Discussions
are you authentic online?
Posted by timethief • 7/02/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: blogging, blogging-tools, netiquette, online-prescence, reputation-management
- G'Evening,
My latest post on my blogging tips blog is called Blogging: Online presence and authenticity and I'd like to hear your feedback on the post, as well as, your answers to the discussion questions below.
The way bloggers communicate and present themselves and their opinions online is important, but even more important than online presence is “to thine own self be true”.
Authenticity is the character trait of being genuine, honest with oneself as well as others It’s more than that too. Authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one’s own personality, spirit, or character, despite the demands of society or one’s conditioning.
The reality is that much of the web is designed, not so much to share information, as to sell it. It’s also a reality bloggers today, more than ever before, have many demands on their time and social media networking to create an authentic online presence can be a time drain. Also, as blogging becomes more and more a means of making an income, all bloggers are under increasing pressure to create a “nice” online presence and reputation.
Read the full article at onecoolsite.wordpress.com/2009/06/30/blogging-online-presence-and-authentic...
Discussion questions:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
User Comments
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Discussion questions:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Yes and yes. I come equipped with manners, and I'm fully housebroken
Of course "nice" is rather subjective, I suppose.
(2) Do you agree that: for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes. Just because we are online doesn't mean we get to act like assholes.
(3) Regrading: "While blogging is built on relationships, and while good manners (netiquette) always ought to prevail, I think we all need to recognize that not everyone will like us or what we have to say, and some will even read emotions and motives into what we say that don’t exist at our end."
Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to your that did not exist? If so, how did your handle it?
Yes, yes, and yes. Not eveyrone likes you, in person or online. Online activities just poses the added problem of anonymous stalking and harassment. I have had incorrect emotions, tones, andmeanings attached to my comments by others. Sometimes I could clear it up through dialogue, other times required failure to engage tactics.
(4) I provided some links to tools for managing your online presence in my blog post. Do you have any others that you would like to share?
Haven't read it yet. if my 'puter cooperates - I will comment shortly!
OK, I would add to that - in order to maintain a proper online personality/presence you should STEP AWAY from the computer once in a while. Gain some perspective on life. I firmly believe that your writing and your participation can get stale if you stop experiencing real life, or get too invloved online.-
@Anok
Thanks for your immediate answers. I really appreciate them because although I seem to be outgoing but I'm really not. I'm an introvert (INFJ) and I have frequently been in situations where others have attributed emotions and motives to me that were not "mine".
I have tried to be as honest and open as possible online, because I do want to be true to myself but I also want to be liked. And, from time to time I have succumbed to the urging of others to be a little "nicer" and sacrificed authenticity when doing so.
I'm eager to hear what else you have to say after reading my post. I hope you think it's a good one but I'd rather hear the truth than a lie, so of you think it sucks then please be honest with me, and tell me where you think I went wrong. -
I think the post was clear, concise, and well stated. Even though the internet has been a round awhile, it is still fairly new territory with regards to social interaction. With all of the new media we see everyday, and the dangers of being too open, or being too untrue or something you are not are widespread.
Many people are just now dealing with the repercussions of putting out too much info, or false info in the way of losing business or job opportunities. More than ever, we need to be concerned about our online identities, and how the far reaching consequences of the wayback interwebs can affect us personally.
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this is my favorite post of yours TT.
I try to be myself online and off and I think it's great advice that surpasses promoting a blog. People need to feel and if you don't feel what you are saying but only saying it to gain something, it will fail.-
@Lolita
Wow! I just learned something new about you.
You read my blog! How cool is that?
I have noticed your outgoing nature and ability to go with the flow as well as to reverse the current. I sense from your comments here on the forum that you are authentic and have lots of self confidence and I admire that about you.
I have lots of self confidence to but some of the goings on in threads here leave me breathless, and when that happens I do what Anok points to in her last paragraph above. I leave my computer and head outside to chill among the vegetables and flowers on my deck. (I'm a container gardener.)
