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Are parents too neurotic today?
Posted by EnergyNoCrash • 11/22/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children, kids, parent, parenting, raising kids
When did we become so neurotic as parents? Are we doing more damage with this parental behavior or is it a better way?
When I was growing up my friends and I would set up bike ramps to jump just like Evil Knievel. If you don't know who that is, look it up. No helmets, no pads, nothing. Maybe my mother just didn't give a crap but they seemed to worry less back then. Thoughts?
User Comments
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When I was growing up we never locked our doors because it wasn't necessary. I played alone outside as soon as I could toddle. Now parents can't leave their kids unsupervised for fear of them being kidnapped...and that's a real fear. That is one issue.
The other issue is, we ARE raising a bunch of wimps. I put a wolf mask on when I answered the door this Halloween. I scared some 10 year old boy so bad, his father rang my doorbell at 10:30 pm and was upset that I scared his son. I told daddy dearest that I didn't appreciate him ringing my doorbell at that hour and if his son didn't want to be scared, then he should give up Halloween.
When I was a kid, and we went trick-or treating we were prepared to get scared. The adults in our neighborhood where I grew up had a few tricks up their sleeves for us. We were scared, had fun in the process, and marveled at how creative the parents were in their scare tactics.
Times sure have changed. Next Halloween I'm giving dad and his twerpy son a bag of fresh pucky. -
I see parents who lack parenting skills (not sure if that makes them neurotic or just poor parents) Yea, lets pup up the kids with pills for ADHD and see how things work out in the long run. By the way I think that this ADHD stuff is mostly a western phenomenon.-
Perhaps the chronic labeling of kids as ADHD or ADD is Western but I do not know any stats for the illness internationally. Toxins are making us stupid, sick and dead here in the US. This generation of kids is going ot be so messed up.
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We became neurotic as parents when they started taking our kids out of windows during slumber parties...Polly Klast (sp?). I think most parents today are so unconcerned it is frightening. Kids are being raped and pulled off of the streets and killed. Do you have kids? Who cares what we knew 30 years ago, this is a different world with a whole new set of worries.
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Exactly.
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Some parents are neurotic, and guess what, they would have been just as neurotic back then, too. As environmental stated, so many parents are so uninvolved in parenting today it's terrifying.
I've seen parents walking around with little toddlers - with absolutely no intent of paying attention to where the child was in a crowded store or mall. A little 2 year old girl just walked off by herself as I watched - the mother kept shopping, didn't even bother to look down to see if her baby was still there.
We've had more kidnappings (locally) in the last couple of years than ever before. One baby was literally snatched out of the mother's arms by force. 2 days later, they found him in a garbage can.
Neurotic? Not really. Protective? you bet. -
I guess it would have a lot to do with the colour of your skin, your economic status, geography, and what colour glasses one chooses to wear.-
Amen
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I teach child development and have my doctorate in psychology. I think parents are more neurotic in that they expect their kids to do WAY too much, as far as activities go. Kids today don't have nearly the time to just relax and be kids. This drives me crazy--the terrible expectations we put on kids--almost as though we are pinning our success on their success. It's not fair to them.
I agree with the people who said that this is a different world today and parents have to be worried--I agree they do.
I think what is lacking is time. I honestly believe that kids need to spend more quality time with their parents with the TV off and just communicating. Parents are stressed and kids pick up on that. People need to relax and enjoy family time.-
I think that's an excellent observation. Neurotic about their children's activities and school work and achievements - yes. I agree that there are some serious helicopter parents out there.
But as for safety of children, it's a different ballgame today. When I was growing up we had more "freedom" in the sense that we could roam the neighborhood more and play outdoors a lot moreso than kids today. But what many people neglect to remember or admit is that during that time period, there was always an adult or parent within earshot. Someone was always paying attention. That was a time when other parents weren't afraid to walk outside and discipline other people's children, or to call the child's parent on the phone and inform them about little Jonnie's new hobby.
that simply isn't the case today. Other parents and adults in the neighborhood turn a blind eye or simply don't pay attention - not even to what their own kids are doing or what's going on in their own home. -
Oh, I absolutely agree with you, Anok--you can't be too careful these days. I don't know what in the world is happening to people (I think stress plays a major role) but there are so many people who wish to harm children that parents cannot be too careful.
When I was a kid, we would walk to and from school (about a mile) by ourselves, we would play at night--anywhere we wanted in town--and my parents never worried. Today's parents cannot do that--not by a long shot--they'll snatch your kid right out of the front lawn.
