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Just Because You Don't Need It
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Consumer humor; shopping for fulfillment in a world of useless products.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'foody'
You can look, but you better not touch
Now that Thanksgiving’s over we’ve all taken the dreaded plunge into holiday season, which means the seasonable, yet unreasonable, requests have already been pouring in. Could I bring something to the office party, the church bake sale, the kids...
This can be opened
I wuz ridin’ homeJust a-mindin’ my ownWhen a gol’ darn foolAlmost made me eat chrome.But, bein’ a manI just opened me a canOf Whoop Ass Peanuts‘Twas the end of his sedan.(insert cowboy-like theme song and product logo here)...
Wonder of wonders
I’m practically beside myself with excitement, because today I learned about miracle fruit. It turns sour to sweet! “Lemons become lemonade!” trumpets the ad copy, then whispers, “Sound too good to be true? An internet search will confirm tha...
Tidings of comfort and almond joy
The edible Christmas ornament holiday favor napkin ring has astounded us with its multi-tasking skills. This clever bloom is capable of being fully functional throughout a Christmas party, unlike most of your guests. First it’s hanging on the tree,...
Partner, let me upgrade you
There are upgrades and then there are upgrades. The 3-day 2-person food & water upgrade allows you to boost a three-day survival kit, yielding a total of six days of survival. This is a much better concept than purchasing two of the original thre...
I don't really like talking about my flair
Infants are extra-large these days, like just about everyone else, and you can inflict some major damage to yourself trying to get one of them fed or bathed. Occasions like these call for some assistance, which is readily provided by the Boon Flair P...
Meat me
The tanky meaty gives, and then gives some more. It’s eight solid ounces of knucklebone packaged in a lovely keepsake bushel basket. There is nothing like ripping into a cuppa beef knuckle; ask your dog, who will assure you that this is one of very...
Top choice
This is the premium selection, the best of the best, that which stands apart from the crowd and is truly peerless. We guarantee you’ll enjoy it and the warm glow of self-satisfaction that comes from knowing you’ve looked through all the options a...
We're all wasted
Expand your carbon footprint by purchasing a cup holder for your juice box, bag or can, which was already doing a relatively okay job of containing that corn syrup and dye. It even comes with an extra straw, which you can insert inside the straw that...
Salt of the earth and then some
Remember when everyone’s kitchen had the blue Morton salt container with the umbrella girl, and salt was just salt? Me, too, but salt hired a really good P.R. team and within the past few years it’s done a condimendible transformation. Every cook...
Finally, truth in advertising
Telling the truth is probably what makes this product so wildly popular. Also, many people enjoy products that come in pellet-dispensers. Lycopodium Clavatum = “bloated abdomen improved by passing gas.” If anyone out there knows of a better meth...
