Blog detail
The Cult of Qelqoth
http://www.cultofqelqoth.com/qelqoth
- Author: Qelqoth
- Listed in: Crude Humor Satirical News
- Tags: news humor adult satire sarcasm bizarre
- Added on: Apr 17th, 2007
- Country: United States
- Language: English
Planet Earth. Over seventy million blogs. Yet unlike us, most of them suck. Our internets are awesome. Be awesome too. Subscribe now. For great justice.
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The Cult of Qelqoth's Neighborhood
Recent Posts
CSI: Adult Privacy Intrusion Kit
Dear Trends UK Limited, I wish to draw your attention to your juvenile entertainment product, the CSI: Fingerprint Examination Kit. This product, intended for children aged ten and above, was recently purchased as a birthday present for my nephew. Al...
The Bad Parents Club
Ipswich, England — There is a new club in town…and it is becoming a bone of contention among the residents of Flatley Street, Ipswich. Since Kenny McKelley and his family moved into the street, it has become a haven for ‘bad’...
North Korean Chat Server Gets Pwned
Pyongyang, North Korea — A socialist chat room for North Koreans descended into chaos this evening when American students mocked the country’s communist landmarks. American students claimed that these historical icons had more to do with...
The Invasion of Greenland
Regular visitors will no doubt be aware of our long term goals, one of which being the invasion of a lump of ice adjacent to Canada. This remote village, otherwise known as Greenland, has pestered us for months with their inability to use internets. ...
Finger Pointed At McGinley
New York City, NY — American actor John C. McGinley is refuting claims that he was member of Gazuzu, the Italo Disco band responsible for, ‘Go Go Gorilla’. The rumour was started by self-proclaimed ‘King Of Tinternet’ ...
Comments & Reviews
This blog is currently rated a 6.14 out of a possible 10 based on 72 comments.
LOBO Said:
Without the ability to score C.O.Q. a straight-up "15", I don't know why I'm bothering.
But then again, I do like the shoes.
Qelqoth Said:
You're wrong. We're the pinnacle of human evolution. We are the new race of Aryan super beings that will stamp out and eradicate all forms of human stupidity. You will now cower before our excellence and plead for your miserable lives to be spared when we unleash The Ultimate Lollercaust.
P.S. Thanks buddy. :)
Qelqoth Said:
yeh u like that fukkin shit huh u fagssssss lol. ya fagg0t fukks. ur gonna get raped in da ass, you fukkin cocksmokurs n u can eat my fukkin shit an fukkkkjjjhjdjhhjsdfm,,,,,
Qelqoth Said:
I don't understand those big long words they use. They don't have videos and they don't have many pics, especially lol cats.
So this website sucks. It needs more glitter, cute angel graphics and some funny jokes you see at the office every day. That would make it cool.
Oh and some surveys. Make it more like MySpace. They also need change to that "QUELGUOTHSDDSDASSD" name. I don't know what that is all about and there aren't any pics of hot celebs.
This site sucks.
Beatrix Said:
What is this shit Qelqoth? I already typed out a long message of how I had to send an hour registering, before I could leave a comment, calling you a prick. I don't know where the comment has gone, but I'm doubly not happy now as I have to do it again. Will this comment also vanish into the vortex of obscurity?
Static Said:
Any similarity between this site and sheep hugging lard hunters sucking on used butt-plugs is pure coincidence.
Damo Said:
The fabric of time itself could be ripped apart with the stroke of my finger across a chalk board during spring break while a donkey sings the national anthem in a submarine thats lodged firmly up a naked hobos ass in 1917... wow i never thought of it like that before very... something.
Kelly Said:
This delightful, captivating blog taught me that drinking menstrual flow was not only delicious, but nutritious too.
How Freakin' awesome is that?
Relax Max Said:
Mad Monk or Inside Trader? Thankfully, you'll not have to choose, because The Cult of Qelqoth skillfully combines both of these "Timeless Topics" by weaving a tapestry of both the repeated lesbian rape of Home Living Diva cum Inside Trader Martha Stewart during her unfair incarceration, and the last night of Rasputin, Father Confessor and personal cuckold of the last Russian Tsar. An unlikely subject combination for a family-oriented blog, you say? Withhold judgement until you witness firsthand the smooth, often seamless integration of these seemingly disparate, yet charmingly poignant subjects by the incredibly talented writers of The Cult of Qelqoth.
E.D. Beale Said:
Your blog has the lightest flavoring of ass. Really. I mean, the things you guys do with those jellybeans in your videos is epic. I would have never guessed a blog on rectal suppositories could be so scattastic.
