Recent Posts
Recent Posts Tagged With 'real life'
Spring Update
Egads! It's been just over two months since I've posted here at the Taunt Vortex. As I mentioned a couple of months ago, posting here daily was getting to be more of a chore than a pleasure. Hey, it wasn't you - it was me, I swear. But I also ...
Goodbye, Farewell and Amen
Yeah, I so stole the title to this post. Back when I was in high school, and M*A*S*H was probably the most popular show on television, some of my close friends would call be "Hawkeye". Now, I'd like to think that it was because they thought I was...
So Not Everyone In My Subdivision Is A Racist Dick - Part II
We return with the sequel to Part I, an in-depth analysis of thoughts and attitudes about race in my suburban subdivision, carefully cobbled together from sloppily edited and somewhat out-of-context postings on my neighborhood Yahoo message boar...
Not Everyone In My Subdivision Is A Racist Dick - Part I
Not everyone in my subdivision is a racist dick. Some are just dicks*. But there are racists dicks in the neighborhood, and I have as evidence the neighborhood yahoo message board. This is from a couple of weeks ago....few days ago I was steppi...
Good News, Bad News
How about the bad news first ? Well, it's not really bad news for me, or for you either for that matter - unless you're Haley. And then you shouldn't be reading this, you should be out looking for a job.Ooops. Bad news cat out of the bag there. If yo...
Vertigo
One...two...three...fourteen!After I got home from work yesterday evening, I experienced the sudden onset of Vertigo. Unlike the never-ending sense of impending doom, having vertigo isn't a normal thing for me. I promptly turned to the internet, b...
Uncle Glenn
I suppose it's true of most of us that there are people we interact with on a daily basis that we don't really feel close to. The opposite is often true too, that we often feel close or connected to those that we don't often see or talk to.At this...
Sunday Lunch
The lovely wife and I had lunch today with Moose and his new girlfriend, Tiffany. We went to Chuy's, one of the local Tex-Mex restaurants. Yeah, the same Chuy's where Jenna Bush was busted for underage drinking in what seems like eons ago. Act...
15 - Love
The lovely wife sometimes gets migraines. I have been fortunate enough to have never experienced a migraine headache. However, I do have an extreme weakness for Blue Bell ice cream, particularly the "Cookies & Cream" variety. I have been kno...
Cubicle Countdown
If you'll recall from this post, my lovely wife has a co-worker* who is currently a seventh-degree neurotic. I'm pretty sure she's going to qualify for the 2012 Neuroses Olympics. Look for her to medal, too. Her name is Haley. Well, actually her name...
Grab Bag - January 26
Moose called tonight and asked if we wanted to get together for lunch on Sunday. With Moose and Tiffany. Perhaps in public. "Sure!" we said, because we're trying real hard Ringo to be the good shepherd, and to not be judgmental. Ahem. The lov...
Parental Sighs
All 3 of our children are now over 18 years of age. If you do the math, that's a collective total of over 60 years of active child-raising. As a result of this vast experience, you would think that there's not much left that our children could do...
Wuthering Heights
When I was in the eighth grade I was enrolled in an accelerated English class. It's not entirely clear to me how that happened. I think it's because my seventh grade English teacher thought I needed a challenge. And by "challenge" I mean punishm...
State Karma Insurance Company (An Open Letter to Beverly)
Dear Beverly,Don't you just love that photo of Flo, from Progressive Insurance? I have my insurance with State Farm, but until they get a cute/quirky/borderline annoying spokesperson, I'm going with the photo of Flo.Bev, dear, you don't know me, bu...
Karma Visits the Post Office
I'm not a practitioner of the Hindu or Buddhist religions, although I did purchase my fair share of George Harrison solo albums as a teenager. Despite this fact (or perhaps because of it), I happen to think that there may be something to the conce...
Brick v. City of San Antonio
Brick is our 20 year old son. He's not an attorney, nor am I, though I often make a point to watch Boston Legal. So, in some third world countries (and Oklahoma), I'm probably qualified to practice law. If America has learned anything from dar...
Hatin' on the Postal Service (Strong Language, Again)
I had sort of made a New Year's resolution to be all zen, to take things as they come, to be more patient and not let things get to me this year. As you may have already noticed, my office accountant and my bank have so far made it extremely diffic...
Hatin' on my Bank (Warning: Strong Language)
I should have seen this one coming. That once-a-month paycheck I mentioned a couple of posts ago? I had a bad feeling about that from the beginning, which was borne out by the company accountant sending it to the wrong office. Even after I depo...
The Birth of Lobster Boy
Moose, our oldest child, got hurt at work last Friday. My lovely wife called me Friday morning with that panicky sound in her voice that's usually reserved for when there's a plumbing disaster or a global Ebola pandemic. "Have you heard from Moose? H...
Payday
When I entered the word "payday" into Google image search, that's the first image that came up. I sort of expected a photo of a Payday candy bar, but no, you get this guy in a blue shirt sticking a wad of cash into your face.Payday doesn't really wo...
Plumbing Update
Robert the Plumber, my new bestest friend, showed up yesterday (just like he said he would) and fixed our water leak. To have a plumber show up the day after Christmas and restore running water - running hot water - to our household is pretty much ...
The Greatest Gift
Despite our best efforts here at the Taunt Vortex household, over the last couple of years Christmas time has presented us with some unexpected special challenges. This Christmas was no different, but as the philosophers say, "That which doesn't ...
Office Gifting Hubbub
My lovely wife now has a job in a cubicle farm. She's worked there for a few weeks, ever since she got fired from her management job at that restaurant/coffee shop/bar. She's been working since she was about 15, and that's the only job she's ever bee...
Southern Accents
Our youngest child, Princess, was born in North Carolina. Barely. I had accepted a new position in Shreveport, Louisiana, so we moved from North Carolina when Princess was less than a month old.Shreveport had its charms, which included the annu...
Ornamentally Deranged
For well over a year now I've been accused of having a secret crush.It started when my lovely wife suggested that I was watching the local ten o'clock news with a little more interest and regularity than I had in the past. I seem to recall the phras...
Another Anniversary - Part II
To recap for those who skipped part I : Twenty years ago tonight, I was tired and sleep deprived, driving my Mazda 626 south on I-85 in Virginia as it was getting dark.What could I have possibly thrown into the mix to make the situation even more dan...
Another Anniversary - Part I
Twenty years ago tonight I was driving from Charlottesville, Virginia back home to Durham, North Carolina. It makes me shudder a bit when I call North Carolina "home" because I'm a native Texan, and I've spent most of my life living where they know h...
Christmas Present Guidelines
I got a Christmas present from my big sister today. Well, actually I got an email telling me that I'd soon be receiving my present from her. Apparently she signed me up for a membership to the Nature Conservancy. I can't really say that I was aware o...
Bush Legacy Tour Rocks On
Apparently George W. Bush is concerned about the legacy that he will leave after 8 years of, well, let's say a Presidential administration that leaves damn little for Barbara to brag about to the other shoppers in the produce section at the Fiest...
Boston Marathon
First off, to all of those who ended up here thinking they would find a webpage about the Boston Marathon that would actually help them run faster to meet the qualifying time - I'm sorry. This post isn't about the marathon. But seriously dude, if...
