn out so wrong, imagine the negative effect of criticisms, made in the heat of anger must have on a person. The same truths hold for both condemnation as well as complaining.

As Dale Carnegie so eloquently put it: "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving."

So the next time you see something that you don't like, do refrain from criticism and seek to be more understanding and forgiving towards the other person.

If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark this post or subscribe to this blog. Thanks... :)

How to Win Friends and Influence People

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 02 Aug 2008 14:47:00 +0000

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"Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving." -- Dale Carnegie

You've probably heard of the book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnege.

After all, it has sold 15 million copies globally since it was first published in 1937, influencing an entire generation of self help books.

Something that is so successful has to contain something special.

As such, here is a summary of Dale Carnege's book entitled
"How to Win Friends and Influence People"

Part One
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People

1. Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part Two
Six ways to make people like you

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

Part Three
Win people to your way of thinking

1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.

Part Four
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

If you seek tips on improving interpersonal communication skills, this is it! I will be elaborating more about these words of wisdom in future blog posts, so stay tuned.

If you are interested, you can check out Dale Carnegie's book on Amazon here. Alternatively, you may also consider checking out the audiobook version of this book for easy listening from Amazon here.

If you enjoyed this post, don't forget to subscribe or bookmark it! :)

How to Make a Great First Impression

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 15:32:00 +0000

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In my previous post entitled: First Impressions, I illustrated the importance of making a good first impression.

In this article, we will look at some tips on how we can achieve this.

Appearance Matters!!

Do take care of your appearance. This counts for a lot to the person whom you are meeting for the very first time.

The factors which we frequently neglect in our appearance include the condition of our shoes and socks as well as the condition of our nails.

Speak Eloquently and Articulate Clearly

Do speak in a clear and confident voice.

Remember to speak at a moderate pace and try to minimize any slang if speaking to somebody from another country. You want the other person to be able to understand you.

Remember to use a tone of voice appropriate to the situation.

Talk in Terms of the Other Person's Interests

Try to talk about things that the other person might be interested about. For example, if you are at a party, ask who invited him or her and how did they know each other.

Check out my post on Conversation Starters for tips on how to better initiate a conversation.

Smile and be Confident

Smile and watch the world smile back at you. Smiling is an excellent way to create a great first impression. But remember not to overdo it.

Remember that non-verbal cues communicate as much information to the other person as compared to what we say. So do remember to be confident and adopt positive and open body body language.

Much of what I've talked about here is common sense. However, once a first impression is created, it will be virtually impossible to change it.

Considering the impact it will have on your future relationship with the other person, it is worth giving your best effort to make the best of any situation.

Do remember to bookmark this post or subscribe to my blog if you have enjoyed it. :)

First Impressions

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 05:50:00 +0000

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Within the first few seconds of any new encounter, you will be evaluated by the other person.

This initial impression form the basis of all future thoughts from the other individual and hence is extremely important in our interpersonal relationships.

As Will Rogers once commented

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression."

Hence, whether be it in your social or professional life, it is important to learn how to create a positive first impression.

Follow the Rule of Ten when it comes to first impressions

- It takes only 10 seconds for people to form an opinion of you. This opinion remains in their minds and there will rarely be a second chance to change it.

- The first 10 words that comes out from your mouth indicates the respect that you have for the other party.

Factors that influence this include your tone of voice, your manner as well as the kind of words which you use which reflect on you as an individual and how you treat the other person.

- We all know that appearance plays an important role in creating a positive first impression.

The top 10 factors that affect our appearance include: A suitable hairstyle, clean hair, vibrant skin, fresh make-up for the ladies, clear eyes, a sincere smile, clean teeth, confident posture, clean attire as well as appropriate accessories.

This article aims to bring across the idea that making a first impression is indeed very important in establishing relationships. The "Rule of Ten" has also provided several factors using which influences a good first impression.

In the next article entitled "How to Make a Great First Impression", i will look at more specific applications of things you can do to make that all-important great first impression that counts!

How to Make a Great First Impression

Understanding the Communication Process

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 07:16:00 +0000

What is the communication process?

