Successful Parenting

Writing On Walls

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 00:16:00 +0000

Why do children like to write on walls? I have tons and tons of blank copy paper, tablets galore, coloring books, big easels, everything a person could dream of to draw on, yet my walls look like I live at Disney World. Most of the time, I am able to use a Magic Eraser to clean off the scribbling, however here lately it has become harder and harder to do so. At times, I have even seen the paint come off the wall from my scrubbing it. I threaten punishment, I try to hide all of the crayons, markers, and pencils, anything you can think of I have done it but to no avail.

On Super Nanny I saw an episode where she had the parents take big giant pieces of easel paper and tape them to the walls with the kids' names on them. The kids' were told that these were the only places in which they could write on the walls. On the show, it seemed to work. I'm curious, have any of you tried this? If so, did it actually work? Please let me know. If you have any other hints or tips on how to curtail this very ugly habit of my kids' please let me know that too. Thanks.

Spiderman Boxer Briefs - Successful Potty Training

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 22 Jun 2008 00:05:00 +0000

If you have been reading my blogs, you know that I have been trying to potty train my three year old for about a year now. Honestly though, I have not really been firm in exercising the necessity of him becoming fully potty trained until a few months ago. Now it comes to do or die time. Although he is physically and mentally ready to move to the next pre-k level, his teachers have informed me that unless he is fully potty trained before school starts back on August 11, he will NOT be moving up to the next grade with his classmates.

At first I was very upset over this, but what can a person do. I truly understand how they feel. He is a big boy, even taller than most in his classroom, and he should be totally potty trained by now. I try, I really do...but he does very well in school and does horribly at home. I don't understand this trend. I keep his big boy underwear on him at home after he gets home from school until he has an accident in them. Inevitably he always has an accident in them. I place him on the potty every 30 minutes, but for some reason he will have a boo boo accident not even 20 minutes later. Frustrated, that ends it for me in the toilet training department for that night. Between getting dinner ready, preparing the kids baths, tidying up the house, and catching up on work for the office, I simply can not keep stopping to clean up potty accidents. What to do?

The one thing I decided to try was to get him some new undies. I went to Big Lots and Lo and Behold I saw some Spiderman Boxer Briefs in his size. I grabbed a couple of boxes in took them home. When he saw them, he immediately took off his pull up and put on the boxer brief. That A Boy! To my amazement, he loves wearing those undies! Also, he does not want to get Spiderman wet or dirty, so he actually goes to the potty on his own (most of the time). We did have a minor set back a couple of days after this breakthrough because he got really sick. I tried to keep the undies on him, but the diarrhea just made it impossible. A few days later once he felt better, I started back with the Spidey Undies. It has been touch and go since then, but please keep your fingers crossed for us. If I can't get him trained within the next 30 days, he will be the oldest, smartest, and tallest pre-K little boy in his pre-k 2 classroom. (He is 3). Please let me know if you have any pointers.

Parents Taking Care of Parents

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 23:39:00 +0000

My father has been in and out of the hospital since the last week of February. Of those four months, he has spent approximately 90 days in the hospital. And not the same hospital either. He has been a patient of four different hospitals. During this time, myself and my siblings have pitched in to help in his care. Frustrated with the level of care he was receiving from the many doctors who handled his case, we even contacted a well known physician who has experience working with patients suffereing from various ailments who were also well known. This type of specialized care is not covered fully by insurance, so the four of us chip in to pay the quarterly balance. This is all to ensure our dad receives the proper care he deserves. And you know what, now he does. It is sad to say that the new physician is finally on the right track to making my dad better because the new physician obviously is quite expensive. But I have heard it before, and in this case I see it first hand, you get what you pay for.

This blog was not supposed to be written about physicians, it was meant to speak about those of us who are now assisting in the care of the very people who used to wipe our noses and change our diapers...the people who gave us life, our parents. If someone had told me that I would be in this position in which my dad would be needing special care in which he is dependant upon us to take him wherever he needs to go...doctors appointments, grocery shopping (although he can't actually walk, he tells us what to get and we go get it), DMV, etc. I don't mind, I love my father and would do anything for him. I just never dreamed that at the age of 40 I would be helping take care of my 60 year old father...he , to me, is just too young for this to be happening.

There are a lot of days when I wish I could just put him in a bubble and place him on my mantle so I can protect him from anymore pain, suffering, or harm. I know that this is not possible, but again, I just wish I could do more. I wish the same thing for my children...to protect them from everything so that they will not feel any hurt feelings, suffering, or harm in any way. How ironic that I have now placed my parents in the same bubble as my children. For them all, I just wish I could shield them from all of the badness, sickness, and hatefulness that exists in this world.

That Awkward Age

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 07:38:00 +0000

Until a few years ago, I had no idea that there was a label for the awkward pre-teen age group of 9 - 12 year olds. Now that I can put a name to the three or four years children experience before puberty, I can proudly say that I have successfully raised three daughters through the tween stage. Before you clap me on the back, also know that as the mother of six, I currently have another daughter just starting the tween years, and will have two more children starting that phase in a couple of years. What was I thinking?

