Recent Posts Tagged With 'relationships'

• I am Scared of Life...

  Posted on Saturday July 11th, 2009 at 21:30 in relationships, choices, fear, decision making, scared, life goals, abandonement

  I think perhaps this is my biggest problem. That and the fact that I am a perfectionist. I worry that if I screw up (whatever it is I am doing) I will ruin my future chances...of whatever...I am also so afraid of failure I often don't try things....L...

• No Word From Josh...

  Posted on Friday June 26th, 2009 at 22:45 in relationships, MEN, Romance, alcoholism, alcohol, rejection, alone, younger men

  Granted, it's only been a few days, but still....I feel that my most recent email was a bit to rambling, and perhaps the straw that broke the camels back. If that is even really possible at this point)...I wonder if it was apparent I was totally bomb...

• Josh Called!!! :D

  Posted on Tuesday June 9th, 2009 at 16:23 in relationships, Romance, long distance relationships, unrequited love

  Now, I know I shouldn't get to excited because he's 10 hours away and all-- but still! :)....(oh yes, and then he did call the guy in the studio next to me about a half an hour after that)...but anyway, it made me really happy! :) I can dream, right?...

• Slowly Moving in with Sam...

  Posted on Sunday June 7th, 2009 at 22:50 in relationships, moving

  I have been moving boxes of my stuff over to Sam's house this week. I am happy I will be saving money, but I will miss living on my own in a way-- I'm a pretty private person. I really don't like people I know, knowing that much about me, unless they...

• I Spoke With My Friend Beth on Facebook Tonight......

  Posted on Friday June 5th, 2009 at 23:03 in relationships, Romance, rejection, jewel, lullaby

  She is the one who is having a rapturous love affair with my artist friend David. (they share a studio)...I told her that Josh left me an original work of art. She seemed to think this was something special. She said she would not leave an original w...

• I Almost Called Josh but Then I Chickened Out...

  Posted on Thursday June 4th, 2009 at 17:12 in relationships, MEN, moving, rejection, sadness

  Instead, I contacted him through his website. This is what I wrote:Hey Josh!Thanks for the painting! :) I definitely wasn't expecting that, and really appreciate it-- thank you. I love your series with the abstracted couples. I almost called you to t...

• And the Plot Thickens...

  Posted on Wednesday June 3rd, 2009 at 16:44 in art, relationships, Romance

  Wow...well maybe A LITTLE...Maybe I am just wishful thinking.So I had not been up at my studio since the night Josh left, and as previously stated I didn't see him that one last time. I didn't want to humiliate myself..I popped up there today to brin...

• Josh is Gone...Back to Reality...

  Posted on Tuesday June 2nd, 2009 at 23:11 in relationships, painting, moving

  Kind of....I took the day off today. I haven't taken a day off from going to the studios in over a month. This happened for a couple reasons:1) I have really been into the painting I have been working on2) Wanted to have every opportunity to potentia...

• No Goodbyes...

  Posted on Monday June 1st, 2009 at 21:02 in relationships, moving, rejection

  No fanfare...nothing...Perhaps it is best this way. I saw Josh briefly today, as he was in and out of the studio moving stuff to his vehicle. There was brief, normal chit chat that co-workers would have, but nothing special. I left around 5:30 and wa...

• I'm Really Glad the Mercury Retrograde is Over...

  Posted on Sunday May 31st, 2009 at 15:27 in relationships

  For those of you out there in cyberspace who are not familiar with mercury in retrograde, it basically means communications get totally fucked up. This explains some of the Josh problems perhaps...Today we had a slightly normal conversation. He was u...

• The Wild Night..Unforuntately, no sex though...

  Posted on Friday May 29th, 2009 at 22:56 in relationships, alcohol, rejection, alone

  So Josh was up at the studios today, and at one point asked me if I was going to the concert in the park. I said I didn't know there was a concert (I didn't-- I don't pay attention to such things, top self absorbed).....Knowing this, I ended up going...

• NADA....Zilch...yes, it is true....

  Posted on Thursday May 28th, 2009 at 23:27 in relationships, rejection, alone

  No signs of Josh at the studios today, unless he got there way earlier than I did. I think he is avoiding me. So be it....it makes me sad though. I miss his friendship and raunchy obnoxious banter if nothing else. He must have been with "friends" tod...

• The Final Nail in the Coffin...??? :(

  Posted on Wednesday May 27th, 2009 at 20:48 in relationships, rejection, alone

  This makes me sad. I was really into this guy Josh. He has been doing the usual "avoiding" me for the most part, but with a little chit chat here and there. He has had opportunities to invite me places, spend time with me...blah blah blah...but he ha...

• Alone...

  Posted on Tuesday May 26th, 2009 at 22:10 in relationships, alone

  I am temporarily writing about my lack of love life on this blog, as my other one is on hiatus....Nothing is going on. Josh is in town for a week "relaxing" as his new lease in his new city does not start until June 1. I haven't really gotten much mo...

• Umm...

  Posted on Friday May 8th, 2009 at 21:35 in relationships, MEN, rejection, alone

  Why do I always fall for men I can't have?Exhibit A: boyfriend #1...much older and never wanted to marry...we are still friends, he is very supportive of me emotionallyExhibit 2: alcoholic with no interest in sex.....but he really is a ...