The communication process is an important process by which humans communicate with each other.

If you want to become a more effective communicator, you will have to understand the communication process fully and pay attention to the details.

There are THREE basic elements which are central to the communication process.

They are the audience, the message as well as the channel.

Let us see how these elements factor into the communication process.

A diagram of the communication process

In the above diagram, lets say that RED MAN wants to send a message to BLUE MAN.

He will have to encode a message based on what language BLUE MAN may understand, as well as other societal factors such as their relationship with each other and the context of the conversation.

These 3 factors of language, relationship with each other as well as the context of the conversation will influence the tone of their conversation.

After this has been considered, the channel for transmitting the message needs to be selected. Typical channels of communication include writing, face-to-face speaking, having a telephone conversation, email, fax, SMS or even online messaging among others.

Patricia Rockwell, a communications teacher with over 40 years of experience, adds that nonverbal messages such as that facial expressions, gestures, touch, vocal cues, or physical appearances could also act as additional channels of communication.

After BLUE MAN receives this message, a decoding process is needed to allow the audience (BLUE MAN in this case) to make sense of the message being sent.

In this process of communication, many factors act as noise which distorts the message from its original meaning, These factors could include environmental or cultural factors such as a noisy environment or a different speaking accent respectively.

Ultimately, successful communication depends on meeting the needs of the audience to a large extent. Do remember to practice good habits of effective communication such as active listening as explained in this blog.

Earn £8 by Running a Single Ad for a Month

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 13:35:00 +0000

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I made £8 by running a single Matched.co.uk ad on my blog for a month. Here is the proof of payment!!!

Here is my paypal income notification.

How can you do it? Well, when you sign up to Matched.co.uk, you earn £5 just for signing up.

However, you will only get this £5 after running an ad on your blog for a month. Since running an ad for a month earns you a flat rate of £3, you earn £(5+3) = £8 altogether which is what i did.

Its a real deal, so please do yourself and myself a favor by signing up using my affiliate link here.

To further sweeten the deal, i will give 1000 credits to you if you sign up using my link and successfully display an ad for one month.

The credits will be sent to your account immediately when i receive the affiliate bonus for referring you as my way of thanking you. (pm me at warp9wb[at]gmail.com when you have received your first payment of £8)

Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:10:00 +0000

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In previous posts, I gave an introduction to negotiation, followed by a look at the three stages of negotiation.

This post, is a follow-up to Negotiation Tactics - Part 1, where we will be looking at several negotiating tactics that you can use in your daily dealings with people.

Negotiation Tactic 3 - Good Guy/ Bad Guy

This technique involves working in pairs with one individual being friendly while the other individual acts in a threatening manner.

The objective of this technique is to give your opponent the illusion that he got a concession from the "good guy".

This technique is often portrayed on television where a "bad cop" acts all unreasonable and aggressive while a "good cop" apologies for the "bad cop" and pleads for compliance.

In real life, parents may often use this technique on their children with the father being the fierce and aggressive disciplinarian while the mother plays the role of the understand parent to gain the compliance of the child with a soothing and gentle request.

Negotiation Tactic 4 - The Red Herring

This technique involves laying a false trail for the other person to follow. You are supposed to create an issue or act offended during the negotiation.

The objective of this endeavor is to distract the other party from the real issue. You may also subsequently use this problem as a trade-off for the real issue in question.

For example, when in deep discussions over contractual issues, raising minor issues with outlining points creates points of contention which could be used as a compromise over the important point.

Another example will be when negotiating over the price of an item. You could raise minor issues like "the design is old", "the product has minor faults" or even "I have a headache or stomachache" to get the shopkeeper to reduce the price.

The way to counter this technique is to be steadfast in your resolve and focus on the main issue at hand. Only then will you not be distracted by the minor issues and fall prey to "The Red Herring".

Do you routinely use these negotiation techniques in your real life?

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

Finding Meaning in Your Life

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 04:00:00 +0000

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Life...

We drift through it like clouds on a clear blue day, going where the wind takes us. We search for meaning, but the answer seems just out of reach. We try our best to make things work.

Wouldn't it be nice to have some guiding principles to live by?

