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addiction to pornography

Posted by jasonthebaldguy • 9/24/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: addictions, addicts, porn, pornography, recovery

Addiction to pornography is a very serious problem for many people these days. As a recovered addict, I am telling my story in hopes that others can find the strength to ask for help and to find an accountability partner.

Read my story here
jasonthebaldguy.com/addiction-to-pornography/

and please help spread this story so that others can get help... It very nearly ruined my life and I have been clean for 3 years now! The addiction is completely gone..

If you like the article please give me a bump on digg, stumbleupon, twitter, or anything else!

I would also like to hear from anyone else that is struggling with this or has recovered... I will be glad to post your recovery story on my blog with your permission.

User Comments

9/24/09

wagerwitch

Interesting.

I don't know - but maybe this is what my ex husband was going through. I'm not sure - but there was a point in our marriage that sex was the ONLY thing that was important to him - and it was the last thing on my mind.

I found stashes of pornography and when going through the computer - I found a lot more.

It didn't bother me so much - cause I'm a pretty free-spirit - but now that I look back - I think it may have had a lot to do with his desires and me always feeling like I couldn't match them.

(not that I ever felt like he wanted me to be something else - he just wanted me a lot more than was physically capable of being done in my physical health.)

So - interesting story - never thought much about porn one way or another.

Luck to you - if this is a serious thing.

WW

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1. 9/25/09
  
  jasonthebaldguy
  
  alot of the problem in relationships that involve pornography is that you get used to instant gratification and don't bother to put some effort into the relationship. We begin to have unrealistic expectations and can begin to criticize and/or coach our spouse to do things that support our new ideals. It is no wonder that women begin to get uninterested in sex. Regardless of whether a woman recognizes it or not; if a man does not truly treat her as a treasure and his "only" lover, she feels devalued and begins to loose interest. I know this because I have experienced this through two marriages. Thankfully I got my head out of my A$$ before it was too late for the second marriage. I actually have signed up for a monitoring service that reports any of my questionable browsing to my wife... It is a bold statement to the one you love that you are willing to be fully accountable to them. My wife has definitely turned up the heat since I have walked away from porn...and often she initiates things and is more responsive than I ever imagined.
9/25/09

avideogameplayer

Porn wouldn't be a problem if us men NEEDS were met instead of just 'not tonight dead, I got a headache...'

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1. 9/25/09
  
  MissSuzie
  
  Um...my husband couldn't keep up with me (and I've never said I had a headache), but he couldn't quit the porn. That is a lame excuse -- try again.
2. 9/25/09
  
  crpitt
  
  No tonight dead? Necrophilia is naughty.
  
  Very lame excuse.
3. 9/25/09
  
  dbowles1017
  
  Dumb. Some times you just want to watch porn. It has nothing to do with 'needs' being met or not.
9/25/09

MissSuzie

I must say congrats to you! This is the very reason my husband is no longer with me. It took guts for you to put this out there like that! Thanks for sharing.

[reply]
1. 9/25/09
  
  jasonthebaldguy
  
  Miss Suzie,
  
  I a sorry to hear that... it is a huge problem especially with the internet serving it up very easily.
  
  I found a great solution x3watch.com/ is a free accountability service that your guy can sign up to. Being honest with each other is the first step towards recovery. I use this myself to make sure I do not fall off the wagon, while the addiction is completely gone the tendencies as a guy are still very much there. X3watch is simple and easy and free.
9/25/09

crpitt

Is there any advice you would give to someone who is not religious? Was it your relationship with your partner that also gave you the strength to get through is? Not just a strength from a spiritual/religious connection?

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1. 9/25/09
  
  jasonthebaldguy
  
  @ crpitt
  
  My wife and I have a very very strong relationship... but only because we have gone through these types of problems as a team.. we do not pull any punches when dealing with tough topics, but we always treat each other in love. When I came to her to confess my problem, it was pretty tough...I was taking the gamble that my honesty and sincerity would outweigh her disgust with me. And believe me she was pretty disgusted! I just kept my head down and took my just reward and worked on getting better. Over time she came to respect me for what I had done and she now completely trusts me... in fact she questioned as to why I thought I should put X3watch on my computer. I responded that I wanted her to know that she could completely trust me in this area. Her response was, "I do completely trust you! even without the software" She trusts me more than I trust myself!
  
