Discussions
Are bachelor parties a recipe for disaster?
Posted by mizzeboni • 7/20/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: parties, strippers, trust
I was thinking of a new topic for my blog. My fiancee and I are planning for our wedding. And of COURSE bachelor/bachelorette parties came up. I am on the fence with bachelor parties for him ONLY because in the past he has had a few problems being tempted with women so I am unsure of it because I dont know if he will be tempted.I know there is likely to be strippers knowing his friends and families. Before this, I wouldve not had any problem with it.
This led me to start thinking about are bachelor parties a recipe for disaster? Do they have to be? Are women more afraid of what COULD happen than what may ACTUALLY happen?
Im going to be doing a blog on this and want to get others opinions on it to put into the post....
check me out @ youspeakonit.blogspot.com
User Comments
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No. Reality shows are a recipe for disaster.
Disaster level depends on cast size. -
If you knew what went on at bachelor parties, you would never agree to letting your husband (to be) have one.
Believe me. I used to be an exotic dancer. I know things.-
ooooooooooooo wee!! i can only imagine!! i believe it gets rowdy and alcohol mixed with horny friends and naked women coudnt be good. I know you are supposed to trust your man, but there is not enough trust in the world for that
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I wouldn't want my husband going to a bachelor's party. I remember all too well what went on!
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No, they're a good idea - consider them a good send off before settling down.
Of course things do go on that you may not be happy about, but it would be the same deal for bachellorette parties also.
My motto is always "It doesnt matter where you get your appetite so long as you eat at home"-
LOL, Sam! I like that saying--too funny!
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i so disagree with you but i love your response! lol..especially the last part, even though i do slightly agree wit that. But i did keep it fair and say no bachelorette party for me if he doesn't get one
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The thing is, you may regret it if you don't do it - It may be a while before you get to party again let alone just go out with the boys/girls without your partner coming along.
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i know! i really want one too..i honestly feel that since ive done nothing wrong i should still get one! lol i know its wrong but its truly how i feel. he is the one who can't be fully trusted lol
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I think they are harmless if you trust your partner, it is usually the best man or maid of honour that go totally nuts in my experience.-
And its normally them that have done all the planning. The groom/bride dont normally have any idea until the day.
Although on that note with mine due in september, I've heard rumours of things that my fiance may not be happy with: My groomsmen have planned to re-enact the the scene from 40 year old virgin with the chest waxing, that wouldnt be such a problem, however the beautician doing it is a very attractive friend of mine whom my fiance knows i've had relations with before.
It will be innocent as bachelor parties get but I'm still worried that what goes on tour may not stay on tour and my fiance will make up her own stories in her head. -
Does she know of the plan yet?
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She knows that I MAY get a chest wax - but hasnt put any thought into who may be doing it.
The friend in question is also invited to the wedding on that note - but my fiance is a little funny because my friend and i do have history and she is a very attractive looking person. She's just a little insecure that I'd go back there or be unfaithful with that person in particular. -
Does she have to be the one that waxes you?
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No, not at all - but Im not the one planning it, for all i know they could just be trying to throw me off by saying its her.
But even if it was her - to me it would be nothing more than catching up with a friend, whom i've had less to do with since being with my fiance. -
It is a tough one for you, because you want to catch up a mate, who you just happened to have relations with and the future missus is never going to like that.
If you are getting married she should trust you of course, but how would you feel about an ex putting his hands on her even if you knew that they just friends? -
She sees her ex husband nearly every other day - and another ex is her personal trainer at the gym.
Im not the jealous type. Ive been at a bar and she's received numbers from other dudes, it didnt bother me because she still came home with me.
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"Are bachelor parties a recipe for disaster?"
Only if they're done right.
Seriously though, there does seem to be a trust issue. If you don't want him to have one, then you shouldn't have one either. That way, you can avoid a messing fight and everything can be fair.
However, his friends just may drag him to a party without him realizing it.
You just have to trust him.-
there is one, i can admit that.. because of things in the past its hurt a lot of trust because before i would not have had a problem with it..o yeah and i did say if he didn't have one i wouldn't but its not fair! i did nothing to break his trust but i don't get one cuz he broke mine..i feel that since ive been good i should be able to have one! Is that wrong?
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No thats not wrong to feel that way - but if you have these feelings just be straight up with him and tell him how you feel.
Men dont work in hints or general possibilities - we prefer things to almost be in writing or in neon lights. So just tell him how you feel and gauge his reaction as to whether or not its a good idea or not to be happy with him going out partying -
You know what SAM that is great advice because i don't wanna miss out on mine and part of me really wants him to have one because i know its his ''last time'' to live it up..im so confused
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In my opinion its a good idea to let him go out - you dont want him resenting you later on in life, and doing the whole "Im going out whether you like it or not" attitude.