My girlfriend Xue Ling, a sweet and caring person with a heart of gold, recently shared with me a message that i would like to share with everyone.

Here are some guiding principles from the word "LIFE" that will help you to find more meaning in your own existence.

Lead a LIFE -- Learn, Invest, Family, Empathize...

L - Learn at every moment

Life is a growing process. As humans, we need to learn, evolve and improve continuously and actively improve ourselves.

Life is a learning process. Learn and grow whenever you have the chance.

I - Invest in money and time

Time is a finite resource for each and every individual. Once it is gone, even the riches of the entire world will not be able to bring it back.

Remember to use your precious time wisely and not waste it on meaningless pursuits that ultimately amount to nothing.

F - Friends and Family

In life, few things are important as our friends and family, so isn't it logical to prioritize them in our lives. Unfortunately, in life, we are often bogged down by mundane matters and neglect what is important in our lives.

Remember to devote some time from each day to nurture these relationships in our lives.

E - Empathize, seek to understand

Do have empathy for those around you, be it your family or your friends and loved ones. This is here where better interpersonal communication skills comes in. Actively try to seek and understand the other person's viewpoint.

Only then will you develop better relationships and build those important ties with the people around you.

I hope with that by Learning and Investing on Friends and Family, and by Empathizing with them, this will help to provide more meaning to your life.

Do remember to bookmark this article if you found it meaningful. Thanks...

Negotiation Tactics - Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 06 Jul 2008 11:40:00 +0000

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In previous posts, I gave an introduction to negotiation, followed by a look at the three stages of negotiation.

In this post, we will look at several negotiating tactics that you can use in your daily dealings with people.

Negotiation Tactic 1 - The Flinch

In this technique, you will react visibly when a proposal is made to you.

Your goal is to make the other party feel that his offer is unreasonably high or low.

Think of negotiating with shopkeepers at roadside markets. You make them an offer for a piece of clothing, lets say $10 for instance, and immediately, a look of shock appears across their face and they start to return the item to its original position.

Sound familiar? Don't be surprised. Shipowners who negotiate the selling price of their items are the masters of negotiation and they are able to apply the technique of "the flinch" as described above on command.

Once this technique is applied, your opponent will immediately realized that the amount is the absolute limit and will not attempt to negotiate past that barrier. This allows a definitive boundary to be established on your own position.

Negotiation Tactic 2 - The Hot Potato

This technique involves passing the problem over to your opponent.

The goal is to confuse your opponent and let him solve your own problem. This will also allow you to gain some valuable information about your opponent at the very same time.

For example, you are a laptop salesman and you are trying to push a certain model to a customer which costs $2000. The customer, eager to try to negotiate a better deal, says that they like the model, but have only a budget of $1500. Obviously, they hope that we will lower the price to meet their needs.

To use the technique of "The Hot Potato", you could perhaps tell the customer something like "I have this new model that is a real bargin, but it costs more than $2000. Is there any point in showing it to you?"

If the customer would like to view, this would imply that he or she is not as constrained by the budget as previously mentioned. This gives you additional information about the customer allowing you to negotiate more effectively.

Look out for my next post in this series entitled: "Negotiation Tactics - Part 2" for more effective negotiation tactics that you can use in everyday life. Do bookmark this post if you enjoyed it. Thanks.

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

Jim Rohn: How to Avoid Being Broke and Stupid

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:48:00 +0000

While you're surfing and dropping, why not listen to or check out this video by a great entrepreneur, philosopher, and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn.

If you liked that video, you might wanna check out these clips.

Jim Rohn - How to have Your Best Year Ever

Part 2

Part 3

If you're interested in materials by Jim Rohn, check out this link.

Negotiating for a Pay Rise, the Three Stages of Negotiation

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 07:41:00 +0000

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We all want our bosses to pay us better. That is certain. However, if you do not communicate your intentions for better pay, your boss may not get the message.

You will have to take matters into your own hands and negotiate for the pay rise that you deserve.

But how do you do this? You will first have to understand some aspects in the negotiation process. Recall in a previous post, i gave an introduction to negotiation.

