Recent Posts Tagged With 'Film'

• I Suffer From Festival Fatigue During The Revenant

  Posted on Sunday October 4th, 2009 at 23:31 in Film, criticism, zombies, vampires, twitch, david spade, opinions are like assholes, fantastic fest, the revenant

  I feel a relapse coming on just looking at this picture. Festival Fatigue is defined as a proportionate lack of patience in direct relation to the quality and quantity of films viewed in a short period of time. So was I a dick for flipping off the sc...

• Chaos Reigns in Austin, Texas: Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist

  Posted on Sunday October 4th, 2009 at 19:25 in Film, criticism, antichrist, charlotte gainsbourg, twitch, lars von trier, genital mutilation, female circumcision, opinions are like assholes, willem defoe, fantastic fest, chaos reigns

  I’ve got a new piece up at Twitch about the Fantastic Fest reaction to Lars Von Trier’s Antichrist. Prepare to have your genitals obliterated  HERE. Check out the scene in question below. It goes without saying that if you haven’t...

• Encapsulated Fantastic Fest Reviews

  Posted on Saturday October 3rd, 2009 at 12:45 in texas, Film, Salvage, austin, criticism, james cameron, avatar, revenge, dirty mind, strippers, korean film, vincent gallo

  No filmmaker’s feelings were harmed during the writing of these reviews… CROPSEY A nebbish filmmaker and his yenta pal delve into the garbage heap that is Staten Island in search of the mysterious child killer, Cropsey. Very effective re...

• Remember, Ladies… Terrence Howard Wants You To Wash That Pussay!

  Posted on Wednesday September 23rd, 2009 at 08:57 in religion, health, Film, sexuality, women's issues, period, elle magazine, vagina, the bible, menstruation, cleanliness, terrence howard

  So fresh and so clean... (clean...) From Elle magazine, by way of Jezebel: On his deal-breaker: “Toilet paper – and no baby wipes – in the bathroom. If they’re using dry paper, they aren’t washing all of themselves. It&#...

• He Had The Time Of His Life: RIP Patrick Swayze

  Posted on Monday September 14th, 2009 at 19:35 in music, health, Film, Celebrities, Cancer, television, ghost, dirty dancing, point break, topical, road house, she's like the wind

  Sad news via the Associated Press: LOS ANGELES – Patrick Swayze, the hunky actor who danced his way into viewers’ hearts with “Dirty Dancing” and then broke them with “Ghost,” died Monday after a battle with pancreatic...

• Hitler Hates Eli Roth As Much As I Do

  Posted on Tuesday September 1st, 2009 at 10:32 in Film, history, james cameron, Quentin Tarantino, hitler, eli roth, downfall, inglourious basterds, avatar trailer, the bear jew, hitler meme

  Was gonna post the Hitler Hates The Avatar Trailer video, but every blog and his mother has posted that shit, so time for plan B. For some reason,this one has gotten significantly less coverage, flying under the nerd radar like some sort of pop cultu...

• R2D2 is an Asshole

  Posted on Friday August 28th, 2009 at 10:51 in art, Film, star wars, body painting, robot sex, porn parody, rick mills, r2d2 naked, naked star wars

  Looks like someone is giving Rick Mills a run for his naked body painting money. Amazingly, this guy doesn’t have to use his mouth to mimic R2’s bleeps and blips. Please tell me this is a still photo from a Star Wars porn parody and R2 is...

• Review Roundup Rodeo

  Posted on Thursday August 27th, 2009 at 11:56 in art, books, reviews, Film, criticism, vampires, joe r. lansdale, chuck palahniuk, god is not great, thomas pynchon, bronson, vincent cassel

  Lazy post alert! Here is a handy roundup of all my recent review activity scattered around the interweb. BOOK REVIEWS @ ChuckPalahniuk.net Leather Maiden by Joe R. Lansdale Let The Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist The Compleat Motherfucker by J...

• Rat vs Severed Zombie Penis

  Posted on Tuesday August 25th, 2009 at 23:31 in Film, severed penis, reanimator, brian yuzna, h. p. lovecraft, beyond re-animator, brosnake, dr. re-animator, move your dead bones, penis vs. rat, raccoon blowjob, zombie penis

  Ali vs. Frazier. Spy vs. Spy. Frost vs. Nixon. None compare to the epic clash of the titans that is Rat vs. Severed Zombie Penis. Even if Brian Yuzna gives us nothing else (other than more crappy Re-animator sequels) he will die a cinematic genius. B...

• More Deep Cuts From The Back Catalog

  Posted on Tuesday August 25th, 2009 at 08:05 in Film, Cruising, upskirt, gay and lesbian, al pacino, breast feeding, planet of the apes, william friedkin, bestiality, goonies, animal hijinks, lol molerats

  If you enjoyed perusing our recent Best Of post, please check out these other underrated gems. We here at the jabber feel these babies represent some of our finest work to date, even though they didn’t receive the attention they deserved the fi...

