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Recent Posts Tagged With 'tina the lesbian'
If you look to your left, you can see the Great Lakes. If you look to your right, some guy’s crotch is on fire
So some Nigerian guy sets fire to his bomb-filled crotch in a failed attempt to blow up a plane going to Detroit on Christmas, in a sort of replay of the shoe-bomber from 2002 who also failed to blow up the plane he was on. And now that that the ho...
A decade of children being named
The top 50 baby names of the decade in America are in and, despite Renal Failure’s popularity, the name Tag did not make it onto the list for either boys or girls. Now we’ve never known a girl to be named Tag but I don’t see why t...
Two Years of Finn-on-Samurai Love
This is the second anniversary of Mikka and Samurai Cathy’s first date, much to the well-documented consternation of Ninja Vicki. But it is amazing in this particular social circle to have two people dating for so long considering the rest of...
The stars at night are gay and bright
So Houston recently became the largest American city to elect an openly gay mayor in Annise Parker. This comes as a relief to Tina the Lesbian, as she’s been starving for any good news regarding the quest for homosexual equality in recent m...
The Mulligan Decade
Mulligan as in the term for a do-over in golf, not that Irish Catholic family down the block with eight kids. Tina the Lesbian came up with the term Mulligan Decade because she thinks that if the world had the chance to get a do-over of the last ten ...
Haiku Friday – Tina the Lesbian
Tina calls this one “New Year’s Anxiety” or ”I sort of stole this off Ninja Vicki.” I am not going straight just to get a kiss at midnight for New Year’s. And this one she calls “Why I didn’t drink thr...
Considering we thought we’d all be dead at the beginning of 2000, we’re doing okay
It’s December and we’re thinking about New Year’s Eve because it’s less painful than thinking about Christmas. And since it’s the end of the decade, we’re thinking about what we did for New Year’s Eve back ...
I would have thought Keyser Soze to have better taste in music
At 8:35, the lights went down in Theater 21 at the Colonial Ultraplex movie theater for the showing of New Moon. At 8:45, the film inexplicably catches fire and the theater goers are forced to evacuate. Among them are Tina the Lesbian and Samurai...
Any date you can walk away from without anal tearing…
So Ninja Vicki’s date with Tag Larkin went… well, she did expect him to throw a table at some point, but running out of the restaurant yelling “abort mission!” was highly unexpected. And something didn’t sit right with V...
An Oblique Obligation
I’m at the bar with Anonymous Doug, going through our fourth pitcher of Wes Anderson Wheat Beer: The beer that makes you stare listlessly and not have any inflection in your voice, like most of the characters in his movies. And just as we po...
Unrequited… unrequired… whatever…
You might remember that Tina the Lesbian has a crush on Samurai Cathy. You might also remember that Samurai Cathy is dating Mikka. And you might also remember that Tina the Lesbian got Samurai Cathy a job as a bouncer down at the local lesbian ba...
Splitting the Uprights
It used to be a lot of things long ago. It used to be TV stations actually went off the air at some point in the night. It used to be you could only buy Feather Healer’s pinnacle album Twenty-Sided Die: The Roll of Destiny on vinyl from R...
This glory hole will get you high
Disappointment abound this week. I’m disappointed that Feather Healer’s reunion tour won’t be coming to my area, and Tina the Lesbian’s disappointed in the injustice that gay marriage got voted down by ballot referendum la...
Haiku Friday – 11/6/09 – Tina the Lesbian
This one is called “Things are much cooler when you mishear them.” Abstinence only? Try Absinthe-only sex-ed Trippin’ and learnin’ This one is called “Why I stopped going to the Lilith Fair.” Acoustic guitars plus ...
In the future all women will look like Janeane Garafalo
I was rocking out to some bootleg Feather Healer concert tracks the other day when I came across some sciencey story about the future evolution of women. Much to my disappointment, there was no mention about a third breast or tongue clitori. Appar...
