Recent Posts Tagged With friday flash 55

• Now all I need are some Doritos for dessert

  Posted on Thursday March 11th, 2010 at 10:15 pm in friday flash 55

  "I'm so glad you decided to try vegetarianism today," he smiled proudly. "You'll feel so much healthier, I just know it. ... Uh..."He paused as he watched her unpack her groceries."You... Uh... You bought three industrial size boxes of Twinkies?"...

• And he would be brought to you by the letter "J"

  Posted on Thursday March 4th, 2010 at 10:08 pm in friday flash 55

  If I could designMy own little MuppetHe'd be a serene(Maybe green) little puppetInstead of cavortingWith Kermit the FrogHis job (so rewarding!)Involves this old logWhich he'll use to clobber everyone who hates my poetry but he'll do it in a really cu...

• I\'m on day eight right now

  Posted on Thursday February 25th, 2010 at 08:40 pm in poetry friday flash 55

  My socks will keep my feet so warmAnd block an angry hornet swarmThey're made of cotton blend, I thinkWhen worn for seven days, they stinkThis poem is really not my bestAs some of you can (please) attestAt least be filled with sheer delightThat it wo...

• And the tofu never leaves its dirty underwear on the bathroom floor

  Posted on Thursday February 18th, 2010 at 08:50 pm in friday flash 55

  Hallmark card we still haven't seen:"I miss you more than a vegetarian misses a bacon double cheeseburger. Unless it's someone who really LOVES being a vegetarian... in which case I might not actually miss you that much at all. Come to think of it,...

• Finally, a use for celery

  Posted on Thursday February 11th, 2010 at 09:20 pm in various lists of things friday flash 55

  Things I have chosen to believe this week:1. Wind chill comes from snowman farts.2. Hot chocolate has no calories as long as you wave a piece of celery over it a few times.3. Most people at Wal-Mart are certifiably insane and so are their kids.4. ...

• I have a dream....

  Posted on Thursday February 4th, 2010 at 09:18 pm in friday flash 55

  More precious than saffron, emeralds, or three hours with the celebrity of your choice: Actually being able to speak to a real live human being when calling customer service and tech support.Just imagine how truly amazing it would be if they spoke f...

• Look! It\'s Kirk Skywalker!

  Posted on Thursday January 28th, 2010 at 09:08 pm in friday flash 55

  "But wait," said Brandie, completely confused. "Why didn't Darth Vader just have the Klingons come help him?""No, honey," Tim corrected her. "You're mixing up Star Wars with Star Trek.""But if the Klingons helped, then Darth Vader could take off hi...

• Sniff... Sniff.... Is something burning? ... Oh.

  Posted on Thursday January 21st, 2010 at 10:25 pm in poetry hot and spicy (or not?) friday flash 55

  (Sing to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star")Ja-la-pe-nos are not hot,Neither's a Tabasco shot.Give me something brave and bold,Sizzling culinary gold,Burn my tongue (and other parts),Later, molten lava farts.(A tribute to the wonderful habaner...

• Also, please feed us more treats

  Posted on Thursday January 14th, 2010 at 09:37 pm in cats friday flash 55

  Advice from my cats:1) Always poop in the box. Well, usually. Maybe.2) Purr when you're petted, so people know they're doing it right.3) There is no such thing as too much sleep. Go on. Try it.4) Don't be afraid to act crazy for no reason.5) ...

• At least the jewelry would be lightweight

  Posted on Thursday January 7th, 2010 at 10:52 pm in friday flash 55

  "Look what I bought on E-Bay!" Richard excitedly handed the package to Jean. "My invisible diamonds are here!""Invisible diamonds?" Jean frowned. "But this is just an empty envelope.""The diamonds are invisible," he reminded her. "I coulda bough...

• Crickets... Crickets.... Crickets....

  Posted on Thursday December 31st, 2009 at 11:03 pm in friday flash 55

  Nobody's online today, so this is the perfect time to admit that I've always dreamed of swimming in a giant vat of ginger ale, wearing a neon green tiara and...Hey!Wait... someone IS here reading this...Um...Forget everything I just said. Nothing to...

• Beware of the special frosting

  Posted on Thursday December 17th, 2009 at 09:09 pm in friday flash 55

  He was right, as always; she was wrong, as usual.Her apology came in the form of a freshly baked cake. He ate three pieces.Soon afterward, he felt the familiar ominous gurglings."Did that have..." he gasped."Oh, I'm sorry," she said with an unapolog...

• This post is brought to you by the Letter F, and the number 55

  Posted on Thursday December 10th, 2009 at 09:38 pm in friday flash 55

  The hairy blue monster chased me across the eight lane highway."I will kill you for eating my cookies!" He bellowed.I leaped over the roadkill which was once a purple dinosaur. Japanese anime characters began raining down from above.In resignation,...

• Crunch crunch munch crrchhh

  Posted on Thursday December 3rd, 2009 at 10:56 pm in friday flash 55

  "But I don't want to swim in there!" Johnny cried. "I'll get wet! And something will eat me!"Mom shrugged. "That's the way it is. Some of us snap, some of us crackle. Your uncle Louie even popped. He always did have to be different. Now hurry...

• Now in new kiwi-strawberry flavor!

  Posted on Thursday November 26th, 2009 at 10:00 pm in friday flash 55

  Have hiccups?Try Xuziflox!Side effects include blurred vision, stomach cramps, inability to parallel park, itching in inappropriate places at inappropriate times, yodeling, hair loss, uncontrollable urges to eat haggis, eyebrow twitching, moles shape...

• And then we\'re having formaldehyde for dinner

  Posted on Friday November 20th, 2009 at 12:32 am in friday flash 55

  "It's evil!" The crazy man shouted. "With artificial chemicals and toxins and unnatural colors and preservatives which make nature scream in horror. You should eat fruits and vegetables; they're the true pathway to good health!"Ed shook his head an...

• Just imagine if he knew about bird poop

  Posted on Thursday November 5th, 2009 at 10:33 pm in poetry friday flash 55

  One lonely leafJust an ugly shade of brownHis paranoid belief:"There are germs on the ground!I'm afraid to waver;Every germ's too small to see.Certainly I'm saferStaying here upon the tree.Maybe I'll forget(Don't remind me, please)That the wind may g...

• Because once in awhile, short is good... I hope.

  Posted on Thursday October 29th, 2009 at 10:01 pm in friday flash 55

  Today I'm going to try something new called "Friday Flash 55."I got the idea from VE, who got it from Mr. Knowitall.Anyway, the idea is to write a mini-story using exactly 55 words.If all goes well, I'll post one every Friday.Here's the first:..........