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I Am The Goose That Fabio Killed With His Face
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A blog that documents Hans' experiences in his crappy high school as well his observations on pop culture and occasionally sports. The content is entirely inconsequential, however, it is presented in various mediums and through diverse recurring segments
Recent Posts Tagged With 'jack'
I'm Going To Go See Stepbrothers!
But first, it's time to celebrate Jack's birthday. What surprises are in store?I friended Rawski! Shouldn't you?The night manager at Lund's is known as the Hoff; nihilistic, cynical and bearing a stro...
I Think "Dank" Would Be a Better Choice
LA is, in short, not disgusting. It is dank. Downtown, in the vicinity of USC that is, it is a bit disgusting. Head up to UCLA and shit's just dank. In a good way. Don't be hatin' on LA just beca...
Live From My House, It's Thursday Night And Goodman Has A Status Update (And I, A Jack Quote)
David love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart. Or perhaps it is the answer to the questions in your pants. Here's Jack's most recent super quote: 3:00amJack i think so, ...
A Summertime Jack Quote
From Nick's grad party, at which there was a giant inflatable slide:Nick: Jack, go down the inflatable slide!Jack: I don't wanna.Stevenfay: You're insulting Nick's graduation by not going down that sl...
CJQ & A Questionable Look Alike
Paige here, just with a few nuggets to hopefully brighten your evening.First, Jack referring to his now week and three day old beard:Jacki was thinking about putting some flames in it, opinion?Paigewh...
Celtics win! But moreso Jack shows some emotion...
While Jack and I were watching the game a few interesting things came from Jacks mouth. Mostly screams of joy and cries of elation but there was more as well...Jack: You wanna be me!Me: Well maybe, bu...
Jack's Thoughts On Cashews
Is the blog dying? Probably, but its been through lulls before and come out alright. So here's a lengthy cyber Jack quote concerning cashews:11:23pmHanscashews?11:26pmJacki don't know anything about c...
Take It!
So lately Jack's catchphrase has been to repeat the phrase, "Take it!" Repeatedly. What is this from? Watch and see: ...
Pray For IATGTFKWHF
I must thank you, my blogience, for your nearly unwavering support. The blog has not been up to code lately, and that's my bad. Execution has not been a strong suit. But, you know who is always up to ...
Some Jack Quotes Before My Descent Into Shit-dom
Nils had these on the back burner just in case Jack was serious about his strike earlier on. He gave me a few pages of his legal pad. And here are the results:Jack: I wanna learn how to count cards.Ni...
Look-Alike & Cyber Jack Quotes??
Yeah. This was a good week in terms of regular blog items.1. While sitting at lunch and staring at stevenfay (waiting for him to make a vomit face, I'm sure) I realized exactly who he looks like. Dopp...
Wednesday's Thoughts On That Goddamn Fat Swedish Kid
FSK is a public health risk, to be quite frank. He exudes stupidity and a brazen lack of regard for that which encumbers him. With his beady ignorant eyes he gazes at you in the hope that you may ackn...
Afternoon Jack Quotes Delight!
But it's 10pm. But nobody cares.Jack and I were pulling up our fingers and snapping them on the table in study hall.Jack: You have a ring. That makes it even better.Nils: That's what she said.(Nobod...
Democracy Is A Chodeload
Why yes, it is. Since when has being horrendously underqualified been a deterrent when running for political office? You might have guessed that the Hans for council campaign ended in failure. Apparen...
I Do Say It's Nearing Summer
And what does that mean? It means a super boring government simulation in gov class! Witness the tedious bullshit spewing from (Elizabethan) Buckner as he divulges every minutia of every budgetary iss...
Hug Attack!
During Study Hall, Jack is routinely tortured by Nils and Hans in a loving, caring way. And Jack hates it because Jack hates love and affection, unless it's for The Rundown. One day, when I realized m...
Cyber Jack Quotage
11:25pmHansyou dont do a hogan voice!11:26pmJackbut i can online11:26pmHansoh no!11:28pmJackoh yes11:29pmHanswhy!11:29pmJackbecause i'm good11:30pmHanswell ur also jack11:30pmJackthat is correct11:30p...
My Proud Return And Wednesday's Thoughts!
I have returned. I feel rejuvenated. And I feel like proclaiming that with this sort of affectation. I would like to thank all my guest bloggers, except for Hank, for staving off blog petulance during...
Should I Get A Haircut? Maybe....Later + Awesome List = ?
It seems like everyone is getting a haircut this week, while Jack's hair is perpetually short, Abby and Paige got their hair cut and now even Hans is getting his hair cut. Personally I'm conflicted. I...
Time To Bring Some Much Needed Class To This Blog
Greetings mindless followers of the Hans blogosphere,For those of you who don't know who I am then good, I won't be suspended for my involvement with this blog. For those of you that do, please do not...
The Loss of Hans
No, he's not dead. As many of you may have heard, Hans' crazy mother took his computer away because he skipped German.For now, Stevenfay and myself and possibly a few other guest bloggers will be hol...
Ack-Jay Otes-Quay
Never try to type in pig-latin.A lunchtime discourse with Jack:Nils (trying to embrace Jack): Jack, I just want to be your friend.Jack (pushes Nils' arm off)Nils: Jack what are you doing?!Jack: I'm go...
More Quotes From Cyber Jack
10:11pmJack my computer just started to play music and i don't know where it's coming from, hans i'm scared 10:12pmHans my computer does that once in a while. i turn it on mute. or it could be haun...
It's Time To Update!
It is time. Hey band kids, what did you think of our comedysportz show? It's not normally so insensitive to retarded people! But you win some, you lose some. Also, that was your last chance to see me,...
The Poll Has Ended
And it's a tie. Jack. The only solace I can find is that he didn't time the end date of the poll well enough to come out on top. And yes, there is a tiebreak in place. Me. And I say he grows a beard. ...
The Unveiling Of CYBER Jack Quotes
Who said what is found immediately above the quote.So here's a conversation Jack and I had about making plans without stevenfay:10:57pmHansi just fell off my chair when i tried to look up movie times....
Because Its a Lazy Dog-Dangling Afternoon
Reference? That's taking a while, I'll update this post with it later.So's tomorrow is the band banquet, which the comedysportz team is performing at. I mean, it's a shit audience, but that should be ...
Hans: jack, you'd better ship up or shape out!
Does (Sammy) Lentz Look Like Ted From Scrubs?
You wouldn't think so, but here's the original picture of Sam Lloyd (Who plays Ted):And here's what happens if I make some subtle adjustments:And some other thoughts:I think (Borin') Harn found out ab...
May the Jack be With You
I guess Nick and Hans are both on this blog as I type this post, so if two's kinky, why not make it a threesome? All we need now is Jack. Here he is!Jack and Hans are going through some rough times ...