Its a bad idea to make your partner feel trapped in a relationship because although you're getting married and making a commitment and coming together - you're still individuals who both need your own space from time to time. And keeping him under lock and key is the wrong sort of reverse psychology - because its then that he'll start wanting to go out and even start lying about the innocent things because he wont think that you approve. And then you'll get suspicious and he'll clam up even more and stop telling you things. -
i get and agree with you completely but its not like he doesn't go out or anything.. i let him go wherever he wants..im just talkin bout the one night u know? i want him to enjoy it i think i just have a problem if there are strippers to be honest..I want him to enjoy his last night so what could be an alternative because i KNOW his friends and brothers.. that's my thing, there are so many other factors i didn't discuss that contribute to why i feel this way u know?
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Really though - whats the worst that can happen when strippers are involved? they're only nice to the dudes who go to the clubs so that they can make money in tips.
It may sound harsh but when you think in terms of "a stripper could have any man in the club that she wants - so why would she pick mine?" you may feel a bit better about it.
And also when you think in terms of what the dancers go through on a weekly basis they probably dont have a very good outlook on men anyway. -
my man is DAMN FINE thats why..lol!! but i completely understand!! its not right to assume anything. And its not just her,its his blk ass too..lol..But you are right completely..its always good to hear other points of view, not just the ones that are in my mind..
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Are bachelor parties a recipe for disaster?
- The last 4 couples I knew who got married didn't have either bachelor parties or bachellorette parties either. Instead they variously had a bowling parties, a BBQ, a pool party, and a cocktail party. In all cases, both men and women were invited. I think that whether or not a bachelor party or a bachellorette party is held at all, depends on the couple and what they want. If you don't want your guy to have one, then tell him that.
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If you can't trust him with strippers, can you trust him with the girl at the office with poor boundaries?
Just sayin...-
That is what I was thinking.
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That is a good point.
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i see where you goin but i don't agree..there are way more factors at a bachelor party that would be absurd to believe happened at work. I mean i get where youre goin but i believe there are two different scenarios
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Will there be no office nights outs or parties were drinking is involved?
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o yes but i already know he would take me hands down i know that. Already been to several and he drinks and even dances wit female coworkers. With bachelor parties im talking about added temptation you know? i highly doubt there will be a group of men cheering on naked women who are paid to seduce him at an office party..that's what im gettin at..
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Even if he is tempted, most strippers are not also prostitutes.
If you are simply jealous of what he might see, think, etc. you've got to understand that men are dirty sexual creatures, and there are innumerous instances among everyday events where he is mentally having sex with females that he interacts with or even just SEES as he goes about his day... unless he's some sort of monk or something. -
I say let him go and you organise the best bachelorette party ever for yourself.
You love the bloke and want to marry him don't you?
@agit8r makes a good point, some drunk co worker is more likely to sleep with him. -
or sober coworker with boundary issues.
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i agree with you both.. no i don't think all strippers are prostitutes but lets be real some of them will do some extra for money.. and yes i should try and plan my own thing and focus more on me enjoyin my last night as well
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That is out of your hands and you have to decide whether you can handle him going?
Now get planning yours, will it just be the one night or a whole weekend? -
o and im not jealous of any female..sorry babe..jealously doesn't look good on me
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It depends on the date we set..the date isn't set in its final stone lol..i want a weekend cuz i love my girls and our time out but if we can only do one night then that's that u know.
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Weekends are definitely worth it if you can manage that, but one night will do!
The best one I went on was last year:
Weekend evidence: crpitt.blogspot.com/2008/04/introducing-blow-up-rob-and-friends.html
Night out evidence: crpitt.blogspot.com/2008/05/hen-night.html -
Actually, I speak from true experience when I say that most strippers will have sex for the right amount of money in a private party situation. Just about every girl I stripped with (including me) did. While it is true that most strippers don't dual as prostitues on a regular basis, if someone gives you a thousand dollars for a one night stand, they're going to take it. Believe me!
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*hopes he isn't giving anyone cold feet with blunt talk of how men are sleeze*
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Oh I love the old bachelor party! First time I was raped by a broom with mmmmmmm baby wrote down the side in blue bic biro was a milesto...............weddings are fun.-
ok are you being serious?
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Yes.....I still have ....bruis..the marks...
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in the UK bachelor parties include an aardvark show?