What is negotiation anyway? How is negotiation defined?

Well, negotiation is defined as a process between two or more parties in which they consider alternatives to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution(s) or reach mutually satisfactory objectives.

We need to treat negotiation as an agreeable process. Without it, you cannot do or achieve what you want.

View negotiation as a process. Without the other party, you cannot achieve what you want.

Treat negotiation as an opportunity to work together to achieve a mutual goal that would have been impossible for either one person to achieve alone.

Now, let us look at the three stages of negotiation. They are,

Preparation, Interaction and Agreement.

1st Stage - Preparation

In preparation, the situation is established such that both parties understand the entire situation.

2nd Stage - Interaction

In the interaction phase of negotiation, both parties establish rapport, verify assumptions and information about the situation and work towards establishing a mutually beneficially situation.

Rapport is important as it is important to establishing a positive relationship between both parties.

3rd Stage - Agreement

In this final stage, the parties come to an agreement.

Sound simple, it is. Let us see how this is applied to a negotiation for a pay rise.

Negotiating for a Pay Rise

In stage one, you will have to know your objective. Know how much to ask and how much to settle for before hand. Find out if you are able to throw in any sweeteners that you can throw in on your part such as offering to take up additional tasks or responsibilities.

Finally, do find out the hiring limitations that are imposed on your boss. For example, your boss may not be authorized to give pay increases, but may be authorized to dispense other benefits such as additional paid leave.

In the interaction phase of stage two, know beforehand what to say before you step in to the office. Perhaps you could schedule a meeting to discuss the review to ensure that your boss has the free time and will be mentally prepared to discuss the situation in an objective manner.

Have material ready to verify any assumptions that your boss might make. Have quantifiable evidence to justify your achievements over this period.

The final agreement phase, you will discover whether your boss is ready to meet your requests.

Strive to agree. If your boss denies your request, do find out what is the limiting factor and agree to review the situation in a few months time.

I do hope that the next time you negotiate for a pay rise, it will go well for you!!! Do bookmark this article if you found it useful.

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

Presentation Tips

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 15:22:00 +0000

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Just imagine. You're presenting the results of your technical analysis to a group of managers. What do you do?

Please select the appropriate choice.

Do you...

a) Give a detailed, drawn-out elaboration about your recommendation, how you arrived at it, leaving out no details, including every technical tidbit hoping to impress everybody with your meticulous attitude.

b) Give a simple and to the point presentation of the results together with a basic outline. Hoping that your simple and clear presentation brings the message across.

The answer? ......

It depends on the audience!!!

Every presentation should always be centered on the audience. Do profile your audience before you prepare your presentation.

If your audience is a group of technical managers who are really into technical details, by all means, go wild with choice A.

On the other hand, if your audience is a mixed group of managers from many external departments with limited technical knowledge about the subject, avoid boring them with lengthy details.

Provide them with just enough background information to give understanding. Focus on their objectives for attending this presentation. The recommended approach here would be choice B.

Its that simple...

If you enjoyed this post, do bookmark it or subscribe to the feed. Many thanks.

Introduction to Negotiation

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:37:00 +0000

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Negotiation skills are essential in everyday life.

Nope, i’m not talking about the struggle with the used car salesman. I’m talking about our daily everyday lives. We negotiate everyday without even knowing about it.

Take for instance you are with a friend and you feel like having pizza for lunch while your friend on the other hand, wants Mexican food. It is up to you to negotiate a win-win situation.

So, this being an introduction to the different aspects of negotiation, i will now compare and contrast the various aspects of negotiations.

Firstly, lets look at bargaining.

This is the most obvious form of negotiation know to us, such as the used car salesman example mentioned earlier.

It occurs when a buyer interacts with a seller, and the objective for each party is to maximise each individual’s maximum gains.

However, this case presents a zero sum game to the buyer as well as the seller. A party’s gain is the other party’s loss.

If the salesman manages to convince the buyer to buy at a high price, the salesman wins but the buyer loses. It is a zero-sum game.

The second type of negotiation is the auction.

In this case, the buyers bid against each other, with no interaction between seller and buyer. It is a form of reverse bargaining where the buyers are trying to out-do one another to get the highest price.