  My personal stance on this was that I completely could not overcome this with willpower... maybe some people could but I am fully convinced that I could not. It was only when I truly and desperately called out to God for help that my addiction was broken. And it was broken so completely and so fully that there is no question in my mind that it was a divine intervention. I am not one to promote "religion" but I fully promote asking God for help sincerely and I am convinced that he will help in every instance if we truly want him to.
  
  Granted there is a lot of religious garbage out there these days... I seek God on my own terms, and often against the flow of my peers, but there have been more than a few times that an unquestionable outside force has demonstrated the knowledge and the ability to change my life for the better as long as I am willing. A good example is this post about my wife jasonthebaldguy.com/that-girl/
  
  hope that all makes sense...
9/25/09

HollytheHousewife

Good for you jason,and suzy is right it takes courage to post a thread like this. If we are gonna be honest here it has a lot to do with why I'm going through a divorce. I don't wanna put to much personal stuff out there,but it can also make your wife feel totally inadequate.

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9/25/09

nothingprofound

Anything can be an addiction. Work can be an addiction. I suspect work alienates more couples than pornography.

[reply]
1. 9/25/09
  
  HollytheHousewife
  
  Yea,but if your partner has an addiction to work he isn't literally imageing work being his spouse so when its porn it can cut deeper
2. 9/25/09
  
  nothingprofound
  
  Depends on the couple. Porn can contribute to a couple's sex life rather than threaten it.
3. 9/25/09
  
  HollytheHousewife
  
  Well we can agree to disagree on that one. I have stated before that if you are in love with your husband or wife and in exctasy then there should be no middle man,haha
4. 9/25/09
  
  jasonthebaldguy
  
  porn may seem to contribute in the short term but long term it only serves to flatten your natural response to your wife's "no longer an 18 year old porn star" body so just like a drug, it takes more to get your libido up. You become more dependent on porn to contribute and she becomes more distant as she realizes that its the porn and not her that turns you on.
  
  I will admit that while some people are not addicted to pornography many are addicted and have a strong need to be viewing sexual material at work, at home, on their cellphone, and much of their browsing behavior can have implications with their job and other aspects of their personal behavior. These people may not have a moral issue with porn and will not view it as an addiction but a hobby of sorts. Regardless I encourage you if you view porn regularly see if you can completely refrain from any type of porn for a month and let your spouse know that you are making that effort... see if it does not improve your relationship. I am convinced that it will..
  
  be sure to leave a comment on my blog about your experiences!
9/25/09

amitchopra22

addiction is created when a person carry on the same thing daily or regularly.
it can be stopped by only strong decission (dont try to stop it,) make short success party as leave that for 1 week and see porn on first next day of the week ended. then again try the same thing and by being in touch with kids and njoying every moment with friends can stop this..

[reply]
9/25/09

marcusmarcus

I watch porn but i'm not addicted!

[reply]
1. 9/25/09
  
  aningeniousname
  
  Is that why your hand is shaking ......oh no.
9/25/09

amybyrd21

my hubby had a problem before we met. I think that is a big reason his last marriage failed. I dont have to worry about it now he doesnt look at it enough to be considered an addiction. But he is a man so yes I am sure he looks. Alot of it has to due with lack of S@# in a marriage I think. If they are bored in the relationship then they have a problem with it. (that is my opinion knowwing alot ofpeople with the problem and some of them are women) I never saw what you get out of it If you cant touch it then why look at it.

[reply]
9/26/09

sorcerer

God!!! How did i miss this blog catalog section ."Shameless" being my middle name.

errr..Addiction to pornography is a "problem"?
I thought, its cuz nature made me superior and i just need to contribute my 'superior' gene to gene pool.

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