joni
Well my first impression was that this was very interesting. I like it. It could become tighter if you lose a lot of the word 'that'. Remember redundancy causes you to lose the avid reader.Also watch for correct punctuation. Capitals after a sentence ends?
Write on! You have a nice tale going here.
Visit my blog often and you'll have this story tightened in no time.
Thanks for visiting as I've enjoyed visiting you.
Joni




Cool. to the point. I'll be doing the proofreading later. this is just raw. Do you have any idea how I could protect my story although it hasn't been finished yet? thx
Posted: May 15th, 2009 | More Reviews From meftahabdou | Report This Comment