Finally, the last form is negotiation.

Negotiation is a form of corporation, and not a confrontation. The unique thing about negotiation is that additional values can be created to provide a win-win senerio, and this distinguishes it from bargaining.

Let me illustrate this point with an example. In bargaining, when the car salesman and buyer haggle over the price, one party has to lose for the other party to win.

However, in negotiation, each individual can create additional pockets of value to sweeten the pot. The car salesman could throw in some freebies such as rust protector coating while the buyer could offer to pay upfront in cash. These allows a win-win situation to be created more easily.

Negotiation is a process between two or more parties in which they consider alternatives to arrive at mutually agreeable solutions. Do consider alternatives when trying to influence people to get your way. Be a better communicator, today!

If you are interested in this post, do consider checking out the related posts in the negotiation mini series.
- An Introduction to Negotiation
- The Three Stages of Negotiation
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 1
- Negotiation Tactics - Part 2

10 Attention Grabbers for Better Public Speaking

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 16:11:00 +0000

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A good speech will definitely make use of attention grabbers. In public speeches, the audience will generally have rather short attention spans.

Hence, in long speeches that are 2 hours or more, there is a need to have more compelling attention grabbers in order to capture and maintain the audience’s attention.

Let us look at some features of an effective attention grabber.

- Firstly, effective attention grabbers are sometimes unexpected

- Secondly, audiences usually have their own worries and troubles on their minds. Does the attention grabber break the pre-occupation that is pre-existing in their minds?

- Next, does it generate curiosity in the minds of the audience?

- Finally, does the attention grabber relevant to the message of the speaker? Does it create a positive relationship?

With these factors in mind, let us look at 10 commonly used attention grabbers.

1. Ask a question – Asking a question challenges the mind of the audience, putting them in a thinking active mode instead of a receiving passive mode. A question is easy to ask and also serves as an effective tool to buy the speaker time to think about the next point.

2. Use an anecdote or story – Everybody loves a good story, so why not tell a good one? This story can be anything in the real world that is related to your topic.

3. Give a definition – This technique is good for speeches at scientific conferences for instance, and helps to clarify ambiguous terms within the speech.

4. Use a quote – A quote, when used appropriately, can easily be used to motivate, inspire or enthrall an audience.

5. Use an analogy – This technique involves likening the topic of subject to a more understandable frame of reference that the audience can understand. It is useful when describing certain features or benefits.

For example, you could say; “Finding the correct job ls like finding the correct pair of shoes, you know when you have found a perfect fit.” By using an analogy to relate your focus to a more common image, this will allow the audience to relate to your message more easily.

6. Use humor – It is common knowledge that audiences enjoy funny speeches. However, the trick to a good attention grabber is to use humor that is relevant to the topic.

7. Relate a personal experience – Personal experiences shared under this context must firstly, be interesting. Secondly, it has to be related to your message. The audience must be able to make the link between your story and your message or else what you will be doing is merely to tell the audience a story about yourself.

8. Give a demonstration – Conducting a demonstration helps people who like to absorb information visually. It also helps provide variety to your speech and serves as an interesting distraction to a tired audience.

9. Do a survey – A survey involves a question posed to the entire audience with the intention of determining their response as a group based on a show of hands. This allows you to count the response and will give you a rough idea of the situation.

10. Give a quiz – A quiz is similar to an actual test where questions of a more specific nature are posed to each member of an audience. It is generally not used for presentations of a more formal nature and is more appropriate for training-type workshops.

Attention grabbers are an important aspect to a successful public speech. It grabs and holds the attention of the audience allowing you to deliver your message with impact. Use attention grabbers to communicate better, today!

When a Wedding Invitation becomes Bad News

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:45:00 +0000

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Imagine receiving a wedding invitation and groaning in dismay. Can’t imagine it? Well, South Koreans can.

“I will have to fork out USD147 to attend 3 weddings,” lamented a 25 year old South Korean clerk, who earns about USD$1750 a month.

A recent report in the local newspaper highlighted the plight that many South Koreans face. Currently, South Koreans have a tradition of supporting one another by giving money at each wedding occasion.