P.S. If there's a blogging subject you want me to research and write about please don't hesitate to request it. -
I do it for the cute pic up there
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Ouch this is like a waking up call. Thanks for the tip.This is really valuable.-
@celticmusicfan
I'm glad you liked the post. Is there anything that you are into discussing about online authenticity that you didn't find in the post. If so lease feel free about posting it.
If you don't mind me being a bit pushy I do think you ought to be using the tools like Google Alerts, etc. to monitor what's being said about you and your blog online.
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(1) "Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?"
- I started blogging at 18, I was much less nice at that time, the effort to be nice I think is called growing up. The learning process involved learning to still say what I think without calling people fuckers.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? "If so, how did your handle it?"
- I imagine so though, probably would have argued when younger but at this point in time I access the persons intelligence and stability before trying to explain myself. I'd probably tell them they appeared to have misunderstood at this point in time.
(3) "Do you agree that: for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?"—
Exactly, though I think there are times when we all go off the handle, it's a human thing. Being true to oneself is far more important — for me.
(4) "Do you have any tools for online reputation management aside form the ones I included in the post that your would like to share?" — No, just don't write anything that could cost you a future career.—
Now that class is over I'm going to take a shower.-
@Cooper
Lady you have been a great friend online. I'm not a cyber baby but I still have I have learned tonnes from you about being true to myself. I admire they way you pop into a thread and say what you have to say and then go on about your business.
I think that "camping out" in any social network or on any forum for lengthy periods of time can give rise to jumping to conclusions about what others are feeling and/or thinking that are totally off-base. I also think being bored can lead to making comments you may look back upon with regret.
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate it.
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1.) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
No I don't make a special effort to be nice.
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(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
I agree with Anok's #2
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes, I don't care what kind of blogger you are I think showing potty mouth toward each other, saying things that are cruel or hurtful is uncalled for.
I also think that we need to be more understanding. New bloggers come and they spam or (whispers) goes ballistic. It doesn't mean they're trying to be jerks. It means they need help. Part of the reason I try to jump in as much as I can when I notice a newbie. It's tough to be a newbie.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
"to thine own self be true” that is and always has been my advice. If you are true to yourself and what you believe in the rest will fall in to place.-
I remember when you first came to BC Boy you've come a long way! And I'm glad you stayed.
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@Shirley
You have always been such a dear person online. I value your friendship, openess and honesty. As I'm writing this I remember a guest post you did for my blog after my head injury that has this tile. Drat! I forgot to link to it in my new post so now I'll have to go back and edit the link in.
You've also been an inspiration to me in
other ways that I won't go into in this thread. ♥ you -
I came in with a bang. Lol! Things I've learned... Sit back and watch first. @ Anok that was advice you gave me. I was marked on the block list by a few people. One of which is now a friend. I won't say why. I'm hoping she doesn't remember.
Cooper taught me how to make my link look like words instead of a URL.
And not to mention all the bad copy and paste stuff I did in the beginning.
BC should be listed somewhere as a tutorial.
@Timethief Awww... thank you. -
@Shirley
The comment you left me on my blog post really resonates. I believe what you said is also the same for me.
I can’t be something I’m not. My personality reflects in the way I write. I am the same person online as I am offline. I think I am more me when I write than when I am in person. I am more the person I want to be.
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I'm not creative enough to blog as someone other than myself.
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@markstoneman
w00f! I learned so much from you and from Tiffany and from the whole gang here when I first arrived, and almost left. I recall the first couple of months as being a "shocking" experience ... lol You were all fine teachers and I salute you.
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
The former. Anyone who reads Kobra's Corner, or even my posts here, would know this.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
All the time. The most striking example is, of course, my latest bit of hate mail. www.kobrascorner.com/hatemail.php#p13
On the same note, I also once received an email (possibly written by a troll) from someone who thought my writing was homoerotic and wanted to meet up with me somewhere. I politely turned down this request, but it was one hell of an awkward request (and accusation, for that matter).
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Be respectful to people (with some exceptions), but don't be respectful to ideas. Ideas are never sacred, but unwarranted disrespect can turn people against you. I've learned this lesson the hard way many times over.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Nope. If you have integrity, it will usually shine through in your writing.-
@voodoo
- I have a lot of respect for you and for how your mind works. You are a very logical and clear thinker who is also able to articulate clearly as well. Sometimes the two don't go hand in hand but you have the complete package.
