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Recent Posts Tagged With 'married jokes'
Looks of Disappointment
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery‚ and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said‚ 'You're beautiful.' Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before‚ so she stayed by hi...
Man Shoots Wife in Court Room
"So let me get this straight," the prosecutor says to the defendant, "you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man." "That's correct," says the defendant. "Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol ...
Married 70 Years
An elderly gentleman and his wife were invited to their friends home for dinner one evening. He was impressed by the way the host preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The ...
Wisdom of An Older Man
An older man approached an attractive younger woman at a shopping mall. 'Excuse me; I can't seem to find my wife. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?' The woman, feeling a bit of compassion for the old fellow, said, 'Of course, sir. Do you ...
Wife Cheating on Me
I’ve never talked about this before, but I really need the boards advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… Phone rings but if I answer, the caller ha...
Lost My Wife
Two guys, one old timer and one young, are pushing their carts around Lowe’s Building Supply when they collide. The old timer says to the young guy, Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to wh...
Dinner Invitation
“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.” “What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking fancy mea...
What Happened to Beautiful
A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful.” Then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she s...
Poor Bob
Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he’s pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and s...
Woman Loses Weight
Wanting to lose weight, a woman placed a picture of a shapely pinup model INSIDE her refrigerator to remind her of her goal. It worked like a charm, as the woman discovered that she had lost ten pounds in the first month of using this method. The do...
In the Dog House
A man is sitting on his front stoop staring morosely at the ground when his neighbor strolls over. The neighbor tries to start a conversation several times, but the older man barely responds. Finally, the neighbor asks what the problem is. “Wel...
Golden Wedding
An elderly couple was having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and said, “Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there’s something I have to know. In all of these 50 yea...
Marriage Disagreement
A married couple were having a disagreement while sitting in bed. The wife said to her husband, “You’re impossible,” To which the husband replied, “No. I’m next to impossible.” addthis_url = 'http%3A%2F%2Fwal...
50 Years of Marriage
There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, “Just think, honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.” “Yeah,” she rep...
Newlywed Repairs
A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. “I feel terrible,” she told him. “I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.” “Oh, just forget it,”...
Depressed Husband
A man walked into a therapist’s office looking very depressed. “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I can’t go on like this.” “What’s the problem?” the doctor inquired. “Well, I’m 35 years old and I...
Woman Puts Affairs in Order
A woman went to the doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said, “I have some bad news. You have cancer, and you’d best put your affairs in order.” The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into t...
Honeymoon Horror
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “Ewwww—what...
Left Handed Girfriend
My wife and I had been married for several months before we had our first big fight. One day she asked me that if she died before I did if I would get married again. I told her, “Yes.” She then asked me if I would let her sleep in our bed...
Deaf Wife
A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test t...
84 Year Old Man Marries
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man s...
Spanking Girlfriend
A young guy was complaining to his boss about the problems he was having with his stubborn girlfriend. "She gets me so angry sometimes I could hit her, the young man exclaimed. "Well, I'll tell you what I used to do with my ...
Mad Wife Disease
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with th...
Two Sides of the Story
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?" The mother answered; "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made." Two days later she asks her father the same quest...
Before and After Marriage
Before marriage.... He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. She: Do you want me to leave? He: No! Don't even think about it. She: Do you love me? He: Of course! Over and over! She: Have you ever cheated on me? ...
Why Wedding Dresses are White
Son asked his mother the following question: "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks h...