According to their National Statistical Office, each household gave out an average of USD505 last year. (Average monthly household income is USD 3,509 as of 1Q 2007 according to the Korea National Statistical office)

According to a market research company, 90 percent of South Korean workers reported to be “stressed” by the expenses incurred during such occasions.

South Korea is an example of a typical society which places a greater emphasis on connections. Such practices are essential in maintaining a person’s social networks and are essential if reciprocation is expected on your own special occasions.

For some people, the practice of giving money at a wedding is an opportunity to highlight a person’s relationship with the family of the newlyweds. This has implications even in the business world as well. When children of important business leaders get married, many unfamiliar faces often show up with such gifts.

The act of being generous with your time as well as your money is an important aspect in being a people person. Most successful businessmen are known to be generous with their money when it comes to entertaining.

To become better liked, perhaps you should consider adopting a more generous mindset. Give and you shall receive. It is part of removing the focus from yourself and focusing on the needs of others. Only then will you be able to relate better to others and achieve the happiness that all of us crave as a result.

Conversation Starters

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 17:02:00 +0000

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Are you looking for conversation starters? How does one start a conversation anyway?

Don’t you admire people who waltz into a room and immediately find themselves immediately sharing jokes with someone, while you’re standing alone, all self-conscious, hoping for something to happen?
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The thing is, we all feel nervous when encountering strangers for the first time. We all wait for someone to come and talk to us.

Take the initiative and talk to someone. Chances are, that person will be relieved that you did and you would have gained valuable experience as well as an increased sense of confidence.

Starting a conversation with a stranger can be daunting, but the rewards can be great. Here are some conversation starters that can help you start a conversation.

Greet and introduce yourself – The most basic technique available. All you need to know is the word “Hello” together with your name.

State a fact – This is something that is known as small talk. If you’re seated in the audience waiting for the show/speech to start, you could turn to the person seated beside you and say: “Lots of people seated here today.” or something to that effect, just to try to break the ice.

Make an inquiry – This is an easy one. Just ask someone around you a question. Everybody likes to feel important, and asking them a question is a way to say: “I think you are knowledgable and I want to hear what you have to say.”

Use a leading question – A leading question is one which attempts to guide the respondent's answer. Leading questions which lead the conversation to a certain topic could easily serve as a good conversation starter, and will depend on the situation at hand.

Ask open ended questions – Open-ended questions are questions that encourage people to talk. They help in establishing rapport and helps gathers information about the speaker. These questions avoid simple brief response such “yes” or “no.” which may easily kill off the flow of the conversation. These include questions such as “Tell me more about yourself.”

Pay a complement – This is something that will definitely endear you to the other person fast. Everybody likes to be complemented, and as long as it is done sincerely, from the heart, there is absolutely no drawback.

Look for items on the person to comment – This technique is usually used in tandem with paying a complement. When you look at a person, immediately identify something nice which that person is wearing and mention it.

John Maxwell, one of the world’s leading experts of leadership, has a 30-second rule. He advocates saying something nice to each person you meet 30 seconds upon meeting them. If each individual in this world follows this rule, the world will indeed become a better place to live in.

The above are proven conversation starters that can be used to help break the ice with a stranger.

When employing these conversation starter techniques, do remember to employ the basic techniques of interpersonal communication such as practice active listening as well as becoming genuinely interested in the other person. Follow the five techniques of good interpersonal communication.
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This will not only allow you to get the conversation started, but also to get it moving as well. Start talking and practice better interpersonal communication, today!

Entrecard Self Improvement Drop List

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 08:17:00 +0000

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There are a lot of entrecard drop list around. However, most of them feature sites of a random nature. What if you could do your daily drops and improve yourself at the same time?

Now you can with the

Entrecard Self Improvement Drop List

featuring fast loading Self Improvement (health and self development) sites that have their Entrecard widgets above the fold.

