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Recent Posts Tagged With 'funny jokes'
Funny Little Johnny Joke
Little Johnny Meets Obama Little Johnny is at it again... President Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president...
Funny Glass of Water Joke
Glass of WaterOne night a father sent his son upstairs to bed. Fiveminutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me aglass of water!?!''''No. You had your chance. Be quiet and go to sleep.''A minute later the boy screamed, ''Dad!! Can you PLEASE...
Funny Lil' Johnny Joke
Buying a horseLil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as hisfather moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down thehorses' legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop,why are you doing that?""Bec...
Funny Hiring Joke
Are You Hiring?A woman walked up to the manager of a department store. "Areyou hiring any help?" she asked."No," he said. "We already have all the staff we need.""Then would you mind getting someone to wait on me?" she saidFunny Jokes...
Funny Bachelor Joke
A Guide To Food Spoilage For Bachelors.....Eggs: When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the eggis probably past its prime.Meat: If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a 3block radius to congregate outside your hou...
Funny One-Liners
One-LinersI have found that nothing written in fine print is evergood news.It is so embarrassing watching your boss do somethingyou declared could not be done.You soon find out that a revolving charge is the kindof credit that keeps your interest up....
Funny Grandparent Joke
Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of herown. They like other people's.A grandfather is a man grandmother.Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come tosee them. They are so old they shouldn't play h...
Funny Promised Land Joke
the Promised Land2,000 years ago Moses said, "Pick up your shovel, pack your ass, mount =your camel and I shall lead you to the Promised Land."=20200-plus years ago, George Washington said, "Get off your ass, use your =shovel, clear the land, grow pl...
Funny Union Plumber Jokes
Union PlumberA union plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York torepair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased todiscover that the woman was quite a luscious, well stackeddish and during the course of the afternoon the two becameext...
Funny Gardening Jokes
Gardening TipWhen weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and nota valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the groundeasily, it was a valuable plant.Funny Quotes...
Funny Funeral Music Jokes
Funeral MusicAt our local funeral parlor families are given the chance to chosethe music CD they would like to have played when they enter theservice.One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender."Well the day of the funeral arriv...
Funny Biker Jokes
TOP TEN BIKER PICK-UP LINES10. Excuse me, you wearing 'Windsong' by Prince Matchabelli?9. Come to the ballet often?8. I've done it with both Harley and Davidson7. Would you believe I left my Volvo at home?6. I wouldn't mind being your biker lady frie...
Funny Loan Joke
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.Funny Jokes...
Funny Russian Joke
- I have to call John... Hello!- You are the first who reached us and you will get a Mercedes-Benz and 100,000 USD if you answer the question: Luis Armstrong sang the song "What a wonderful... WHAT?"- I'm sorry. I think I dialed a wrong number. A les...
Funny Cowboy Joke
A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said, "You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you'll live to a nice ripe old age." So the young lad did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to the...
Funny Samurai Joke
Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a newChief Samurai Warrior. After a year, only three applied for the job: aJapanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai."Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.The Japanese sam...
Funny Sinking Ship Joke
In a sinking ship : captain: what should we do?? the water level has risen above the danger mark ..... sardar: raise the danger mark level up by few feet.......Funny Jokes...
Funny Joke
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.Funny Jokes...
Funny Elderly Ladies Joke
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.One day, they were playing cards when ...
Funny Wolf Man Joke
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely. "Listen!" h...
Funny Scouts Joke
Scout Survival A Scout Master was teaching his boy scouts about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important thing...
Funny New Supermarket Joke
NEW SUPERMARKET A new supermarket opened in Tampa, Florida. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain. When you pass the milk cases, you he...
Funny Joke on How to Impress a Man
How to impress a man,Show up naked...Bring beer & chicken wings...Don't block the TV.Funny Jokes...
Funny Speeding Juggler Joke
Speeding JugglerA young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to...
Funny Transplant Joke
Transplants The patient demanded, "Doc, I just must have a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a cornea transplant, a lung transplant, and a heart transplant." "WHAT?" yelled the doctor. "Tell me, exactly why you think you need all these transplan...
Funny Joke
Wrong CardA new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it read "Rest in Peace." The owner was angry and called the florist to comp...
Funny Criminal Joke
Too dumb to be a criminal.A German bank robber has been advised by a judge to go straight becausehe lacks the talent for crime.Marko N, 28, from Dusseldorf, was already waiting outside the bank hewas planning to rob before it opened in the morning.Dr...
Funny Joke on How to Impress a Woman
How To Impress A Woman,Wine her,Dine her,Call her,Hug her,Support her,Hold her,Surprise her,Smile at her,Compliment her,Listen to her,Laugh with her,Cry with her,Romance her,Encourage her,Believe in her,Pray with her,Pray for her,Cuddle with her,Shop...
Joke: Rules of the Air
This appeared in the Langalist courtesy of Canadian "Gerry V"1. Every takeoff is optional. Every landing is mandatory.2. If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger. If you pull thestick back, they get smaller. That is, unless you keep pulli...
Funny Older Couple Joke
Can you relate To This?????An older couple is lying in bed one morning, having just awakened froma good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touchme.""Why not?" he asks. She answers back, "Because I'm dead." The husbandsays, "Wha...
