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The Serious Sports News Network is a sports satire site, containing spoofs on the latest news, information and opinions in the world of sports.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'basketball'
Crowd wondering who that white dude next to Michael Jordan is
SPRINGFIELD, MA—Attendees at the 2009 Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame induction ceremony on Friday, to a person, had no idea who the white guy holding up a jersey with the name “Stockton” is. Further confusion was summarily generated ...
Local 12-year-olds disappointed by lack of Kobe-LeBron Final
Follow SSNN on Twitter! KINGSBURY, NY—Local 12-year-olds Howard Harrison and Damien Shingwel announced today their disappointment that this year’s much-anticipated, much-hyped potential NBA Finals matchup between the Cleveland Cavaliers and th...
Sports reporter would rather be covering economy instead of a basketball game
PORTLAND, OR—Portland Tribune reporter James Answel found himself completely unable to focus during the Trailblazers 111-94 rout of the Lakers Tuesday night, his journalistic mind preoccupied with matters outside the sporting world. Answel, who ove...
Arenas forced to drop “Black President” nickname
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Barack Obama’s Tuesday inauguration as America’s first African-American president, Washington Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas has had to come to some tough realizations. “All of a sudden, nobody will call...
Nets expected to sign sack of rocks for $2.3 million to facilitate Hughes-Simmons trade
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — As the NBA trade deadline approaches, rumors of a trade involving Bobby Simmons of the New Jersey Nets and Larry Hughes of the Chicago Bulls are heating up, but salary issues threaten to torpedo the deal. “We want La...
Cuban uses blog to challenge J.R. Smith to steel cage match
DALLAS, TX — Days after being assessed a $25,000 fine for improper interaction with an opposing player, Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban is pushing the envelope again – this time by using his widely-read blog to challenge said player (J.R. S...
Barkley jumps to Verizon: “Surely someone in The Network can give me a blowjob.”
PHOENIX — Ex-NBA star Charles Barkley was unceremoniously dropped as the T-Mobile celebrity spokesperson earlier today in the fallout of Barkley’s New Year’s Eve DUI arrest, in which a heavily intoxicated Barkley informed officers that he ...
Trail Blazers to League: Pick up Miles and we’re telling on you
PORTLAND, OR—The Portland Trail Blazers have issued the direst of warnings to its fellow 29 teams: sign Darius Miles and we are so telling on you. Miles, who November 2006 had microfracture surgery to repair his right knee and was told last April t...
2008 Top 20, #5: Pearl to open jewelry store
KNOXVILLE, TN — Looking to capitalize on his local stardom and already thinking about life after basketball, Tennessee Volunteer head basketball coach Bruce Pearl announced today he plans on opening a jewelry store in downtown Knoxville. Pearl...
2008 Year in Review, #20: Mayor of New Orleans didn’t know Hornets were in playoffs
SSNN is presenting its top 20 posts from 2008 in order. Enjoy! NEW ORLEANS, LA — New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin was both thrilled and stunned Tuesday when, while channel surfing, he stumbled across the New Orleans Hornets playing a basketball game...
76ers’ Brand to miss 3-4 weeks with torn labia
PHILADELPHIA, PA – Philadelphia 76ers forward Elton Brand, the key offseason acquisition of a franchise currently searching for an identity, left Wednesday’s game against the Milwaukee Bucks with what interim head coach Tony DiLeo said after the ...
Kobe Bryant and Vanessa Bryant accidentally have a date arranged for them by AshleyMadison.com
LOS ANGELES, CA — When Kobe Bryant registered for AshleyMadison.com, he didn’t know what he expected to find. However, after an unusual turn of events this week, Bryant was taken completely aback. Bryant signed up for AshleyMadison.com wh...
Obama hopes to bring an NBA team to Washington DC
WASHINGTON, DC — Barack Obama loves basketball; this much has been well-documented. What has not yet been made public is Washington, DC’s newest resident’s plans for basketball in the nation’s capital. “I personally feel...
Obama proposes playoff to determine Secretary of State; Hillary Clinton slated for the play-in game
WASHINGTON, DC — Barack Obama has taken his desire to see a BCS playoff to the extreme today, proposing an unusual playoff system to determine who will be the nation’s next Secretary of State. “My administration is going to be about...
ARCHIVES: Kobe officially tired of talking about how Shaq’s ass tastes
Enjoy this encore presentation of a classic SSNN piece. LOS ANGELES, CA — Finally breaking his silence about Shaquille O’Neal’s controversial freestyle rap, Kobe Bryant revealed to SSNN that – not surprisingly – he’s unhap...
Stern attributes dress code to increase in quality of crime
NEW YORK, NY — When David Stern institutes the controversial NBA dress code a couple seasons ago, he never thought it would work this fast. “It’s only been a couple of years, and already we’re seeing. Rise in white collar crim...
Father of four asks Danny Fortson for autograph in T.G.I.Friday’s
DUBLIN, OH — Accountant Greg Garland is on cloud nine today after an amazing turn of events last night when he was out to dinner with his wife Barbara and their four children. The Garland family had gone to TGIFridays for dinner, as is their cu...
Oden misses first preseason game with temporary blindness following 50th birthday party
PORTLAND — It was supposed to be the long-awaited debut of Greg Oden on the national stage. Instead, it will have to wait. Oden sat out yesterday’s preseason game with temporary blindness after celebrating his 50th birthday earlier in the...