Here are the sites

1. Better Interpersonal Communication
2. MuscleBits // Build Muscle. Lose Weight. Burn Fat.
3. Life's Journeys
4. Things I’m Grateful For
5. I'm Such A Loser
6. Communication Exchange
7. Happy Family Matters
8. Health Nut Wannabee Mom
9. Life Quest
10. Say Goodbye to the Pounds
11. You Are Living
12. Vibrant Healthy U
13. Living Well - Naturally
14. Wonder Wealth Wisdom
15. Greener Pastures
16. livelife365
17. Improving My Life
18. Pagan Witch
19. PassionateGreen
20. Discipline or Regret
21. Your Site Here

If you would like to add your site to the list to receive more drops on your entrecard, here are the necessary requirements:

- Your site needs to be related to self improvement. (Health, Psychological, Self Improvement tips etc...) Anything that improves a reader.

- At least 1 month old with at least 10 posts. (Exceptions can be made for reasonably designed sites with interesting posts)

- Your entrecard needs to be above the fold (visible when your page loads without having to scroll down)

- A compulsory reciprocal link to this blog on your site (Using either one of the code provided below) - This helps to promote our drop list!

- Stumble, digg or reddit this page to help me promote this list. (Optional)

The more popular the list becomes, the more drops for you!

That is all. If you meet the following qualifications, leave a comment here (Or message me at Entrecard) with your details and I’ll add you to the list.

This code was designed to blend below or above your entrecard widget

Copy the code below

Copy the code below

I will be creating an Entrecard Self Development Easy Bookmark and may also be holdng a contest to promote this list once it is finalised, so do stay timed for that.

Finally, do contact me if you have any comments or suggestions. Thanks

A Magical Formula to Stop All Worry Situations

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Sun, 01 Jun 2008 04:17:00 +0000

Our fast paced lives are plagued with worry, from worry over our health, to our finances, to other small stuff. Worry is a part of our lives. What if someone were to come up with a magical formula specially designed to abolish the problem of worry from our lives?

The following magical 3 step process on how to stop and handle worry situations, as mentioned in the book “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” by Dale Carnegie, comes from Willis H. Carrier, founder of the famous Carrier Air Conditioning Corporation.
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ASK --> ACCEPT --> IMPROVE

Step 1: ASK yourself, ‘What is the worst that could happen?”
Analyse the situation without fear and in a truthful manner and figure out “What was the worst that could possibly happen?”

Step 2: Prepare to ACCEPT it if you have to.
After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, you should reconcile yourself to accept it, if necessary.

Step 3: Calmly proceed to IMPROVE on the worst.
Finally, strive to devote your time and energy on trying to improve on the worst which you have already accepted mentally.

Let us apply this 3 step process on a real life business example. Take the fear of presentating an important proposal to the senior management of a company for instance.

Instead of wearing yourself out worrying about the situation, apply the 3 step formula stated above.

Firstly, ask yourself, what is the worst that could possibly happen? Maybe your proposal will be rejected and you will be fired, or your company will lose a million dollars as a result.

Next, accept the worst. If you are fired, one can always reapply for another job. It might be a new opportunity to try out new things or explore other exciting opportunities. If your company lost money, accept the lost. At least you gained some valuable experience from the incident.

Finally, having accepted the worst, you are now likely to be in a better mental state and more ready to be able to handle the problem.

In our example, the presentation has not taken place yet. You can devote your time and energy to improve on your presentation so as to perform to the best of your abilities. The calmer mental state as a result of accepting the worst case situation will surely be able to improve your presentation.

So, as the popular Bob Marley song goes...

(whistling)

Here's a little song i wrote,

you might want to sing it note for note,

don't worry, be happy

in every life we have some trouble,

when you worry you make it double

don't worry, be happy

Don't worry, be happy. Follow the above 3 step formula to stop and eliminate all the worry from your life... :)

Pike Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Wed, 21 May 2008 05:09:00 +0000

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Today’s post talks about an interesting phenomenon known as the Pike Syndrome. What is the Pike Syndrome all about and what are the implications that we can learn from it?

Firstly, lets learn about the Pike Syndrome.

The pike is a fierce carnivorous fish that eats smaller fishes. In an interesting experiment, scientists took a pike and placed it into a large tank with many smaller fishes.