Green Home Improvements Said:
A horrible and boring blog about how to install headliners (the carpet on the inside roof of your car) on Ford pickups. For some reason the whole blog is focused on Fords that were built between 1979 and 1981. Most of the nose hairs can be removed by the use of random items like socks, metric socket sets and 10.1 liter containers of butane. Hopefully the author can find some more topics since I doubt people will keep going back to read about the downfall of cast iron tubs and why the middle east is west of his home town. If you want to read about the exciting topic of "How to Count Sand With Your Eyes Shut" then this is a perfect blog for you!
Danny Brown Said:
Albert Einstein once said "I am the walrus." Or was that John the Baptist? Either way, both these guys would have hated this piece of shit blog!
When I read the ad about it in Pink Fisters Monthly, it seemed to be the perfect blog for me. Promises of Egyptian monologues to the M*A*S*H theme, all while having my gonads stimulated by pictures of Martian ho's seemed too good to be true. Alas, it was - although I should have known by the disclaimer of the ad that stated: "If you believe everything you read then you're George Bush". I know that I'm NOT George Bush - I'm not handsome enough for a start.
So yes - this blog is a big fucking disappointment and anyone who wants to jack off to little red women while singing "Suicide Is Painless" better keep the fuck away.
However, if you're after the statistics of how many United Airlines pilots smoke Marlboro cigarettes when in Montenegro, then this is quite possibly the greatest thing since Baywatch redefined slo-mo TV. So, for that, I give it a big thumbs up the anus.
Beatrix Said:
What is this shit Qelqoth? You have been strong-arming the limbs off every fucker who comes within a foot of your rather considerable girth, to come and kiss your scabby arse. I had to fill out a really long registration form just to post this comment, and have now ended up owning a blog about animal husbandry. It's all Me! Me! Me!....What about ME you prick? I see you failed again to mention the existence of the last blog I posted at the shitty Boyzone wankfest you call your site...Yes he's a woman hating, cock lover everybody. Look at Qelqoth, isn't he a tit!
Kevin Said:
Normally I refuse to do reviews but after being threatened with anal rape with a plunger in front of a group of nuns I complied.
Qelqoth makes me question humanity, the English, and all things holy.
Damo Said:
Your trying to be different but just come across as a total fucken dick head your a wannabe crazy man thats way to smart for your own good you have to think about your "crazeyness" before you open your mouth so that you sound as crazy as you can thus fucken up. people like you make people like me look bad you fucken dipshit and ya mums a hooker and she owes me a buck!......cunt
Jetoh Said:
Doppelte Faust truly was in a league of its own...
RenalFailure Said:
The fluids begin to mix as one, the different colors swirl into a dark pool of putrid savagery. And soon enough the gurgling and the twitching stops and all that's left is utter exhaustion and a deep sense of satisfaction. Just another Fathers' Day, and another ruined set of bed sheets.
Qelqoth Said:
Giving this website a score of "one" is an act of generosity at best. It doesn't even belong in the 1-10 spectrum for this repulsive excuse of a website is the worst fucking atrocity I have ever exposed my eyes to.
There should be a clear epilepsy warning on the main page; I suffer from seizures and this heartless cunt of a website has massive flashing bunnies across the main page. They caused me to collapse and bite down on my tongue in agonising pain.
I'll never visit again, that's for sure. I hate you all and I hope your genitals meet with a sharp knife in the near future. Eat shit and die, you faggots.
DembskiFan Said:
This is perhaps the worts Intelligent Design website I have ever seen. Michael Behe should be ashamed to be associated with such dogmatic tripe.
Tiggyblogger Said:
I enjoy your site, but your 'Recipe of the Day' for Absinthe pickles resulted in my husband's premature death from liver failure.
Please can you provide US/metric conversions in your next receipe so I can avoid a similar mistake? Apart from that, your site rocks!
threio Said:
I can't believe you promote yourselves as a major news outlet. I don't give a shit about Kim Kardashian's fat ass, Amy Winehouse sucking a glass dick or whether Barack Obama is my baby's daddy! You are just another bunch of conservative bone pirates licking John McCain's wrinkled old ass. I will not vote for the Manchurin Candidate no matter what bullshit you promote on you suck ass website!
Regretful Morning Said:
Great blog and "How to" guide on harnessing Kinetic energy. Some of my favorite blog entries include:
"Day 23 - our sizemograph broke becuz Wally jizzed all over it"
"How to get free oil changes in Iraq"
"An Alabama players guide on how to bang your half sister"
Very well written and very religious.
Sherry Said:
The duality of Prickly and Gooey people is profound and will enhance my ambition to crochet yet another doily in honor of all the cucumbers!! Kudos up it.
fwidman Said:
Nowhere on the internet will you find such a wonderful blog showing the world the truth and wonderment of the Flat Earth Society.
Kelly Said:
This wonderful blog promotes charm, grace and warmth. The pictures of the infected genital worts were beautiful. I give this fabulous site a number 1 because it's just that good.
