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So Stupid It\'s Smart
When I was just a kid, a self-proclaimed health guru visited my school. During his presentation, he sternly proclaimed, "You are what you eat." I was instantly mortified. As soon as I got home, I darted under my bed, sobbed like a three-year old girl...
Whine About The Swine
Have you ever tried to catch a pig? Around the world, there are pig catching competitions (otherwise known as society's downfall). Idiots sign up to chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for money. Anyone who's ever witnessed this hilarious spectacl...
I Now Pronounce You "Husband And Wife\'s Hand"
I sang at a wedding the other day. They even paid me. I know, I know; it's great that I'm finally becoming a celebrity (in my head), but at the same time, I feel a little guilty. I mean, what if I did a crappy job? I might have inadvertently ruined ...
Enjoy Gifts Or Die Trying
Christmas movies make me laugh. They always have that one clich scene in which a bunch of children flock down the stairs to see all their new presents beneath the tree. Orchestrated with sappy music, the camera pans by the kids as they rip open box a...
In Short
What's with our passion for abbreviations? And why the hell is "abbreviations" such a long-ass word? I mean, in my opinion, when talking to friends online, it seems only fair and courteous to spell out entire words. Otherwise, you're deliberately bei...
My Hurricane Is A Boy!
Why do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia , but to me, it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms. Hell, they don't name tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards...

