Recent Posts
The Snark DC
Return To Blog Listing
I'm a graduate of The George Washington University, a place so pretentious we feel the urge to stress the "The" before our name, in case anyone confuses us with any of the less expensive and less flashy George Washington Universities running around out
Recent Posts Tagged With 'mayhem'
Murphy's Law
Murphy's Law states: "Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong," and I really feel like that is the perfect summation of my existance. Sure, sometimes I luck into things, but when it comes to health-relat...
The Beauty of Amy Whinehouse
Today I find myself absolutely speechless.It's not like I don't have a barrage of witty things waiting to come tumbling right out of my mouth (or is it my fingers, if I'm typing?) - but because I was ...
Tornados, Typhoons, and The Spy Museum
Do you know what the best part about waking up bright and (ridiculously) early on a Monday morning is?To see that it's downpouring outside! Hurrah! Just when I thought things couldn't get any better! ...
The Pope Has Landed
So the Pope's in town, and apparently this is some kind of big deal, but to be honest I don't get it. It could be because I'm Jewish, or because I know nothing about Catholicism (is that even the righ...
The Order of the Hippo
Now, it's common knowledge that GW - oh, excuse me, The George Washington University - is a very pretentious institution. The school has spent the last several years preening, much as a male peacock w...
Happy Birthday To Me!
Shit - I'm really old.I mean 23 - twenty-three. I'm still technically in my early-twenties, but next year marks the beginning of my mid-twenties. Mid-twenties. If you couldn't already tell, I keep rep...
My Last Day as a 22 Year Old
Days till Old Age: TomorrowCrap.So today is my last full day of being 22, and already I'm not so sure I want to live to see tomorrow. First of all, my uterus still motherfucking hurts, which is baffli...
Job Discussion: As Boring as the Job Itself
Days till Old Age: 4. Damn.So it turns out I'll be celebrating my birthday in Hull this year, seeing as I will not be going back to DC until next Sunday. While I'm bummed out that I won't ring the day...
I Am Alive
But oh, what a crazy few days it's been. Let's start at the beginning.Saturday: I took the Amtrak's regional overnight on Friday, and got into South Station in Boston at 8am on Sunday. My mom picked m...
Just Kidding
I'm not done yet.Just got off the phone with my doctor, who informed me that the blood lab, rather than performing a Factor 7 Activity Level test like instructed, performed a Factor 8 Activity Level t...
Last Minute Craziness
Days till Surgery: 3Days till Old Age: 12So today is the day I pack up my comfiest pajamas, make sure all the food in my apartment that could go bad is thrown away, and prepare for a week full of surg...
The Trials of (Pre-) Surgery
Days till Surgery: 5Days till Old Age: 14So yesterday's post was made before even more insanity went down. Here's what happened:Like I said yesterday, South Shore Hospital informed me that I had to co...
I'm Screwed
Days till Surgery:6Days till Old Age: 15Royally screwed.I spoke with South Shore Hospital today (if you couldn't guess, it's where I'm having my surgery done) and they informed me that I had to - not ...
Surgery, Travel, and March Madness
Days till Surgery: 7Days till Old Age: 16So today marks the beginning of several week's worth of insanity. It also marks the beginning of my downfall in our office's NCAA Bracket, but I'll get to that...
America's Next Top PETA Target
Days till Surgery: 18Days till Old Age: 26We've seen a lot of crazy photo shoots on ANTM, there's no denying that. There was the model suicide shoot, the smoking effects shoot, the "controversial poli...
I Want MY Govenor To Get Laid!
Days till Surgery: 20Days till Old Age: 28Okay, so this is how my evening ritual goes:1. Sit ups/Push ups/Lunges2. Floss/Brush teeth/Mouth wash3. Take out Contacts4. Retreat to BedI usually sleep with...
The Joys of Menopause
Days till Surgery: 27Days till Old Age: 35I think part of the reason I feel so damn old is that I welcomed in my 21st - and will welcome in my 23rd - birthday while in menopause.Now, I know it's not r...
America's Next Top... Something
Days till Boston: TonightDays till Old Age: 40Oh, America's Next Top Model. You've tried so hard to reinvent yourself this season - a new city, a new opening montage, even some 'variations' to the rid...
Spice Up Your Life
Oh, hey look, the countdowns are back:Days till Boston: 3Days till I'm Really Old (23): 43Yes, I'm going to Boston this weekend; no, it's not for fun. I'm going up to clean out my childhood bedroom, a...
When Fish Attack
Sooo...You know how British people are... well, weird? They say "boot" instead of "trunk" and add the letter "u" to everything so "color" becomes "colour" and they switch around "er" so "center" becom...
We Have Liftoff!
AND WE HAVE MENOPAUSE!Houston, we're cleared to be mobile (and get laid)Today is a glorious day! I had my menopause shot at 9am, and I should be mostly pain free within the next day or so! I'm highly ...
Crap
BRB, Apocalypse...
HALLELUJAH!
BREAKING NEWS:On Friday I get to have this shoved into the tender muscle of my upper ass:Do you know what that is? Are you tingling with excitement? You should be!That's my Lupron Shot! Finally!! I've...
I Am The Definition of Awkward
My life is very awkward. I am very awkward.But before I explain further, let me ask you a question. Have you ever watched, seething with jealousy, as some old dude careens down the sidewalk on a motor...
Bank of I Take All Your Money
There are days that, in the future, we look back on and cannot believe we never saw the deep evil behind. We ask ourselves, "how did we not see it? How could we not feel the horror permeating every in...
Ovary Gate '08
Okay, so remember, a week ago today, when I was going on and on about how that Tuesday was far less painful than the others, and I was feeling good about myself, and how I was starting menopause in a ...
Sharing is Caring
Since you're all on tenterhooks, waiting to see when I'll post today's entry, I'll go ahead and put you out of your misery.And right into mine! I had another ovarian cyst twist and rupture right aroun...
The Tuesday That Wasn't
Days till Menopause: 7 (One Week!!!)Today is Tuesday, but for the first time since I actually started being a responsible quasi-adult and going to work, I don't feel the urge to messily commit suicide...
Top 5 Awesome Adventures of 2007 - Part 5
Days till Menopause: 14HAPPY 2008!!!!!!!!!!I hope everyone had a happy, healthy, and extraordinarily drunk New Years! Before I tell you all the tale of how Erin and I rang in the new year, I feel it's...
Top 5 Awesome Adventures of 2007 - Part 2
Days till 2008: 4Days till Menopause: 18Happy Friday! It may only be 9:33am (oh my god) but there's promise in the air - it's almost the weekend! My mother and I are both feeling rather ill today (I t...