The tween years begins at the age of nine. Children of this age start to develop into their own person with their own thoughts, their own ideas, their own opinions, and their own moral concepts. They still look to their parents for support and guidance, but they also start to feel that they are more knowledgeable than they are. Sassiness is a common trait shared by the majority of tweens. This is not always because they are deliberately trying to upset their elders, but sometimes it is because they are subconsciously testing boundaries. One word of advice here, nip it in the bud. Don’t laugh and think it is cute when your kid rebuttals your instructions for doing so is setting yourself up for a long, hard next three years. Be firm with your decisions and by all means, Mean What You Say. Now is not the time for bending, giving in, or feelings of nostalgia. Although they may appear otherwise, these young people are in desperate need of a good foundation and some tough love.

If you are like me, you will be amazed at how mature your daughter looks at this age. My nine year old has the grace of a swan, the intellect of a scholar, and the body of a 15 year old. I have just begun more in depth conversations regarding boys and some of the questions she asks are startling. I hide my surprise because I do not want her to ever feel like she cannot come and talk to me. This is the one area where being your child’s friend as well as their parent will gain your much more sleep at night and much less heartache. Be honest with them and always open your door and your heart to whatever they wish to discuss.

I hear many people speak on role models and the responsibility they have in setting a good example for our youth. While this is somewhat true, I do not believe that being considered a role model is an automatic privilege to entertainers. This is especially true when the entertainer does not want to be considered a role model. The best role model a tween can have is their own parents, family members, or persons the parents have placed in their lives. First and foremost, I am and always have been all of my daughter’s most prominent role model. I take pride in this fact and do not take the responsibility that goes along with this prestigious title lightly. I recognize that my every action and every spoken word is monitored closely and more than likely will be repeated sooner than later. For this reason, I keep my appearance up, always strive to do my best, exhibit kindness to others, and continuously try to improve upon my education and skillset. The tween years is most definitely NOT a time for a parent to have the attitude, “Do as I say, and not as I do”.

Handled correctly, both you and your 13 year old will survive the tween years with no scrapes, no bruises, and no jail time. Remember to keep an open mind, be patient, and to always have your door open to them and your relationship as the best mom or dad in the world will be sealed forever.

That Awkward Age

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 07:38:00 +0000

Plastic Surgery Debate (My opinion)

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 04:30:00 +0000

In the news recently, there has been much debate over the use of plastic surgery. This very popular means of transforming one’s body has been around for decades. As facelifts and breast implants increase in popularity, so does the news coverage of plastic surgery deaths. The most recent accidental death of rap superstar Kanye West’s mother is shedding even further light on this dangerous method of seeking perfection. Rumor mills contend that this was not her first time having plastic surgery, and that she was fully aware of the risks. Even more surprising is the fact that the surgeon who performed the fatal surgery on Mrs. West was endorsed on the Oprah Winfrey show. Most people would assume that because he appeared on the Oprah Winfrey show, there was no chance of anything going wrong. What most people do not realize is that having any type of plastic surgery is risky. The risks involved range from simple scarring that can eventually be corrected, to death. In spite of these risks, hundreds of people still go under the knife daily in an effort to become more beautiful. Vanity. We are all guilty of being vain in one way or the other. Each one of us has at least one thing about ourselves that we would have changed if we could. I, for example, would have a tummy tuck, liposuction, a breast lift, and a nose job…plus a little Botox if I could afford it. Despite the risks, the recent deaths, and despite what other people might say, I would absolutely have plastic surgery (in numerous places) if I had the money. Some may say this is the lazy way out or that people should just grow old gracefully. I agree with that statement, however I strongly feel that it is an individual choice and nobody’s business. If it makes a person feel better about themselves, gives them self-confidence, and helps them to achieve happiness, noone has the right to stand in judgment of them.

Shopping Mall Warning for Ladies

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 20:27:00 +0000

There is a dangerous scam happening in the malls this Christmas season, and wanted all of you to be aware and careful....

The way the scam works is, a man slips into the women's rest-room and sneaks into a stall. He waits until there is only one woman in the rest-room in a neighboring stall. Th e criminal then stands on the toilet and points a hand gun into the next stall, demanding the woman's valuables. After getting her cash and jewelry, he deman ds tha t she remove all of her clothing and kick them out of the stall. The thief tosses the clothing into a shopping bag, hangs an out of order sign on the rest-room door, and slips back into the mall. The out of order sign ensures no one will soon come to the woman's rescue. It usually takes an hour or two for the woman to work up the nerve to leave the rest-room in the nude, giving the criminal ample time to make his get away. The woman is left naked and humiliated in a mall full of strangers. The best defense, says police, is to never go into a shopping mall rest-room alone, as only women who are by themselves are targeted. PLEASE FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!! This has so far been a nearly perfect crime, as none of the perpetrators have been caught.

Don't let this happen to you.
please tell your friends.

Top Ten Biggest Parenting Mistakes

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 02:39:00 +0000

Top 10 Biggest Parenting Mistakes

As the mom to three small children and three adult children, I think I pretty much have this topic covered. If there are any mistakes to be made with parenting children properly, I have probably made at least 95% of them. Not intentionally of course, but I would be lying if I said I never made the same mistake twice. Truth is, I have more than likely made the same mistakes or same type of mistakes at least three or more times…per child. By my calculations, that is at least 19,752 mistakes. Of course, there are some mistakes that I consider minor, and some mistakes I consider major—or as my six year old would say, “Gigantious”. But in my opinion, there are some of the biggest parenting mistakes I have made over the years:

1. When changing a baby boy’s diaper, never lay him on your bed unless you are ready to wash some sheets. I can’t tell you how many times I have made that mistake and spent hours laundering clothing and sheets.