The pike however, was separated from these smaller preys by a layer of glass, forming a barrier preventing the pike from reaching its prey.

The pike continuously smashed itself against the glass barrier while trying to reach its prey, but was unsuccessful in its attempts in penetrating this invisible barrier.

Gradually, it became discouraged and discontinued this behaviour. The pike eventually sank to the bottom of the tank and just laid there. When the pike finally stopped hitting the glass barrier, the scientists removed the barrier, allowing the pike to feast.

To their surprise, the pike continued ignoring the smaller fishes, even when they were swimming right next to the pike. Eventually, the pike starved to death, even when its food was swimming right in front of it. This behaviour was eventually known as the “Pike Syndrome”

So, what are the lessons we can take from this “Pike Syndrome?”

Well, the Pike Syndrome tells us that our minds are indeed very much in control of our behaviour.

In the experiment, when the barrier is removed, the fish were swimming right in front of the pike, yet the pike still perceive the barrier to be in place and starved to death. The pike still believed that the barrier was there.

In real life, people are limited by a whole host of barriers such as age, abilities or even self confidence. It does not matter if the barrier is physically there or not, but if our minds perceive a limitation, then a barrier is very much in place. If you perceive yourself to be inferior for instance, this could eventually become a self fulfilling prophecy

In addition, this experiment tells us that it is often difficult to identify the change, even when the barrier is removed. The pike was unable to change its mindset when the barrier was removed and starved to death. Similarly, people suffer from the same problem as well. We often assume that the barrier is still in place when in fact, it has already disappeared.

So, do try to identify cases of Pike Syndrome in your life. Remove the constraints that limit your life by critically examining the situation and remove any false assumptions that have been previously holding you back. You can change and be a better person! Achieve better interpersonal communication!

Public Speaking Via An Audience Centered Approach

noreply@blogger.com (Wenbin Nah) — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:13:00 +0000

Every public speech, regardless of its purpose, is always meant for an audience. Your audience could range from young children to corporate executives.

However, regardless of the composition of your audience, you must be prepared to analyse them in order to engage them effectively in the course of your speech.

So, how are you to achieve this? Here are 3 easy steps that you could apply

Step 1: List down the Needs of the Audience

In the first step, you need to identify what the audience should take away from your speech. What is their objective for coming to this talk?

Approach this situation from the audience’s point of view. Why is the audience here? What’s in it for them to be here? What sort of material are they looking for? Are they seeking information, inspiration or entertainment perhaps? Perhaps a combination of all three reasons? These factors have to be considered when planning your speech.

Step 2: Assess the Audience

The next step is to assess the audience. We can keep this in mind using the acronym KILL.

K – Knowledge
What is the knowledge level of the audience? Are they well informed of the subject matter or are they encountering this topic for the very first time?

I – Interest
Is the audience eager to listen? Or will they be hostile?

L – Language
Will the audience be familiar with the language of this presentation?

L – Level
What is the level of the audience? Will the audience consist of a homogeneous group such as a class of school children? Or will it contain people from all walks of life? In the latter case, the presenter will need to strike a good balance to appeal and meet the needs of the entire group.

By KILLING the audience, you will have a better idea of the technical level which you will be going to pitch the idea at.

For technical presentations, you might check out the article Presentation Tips for the Technical Professional for tips that can help you in making presentations of a technical nature.

Step 3: Decide on the outcome

Remember to maintain the focus on the audience. Based on the type of speech, you will need to decide beforehand what you want the audience to know, (for the case of an informative speech).

For a motivational speech, you will be required to know what you want them to feel. (Motivated, inspired or excited?)

Alternatively, for a speech which seeks a call for action, do decide beforehand what you want them to do with your message or information. Do you want them to use it? Or perhaps to be invited back for further events? You will have to decide beforehand before you even start crafting your speech.

This three step process should be the very first step in planning a speech. This allows you to focus and narrow the scope of your presentation allowing it to be more focus and relevant. After you have completed analysing your audience, you might consider preparing your speech according to the following six steps process.

I hope that with this recommended structure, you will be able to effectively wow your audience with a great prepared speech. Be a better communicator today!