The biggest problem that I see with parents today is not spending enough quality time with their kids--they pawn them off on all the activities so someone else has to deal with their child and things can go pretty haywire for kids without that parental support. Kids NEED parental time--and many are not getting what they need.
So, I see a lot of neglect in my business--and that's a sad thing to see. -
I think you're right. I also think there has been a shift in attitude about parenting, and adult obligations in general. Many of the mothers I know right now who are younger than I am have a very strange outlook about parenting. (Strange to me, at least). First and foremost is this need or entitlement towards "me time". Everyone needs me time, but the younger mothers are taking it a little too far. I read one mother's opinion stating that her house would not be child centric whatsoever, and that she planned (and already paid for) a two week child-free vacation just under a year after her twins were born. She stated that her parents will take the twins for as long as she wanted so she could do what she wanted. She thought nothing of this...not even the irony of her avoiding a child-centric home while making her mother, who already raised her children continue to have a child-centric home.
Even if the kid was all grown up. I mean, can you imagine?
I've heard other women express their solidarity in the "three martini playdate". As they drink at playdates, and drive their toddlers home. Erm... I actually stopped attending a weekly playdate because the mothers were all drinking. And I don't mean one glass of wine or winecooler, either.
I had one woman tell me all about the trials and tribulations of single parenthood one time. OK, yes, single parenthood is tough, I understand that. But come to find out - she only spent a few hours a week with her child. She dropped her kid off to everyone else - and not just to work, but all week long so she could party. Her parents took the kid from dinner time to lunch time the next day, where she'd pick the kid up, spend a few hours, and drop him back off to her parents. And the father took the kid every weekend. I was shocked - and insulted. I wanted to yell at her about single parenthood where the parents didn't have a 24/7 babysitter and couldn't go out partying 5 nights a week. I mean, come on.
I don't know what's changed, but something sure has. -
Anok, I've seen two specific cases where middle-aged moms have decided to just stop being a mom, more or less... In one case, the husband now works at home and takes care of the children and she (who doesn't work) goes out on little vacations with the girls, goes out evenings partying, etc.
I know another case where the couple divorced and the mother didn't want custody at all, for the same reasons-- the partying, the "having fun and Me time".
What must this do to the poor kids????? -
Anok, part of the problem is the way the kids were raised--the ones who are now having kids. Remember, these are the kids that were born in the 1980's--when every kid got an award for everything possible, everyone was a 'superkid' and everyone was 'gifted.' This has really led to a "ME" generation, in general--and that does include parenting. I have seen the same phenomenon you have seen. In fact, I see it all the time.
To go along with what TSR said, a lot of these younger parents dump their kids off at grandma and grandpa anytime they like it.
And TSR--what does this do to the kids? Contines a cycle of poor parenting in many cases. Some will learn from their parents poor skills--but many others will just pass it on.
And if you think about it--Casey Anthony is like an EXTREME case of what we are talking about. She wanted some 'me time' so much she killed her baby (allegedly--gah). -
I think it will do one of three things:
Either perpetuate the cycle of selfish non parenting,
Discourage the children from having children when they are adults, or
Push the pendulum back to the polar opposite, creating a highly child centric parenting phenomena, which in my opinion could be just as bad as the non parenting cycle we have now.
Less dangerous, though - but emotionally stunting, which would create an entire generation of adult children.
@Mtyler - yup, I agree. The rate of child deaths by the parent's hand has nearly doubled here recently *shudders* -
I don't know, I knew the kind of parents and problems you talk of back in the late 60's and 70's on our housing estate. They would spit the kids out of the house so they wouldn't be under the mothers feet, and then teatime the family would eat in front of the telly and the family would stay like that all night (that's if the father wasn't at the pub or working mans club). frankly I didn't see much quality time then anymore than I do now with many people.
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Neurotic?? There are many lousy parents out there- people who just procreated and it beats me how nature allowed it to happen! No offense ...
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LOL
Quick flash CrankyChick...nature didn't let it happen!
Ignorance, selfishness, greed and plain old-fashioned stupidity are more to blame than Mother Nature.
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I totally agree with you. I especially have a problem wit parents micromanaging their kids' activities. Let them be kids.-
Exactly.
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I just might be a bit over protective but compared to the parents in my neighborhood who let two year olds run around the projects without supervision... -
I think Kate on John & Kate plus 8 is!!! Ok, maybe just a little OCD -
I am sure that most of the parents unconsciously make slaves of their children!
genuinewoman.wordpress.com/2009/04/21/just-start-feeling/
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