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Idiocrasies Of The English Language - That are fun and funny
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A blog about what is fun and funny with the English Language and added with lots of poems, games and puzzles.
Recent Posts Tagged With jokes
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Best Patients
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second responds, "Yeah, but ...
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Employee Placement Method
Does your organization struggle with the problem of properly fitting people to jobs? Here is a handy hint for ensuring success in job placement. Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two c...
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Mottos to Work By
- Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. - If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos...then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation. - Do...
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You Know You're Growing Older When
- Everything hurts , and what doesn't hurt, doesn't work anyway. - The gleam in your eyes is from the sun hitting your bifocals. - You feel like you really hung on the night before, and you were in bed asleep by eight. - You get winded playing chess....
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Lessons from Mom
My Mother taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me." My Mother taught me MEDICINE... "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way." My Mother taught me TO THINK A...
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New Definations - But not found in any Dictionary
abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline. carcinoma (n), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog. coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon. esplanade (v), to attempt an ex...
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"Competent" Employees
For those of you in the supervisory positions, have you ever had an occasion to use any of the following quotes?For those of you who are employees, good luck that your supervisor or boss does not ever use these words to describe your work attitude:)"...
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Murphey's Laws Of Computing
1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual w...
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Vanity Plates
Check out these interesting plates.-CSHFLW Negative Cashflow. In Missouri, the state usually fills in any spaces on a vanity plate with a "-". This person has the most creative use of that little quirk of st...
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Fun with Puns
What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"What did the toy store sign say? Don't feed the animals. T...
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Why Guys Can't Win
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off yo...
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Wizened Proverbs
- Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. - Man with one chopstick go hungry. - Man who scratch bum should not bite fingernails. - Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. - War does not determine who is ri...
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Alcohol Consumption Warning
- The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. - The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. - The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you...
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Twin Trouble
Upon telling people that I am a twin, I have heard some really interesting comments. I can't tell you how many times this exchange has happened:"Are you two related?" "Yes, we're twins." "Gosh, you look so much alike I would have thought you were sis...
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Low Impact Exercise
Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my body doesn't want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program withou...
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Proof of Stupidity
Overheard this on a London bus:First Woman: "I don't know what to get Fred for his birthday." Second Woman: "Why don't you get him a book?" First Woman: (after a moment's thought) "Nah, he's already got a book." --------------------------------------...
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Bad Predictions
It's generally a bad idea to say something can't or won't be done, especially in the realm of science and technology. The following are quotations from the past that haunt their speakers today:"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers...
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Readers who just don't get it
The following have all been asked of library reference desk workers in the USA and Canada."I'm looking for a book.""Do you have books here?""Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?""Do you have a list of all the books I'v...
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Do You Know Your Bible
The following are quotes from exams and papers assigned to 7th through 12th students:"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off." "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree." "Noah's...
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History Through Children's Eyes
The following are quotes from exams and papers assigned to 7th through 12th students :"The Magna Carta provided that no free men should be hanged twice for the same offense." "Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple whi...
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Heard in the Courts
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" Witness: "I only have one, you know." --------------------------------------------------------------------Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death."...
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Found in a Church Bulletin
* "Say 'hell' to someone who doesn't like you." * "Mr. Smith is also a close relative of his brother Wilbur in the church." * "Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow." * "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our churc...
