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Sweetney
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Infused with brainy wit and outspoken irreverence, Sweetney chronicles the life of Tracey Gaughran-Perez, an overeducated thirtysomething stay-at-home mom from Baltimore, MD.
Recent Posts Tagged With 'motherhood'
The gist
I woke up this morning to some sort of foul stomach bug. Or it may be an ulcer. I mean, if anyone is going to get an ulcer SURELY that person would be me, what with all my fussing and fretting and thr...
Something wicked
So as you may have surmised -- particularly if you're a follower of mine on twitter, where I had something resembling a very abbreviated (in 140 characters or less!) nervous breakdown last week -- we ...
This head explosion brought to you by the Y of Central Maryland
My daughter came home from her day camp at the Y today and told me that another kid had punched her in the stomach. TWICE. Voice of Satan: And so it begins. SIGH. Really, what am I supposed to do with...
My daughter the homegirl
M is attending a Baltimore City YMCA camp this summer. It's a standard day camp, with lots of your typical arts & crafts, outdoor play, and time spent flapping around wildly in the facility's pool. Af...
Mixed Assorted Nuts*
Dear Five Years Old, Please stop talking. Just for five minutes. I beg of you. PLEASE. Love, Mommy PS: Just in case you weren't aware: those two fleshy things dangling on either side of you head? Thos...
Justify My Love: Math Edition
Mom? Yeah? I love you! I love you too, honey. I love you more than you love me. What?! No, I sincerely doubt that. Well how much do you love me? A whole lot. No, give me a number! A number? You want m...
I'll be right here
In 1982 I was twelve years old. And I was completely obsessed with the movie E.T. Obsessed, as in see it eleven times in the theater and collect mountains of useless trading cards based on the film. I...
Mommy's little goofball
She's definitely a little comedian. This is the best shot I could get of her yesterday morning -- the least ridiculously hamming funny face of the lot. Hard to believe, huh? She also enjoys randomly d...
Losing weight and motherhood: u r doing it wrong
This morning I am a failure at everything. First, I wake up and weigh myself (a feat which, in and of itself, was emotionally equivalent to completing the Bataan Death March-like trudge to a gynecolog...
The springtime of our discontent
Today our whole family is sick to one degree or other, which means the household air is soaked with the grating sound of incessant complaining and whining, a low background hum of diseased discontent....
Landmark
I haven't mentioned something kind of important relative to the whole Weight Loss Challenge matter, something I suppose I probably should. Sometimes it seems a bit imprudent to tell the internet all y...
Manners are magic!
Her, rushing breathlessly into the room for no apparent reason whatsoever: Stand up! Me: Uhh why? Her: Just stand up! Me: M, you know that's not how we ask for things. What's the magic word? Her: [Thi...
Scientific Reason: FAIL!
I don't like bees. What? No no no, bees are good! They pollinate all the fruits and vegetables and grains we grow that get made into the food we eat. Without bees we'd be in big trouble! Bees scare me...
Emotional commerce
What is it with men and money? To be more specific, is there something imprinted on their DNA that loosely translates to: Money is the salve for all ills, and the favored medium of communication with ...
Mom Pimps R Us
I have some things to say. And I beg your pardon if my words gush out ungracefully and artlessly, because all of this has provoked some strong emotions for me, and stirred up what I see as a long-fest...
My girl who wears glasses
Oh OF COURSE they're pink. Was there ever any doubt that they would be pink? (She selected them -- I won't be held responsible.) After picking these up yesterday afternoon, M spent the entire ride hom...
Spring (spirit) Break(ing)
This week is M's Spring Break from preschool, which means she's here at home with me -- bound tightly to my right leg like an enormous, fleshy barnacle coated in Disney Princess patterned cloth -- eve...
School Of Real
Confronted with an unexpected, last-minute playdate cancellation yesterday, I decided it was time for me to bring out the big guns. Yes, that's right: I decided it was time to go rent "School Of Rock"...
Kid A
Her: Hey! Don't fast forward through commercials! I LIKE the commercials! Me: They're just trying to sell you stuff, M. Stuff we don't need. Her: HUSSSSSSH! HUSH, LITTLE BABY! Capitalism: 1, Parenting...
New Formula Preschooler: Now With More "NO!" And Extra Stompy
As much as I love my daughter, and lawd knows I do in great big gobs, I may soon need to move to a residence separate from the one she lives in. Just for a little while. Just until she becomes, you kn...
Stop the world, I want to go lie down for a bit
Hiya, hon. Just popping in to say that I'm not so much suffering from writer's block as I am from incessant, low-grade illness coupled with incessant, low-grade depression. I'm not sure which came fir...
True Internet Dork Mom Confessions, Pt. DEUX
(Part Un, because you're a completist.) sweetney: dude, m's getting into Hannah Montana. i'm going to die. kdiddy: hahahaha sweetney: so wrong sweetney: isn't that a pre-teen thing? kdiddy: i don't kn...
Preschooler reality is like a never-ending Mad Lib in which every blank space is filled with the word “BUTT”
(Last evening:) Me: “Make sure you get a good night's sleep, because we have to go vote tomorrow morning.” Her: “Vote for what?” Me: “Tomorrow we vote for who we want to run for President....
Playing flaming possum
Around noon today I received a call from M's preschool teacher, a bright and sunny, naturally blonde and almost impossibly buoyant woman, whose disposition resembles a cross between Doris Day and ever...
A slow winter's morning
She's home from school today. Freezing rain, the roads shining with sinister black ice. Stretched out on the floor with a crayon and paper halo encircling her, she carefully draws a carrot, then a str...
See, this is what happens when Jamie goes away for the weekend*
[waves] Hi! Welcome to my I'm Done With BS moment! Please make yourself comfortable. An aperitif, perhaps? Okay. So. There's a bit that comedian Louis CK does about his four-year-old daughter wherein ...