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The silly news blog. Humorous news stories you wont find anywhere else.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'Humorous'
One giant leap for womankind
Mary Willington, an area resident, knocked over several jewelry displays in the local JCpenney store during the after christmas sale. Mary was walking leisurely down the aisle with her cart full of sale items when she spotted the very last of a beaut...
Tips to avoid reckless christmas shoppers
We've all encountered overly eager and panicked Christmas shoppers during this time of year. You know....the ones who practically run you over with their cart trying to get to the wrapping paper display, or the ones who cut in front of you in the che...
Local resident thinks everyone in his neighborhood is infatuated with him
Local Tallton County resident, Randy Stratton, claims that everyone on his street has a crush on him. Randy says that whenever he is outside or pulls up into his drive-way, his next-door neighbors always look out their windows. "....Yeah, and you kno...
Breaking News: Frank G. farted around today!
Breaking Headlinez reporters did an exclusive interview with Frank Goodman, the man who just farted around today.Reporter: Hello Frank!Frank: Hi!Reporter: Are you through farting around?Frank: Well umm....yeah..for now.Reporter: Tell us a little abou...
Local man doesn't remember his name
A local county resident does not remember his name. He claims it is because his relatives were always calling him by different names by accident, and since they still do this, he can not remember his first name. "I've been called jack, jim, james, jo...
Stylish county resident claims he is too sexy for everything
Stylish county resident, Fred, claims he's too sexy for everything. "I'm just too sexy for this world. I'm too sexy for this apartment, I'm too sexy for my truck, I'm too sexy to go out on the sidewalk, I'm too sexy for the grocery store, I'm too sex...
Local man haunted by ghost of cow
A local man says he is haunted by the ghost of a cow. Ned O'Neil says he has even seen the cow ghost with his very own eyes. "Well, I know I've been eating alot of beef lately, but this is ridiculous. I mean, what kind of beef have I been eating here...
Everyone should get out of local man's way immediately
Charles Buxter says that everyone should get out of his way immediately, no matter where he is because he is such an important person. "Are you kidding me? I'm the most important person in town, get out of my way, please.", said Charles, impatiently....
area man addicted to eating
Mike, a local, 42 year old resident, is addicted to eating. "Did you bring any snickers bars with you?", Mike asked us as we started our interview with him. "I've got to have food all the time. I even eat myself to sleep sometimes, I keep Doritos nex...
Woman farts in doctors face, doctor recovering
Violet had an appointment with Dr. Harris today and accidentally farted in his face. Dr. Harris is now recovering from the asphyxiation. He was treating her for spurs on her foot by giving her a cortisone shot, when suddenly Violet let out a loud far...
Local citizens protest temporary taco bell shut down
The local Taco Bell was shut down temporarily in downtown Wesstown today. The restaurant will be closed for renovations for approximately 2 weeks, and the locals are quite upset about it. "we want our taco bell back!", said one local Wesstown woman w...
Beach bum goes berserk over flip-flops
Bill, a local man who owns a shop on the boardwalk, was furious when he found his whole flip flop rack, which was situated outside his shop door, overturned and dumped all over the sidewalk. "That dang, beach bum, Dan....he just went off his nut. I d...
News Briefs:
Breaking News Headlines:Friday the 13th, number 50, limited edition, to be released. Somebody somewhere has finally decided who is the best Elvis impersonator.Everyone at local country bar found to be crying after hearing sad country song on jukebox....
Redneck takes sweetheart to the tractor pull for anniversary
Local redneck, Bill Balley, took his wife of ten years to the tractor pull for their anniversary. "This one was special (ten years), so I decided to take her out.", said Bill. We talked to Sally about how she felt about this special event, and she ex...
US officials to try to shoot down big thing
In a follow up to Big Thing To Hit Earth, US officials have decided to try to shoot down the 'big thing'. US officials have determined that the big thing is a spy satellite, and are concocting methods of destroying it before it hits earth. We stood o...
Local consumer cant figure out which $5 bill to use
Breaking Headlinez was live at Smith's drugstore, where Neil, a 50 year old customer was purchasing various items...only he couldnt figure out which five dollar bill was the best one to give to the clerk. His purchase was $14.98 and he gave the clerk...
Area man suggests that all business owners make things harder on employees out of spite
Ted Downey has been doing his homework. Ted used to work in a factory that processed canned foods for ten years, and always noticed that every single time he found an easier, quicker way to do his job correctly, and got his routine going, that the su...
Britney Spears launches into outer space
Today, Britney Spears decided that she'd had enough of all the news and articles printed about her personal life and has decided to go out of this world and never come back. "The launch went smoothly, there were no complications with the rocketship s...
State highway administration to introduce 'orange light'
The state highway administration is introducing the idea of putting an "orange light" in between the green and yellow light on traffic signals. "well, anymore....as soon as people see the yellow light, which is supposed to mean slow down, they speed ...
First tupperware party held in possibly 20 years
Last weekend, Vicky held what seems to be the first Tupperware party held in 20 years. "No one does Tupperware anymore, it seems, and I thought it was good change. Customers sometimes want some different products to choose from, and this provided tha...
Customers pet chihuahua scares walmart cashier
It was fairly good day for the neighborhood Walmart, and Kay, the cashier, until Donna brought her pet chihuahua in the store. When Donna's chihuahua yelped, Kay jumped up on the counter, scared to death. "I'm so scared of dogs, I always jump when th...
Man sneezes on neighbors, poses possible health risk
Don, a local area resident, was outside talking to his neighbors, Linda and Allen, when suddenly he sneezed all over them. Linda told reporters, "It was so nasty! When he sneezed, it made a horrible sound 'AAAHHPPPTTTHHH!', and all that spit lunged i...
Husband and wife call truce during fart war
Janet says that the fart war between her and her husband Ed is now over. "Well, everynight he farts while laying next to me, and it stinks to high heaven! I finally got tired of it, and decided that I was going to get him back. So one night not long ...
Man says wife wears entirely too much makeup
Tom says he has nightmares because his wife wears way too much makeup. "She really piles it on, let me tell ya. She wears so much lipstick, that she actually has to scrape it off. I think she even wears lipstick on her eyelids, or at least that's wha...
NJ woman mysteriously never pays sales tax
Deanna Davis told reporters today that she has never paid sales tax on anything. When asked if she were a part of a tax-exempt organization, she replied "no, I've just never paid it before. Not even for personal items, not sure why". State officials ...
Big Thing To Hit Earth
A U.S. official has determined that a "big thing" is going to hit earth. The U.S. official has described the 'big thing' as 13-16.5 feet across and weighs a maximum of 10,000 pounds. "We're not really sure where it is right now, we're not sure what i...
Area Man talks to TV
An area man is being kept under supervision at a mental health clinic, after being found yelling at his TV set. Lee was watching a football game yesterday, and a neighbor kept hearing disturbances from next door. Kristy, a 35 year old local resident ...
Internet blogger has major feed
Tina, an internet blogger who blogs about cooking and her favorite recipes, has 56 RSS and Atom feed links on her blog's main page. She has 20 text RSS and Atom links, 11 small RSS and Atom button links, 13 large buttons, and 12 other various graphic...
Woman left with only 80% of hair after pulling gray hairs out.
Patricia, a 40 year old area resident, is left with only 80% of her hair after going on a 'gray hair pulling spree'. "when I noticed all of those grays at the top and back of my hair, I started pulling them all, and before I knew it, I had pulled out...
