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Recent Posts Tagged With 'real life'
More Funny Comments On Insurance Forms
1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.2. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.3. I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.4. I had been shopping for plants all day, and wa...
Funny Comments On Insurance Forms
These are actual explanations that were given in insurance forms.1. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.2. I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.3. I collided...
Sports Commentators Funny Comments
These are actual comments made by NBC sports commentators that they would probably like to take back:1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'2. Dressage com...
Even More Funny Church Notices
Some more real life church notices and bulletins.1. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.2. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community...
E-Mail Mistake
An amazing story about an e-mail gone wrong.A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedu...
More Funny Church Notices
These are actual notices and bulletins from churches.1. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'2. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congre...
Actual Newspaper Headlines
The following are actual headlines from real newspapers.1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers3. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over4. Miners Refuse to Work after Death5. Juvenile Co...
Who\'s The Daddy?
These are genuine excerpts from the Manchester Child Support Agency forms requesting fathers' details.1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins. Makeeshia was fathered by Macleardon Mckinley, I am unsure of the identity of the father of Mar...
California Driving Test Answers
The following are a sample of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school.Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?A: What for? He can't see my licence plate.Q: Who has the ...
Naval Conversation Joke
This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.Canadians: Please divert your co...
More Real Life Kids' Exam Answers
Some more answers that kids actually gave in exams.Q: Name the four seasons.A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large...
Real Life Kids' Exam Answers
These are some actual answers that kids gave in exams.Q: What happens to your body as you age?A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and l...
Letters to Viz
These are from actual letters that were written to Viz magazine in Britain.* Hats off to the witty burglars who stole my entire CD collection with the exception of "There is Nothing Left to Lose" by the Foo Fighters. I hope that when sentencing, the ...
More Actual Holiday Complaints
Some more actual complaints received from customers after their vacation."I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.""It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to clo...
Lawyer's Cross Examination
This is from an actual court case.ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it...
Actual Holiday Complaints
From a survey by Thomas Cook and ABTA listing some of the guest’s complaints during the season. 1. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."2. A tourist at a top African game lodg...
Yogi Berra Quotes
"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." - On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947."I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." - When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars."Think! How ...
Real Website Addresses
Take a look at the names of these actual sites -Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island:www.penisland.net Who Represents? - a database for agencies to the rich and famous:www.whorepresents.comThe Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where pr...
Job Application
This is allegedly an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to a large supermarket in England. They hired him because he was so funny.NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or a...
Take This Dementia Test
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! The test below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence.Take the ...
Olympic Games Commentaries
Actual coments made at the Olympic Games.Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."Boxing Analyst: ...
Help Desk Questions
These are real life questions to computer help desks.Helpdesk: "What kind of computer do you have?"Female customer: "A white one... ""Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out."Helpdesk: "Have you tried pushing the button?Customer: "Yes, sure, ...
Female Drivers
These are true records taken from the Guinness Book of Records.Traffic Light CosmeticsThe longest spell spent oblivious to traffic lights whilst applying makeup was one of 1 hour, 51 minutes, 8 seconds by Ms. Janet Dodson (U.S.) at a road junction in...
Kids' Ancient History
These are actual answers given by children in history tests.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, once asked, "Am I my broth...
More In-Flight Announcements
Some more real life in-flight announcements.1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced: "People, people we're not pickin...
More Of What Kids Said
These are some more real life examples of what kids said.1. The parts of speech are lungs and air.2. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.3. One by-product of raising cattle is calves.4. The fou...
In-Flight Announcements
As reported by passengers and airline crew members.1. "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secu...