2. Don’t allow children under 10 to have their own phone in their room unless you want the police at your do or every week…especially when you live right next door to the police station. One week the police were at my door literally every other day until finally they told me to get my kids to stop with the 911 calls or I would be fined. After that threat I unplugged the phone in my kid’s room and hid it.

3. Don’t allow your child who is allergic to peanut butter eat any cookies that you don’t bake yourself or are absolutely positive has no type of nuts in it. On our way home from a summer vacation, we stopped at a hotel to use the restrooms. The hotel had little, delicious looking cookies on a plate near the front desk. The hotel clerks invited my children to eat and take one cookie a piece with them. They told us that they were just oatmeal raisin cookies. We got about 30 miles down the highway when I looked at my six year old in the mirror. Her face was swollen with her eyes almost completely shut. Seconds after I noticed that, she began to throw up violently in the backseat. We pulled over to the next gas station and cleaned her and the car up. Upon looking at the half-eaten cookie in the seat, I realized that those delicious oatmeal raisin cookies also contained a secret ingredient nobody told us about…walnuts! I spent the next hour at a gas station cleaning out the backseat and trying to locate clean clothes in the suitcases.

4. Do not try to live your life through your child. There is nothing sadder than a mom trying to force her stage frightened daughter to perform a sing and dance routine for the Little Miss Pageant. There is nothing wrong with having your child try out a variety of different activities to see which one they are good at or gravitate towards, but that is not the same thing as forcing them to take ballet, play soccer, enter into beauty pageants, etc. just because you wish you could have when you were growing up.

5. Do not try to pick their friends for them. It is a law of nature that the minute you say you do not like this friend or that boy or that girl, they will become their best friend. I don’t know why, but the people we do NOT like seem to be a big green flag to them to Love them.
6. Do not compare your children…at least not in front of them. Nothing can damage a child’s self-esteem more than to hear you compare their brains, looks, sports abilities, etc. to their sibling. Each child is different. Each child is a separate individual with their own personality, their own dislikes and likes, and their own strengths and weaknesses. Help them to bring out their strengths instead of focusing on their weaknesses.

7. Your son or daughter is NOT your friend. They are not on your same level, so stop trying to be their friend. They don’t need another friend, they need a parent to guide them and help mold them. How can they take you seriously as their parent if you are crying on their shoulder and giving in to them all the time? Be a parent, not a friend.

8. Trust is one thing, stupidity is another. Why would you allow your 13 year old to spend the night with her best friend who also just happens to be the sister of this guy she has a major crush on. Use your head, what would you do if you were her and given that opportunity?

9. Stick to your guns. Do not make rules only to break them or allow them to be broken. Kids need boundaries. They need rules and structure. They are not going to follow your rules if you keep allowing them to wiggle their way out of the punishment. They are smarter than you think and they know a sap when they see one.

10. This is the biggest one----Have fun with your kids. Don’t take everything so seriously. Yes, you have to set rules, yes you have to be the bad guy sometimes, but that does not mean you can’t have fun with them. You need to find the right balance. They need to be able to open up to you and not be afraid. Insist they respect you, but make sure they are not afraid of you!

bizybee06

The High School Musical Phase

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 28 Oct 2007 07:35:00 +0000

My six and eight year olds are addicted High School Musical. Everytime it comes on television they are glued right there to watch it. They know every song by hard and can be seen on any given day practicing the dance moves from either the first or second movie. Don't get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with them watching High School Musical, I just don't understand why pre-teens and young girls in general go crazy over it. To me, and maybe because I am older and just don't understand kids today, but a great deal of it is boring and corny to me. No offense to the writers and stars of the show, it's making good money so carry on! I just don't understand the craze. On the other hand, I would much rather they be addicted to HSM than to some of these other programs on t.v.

That leads me to another subject, how much television is too much television for kids and do you carefully monitor what they watch? My kids are limited to no more than two hours of television during the week..no exceptions. When they are watching television, it is only the Disney channel or Nickoledeon. We started this practice a couple of years ago and actually still have the locks on all the other channels but find that we really don't need them anymore. They are perfectly content watching Disney and Nick. Under no circumstances are they allowed to watch videos...most are just too raunchy. Unfortunately for me, that means I can't watch them either...bummer!

I am going to be a Grandma!

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 03:05:00 +0000

Yes, that's right, me! With a 2, 6, and 8 year old at home, I found out recently that my 22 year old daughter is pregnant and due in April. Now I must tell you that at first I was just numb. I did not know what to feel about this. You see, I still see her as that little tiny baby I brought home from the hospital 22 years ago. In my eyes she never grew up. What's worse is that she is 600 miles away, I can't even give her a hug right now and tell her how proud I am of her for the type of woman she has turned out to be. I want to tell her to keep her head up and always look forward, don't look back. But I don't want to tell her on the phone, I want to tell her in person...isn't that a little silly? Anyway, I am excited about the birth of my first grandchild. I know that I am going to spoil it rotten and have already asked her to let me keep it for a month or so...of course she said, "No". My last resort is to try and talk her and her husband into moving up here. So far, no go, but this future grandma isn't done yet!