Be respectful to people (with some exceptions), but don't be respectful to ideas. Ideas are never sacred, but unwarranted disrespect can turn people against you. I've learned this lesson the hard way many times over.
I agree with you 100%. Ideas, theories and beliefs are not necessarily truths and they most certainly are NOT sacred. A belief is not an idea held by the mind; it is an idea that holds the mind.
However, some choose wot idolize their belief systems and are blind to the fact that books are not idols and what's written in them sacred. All belief systems (theories) are open to criticism and will always be. Therefore when anyone holds a paper pope before me and expects me to kiss it I'm ready willing and able to tell them to kiss off --- politely.
Thanks for contributing. -
@voodooKobra
I read the hate mail and your response and I trying to figure out why the @ssh0le (hopefully no relation to cookingasshole ) continues reading your blog if he or she is offended by it. -
I often ask myself that same question, but no logical answer ever comes to mind.
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Yes.-
Tx
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Discussion questions:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I rarely make any special effort to be nice online -I am authentically "me" online as I am offline and I can put my foot in my mouth online just as many times as I can do that offline. Fortunately for the world, I am perfect and that never happens
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Of course. In person, we can see people's eyes, hear their voice, watch their body language .. you can't do that online. People read black and white text and embed their mood and tone into the text and create emotions often when there is no reason for that (and, try telling someone they shouldn't "feel" that way - just makes it worse!) I handle it basic Psych 101 rules: Talk to adults like adults, talk to kids like kids, talk to old folks like old folks. Talk to maniacs like maniacs. Only when you are on the same level can you communicate effectively (i believe that).
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
That's hogwash - anybody who thinks that "we" or "bloggers" and group dynamics - are usually the ones that start the mobs, have mob mentality and should just worry about themselves interacting online - not how other people interact online. Read that statement again - it doesn't even make sense!
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
I didn't read the article (yet) - but, I'm sure you have all the links there anyway you usually do!-
- I'm sorry but I can't see well enough to continue tonight.
I'll have to pick this up again tomorrow right here. -
@Hart
Your comment here made me ... lol more than once.
You are 100% you all of the time and I've never doubted that for a minute. You've been a great friend to me. I really appreciate the way you share your knowledge and opinions with us on the forum.
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Yes! I am definately 100% me online. I do know some people who think being online is a game, and I have the feeling that person/persons take the game to the extreme,but having said that I KNOW that person/persons better than she/he thinks I know her/him. It's really ok though because that is how I get to know ALL of that person-
@Holly
Thanks for your comment. I'm glad to hear that you don't have any problem with being true to yourself in your blog and everywhere online. I not aware of any gameplayers who are deliberately projecting false personas inline. I think the people I meet online are usually being themselves. On the other hand I'm not convinced that we can know "ALL of that person" in any online situation, but the more we are in contact with one another. the more we reveal our self and the more we learn about someone else.
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Yes I am 100% of my normal personality online - why should it be any different? It would be a lot harder to come up with a lie and try to stick to it.
But on the same token I'm sure there are plenty of fakes out there, but how do you go about knowing who they are?-
@Sam
The post isn't about deliberately being a fake and I certainly don't consider you to be in anyway phony. It's about being under pressure to be nicer simply because all we have is words, and blogging is competitive. We all want people to like us and to like our blogs too. We want hits and we want comments too.
The greatest obstacle to clear communication we face online is that we are sensory deprived. We can't see body language, facial expressions and gestures and these are the most important clues we have in face-to-face communications to test authenticity. Anyway I'll let you read the post so you have a clear understanding of where I'm coming from.
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U don't point them out sam,u "pretend" to talk and interact with the person he/she is claiming to be so you don't look like a paranoid crazy person.
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That only encourages them though unfortunately
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well so what sam, if that person wants to do that and has fun pretending to be 50 different people that's up to her/him. In all actuality I'm getting to know that person,in all aspects,and if that person wants it that way,well its fine with me. I actually thinlk its kinda fun letting that person/persons think they are fooling me.