Fool Said:
I came to this blog on the advice of a family member. They said it would help with my depression and anxiety attacks. Since visiting for the first time to seek help, I am now on double dosages of prozac and xanax and have to go to therapy 3 times a week now instead of once a month. Thanks Guys!
Justin Sane Said:
On this side of The Irish Sea, potatoes are obviously of vital importance, and to say that this blog is favourable to potatoes would be a gross understatement of the most unimaginable preportions.
Dr Jazz Said:
Interesting.... but what hard evidence do you have to support this wacky notion of covert Government meddling and spying on the Internet? I personally believe that the Internet is free and completely unregulated, that I can say and do anything I like. If I want to say George Bush is a f
Renee Hand Said:
This blog claims to be the best damn authority on breakfast cereals ever created. They left out my favorite breakfast cereal, however; and how, exactly, can one have a breakfast cereal blog without 'Thumbtack-O's?!?!
You guys SUCK.
Damo Said:
I liked the part when the nun had a heart attack while riding the priest also the part on "how to make a whale dance" by tickling it was the funniest because my whale never dances when i tickle it besides the fact that several times my whale has gotten down and grooved it has never danced. If you tried his method for whale dancing and it worked it would be great to hear from you! cheese people!
Christin-o Said:
Thanks for all the make-up tips and guy advice! I think I'll be lookin' and feeling REALLY snazzy for my date Friday evening!
Doctor Handsome Said:
My penis is 16 3/4 centimeters. It receives radio signals from as far away as Tulsa when erect on clear nights. It shoots laser beams, but only when I'm angry. One time, I shattered the TV screen with it because a liquid dishwasher detergent commercial made me think of the Devil. Another time, my dick traveled back through time and partied down with Napoleon. That was awesome. In 1992, my penis made it onto the ballot in Minnesota and Ohio, where it may have siphoned off as much as 12 and 17 percent, respectively, of the Republican vote, tipping the election in Clinton's favor. My cock figures prominently in Icelandic folklore. It briefly played bass with the Allman Brothers.
Qelqoth Said:
Michael J. Fox says, "iiIIIIiii r rrRRreeessSSssenNNttT tHHhhaatttTt ssSSsttTaaattteeEEnMMmmeeEnnNNnnTTtt..."
Static Said:
Michael J. Fox in fact CAN read this blog. Because of Parkinson's. It gets him jittery enough so he can keep up with the monologue long enough to laugh and then drool a bit... Oopsy! time for a diaper change Mr. Fox?
Jillian Said:
This site is awesome. Not only should we all join The Cult of Qelqoth, we should all drink his Kool-Aid, too.
Joseph Qelqoth Said:
I thank you all for judging my humble webshite as a work of genius. Well, it's either that or you're just having pity on me. Heck, I'll take whatever I can get unless you're feeling real generous and want to buy me a cheeseburger. I could really go for one of those right about now. :)
FeelingFlirty Said:
I love your blog. It's edgy and I like that a lot.
I do have one question. What did God say when she touched your pants?
Dear Murray Said:
He told me that he would eat me if I didn't put him on my blogroll, so I did.
I was gonna put him there anyway, but you know ol' Qelqoth. Always giving his readers that extra incentive.
Elmer Quigley Gooseburger Said:
This blog represents precisely what the term "Internet Filth" was coined for.
We may no longer be "Great" as in days of yore, and we may no longer have an Empire, but, as is evidenced by this blog, Britain continues to dominate when it comes to decay, defilement and good old indecency.
Do I win £5.00?
Vanessa Said:
Faabulous. Anyone with a colonoscopy fetish is alright with me.
There. I said something nice. Will you bruise my tits now? Please?
Andy Fanton Said:
A fine blog indeed, full of funny words put in an equally amusing order. I liked it so much, I put my name n it! (Not really, but I did link to it).
tester Said:
test
Theresa Hall Said:
Too bizarre not to make me blush and shudder a little. Definitely not for the faint of heart. Different can be a good thing.
Please visit me when you want ro relax and kick back.
Tammy Duplessie Said:
Definitely for adult viewing. I actually know quite a few people who would love your site. I'll send them your way.
Chris Wassel Said:
Humor from the UK....and pure straightforward honesty....gotta love it...great blog.
Moondanzer Said:
I suppose it is quite possible that I have had 1 too many margarita's tonight. However, I really cannot tell if you are for real, or, just trying to draw an audience. And, as your subject matter is so totally different from mine I am not exactly sure why we each keep checking out each other's site. I find it very curious.
lou lantos Said:
Hey man. Fantastic blog you have there. It's good to find someone around here who is following a similarly beaten, mental track to my own. And your kind words are appreciated very much. I'll be doing likewise and adding you to my blog.
Thanks.
Joseph Qelqoth Said:
One of the most bizarre weblogs to have ever been conceived by man. I would say it is the work of pure genius although I would be biased in doing so. I will therefore opt for the opinion that I have been touched by God in my pants.