Tag Larkin Is Not Coming To Dinner: Part Five
Upon hearing the footsteps of the murderer coming our way, we hatched a plan to catch said murderer. Ninja Vicki hides up on the ceiling, Samurai Cathy conceals herself against the wall near the entrance to the study. Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat t...
Tag Larkin Is Not Coming For Dinner: Part Four
Tag Larkin remains dead at his own Halloween party, but the accusations are still flying about his possible killer. So far we’ve pointed a finger at Ninja Vicki, Samurai Cathy, Avonia the Wiccan Pimp, Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat and his wife M...
Tag Larkin Is Not Coming For Dinner: Part Three
Our investigation of the Halloween murder of Tag Larkin has taken a turn for the magical as Avonia the Wiccan Pimp has been implicated by a suspicious Bernie the Half-Cyborg Cat. “Why would I want to kill Tag Larkin?” says Avonia. ...
Tag Larkin Is Not Coming For Dinner: Part Two
We’re still standing around Tag Larkin’s body in the study of Tag Larkin’s secluded mansion that no one else can reach and we can’t leave until morning. I think this place was called “Casa del Convenient Plot Device.&#...
Tag Larkin Is Not Coming For Dinner: Part One
We were surprised to hear Tag Larkin owned a mansion on a remote island with no workable phones and no cell coverage that is only accessible by ferry from 7am to 7pm. We were also surprised that he invited all of us over for an overnight Halloween ...
This Party Is Dead Sexy
Regular Renal Readers may recall our rock-solid Halloween costume advice that we’ve given in previous year (women can just be sexy versions of occupations and when in doubt go as a zombie version of a celebrity). If not, well, now you know. T...
Get your kitchen so clean, it will be scrubbed from history
Tina the Lesbian heard the doorbell ring and saw Sean and Lucia Wheatley waiting for her. Usually she tries pretending she’s not home, sometimes they go away, sometimes they don’t. But this time Tina opened the door because she saw Lu...
NASA implements the Tag Larkin Program against the Moon
Renal Readers may recall a few months ago that Tag Larkin announced his intentions to fight the Moon. Apparently NASA heard this declaration and decided to beat Tag Larkin to the punch, so to speak. Last week NASA slammed a probe into the Moon to s...
The Return of America’s Worst Lesbian
Mary Cheney (aka America’s Worst Lesbian according to Tina the Lesbian) is pregnant again. They don’t say who supplied the sperm. Maybe they had some left over from the first pregnancy. I’m under the impression they sell viabl...
Save the Cheerleader, Save Yourself a Torn ACL
An recent article in the Wall Street Journal posed the following question: What is the point of cheerleading? The article was mainly about how dangerous cheerleading is and how many injuries occur from it, but I wanted an answer to the question pos...
Pancreatic Cancer Don’t Hurt… Wait, Yes It Does. A Lot.
With Patrick Swayze’s death we decided to have a Renal poll about what our favorite Swayze movie is. “Ghost,” says Avonia the Wiccan Pimp. “I wanted to become a spiritual medium because of that movie, just so I could talk to...
Your Pre-9/11 World Was Like Ancient Times, Old Man!
“Do you realize kids currently in second grade have never known a world where the Twin Towers were still standing?” I say. “And they’ve never known a world where the worst thing to ever happen to our country was the Presiden...
Deartuate Your Monosyllabism
A site was brought to our attention by a friend of ours who’s also a regular Renal reader (she knows who she is, I made her laugh so hard during a game of Taboo that she snorted, and hopefully she will finally leave a comment here). It...
Do I have enough charisma points? Part Two
We’re finishing off the list of ways to woo a nerdy girl today. So far, my chances are good. “Tip #6 says to be interesting,” says Tina the Lesbian. “I regularly drink with a half-cyborg cat who is married to a red-haired I...
Do I have enough charisma points? Part One
This piece on “How to Meet and Woo a Nerdy Girl” was brought to my attention by a friend of mine who isn’t a ninja, samurai, half-cyborg cat, Wiccan pimp, Finnish guy, lesbian, or Tag Larkin. So I put these 11 tips before a few ...