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o my god..that's so sad..im really sorry to hear that
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He is not being serious, he is an attention seeking aardvark.
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I am serious! My bum is sore!
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good gravies! *headdesk*
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our anniversary is coming up soon (august) and I want a redo bachelor party where we get 3 hot, hot strippers (w/ real boobage though) in a limo and party the night away then we go to a hotel and stay faithful -
Why only 3?
Dear lord your husband is a lucky man!! - that being said my other half went to a stip club with me, but only to see how I behaved at such a place. She did enjoy it though. -
she shouldn't have told you she wanted to see how you'd behave cuz then you wouldn't be yourself
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hahahaha i have been to a lot of these .....kinda rowdy but funny.i always end up disappointed though but it's ok.-
see..i want a good bachlorette party as well..i dont need super wild because I've already had all that..so much that I am so tired of them and they no longer interest me.. why you always end up disappointed?
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see..i want a good bachlorette party as well..i dont need super wild because I've already had all that..so much that I am so tired of them and they no longer interest me.. why you always end up disappointed?
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Mwahahahaha because there is nothing there for me except the drinks!
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i understand my friend
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No offense but, if your concerned about him being "tempted" why are you marrying him? That kinda says you dont trust him in that aspect and it is a hugh part of a marriage. When I was first married I had a bachlor party. But, I did not have strippers simply because I was getting married and wouldnt disrespect my new wife like that.-
only in certain situations..the way I look at is like, everyone can be tempted in any certain circumstance, that doesnt qualify them from not being loved, you understand? Its not just about him being tempted but the fact that temptation is magnified..
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I don't really like the term bachelor/bachelorette party because it insinuates wild times, temptation and unfaithfulness. I think you should think of it as a weekend away with the boys/girls. Go have fun with your closest friends, do something adventurous that you've never done before like skydiving! I think you and your husband should pass on strippers especially if there are trust issues.. He knows his friends are planning a bachelor party for HIM so he can insist NO STRIPPERS.-
I really like that! That is good advice because some people are thinking I dont want him to do ANYTHING. I mean, its not truly about temptation, its more about people encouraging the temptation amongst other things. I dont know any woman (though I am sure there are) that wants their husband oogling other women you know? I feel out of respect for me, you shouldnt even WANT to. I completely see your point and agree..thank you
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Great post and question. I had the same myself. However, not to simplify what can be a complicated issue: if he is the type that is easily tempted in the first place, having or not having a bachelor party isn't going to promote or stop him from straying.
Just make sure you have a discussion with your fiance and to agree to agreed terms - both on the bachelor party and your future marriage.
I'm going to check your blog!-
I was wondering when someone was going to bring this up. You took the words out of my mouth. -
thanks for responding and checkin out my blog. The thing is not that he is easily tempted (which I keep trying to explain to everyone..sorry I know it wasnt mentioned well in the first post). But like I stated before who wants their husband watching and wanting another woman to take off her clothes in front of him, you kno? I feel everyone can be tempted, that is not the issue..its more of the elevated types of temptation that will be going on..I stated before that there are so many other things (regarding his friends and brothers) that people dont know about so its not just him, you know? I have no problem with him going out (like I stated), I dont want naked women in his face lol...
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Are bachelor parties a recipe for disaster?
As Mae West might have said, "only if they're done right".
Just kidding. -
I also take issue with a traditional bachelor/bachelorette party idea.
You're getting married for goodness sake! Why do you need private strippers and a wild night mixed with alcohol that could turn into a situation where you might put your future marriage in jeopardy before you even say your vows? (that goes for the women, too)
Neither my husband or I did either type of party. Instead I would suggest setting up mutual boundaries with regards to what type of party you will both have - you know, the guys could go to a game or just a plain old bar - so can the women. Someone else suggested a cocktail party, bowling, and other parties like that. Sounds good to me.
Getting married has it's pro's and con's - and celebrating the event (and mourning the last day of single-hood ) with your closest friends is perfectly acceptable - but having strippers come to a private party and getting loaded? It's not very respectful.-
As a former stripper, I have to agree. And in fact, we dancers were always amazed that anyone would want to start their marriage by hiring us to dance at their party!
I actually only did a handful of bachelor parties. The guys would get WAY too out of hand and it was too much of a pain to put up with and you usually made far more money dancing at the club. They always would send the new dancers (who didn't know better) out to the bachelor party gigs. -
In the UK (usually)
Men: Weekend away in Non familiar city in UK or Elsewhere, ridiculously drunk, lap dance club, go karting and/or paintballing, lots of drinking.