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1.Am I authentically "me" online-there are many "mes" and I suppose each of them makes an appearance from time to time.
Do I make a special effort to be "nice" online. No, I make the same effort online or off to be nice.
2.If someone attributes emotions or motives to me that do not exist, I try respectfully to clarify my position, and only give up when I feel the person can't be reached.
3."Being true to myself" means to me realizing that whatever I say is just my opinion and not the absolute truth. Since I think all opinions are ultimately misguided, I don't really take my views seriously enough to get all worked up about them.
4. No-
@nothingprofound
Thanks for participating. I suppose I know what you mean by many mes. There are many selves within our single self such as the teacher, critic, advisor, nurse, friend ... etc. and which aspect of our self will come to the for varies in accord with the circumstances and situation.
I try to do the same thing you suggest when someone misunderstands me online. In some cases clarifying is successful and in others it's not. And like you if the other person remains fixated on taking what I said in the wrong way then I give up and move on. What has astounded me about forums, this one in particular, is how hostile people can online over very small things and how frequently conversations can become "inflamed".
I identify this quote: "Being true to myself" means to me realizing that whatever I say is just my opinion and not the absolute truth.
I appreciate your comment. Thanks for making it.
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Uh huh, I think they're are many of me's to.
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@Holly
Are you speaking to me? It's so hard to tell. I can't see the whole thread due to my visual problems. What do you mean please.? Can you expand? I'll scroll up and reply there and then come back down here again to see what you have said.
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No, sorry tt. I was just talking in general
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Okay. Understood. I'll scroll up again now.
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I learned the hard way the first time I joined the cyberspace. There were lots of rudeness and ego in chat rooms. Things like these can make you tough. You start growing horns. The problem with these things is that they are just lurking somewhere in an unexpected moments. Then they pounce and before you knew it you have said something that even surprises you. And because that other person can't read you , nor reach for you behind the computer, there is always a room for misunderstanding.I take my online relationships seriously.And what I am here is what I really am in person. When I have done or said something bad i reevaluate myself and ask myself, do i behave like this in person. Do I say something like this in person? Of course not. For all you know I am a chicken :)And i always write a note of apology if i am in doubt i offended someone.
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@celicmusicfan
- I take my online relationships seriously. And what I am here is what I really am in person.
When I first came online I was astonished at the kind of language and tenor and tone of conversations I witnessed. As I'm a paralegal, it was clear to me when I was witnessing defamation and character assassination online. What was also clear is that the perpetrators mistakenly thought they were immune from any rules, regulations, and the long arm of the law.
onecoolsite.wordpress.com/2007/12/04/libel-blogging-rights-and-wrongs/
I left some sites, rather than wasting my time and energy trying to be heard above the obnoxious grievers. They were, in essence, kindergartens for bored and immature adults, and what I noticed is that bored adults can become very nasty, very quickly.
I think the best advice is: Stand up for yourself, but try not to hurt people’s feelings.
"The golden rule your parents and your kindergarten teacher taught you was pretty simple: Do unto others as you’d have others do unto you. Imagine how you’d feel if you were in the other person’s shoes. Stand up for yourself, but try not to hurt people’s feelings. — The Core Rules of Netiquette www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html
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Awe,that's sweet
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Thank you Holly
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Yw
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I'm pretty much me. Maybe online I'm a little colder because I don't put the extra efforts.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Yes. I think it is fairly human to interpret someone's reply based on one's own experiences. That can add emotions that the writer didn't intend. I've handled it differently different times and each time feel that I wasn't successful. Sometimes I just moved on. Sometimes I tried to understand the others position. Sometimes I tried to restate my my own position in a less emotional way.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
I believe that is the ideal. I think that is more true the more the blogger is invested in being online. For example, I don't maintain my own blog anymore and only pop on to discussion boards a few minutes here and there. To me, my blogger identity is fairly disposable.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Nothing new, thank you.-
@xmarks
- I'm pretty much me. Maybe online I'm a little colder because I don't put the extra efforts.
Thanks so much for posting a detailed response. I think I may also sound colder and more serious online than I do in everyday life. I do make a conscious attempt to be very clear in what I say, and my motive for doing that is to avoid creating misunderstanding.