Long Absence. I Love Being a Mom

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 02:52:00 +0000

With school back in session and the many extracurricular activities my kids have been into, I apologize for not having the time to write sooner. But I'm sure most of you understand how it is, things can get really hectic really quick and everything you "planned" on doing just goes right out the window. As moms, we often put our needs and desires last to focus on our children and spouses first. I used to think that it was wrong to do that, that I should attempt to take at least an hour a day and just focus on me, nobody but me. That's what some of the top motivational gurus were saying.."Stop neglecting yourself. Take care of you. Put you first". Well, that just doesn't cut it for me. I put everybody else first (family I mean) and IF there is time at the end of my 18 hour day as mom, chauffeur, carpooler, wife, chef, housekeeper, etc..I try to catch at least 15 minutes of Nancy Grace. I love that show!

Before some of you start snickering and shaking your heads at me for putting everybody else first, let me explain why I do it. Very simply, I love being a mom. I really, truly, relish being a mom. I don't know if this is because I am a little more mature than probably the majority of you, I'm not ashamed to say, I am 40 years old with a 2 year old, 6 year old, and 8 year old, or if I have just come to the realization that this is the best possible job for someone as loving as me. Don't get me wrong, I ain't saying it is a bed of roses, there are times when I just want to go to my room and shut the whole world out, but there are absolutely more good moments than bad. I would not trade it for anything in the world. My goal is to be the best mom in the whole wide world! This includes sacraficing for my children. There is nothing I wouldn't do for them.

That said, I will try really hard to post more often here because I love blogging too. It is actually very calming and very therapeutic. Yes, I believe that is the one "something for me" other than reading the Bible, I will attempt to do every single day. :)

First Day of School Jitters

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 05:11:00 +0000

Today was the first day of school here. Because we were redistricted a few months ago, this was my little girls' first day at their new school. I spent the entire summer worrying about how they were going to do, how were they going to make new friends, would the people at the new school like them, etc. As they walked down the halls to their new classes, my stomach curled up in knots. I felt like I was the new girl in school! Turns out I did all of this worrying for nothing! My girls LOVED their new school, their new teachers, the new cafeteria, and even the new playground! My eight year old even commented on how the playground was "like a jungle".

I don't know why so many of us worry about our kids and their first day of school. We work ourselves into a frenzy and grow a few more grey hairs thinking it will be hard on them when nothing could be further from the truth. If your kids are anything like mine they make friends very easily and they know NO strangers. They don't have the same "clique" and "status" hangups that some adults and teen agers have. For this I am sooooooo grateful. That type of worry will come soon enough for them (unfortunately). For now I am just counting my blessings that I was the only one with tears in their eyes today. :)

How was your children's first day of school?

Laughing Children

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 19:03:00 +0000

There is nothing more precious to me than the sound of my children laughing together. Each time I hear it, it brings a wide smile to my lips. They truly enjoy playing with each other. The two girls (6 & 8) are finally at a point to where they don't need to depend on me or their father to keep them busy. It is very rare for me to hear my eight year old say, "I'm bored" anymore. She has her sister and her two year old little brother to occupy her time...but freely and at her own will.

I am not the kind of parent who forces their children to "not run in the house", or "stop playing in the tub"...I like to hear them have fun and as long as they are in no danger of hurting themselves or anyone else I let them carry on. I hope that one day when they are older they remember that and will think fondly of the mother who allowed them so much freedom.

Don't get me wrong, they fight and argue just like other children do...but they always make up on their own and they never stay mad for more than fifteen or twenty minutes with each other. Do they forget about what they were mad about or do they actually forgive the other person and shrug it off ? I'm not sure which...but I sure am glad they do. They don't hold grudges like grown ups do...and that is one thing that we can all take a lesson from them on.

Yes, I like to hear my children laughing, playing, and having a good time. These are the best years of their life and I want them to remember these years fondly.

Taking The Plunge in Freelance Writing

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 22 Jul 2007 18:54:00 +0000

Let me warn you, this article is not about my children. I know, I know, your only reason for visiting this blog is to find out what mischief my kids have gotten into lately. But just this once, I am going to tell you all about a decision I have made. A very important decision that I want to share with you. I have decided to fully pursue my freelance writing career. I don't just mean writing in a blog or turning in a few articles throughout the year. I am really and truly going to give this whole freelance writing thing 100% of a chance. Now, I am still enrolled in college in pursuit of my Psychology degree, however until I graduate (which at the rate I'm going and because I am already 40 will take forever) I am going to devote the bulk of my time to writing for dollars.

Going to church and reading my Bible helped me to arrive at this decision. So did my crying for over an hour on Friday because I was embarassed and called out on a team call in front of my manager...I decided that you can't depend on Corporate America. Sure, it pays the bills, but does it really make you happy? Writing makes me happy. Helping people makes me happy. And hopefully, at the end of the year when I am making (hopefully) $2,000 per month at this, that will REALLY make me happy! In ten years when I am not only writing, but I also have my own Psychology practice, turn the key to the office that says, "Dr. Antoinette Braswell", and enter my plush office with a window--I will truly, truly, be happy!