• Enquiring Minds Want To Know

  Posted on Monday August 24th, 2009 at 09:34 in Film, sexuality, Quentin Tarantino, eli roth, celebrity couples, hairy chests, inglourious basterds, the bear jew

  Looks like I’m not the only one who got this vibe. From my stats- ...

• Quentin Tarantino Is Gay For Eli Roth

  Posted on Saturday August 22nd, 2009 at 11:06 in World War II, Film, war, sexuality, Quentin Tarantino, eli roth, deathproof, toe sucking, inglourious basterds, the bear jew

  It’s the only explanation. Why else would Tarantino keep putting Roth in his movies? Lovestruck directors have been putting the less than talented objects of their affection in their films since the Lumiere brothers, and Quentin is no exception...

• Werner Herzog Returns With A Double Barrel Blast of Batshit Crazy

  Posted on Friday August 21st, 2009 at 14:57 in Film, movie trailers, david lynch, nicolas cage, coen brothers, spike jonze, werner herzog, abel ferrara, nun rape, bad lieutenant: port of call new orleans, harvey keitel's dick, my son my son what have ye done?

  This isn’t exactly breaking news, but it’s not lighting up the internet like Avatar, when it should be. Everyone knows Herzog is a bit of an eccentric. This is the man who publicly cooked and ate his shoe for a bet and reportedly directed...

• Avatar Trailer: Ridiculously Awesome or Awesomely Ridiculous?

  Posted on Thursday August 20th, 2009 at 11:29 in Film, james cameron, avatar, Kate Winslet, titanic, thundercats, linda hamilton, avatar trailer

  Well, well, well… look who decided to grace the surface dwellers with his presence and return to the world of film making. It’s been 12 years since Titanic careened into the iceberg of moviegoer’s consciousness,  and it seems James...

• “Let The Right One In” Review

  Posted on Wednesday August 19th, 2009 at 12:12 in sweden, books, Film, criticism, vampires, morrissey, chuck palahniuk, opinions are like assholes, tomas alfredson, john ajvide lindqvist, let the right one slip in

  Freshly birthed and mewling over @ the Cult. Morrissey is the proud papa. Help mop up the afterbirth. LET THE RIGHT ONE IN ...

• Lolcats and Child Dismemberment, All For A Good Cause

  Posted on Monday August 17th, 2009 at 15:54 in Film, obama, stephen king, filmmaking, horror films, lolcats, bad cats, comeuppance, cat's eye, fantastic fest, 2009 bumper contest, cat in fan

  Time to promote some friends, even though this place has been straight crickets lately, even with all the new content. *Sigh. Anyways, my friends over @ Parallactic Pictures (sp on that one is a bitch!) have two 30sec bumpers in competition for Fant...

• Spiderman Rapes The Shit Out Of Doc Ock

  Posted on Tuesday August 4th, 2009 at 11:23 in Film, comics, sexuality, television, lord of the rings, rape, star wars, spiderman, slash, water sports, three stooges, topless robot

  I’ve been reading Friday Fan Fiction over at Topless Robot for a while now and it is time to share the genius. Culled almost exclusively from Adultfanfiction.net, FFF is a running commentary on the fucked up erotic writings of sexually frustrat...

• The Coen Brothers Come Out of the Jew Closet

  Posted on Friday July 31st, 2009 at 11:52 in books, Film, Canada, jews, toronto film festival, michael chabon, coen brothers, the yiddish policemen's union, david cronenberg, don lafontaine, a serious man, mr. trailer voice

  Between this and their upcoming Yiddish Policemen adaptation, the Co Bros are really getting their Heeb on.  This isn’t your typical give-everything-away trailer narrated by Don LaFontaine- In a land overrun by Jews- this is a skillful constru...

• For Fans of Zombie Rape

  Posted on Monday July 27th, 2009 at 15:44 in Film, sexuality, rape, criticism, zombies, dark sky films, twitch, necrophilia, opinions are like assholes, deadgirl, gadi harel, jenny spain

  My review of the film Deadgirl is now live @ Twitch. It is a touching coming of age tale about two kids who find a naked chick tied up in the basement of an abandoned mental institution. Hm… now that I think about it, maybe it’s a coming ...

• That Chick From Harry Potter Gets Skanky Russian Stripper Head Replacement Surgery

  Posted on Tuesday July 21st, 2009 at 11:25 in Film, harry potter, emma watson, hermione, naked celebrities, celebrity shit heads, emma watson upskirt, head replacement, emma watson topless, hermione naked

  Check out the uncensored before and after pic HERE, courtesy of Egotastic. In the wake of the Emma Watson nude picture scandal, the nubile young actress has gone and done something drastic. That’s right, head replacement surgery. And not just a...