• Yesterday:

  Posted on Friday April 17th, 2009 at 08:12 in relationships, introspection, karma, rejection, improving oneself

  The Good Things (Karma):1) I volunteered agan2) I didn't flirt with Sam, and I refuse to seduce him (Kim is too nice of a person)3) I gave the artist across the way from me half of my sub sandwhich because he was hungry. (It was the least I could ...

• I started project "Improve Myself" Yesterday :)

  Posted on Sunday April 12th, 2009 at 12:00 in relationships, volunteering, karma, improving oneself

  I did go and do some volunteering in the AM, and in the afternoon I behaved myself. This basically means I didn't get overly flirtatious with Sam up at the studios, as my friend Kim likes him. The only really BAD thing I did yesterday was that I let ...

• The Passion

  Posted on Monday March 30th, 2009 at 21:11 in relationships, Romance, adultery, rejection, affairs

  I need to write about this. Seriously-- before I forget. 4 months have lapsed now since my last interaction with Alex. I deleted all my other posts about our interations (because I'm fucking stupid), so lets see what I can remember of our little love...

• I Think I am Ready to Let go of my Ex...

  Posted on Saturday March 28th, 2009 at 08:32 in relationships, alcoholism, independence, relapse, alone, starting over

  For real, actually. I have been reluctant to remove my alcohohlic ex-boyfriend from my life, as I have often felt I don't really have much of a "support system" here so to speak. (I am a long way from home). Anyway, at this point perhaps I have enoug...

• Alex was at the studios today

  Posted on Thursday March 19th, 2009 at 21:31 in relationships, adultery, rejection, affairs

  And he ignored me. In fact, he left within a few minutes of my arrival there. Fucking asshole. How can you be sexually involved with someone on an ongoing basis, and just blow them off...MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!yeah, he had one "Normal" conversation with me...

• Back Home and Starting Over...Kinda

  Posted on Wednesday February 11th, 2009 at 23:00 in relationships, vacation, rejection, back home

  So here's what's going on-- the basics. My ex alcoholic boyfriend, who I refer to as "Bryan," is still living at the rooming house and not causing me any drama/problems. We speak on a daily basis (as he appears to be sober), and we occasionally hang ...

• Maybe I Should Stay out of Town a Little Longer...

  Posted on Thursday January 22nd, 2009 at 09:35 in relationships, depression, vacation, moving, breaking up, freaking out

  I am nervous about going back home. I spoke with my ex yesterday afternoon, and I found out he had not yet contacted his mother for his rent money yet. His weekly rent is due on Friday/Saturday. He then said, "you're coming back on Saturday aren't yo...

• My Ex is Finally out of my Apartment

  Posted on Wednesday January 21st, 2009 at 10:04 in relationships, housing, boyfriend, breaking up

  As far as I know...I am out of town right now-- in another state actually. The day before I left, I wrote a check for a week's rent at this rooming house, and got the keys back from my ex. He took most of his clothes there, and a few other things. Lu...

• 2 Months of Shit...

  Posted on Wednesday January 14th, 2009 at 18:46 in relationships, alcoholism, apartments, relapse, neighbors

  And you know I am not referring to the substance that comes out of your ass. I am referring to all the drama with my drunk, unemployed ex-boyfriend. He is still in my apartment, and of course, still drunk and unemployed. It is not good. He needs to g...

• dude, I'm tired...

  Posted on Sunday December 28th, 2008 at 19:24 in relationships, depression, alcoholism, eating disorder, relapse, rejection

  The last month has been really draining. There was my ex relapsing, leading to our breakup, "alex" no longer speaking to me...and all the depression that resulted from this crap.My ex has not moved out yet, but is looking at apartments. I will miss h...

• I hate my life immensely

  Posted on Friday December 19th, 2008 at 22:32 in relationships, depression, alcohol, disability, rejection, frustrated, abandonement

  You know those times in your life where everything just fucking sucks and you with you wouldn't have to wake up and deal with all the stupid fucking stressful shit? I am having one of those months. My ex relapsed, lost his job...I called "alex" who ...

• I'm Really Fucking Depressed...

  Posted on Sunday December 14th, 2008 at 09:34 in relationships, depression, depressed, disability, breaking up

  I feel rather helpless right now. My boyfriend says he will be out by next week, but part of me is scared for him to go. I am across the country from "home" and I don't know a lot of people here. I feel alone a lot. I am not employed. My dad is payin...

• Here's What's Going On Part 2...

  Posted on Wednesday December 3rd, 2008 at 20:48 in relationships, depression, alcohol, disability, relapse, rejection, alone

  OK, so my boyfriend is sober for NOW...Not that this reasures me...I know there is always a "next time"I feel stuck...I have no money and no career prospects. He helps pays the bills. He doesn't have a lot, but it makes up for what I cannota do. I am...

• Here's What's Going On...

  Posted on Sunday November 30th, 2008 at 11:11 in relationships, alcoholism, drama, stress, hospitalization, breaking up, scared

  So my boyfriend (soon to be ex boyfriend), was fired from yet another job. He then proceeded to go on a 5 day drinking binge and did not help me pay any of the bills this month. (So my checking account has mostly been depleted)...He wound up in the E...

• The Men I Have Known...

  Posted on Wednesday November 19th, 2008 at 21:24 in relationships, music, depression, Tori Amos, rejection, sadness, alone, silent all these years, college relationships

  I have this idea...It will most likely never come to fruition..., mainly becuase I cannot spell that word, or appopriately define it...I want to write a story. Mainly because I don't know what else to do. I want to write about my life. About how I wo...