Travelling With Children

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 04:43:00 +0000

With summer here, most of us are busy entertaining our children and planning family trips. My husband and I take our three children on a family trip, even if it is just a day trip, almost every weekend in the summer. Because we live in Virginia, we have the beaches, the mountains, and D.C. at our beck and call. Travelling with three little ones does have its challenges though. I came across this article and found it to be quite helpful....so I am sharing it with you..

Traveling With Children
Submitted by lgoldstein

I recently came back from spending nine days on vacation with my children. I often think of myself as an involved mother, who spends plenty of time with my girls, talking, driving and keeping up with their events. During our vacation together I came to the sad realization that most of the time that I spend with my children is just that … driving, scheduling, prompting, directing, giving orders and organizing. We have breakfast and dinners on most days as a family, try to do things together on the weekends and I attend all their special events. Sounds good but it is not enough. I just spent the best nine days with my girls having fun; talking, playing, discovering, chilling and relaxing. There were no expectations or school pressures; no schedules to complete or deadlines. I reconnected to them on a different level; like the song says “talk about life for a while.”

Spring break is over and the summer is just ahead. For most families, vacations can either be a wonderful, relaxing experience or the most stressful time of the year. In order to make traveling with children as enjoyable as possible, there are things that you need to consider ahead of time. Never underestimate the power of preparation.

The one thing most parents take for granted is being in the “right frame of mind”. If you travel with children, most likely this will be a family oriented activity, not a time for grown-ups. If you leave with the expectation that you will relax, wake up late, be able to do grown-up stuff, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. Go with the frame of mind of having children centered activities combined with a little of grown up down time. If you are in a need of your vacation time, you need to go on your own and arrange babysitting.

Another important thing to consider is the ages of the children; plan according to their age group and their interest. Find out what they like, what is available in the area, flexibility of schedules and activities. When child activities are limited, inviting a friend over for the vacation can be a treat. A child with a friend is able to entertain himself more and be less demanding of parents’ attention therefore leaving time for the parents to relax. I hope you have a great summer.

About the Author

Mind Spectrum Institute located in North Miami Beach, Florida specializes in the treatment of anxiety, depression, and ADD/ADHD in children and adults. It is a multidisciplinary treatment center that uses therapeutic interventions, included but not limited to psychotherapy, family and couples therapy, individual and play therapy, neurofeedback, biofeedback, psychiatric evaluation, and psychological and educational testing for accurate diagnosis. For more information about Mind Spectrum Institute, please call 305-936-8960 or visit Mind Spectrum Institute

Source: ArticleTrader.com

Stop Scratching Me!

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 19:19:00 +0000

My two year old little boy has a very bad habit of scratching me whenever he gets upset. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't know how to dig his nails deep down into your skin, but he does and it hurts! He also does this to his older sisters, but never to anyone else...just me and his sisters. I am ashamed to say that my legs and arms look like a battlefield due to his scratches. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but tell that to my poor arms and the back of my legs! If anybody out there has or has had a similar problem, please tell me how you resolved it! Please!

Discipline Please

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 03:43:00 +0000

Let me start by saying I am a firm believer in disciplining children when they act inappropriately. I don't, however, believe in spanking or hitting children. I'm not saying that no parent should spank their children, I guess that would depend on the individual child and their parent, however I am saying that I personally do not practice that form of discipline. The reason for me is very simple...I don't believe it works. Not only do I not believe it works, I also believe it does more harm than good.

What are we really teaching our children when we spank them ? In some people's minds, we are teaching them that negative actions have negative consequences. Others believe in the old saying, "Spare the rod and spoil the child." And what about those parents who say, "I was beat, spanked, or whooped as a child and I turned out fine." In all actuality I was "whooped" as a child when I got out of line, but that's what parents did thirty and forty years ago. They did not have access to in depth studies and educational seminars on the best method to punish children. They did what they knew to do and I cannot and do not fault them for that. However, times change. People change. Children definitely change. What worked then no longer works for most children today. In fact, children's minds are so much more developed than ours were at their age that they perceive this type of discipline differently than we did. We took it as a way of life...what happens when you get out of line. They see it as a bigger person hitting on a small person, an out of control mom and dad, or intimidation to get them to act the way you want them to.

Personally speaking, I do not want my children to grow up and remember me as a mom who intimidated them into doing the right thing. I don't want them to be afraid of me, I just want them to respect me enough to obey my rules. I don't want them to ever be afraid of opening up to me or talking to me about what's on their minds. Keeping an open line of communication is very important in maintaining a positive relationship with your children. How could I expect them to want to open up or share their thoughts when they have the fear of angering me into another spanking ?