Women: Weekend away and night out, Fancy dress is almost obligatory, drinking, sometimes male lap dance club, lots of drinking.
My friends last year: Weekend in the country with Llama hiking and fancy dress night out, hardly any drinking.
Next year for sisters and best mates:
Sisters: Medieval dress all weekend, white water rafting, sightseeing in Edinburgh.
Best mates: Animal fancy dress then spend the day at a safari park, cocktails night time.
It should be about fun and daftness, not a temptation test in my opinion.
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Melinda, I agree. Although I have been privy to combined parties where both the bride and groom were present, and they hired a stripper(s). Now that's OK in my book, because it's clearly mutual.
And I like Claire's suggestions because they are fun, and even though some include the attendance in a strip club the rest is really about having a good time. Most strip clubs are fine, because they have clear boundaries and limitations as to what can occur. (I know some are still places of ill-repute though ) -
@Claire
- It should be about fun and daftness, not a temptation test in my opinion.
Those are the kind of things that my friends would go for. One friend chose to take us 8 girls canoeing and camping for the weekend, instead of having a hen party. Lots of fun, skinny dipping, dancing in the moonlight, singing and howling at the moon, and very little drinking. It was great!
Her husband to be did the same thing with the guys but we went to different islands. They had motor boats and they were into fishing. Based on how the guys looked when they returned, I'm pretty sure they drank more than we girls did. -
@Claire and Anok--
Claire, I love your ideas for the parties--that sounds like so much more fun than the drinking, lapdancing, etc ones.
And yes, Anok--I think if a sexually themed party is shared between the bride and groom then that's another story entirely.
I will say this, the few times I did dance at a bachelor's party, I was half tempted to call up the future bride to tell her what an a-hole her beloved was. . . but then, I decided she picked him so she probably knew!
Les and I didn't do anything for pre-wedding parties--but then, we had a VERY modest wedding. We did go all out for the honeymoon--and that was an amazing trip. -
Fun and frolics, without the bollocks, is my motto, well for hen weekends
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Bollocks is another word that I really wish we'd (America) come up with.
You Brits came up with everything first!
It simply isn't fair! -
It is a word I use a lot too
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I actually use it quite a bit myself. But then, I steal from you Brits all the time.
Like wanker. You thought Americans didn't use that term. I made it famous in the fantasy phone call world.
You Brits can all thank me for that. Without me, wankers would have stayed on your side of the pond. -
You can keep the wankers and all that type of bollocks
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Bollocks to that, Claire--I'll steal the wanking and the bollocks and anything else I damn well please!
I have to live up to my Ugly American reputation -
- Pfffttt! Canadians have already "stolen" a whole lot of British words. My girlfriend married a Brit and was there for 19 years. She then came back and because we had kept in touch throughout that time I didn't even realize I had picked up her expressions. Then one day, when we had customers from the UK, they overheard us chatting and they thought we were both Brits. I pick up regional words and accents really quickly, and some of the best colloquial expressions I have ever heard are British.
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@ ANOK_--> wow, i just stated that in a reply to someone else before I got to you.. WHY would you WANT to see that if you are getting married? I have NO desire to go to strip clubs and see naked men, I know men are different but still, its the principle. I agree with you totally! Thanks for the reply hun
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I would never tell my man he could or could not do anything. I would however, express my feelings toward whatever it is.
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I've already expressed to him the feelings..I never told him he couldnt have one..
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I've already expressed to him the feelings..I never told him he couldnt have one..
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I don't think they are...I think bach parties are pretty cool. One last big party before the big day. It doesn't have to be a room full of naked randomess and piles of cocaine. I suppose it depends on the couple. Personally whomever I get engaged to would probably just want to have one big blast out with me where we invite all our friends have strippers galore, booze, drugs and tons of fun before we get all formal and walk down the aisle.-
I have told him that, if its both of us, then thats fine with me because I know you arent tryin to do anything. But I also feel that I should not have to be up under your arm my whole life making sure you dont cheat..I have my own life to worry about. My thing is that I WANT him to have a great time with his friends and stuff before we get married and everything, but why do we need shake dancers there?
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OK, since some are wondering, lol..I am adding another perspective, my fiancees brother tried to encourage him to cheat on me.. THAT is a big reason why I dont want the bachelor party because I know how his friends are and I KNOW how his brothers are and they will be attending. I know that im engaged to HIM but at the same time, who wants him to be around people that shows the capability to do that? Around naked women? That is a part I left out and its another reason I dont particularly want him to have a "stripper" based bachelor party. Im in NO way saying I dont want him to have fun or have a bachelor party but can we be original?
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