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The Serious Sports News Network is a sports satire site, containing spoofs on the latest news, information and opinions in the world of sports.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'ESPN'
Mel Kiper, Jr. goes into hibernation for the summer
NEW YORK, NY—Following the conclusion of last weekend’s NFL draft, ESPN’s NFL-draft analyst Mel Kiper, Jr. retreated to his cave in upstate New York where he has gone into a deep hibernation that will last through the summer months until the be...
American public still under impression baseball players of old wouldn’t have used steroids
NEW YORK, NY—A recent poll conducted by Major League Baseball and ESPN in the wake of the firestorm of controversy following Alex Rodriguez’s admission of steroid use during his tenure with the Texas Rangers has revealed that over 76 percent of A...
Reports from the Kornheiser family indicate that watching a game with Tony Kornheiser on the couch is as or more annoying than watching it with him commentating on TV
WASHINGTON, DC — Reports from the nation’s capital this holiday season indicate that although Monday Night Football is over for the year, commentator Tony Kornheiser is just as annouing as ever while watching games, according to his famil...
Jay Mariotti embraces new media by choosing oldest dot-com in existence
CHICAGO, IL — After spending several months in limbo following his sudden departure from the Chicago Sun Times, former newspaper columnist Jay Mariotti will live out his dream of entering the future of sportswriting as the third national column...
Korhnheiser makes MNF execs wistful for halcyon days of Dennis Miller
CHICAGO, IL — As yet another season’s worth of Monday Night Football featuring Tony Kornheiser draws to a close, the higher-ups who handle the ESPN’s sole pro football property are once again lamenting the short-sighted dismissal of...
Hamilton wins best season by dude who once had a heroin addiction
ARLINGTON, TX — Much was made in baseball circles of the lack of activity during last week’s Winter Meetings in Las Vegas, but fans may be surprised to learn that more was decided than MLB originally let on. The Texas Rangers announced to...
(Jim) Rome sacked by barbarians
LOS ANGELES, CA—Doctors at Los Angeles County Hospital confirmed today that...
Jaws totally drank from Kornheiser’s soda last night; “Act of War,” says Kornheiser
PHOENIX, AZ — In what was either a complete accident or an overt act of war, Ron Jaworski reached down and took a sip of soda last night, setting off a massive feud between himself and Tony Kornheiser that will likely rip apart their delicately...
Bush tells Obama which channel ESPN is at the White House
WASHINGTON, DC — President-elect Barack Obama and his good bride Michelle took to the White House on Monday, for meetings with President George W. Bush and first lady Laura Bush, respectively. While the first ladies discussed life in the White ...
Harold Reynolds eliminated from playoffs
CHICAGO, IL — After a hard fought American League Divisoin series, Harold Reynolds has reluctantly accepted the reality that’s he’s out of the playoffs. As the visiting Tampa Bay Rays celebrated on the field, Reynolds was left to ...
Sabathia loses control; weight expected to balloon.
MILWAUKEE, WI–Fresh off his disappointing performance in the Brewers’ opening-round elimination, CC Sabathia has vanished, leaving friends and family concerned about the ace’s weight and safety. ”It’s no secret CC has be...