By no means am I saying I have the secret weapon or mysterious answer to one of life's oldest questions, "What's the best way to discipline children"...however there has got to be a better way ! Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to let them run all over you and disrespect you. By no means am I saying that you don't have the right to raise your kids the way you want to either. I agree that ALL children need some type of discipline. But what type of discipline works best ? to tell you the truth, I have tried spanking before, taking away priviledges, no dessert, and even time outs. The one method that I found to work relatively well is "1-2-3 Magic". My husband and I attended a workshop on this method and were skeptical at first but found it to truly work. The key is, you have to be consistent...but that's with anything you do. The basic concept behind the "1-2-3 Magic" process, is to identify when your child is exhibiting inappropriate behavior and give them 3 chances to rectify it. After the third inappropriate behavior, you send them to time or to their room for a specific length of time. The time averages out to be about one minute for each year of age the child is. For example, a two year old would sit in time out for two minutes, and a 12 year old would stay in their room for twelve minutes. No telephone, talking, watching television, listening to IPOD, playing games, etc. are allowed during this time out period. Once the time has elapsed, you allow the child to come out of time out and proceed with some activity. You don't (and this was really hard for me) mention or lecture them about what they did. You let it go and move on to something else.

In all honesty, when we tried this method it worked well. So well, that I forgot all about it until today. I took the children to have their eyes checked this morning, and the baby boy to the pediatrician this afternoon. In both offices, I could have crawled under the table and hid because my children behaved so badly. I was so mad at them for that, but I should have been mad at myself. I was the one who got laxed on following through with the new discipline process, so I should be the one sitting in time out right now. Dusting the dust off of the brochures and paperwork regarding "1-2-3 Magic", I read and read and read until I couldn't read anymore. Determined to turn my children into perfect little angels, I begin my journey again on creating well behaved children.

Note: The opinions in this blog are solely those of the author. Please do not write me stating the reasons why you spank your children because as I said above, I am not trying to tell anyone how to raise thir children. If anyone has any tips or articles on how to train your children into behaving right, please let me know. I look forward to hearing your remarks.

Toni

by bizybee06

Potty Training

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 05:24:00 +0000

As you know, I have been working on potty training my two year old son. Well I am happy to report that all is going very well on the homefront. He isn't completely trained yet, however he does use the bathroom when you take him to it and will even sometimes tell you "Potty" when he needs to go. However, he also says "Potty" after he has already had an accident in his pull up too. I just wish I knew in advance that he would use the big boy potty and not even sit on the portable potty before I bought it. That was $35 down the drain. Oh well, you can't win them all.

When People Just Pop Over

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Wed, 23 May 2007 02:48:00 +0000

I love to have company. I don't have many friends as we relocated here from Atlanta a few years ago, but I do desire to have lots of friends. Growing up as a child, my family moved around a lot because my father was pursuiing an acting career. Because of that, I was always the new kid in class and so never really learned how to make and keep friends. It's not that I didn't want any friends, but I just got to the point where it broke my heart to make a new best friend and then have to leave them a year or so later that I just gave up trying. The smart girl and new girl is usually not the most popular girl. I also had (and still have) large eyes so the kids always teased me about my eyes. I say that to say, now I truly do appreciate friendships and enjoy meeting people. What throws me off is when people just pop over out of the blue.

It really wouldn't matter to me except that for some reason, my house is ALWAYS a total disaster area when people just pop over. I spend the entire 15 or 20 minutes they are there apologizing for the mess. Then I stay up half the night worrying over whether or not they will consider me a slob or dirt bag for having such a dirty house. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't look like a pig stye, and my home is usually clean, but I do have three small children....well, four if you count my husband. I get absolutely NO help with the housework and juggle a full time career (even though it is work from home) with running a V.A business (which is sort of on hold right now), with all of the cooking, cleaning, kids extracurricular activities, etc. There just is not enough hours in the day to do it all, so unfortunately something each day must get pushed to the back.

Yes, I plan on hiring a housekeeper to help out at least twice a month, but they are so darn expensive! I am a penny pincher so everytime I think about the hundred plus dollars I would have to pay them twice a month or so makes me gag. Of course, the alternative is to continue to dig myself into a grave by trying to continue doing it all. NOT ! In a perfect world, I see myself not cringing everytime the doorbell rings and glancing around to see what I can through out of sight. In a perfect world my house would smell like Pine Sol and fresh flowers every single day. In a perfect world my kids would pick up after themselves and not throw their book bags and shoes and sweaters/jackets wherever they take them off at. Yes, I have taught them better but it is a never ending battle. I fuss and complain but to no avail. Calgon take me awayyyyy!!!

Girl Scout Camping Trip versus Ballet Recital

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sat, 19 May 2007 03:19:00 +0000

There is a big controversy going on in my home. Tomorrow is my eight year old's camping trip with her Girl Scout troop. Unfortunately it is also her mandatory dress rehearsal for her dance recital. Did I say, Mandatory!! Needless to say, even after months of practice and hard work, Taylie wants to go on the camping trip. I've explained the importance of not letting people down who depend on you, responsibility, etc. etc. etc...she is not budging. She wants to ditch the dance recital and go on the trip.

My husband and I both hate to burst her bubble. She is an honor student, all E's...a great kid and a very good dancer. But...as parents, we have to make the right decision for her as it seems that she just is not old enough to decide at this point which decision is best for her. I explain to her that we can take her to the Great Wolf Lodge next month as a family, but that there will only be one dance recital for her as a Ballet I performer. She sheds her tears, pouts, and complains. But in the end, I think she understands. She is getting an early lesson on life, its disappointments, its challenges, and some of the hard decisions that we sometimes have to make.

