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Mental Poo
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Jerking off your funny bone, one post at a time. But be careful...it's messy in here.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'rants'
The Pre-Yard Sale Abduction
Before I start:Two new reviews over on "Moog's Movie Reviews:"1) "Rambo"2) "Wanted"3) "Wall-E"As you were.**********************Crap for Sale:If you wanted to sell your own shit, you probably could.Le...
Swimming in Ass
Swimming in Ass. No, no... I'm not talking about the top four items on Hugh Hefner's "Things I Need to Do Today" list... (lucky bastard) I'm talking about my swimming pool. Pools. Now, for those...
Betting on Glue
Here comes Fatty McFatty on the outside!!No, no...I'm not talking about what I yelled out during my one "hefty girl" sex adventure......which..when you're 5'2" tall and weigh 130 pounds...requires def...
Moog's Mortal Sins - Just in Time for Easter!!
Go ahead:MAKE MY DAY.Um...I guess that although this went over well with Clint Eastwood......hearing it from a 39 year-old guy who is five-foot-two-inches tall doesn't present the same sense of impend...
Seven New Sins!! Now with More Fiber!
It's like the idea for "New Coke": You didn't know how much you were better off with the original version, until the crappy one came along.I mean, the New Coke still made you burp and do funny sh*t.....
Getting to Hell the Old-Fashioned Way
Yes, I’m Catholic.No, I do not have an ongoing lawsuit against the Church for unlawful violations of my sphincter.Yet.But I digress...If you’ve paid attention lately, you’ve heard that the Catho...
Increase Your Gas Mileage: STAY THE F*CK HOME
A cannon would solve my problem.I'm sure of it.But let's back up...In my previous "F*CK THE ENVIRONMENT" post, I went off on:1) Recycling2) My inability to give a rat's ass about the environment if cl...
Environmentally Unfriendly
Everything except peanut butter and mayonnaise.No, no…...it’s not the list of things I will put on my Mr. Wiggly to get my dog to come over to me...That list is ONLY peanut butter and mayonnaise.G...
An Open Letter to Floyd (the old guy at the gym)
Dear Floyd,You may not know me personally, but I know you.You see, I'm one of the young whippersnappers who has the sheer audacity to come into the gym at the wee hour of 5:30 a.m....I don't enjoy it ...
It's a Love/Hate Thing
I was tagged by Grottynosh to answer the following things:1. I love to eat:2. I hate to eat:3. I love to go:4. I hate to go:5. I love it when:6. I hate it when:7. I love to see:8. I hate to see:9. I l...
My Post is Really Long...I Should Whack it for Some Candy.
"It's too long" she said.I know...I know....but it only gets this long when I'm really excited.Ahem...My blog post...she meant.I've been chastised lately for my posts being too long.Mind you......this...
Be Ugly! Be a F*cking Doofus! Get Rich!
I’m not a retard, but I play one on TV.How these people figured out how to make money, I have no idea.(By the way, if you get the email of this feed, or don’t get pictures in my feeds…you’re g...
My Presidential Candidate Makes a Goooooood Chicken
(WARNING: LONG, ANGRY POST TODAY...but bear with me...there are some good tips in here)Let's get started.I'm considering moving to Russia....And not just because my Red Bull and vodkas would be cheape...
Forecast today: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of ONE GIANT WIGGLY
According to my weatherman, I’m the equivalent of John Holmes.…I’ll be updating my resume and sending it to Jenna Jameson shortly.I live in southern New Hampshire.Over the past four days, we’v...
A Stinky and Brown, Dick
The title will play itself out. Bear with me.Story #1: The Unfortunate EmailI feel bad for these guys…...but I’m not sure why they haven’t changed their names yet.Our email system, here at work...
Is there a 401(k)?
Blah, Blah, Blah.This is what I doodled in my notebook at a work meeting the other day...as I was listening to the ramblings of people I don't care about talk about things I don't like to do....and it...
The Shimmering Tootsie Roll
Santa and Rudy Guiliani almost cost me 2 Grand.Those stinking BASTARDS.Makes me want to become a Jewish Democrat just to spite them both.But…let’s back up.Last Sunday was my town’s “Holiday Pa...
Grab a kid with a hand and RUN...there's a puppet orgy going on out back
It’s definitely not the CIA of security.If you have a hand...you're free to go.I had the pleasure of taking my son, who is 4 years old, to a place that rhymes with “Fluck E. Fleese” this past Fr...
The "M" Word
"You're igging me out"That's what the mention or sight of the word "poo" does to him.It "iggs" him out.I realized, based on one of my friends’ reactions to my posts, that there are words in the Engl...
The Syllables Hurt my Head
Screw you, I’m not calling you Bradley.I can’t stand people like this.When you meet someone, or are introduced to someone for the first time, and this happens:Introducer: "Rodney, I’d like you ...
PTSS - Post-Thanksgiving Stress Syndrome
Every man's fantasy is to have two girls.I think, as a general rule, this is fairly common knowledge.However, I'm not so sure my wife's grandmother knew this prior to Thanksgiving, where this tidbit w...
Thanks be to Rod
It's a short week here, because of Thanksgiving.As such, there will be no Mental Poops from this point forward until Monday of next week.I will be spending my Friday cursing God's name as I try to str...
"Nik-luk click-click pop" means "Give me your money"
WARNING: Today is an angry rant. They don't come often, but they do come...hey..just like me!(OK...back to the post)Church sucks.If you've read my rant about "The God Guy," you'll know how I feel abo...
How to Make a Hot Dog
Electrocution is not fun.I hate barking dogs. I HATE them. I hate the sound of a barking dog more than I hate the fact that I can still fit into the seat of a grocery store carriage....damn...little...
Taking a Pass on the "Love thy Neighbor" thing
I hate my neighbors.When I moved into my neighborhood, it was just me and my wife. We moved into a house previously owned by an older couple, who were very well liked and revered in the neighborhood....
Flushable Wipes, My Ass!
Thank you, Kleenex, for my E-Coli poisoning.I was reading another blog the other day, which recounted how their basement was flooded.Although we’ve had our share of water around my house, the closes...
I Can't Believe it's not Callouses!
Barry.F*cking Barry.I mentioned him a little bit in my Instant Messaging blog.Today, we’re going to get to know the sick bastard a little better.We all know someone that has the following personalit...
A Bunch of Little Pricks (My Tattoo Adventure)
My wife has a few tattoos.She never tells me when she’s getting them…or where they are. She usually gets them during “girls weekends”…...where I can only imagine Enrique Eglasias as the tat...
A Piercing Scream (a.k.a, Creating my Third Input)
You won’t find me watching “Miami Ink.”I hate needles. HATE them.I hate them more than I hate guys who wear their baseball hats sideways (or, even worse, sideways with a KINK) and think they're...
Is there an Emoticon for Midget Porn?
No…sorry…I’m not a real midget.My IM name says otherwise (it starts "midgetman…") …but no – I’m not an actual midget.I was teaching a class in my last job one day, and my Instant Message...