• Andy Richter Has Sensitive Genitals, Lars von Trier Will Smash Them

  Posted on Wednesday July 8th, 2009 at 08:55 in health, Film, television, conan o'brien, antichrist, the tonight show, lars von trier, genital mutilation, andy richter, pain olympics, andy will try it, salli chair

  Unfortunately, the original Salli Chair promo has been yanked from youtube, but the best “bits” have been preserved by Conan: ANDY WILL TRY IT! What Conan fails to mention, however, is that the narrator in said promo is none other than pr...

• Public Enemy #1

  Posted on Tuesday July 7th, 2009 at 11:18 in Film, society, criticism, twitch, public enemy, orgies, vincent cassel, brian yuzna, opinions are like assholes, mesrine

  Things are getting increasingly more schizophrenic around here. My usual cavalcade of shits and tits has been infiltrated by my more serious side, resulting in a bi-polar mess of the literary and the profane. I tried to keep my disparate writing styl...

• Ass Eaters of the World Rejoice!

  Posted on Monday July 6th, 2009 at 12:10 in science, Film, sexuality, Tom Cruise, ouroboros, cronenberg, ass to mouth, scatology, ass eating, dutch cinema, human centipede, quite earth

  Mainstream (ie: NOT porno) cinema has finally recognized you as a legitimate demographic. Thanks to Quite Earth for putting me on to this and many other weird and wonderful films. Human Centipede Internationally respected Siamese twin surgeon Dr. Jos...

• Can’t See! I Can’t Fucking See!

  Posted on Tuesday June 30th, 2009 at 17:48 in books, reviews, Film, nobel prize, chuck palahniuk, jose saramago, opthalmalogy

  The respectibility continues! Chuckpalahniuk.net has a new review section, which I will be contributing to. My inaugural review is up, Nobel laureate Jose Saramago’s Blindness. Check it out. BLINDNESS REVIEW Also, the post title comes from a re...

• NYAFF Reviews

  Posted on Wednesday June 24th, 2009 at 13:01 in Film, nyc, twitch, bronson, park chan wook, ifc center, nicolas winding refn, nyaff, asian interests

  Been a while. Thought I’d stop by and dust off the ole cobwebs. I remember a time when I was getting 900+ hits a day off of Jamie Lynn’s pussy, but then she popped out a kid and I lost interest. During my hiatus from blogging (I believe t...

• Sean Penn Goes Full Homo For The Win!

  Posted on Sunday February 22nd, 2009 at 23:10 in Film, sexuality, academy awards, Holocaust, oscars, robert downey jr., sean penn, gus van sant, tropic thunder, harvey milk, celebrity shit heads, spicoli

  Poor Sean Penn. So talented, yet so humorless. Remember the 2005 Oscars when host Chris Rock quipped, “Who’s Jude Law?” Exactly. It’s called a joke, Spicoli, remember? You used to tell them. Now you’re just the butt of t...

• Renee Zellweger’s Face Ruins Movies

  Posted on Monday February 16th, 2009 at 08:05 in health, Film, renee zellweger, rocky dennis, awful plastic surgery, appaloosa, celebrity shit heads

  Case in point: Appaloosa. Some first rate bad-assery is bogged down by Zellweger’s shiny, happy face. That is not to say the character of Allison French is a superfluous one as some have suggested- it is intrinsic to the plot. But every moment ...

• A Film by Film Response to The Stallion’s Top Ten of 2008

  Posted on Thursday February 12th, 2009 at 11:51 in Film, Batman, criticism, che, darren aronofsky, steven soderbergh, christian bale, ballast, mickey rourke, charlie kaufman, ratt, milton berle

  You can check out his post HERE. He writes sporadically, but it is worth checking out when he does. We might be the only people who read each other’s respective blogs. 2008 wasn’t necessarily a good year for film, either. Most of the cur...

• An Open Letter To David Cronenberg

  Posted on Wednesday February 11th, 2009 at 17:03 in Film, spiderman, Tom Cruise, denzel washington, sam raimi, jeff goldblum, scanners, david cronenberg, robert ludlum, exploding head, matarese circle, viggo's testicles

  From Variety: Tom Cruise is in talks to star with Denzel Washington in “The Matarese Circle,” the David Cronenberg-directed adaptation of the Robert Ludlum thriller that MGM will put into production this year. Dear David, Why do you hate me so? I...

• Exclusive Photo: Mickey Rourke on the Set of Tron 2

  Posted on Friday February 6th, 2009 at 13:47 in entertainment, Film, plastic surgery, fashion, the future, mickey rourke, douchebaggery, the superficial, trannys, celebrity shit heads, the wrestler, tron 2

  Modern trends in technology and fashion have always informed our vision of the future, especially in film. Whether it’s the 60’s inspired psuedo-modernity of 2001 or the dystopian 80’s punk of Bladerunner, the future reflects the pr...