Potty Training

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Fri, 18 May 2007 03:34:00 +0000

As I prepare to potty train my two year old son, I scoured the internet for some much needed advice. Here is one of the better articles I ran across for some advice and tips...

Toilet Training Tips

Are you ready to toilet train your child? Before you start, make sure that everything is relatively calm in you’re his or her life. If you're moving, having another baby or starting your child in a new school, put off the process until things have stabilized. (I can attest to this. My four year old daughter at the time reverted from potty trained to back into diapers when I became pregnant with my son.) If you add potty training to a list of upheavals in your child's life, the experience may be forever linked in your child's mind with a sense of being out of control and unsure rather than with confident, happy feelings. As a parent, your number one job in toilet training is to avoid feeling pressured to train your child ASAP. Even if you have time limitations or caregiver considerations, resist the pressure. Your anxiety about toilet training can create anxiety in your child. Toilet training is not a competition. Your role is to encourage your child by fostering independence, and to allow your child to master each step at a reasonable pace. You must be prepared to devote some of your own time and emotional energy to providing direction, motivation and reinforcement on a daily basis. If the preschool you've been checking out won't take children until they're toilet trained, for instance, then you may just have to find another preschool. It's that important to let your child go a pace that's comfortable.

Additional tips to keep in mind:

Take care of your child's skin. The tender bottom area is just as likely to get a rash due to wetness or exposure to stool now as it did when your child was an infant. Keep your toddler dry by changing regularly.
Don't leave your child in soiled clothing as a toilet training method. Letting your child sit in wet or soiled underwear, training pants or diapers will only make the skin on the bottom sore and tender to passing urine, increasing the chance that your child will resist going. Help your toddler change pants quickly.
Make sure to coordinate your toilet training plans with whomever is with your child during the day. It's important that your toddler receives the same message whether or not you're there.
Feed your child high-fiber foods and lots of water, which will contribute to keeping your child's stool soft—making bowel movements easier to pass.
Expect accidents. All parents have to cope with an occasional mess; try not to display any anger or impatience when your child has an accident.
Consider your child's temperament and style of behavior. Your toddler's pace and general level of activity will dictate the potty progression.
Think about your child's moods—at what time of day is your little one most approachable and cooperative? That's the time to introduce toilet training. If your toddler is generally shy and a bit withdrawn, successful toilet training may take more encouragement and support than if your toddler is outgoing.
Work with your child's attention span—plan for distractions that will keep your child comfortable on the potty, such as a book, song, or puppet show.
Don't forget to take your child's frustration level into account. Reassure your toddler that accomplishment will occur in your child's own time. Your patience and encouragement will help this process along immeasurably. Expressing your support and love in what can be a tough time is key.
If you’re training a boy, have him initially sit down to urinate. If he starts out standing up, he may not understand why he has to sit down again to have a bowel movement. In time, he’ll learn to urinate standing up by watching dad.

Car Crash

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sun, 13 May 2007 14:50:00 +0000

As I pulled out into the intersection to make a left at the light, I vaguely heard my husband make an unrecognizable noise. I quickly glanced to my right and I saw it -- a silver Lexus coming right at us. It all seemed to happen as if in slow motion, so I guess it is true what people say about your life flashing before your hands right before you die. The Lexus appeared to have come out of nowhere. I know I waited and looked both ways before I pulled out into the intersection because I am fully aware that the majority of Virginia drivers do not stop at yellow lights---for some reason they almost always try to speed through them. Being from Atlanta, this was utterly ridiculous to me as in my 23 years of driving, I have always slowed down at the yellow light. Maybe that is the reason why I have never been in an accident before--until now.

I slammed on my brakes even though I knew it was too late...we were going to get hit, and hit hard. Strangely enough, the Lexus did not even brake. I don't know if he wasn't looking, was distracted, talking on his cellphone, or what...but even later in the hospital the police confirmed that there were NO SKID MARKS--"He did not put on his brakes at all", said the police officer. Then as I gripped the steering wheel bracing for the crash, the loud sound of metal to metal shattered this late Saturday morning. Afterwards I froze. I was shocked at what just had happened. I saw my husband's lips moving, saw two or three cars pull over to the side and people get out of their cars, saw the driver of the Lexus get out and approach my husband in the middle of the street, heard my girls in the backseat saying something, but it was all a blur to me. I can not tell you what any of those people were saying because I was numb and shaking.

The sound of my little girls crying in the backseat snapped me out of it. I tried to turn around and tell them everything would be alright, but my neck would not let me move. I was hit with a sharp, throbbing pain in my neck and a splitting migraine. I quietly told my kids that I was okay and that everything was alright. In a haze of lights, confusion, and noises, I was fitted with a neck brace and strapped onto a stretcher then placed into the back of an ambulance where my three children were waiting. The girls immediately began crying when they saw mommy strapped down to the stretcher. The paramedic and I both assured the girls all was okay and they hesitantly stopped the sniffling. I felt awful that they had to see me that way and although I was in pain, refused to let it show on my face. The paramedics indicated that the kids would not be allowed to ride with us to the hospital so the girls were escorted off the ambulance to join me later at the hospital.

After x-rays the police officer at the scene of the accident came into my hospital room to take an official statement in our handwriting. He indicated that the driver of the other car "Didn't really admit running the red light." He said that the driver said that he did not know what had happened which the officer replied to me that he can sort of understand why he would be denying it.....as he put it, "With two little girls in the car, he doesn't want to openly admit that he was in the wrong in running the red light." But he also said that the other driver was "visibly shaken" and asked how I was doing. I already knew that the two little girls in the other car had seatbelt burns from the accident and were okay because I asked about them in the ambulance ride to the hospital. The paramedic had told me they were sipping sprites in the firetruck.

I don't know how much damage was actually done to the Expedition, I know it was destroyed in the front, but I don't know if they can fix it or not. Regardless of all of that, I am very thankful that my family is alive and well. I was the only person in the accident seriously injured, and luckily it is whiplash. I was told by the ER doctors that I can expect to be in pain for some days and was given a prescription of percercot and advised to take a double dose of alleve twice a day. I will take whatever pain comes my way as long as my children are spared !

Kindergarten Field Trip Adventure

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Sat, 12 May 2007 02:57:00 +0000

I titled this post, "Adventure", because what was supposed to be an average, boring, run of the mill field trip with a bunch of kindergarteners turned out to be much more. It all started innocent enough, I arrived at the school, signed in at the office, and proceeded to my daughter's classroom. The class was actually standing out in the hall, so she screamed "Mommy" long before I saw her. I knew it was her, all moms know their kids voices, cries, and shrills.

The bus ride to the petting zoo was noisy. It didn't really bother me because I was probably just as excited as the kids were to be going on this field trip. I needed this serenity, the break from work, the bonding time with my daughter. My only responsibility on this trip was to keep up with three little six year olds, "Megan" (my daughter), her friend "Katie", and her other friend "Felecity". A piece of cake! I had my schedule which was simple enough, one hour to explore, meet at Nature Center at eleven, lunch 30 minutes later, followed by another hour of exploring. Boy, oh boy, four hours of fun, fun, fun lay ahead of us!

Because I had never been to this petting zoo, my plan was to stick close to some of the other chaperrones from the classroom and follow them around. I'm a genius! We saw some animals, did some walking, and after climbing a very steep hill were at the goat area. All of the kids were petting the goats. They had a machine full of seeds next to the goats for you to purchase and feed the goats. Of course, after seeing their other classmates feeding the goats I had to dig in my purse for two quarters. The line was long, tempers were longer, but the girls were finally able to feed the goats. Once done, I turned around from the gate to seek out one of the other five chaperrones from Megan's class. Oh no, none of them were to be found! There were soooo many kids, and teachers, and parents from other schools that I was getting sick from looking through the crowds. Slightly panicked, I began to walk back down the hill in search of a parent...Any parent from the same school now. Nothing.

We came across a fork in the trail. I couldn't decide which way to go. Katie said to go left, that that was the way to go. I looked down that trail and didn't see any people on it. But on the right trail I could make out some people...so I chose right. Needless to say I chose wrong. Katie was right, but I didn't realize it until an hour later..after we passed the bears, the big fish, the railroad track, etc. By the way, as we were approaching the railroad track Megan said very loudly, "We didn't pass any railroad tracks before. Mommy, this is the wrong way!" By this time I knew we were going in the wrong direction, but refused to eat crow. I figured that we would keep walking and hopefully it would be in a circle and we would end up at the Nature Center. Meanwhile Felecity and Katie were whining "I'm Hot", "I'm Hungry", "I'm Tired"....while Megan lagged behind constantly. I found myself saying every ten seconds, "Morgan walk faster", or "I know you're tired, we're almost there", or "It's not time to eat yet." I stopped several people along the way and asked for directions, but noone knew how to get there. Apparently most people come there to just walk around but never really visited the Nature Center.

At 11:15 I decided to concede and admit we were going in the wrong direction. We had already missed the Nature Center drop off tour, and I was hot, tired, and hungry too. We turned around and backtracked. After 250 complaints from the three girls, we finally came back to the fork in the trail...this time I listened to Katie. Within 10 minutes we were walking through the doors of the Nature Center. Duh!! I guess that's what I get for thinking I was smarter than a six year old!

Toddler DayCare Woos

noreply@blogger.com (bizybee06) — Wed, 09 May 2007 19:36:00 +0000

"M---o---m---m---y!!!!! N---o---o---!! M---o---m---m---y---!"

My two year old is screaming at the top of his lungs for me not to leave him. My heart is sinking and I am near tears because in all actuality, I don't want to leave him here. I feel like picking him up and running back to the Expedition and taking him back home with me. But if I do that, I would not be able to get ANY work done. Plus, he does need the companionship of kids his age. He needs to learn things like socialization and his numbers and alphabets in a structured environment. Goddard is the perfect place for that.

He has been going to Goddard now for seven months. You would think that by now he would be used to the routine and there would be no crying....NOT! For some reason I am tormented day after day with the shrilling screams he lets out as I turn and walk towards the door to exit the toddler room. Some days are so bad that I sit in my Expedition in the parking lot and cry. Some days I even tip toe back into the school and peep in the room to make sure he is alright. What's wrong with me??!! Am I crazy!!? Or am I just a wimp like my husband says I am?

If anybody out there has any tips on how to ease my torment, please let me know. I don't know how much more of this I can take!