I think it is fairly human to interpret someone's reply based on one's own experiences. That can add emotions that the writer didn't intend.
I also agree with your observation too. It seems to me that people frequently read emotions into my comments I'm not feeling. In several cases I know that my serious replies were presumed to be angry responses when they weren't.
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So you are u online when you're online,otherwise it is someone pretending to be you,which really isn't authentically you,but that's ok bc if I could just find someone to answer my emails I would be happy. Although if I were you I would disclose to my readers that someone else is handeling your blog and give that person credit for it.
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Discussion questions:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Yes I am me, and I try to expose what I am really like on my blog, warts and all. I am nice in general. I tend to be really hard on myself in real life (as evidenced on my blog), but when I am online interacting on a forum, I try to keep negativity in check.
(2) Do you agree that: for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes. If you're a jerk online, you are probably a jerk in real life too. Plus, don't do anything online you're going to regret. It lasts forever.
Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to your that did not exist? If so, how did your handle it?
It's true not everyone likes you, but I haven't run into this situation yet. I don't necessarily get along with everyone, but I have found the best solution is to just ignore.
I provided some links to tools for managing your online presence in my blog post. Do you have any others that you would like to share?
I haven't read it yet. I have to run out and buy a suit today. I might have a job interview lined up. I am being positive and proactive by preparing as if I already have the interview.-
@stillthinking
- I have really enjoyed getting to know you both through your blog and on the forum too.
I have noticed that you are a nice person. I have witnessed your balanced response to "sticky" situations has disarmed some people who were going off on tangents and admired you for the influence your comments have made in these reversals.
You have also said something that I agree 100% with.
If you're a jerk online, you are probably a jerk in real life too. Plus, don't do anything online you're going to regret. It lasts forever.
Thanks for responding and I hope you get the job (my fingers are crossed for you.) Good luck.
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I don't know why being nice and being authentic have to be mutually-exclusive.
I try to treat people the way I want to be treated-- on and offline. Folks who have met me can verify. (Or flame me, depending on mood.) -
Verified awful mayonnaise hating dust bunny collector. -
I don't actually have a response for that...
That's never happened to me before!
(PS- mayo IS evil-- why do more people not see that? ) -
I wins!
Mayo is lovely -
It's not red. Red=Devil=evil. Are you going to food color the mayo supply? I need to know now so I can advocate against it. I thought purple ketchup was a travesty to the food industry.
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Yes, TSR is quite nice, even if she does hate mayo. (We can overlook that )
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It's nice to be appreciated in spite of my Mayo Complex. That's friendship.
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I am disturbed by the use of 'quite nice' from Anok.
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@thriftshopromantic
- I don't know why being nice and being authentic have to be mutually-exclusive.
They aren't mutually exclusive. What I was wondering is if you feel and respond to pressure to be nicer online than you are in person.
From what I can tell you just seem to be a nice person all of the time, and that you don't post to controversial threads or into threads where conflict is occurring or threatens to occur. I assume that's consistent with your personality type, and the fact that you are busy and will not waste time on people involved in negative exchanges. IMO that's wise.
Thanks for participating.
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1. I am definitely me online, but depending on the situation and the person you would probably find that I am in fact nicer in real life.
2. Yes some people have either failed to see the humour in a comment, failed to see something as constructive criticism or just attributed far too much thought and conspiracies into a simple comment. Which is then carried on by reading too much into everything written and then presumptions are made about your actual character. Sometimes I have responded by stating where the person is wrong, sometimes I have just ignored them and sometimes I stirred the pot somewhat.
3. I think it is totally up to you how you act online and that will be reflected by how people respond to you, either negatively or positively.
4. I highly recommend this article on groups and group dynamics
www.spring.org.uk/2009/07/10-rules-that-govern-groups.php-
You're a little less ornery in person. And a bit quieter. Other than that, you're much the same.
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I think perhaps her humor doesn't read the same online as it does in person - making her seem ornery.
Quite nice, very laid back. -
I agree with you ladies Claire does seem quite horny on line, when they get like that it's hard to hide it in real life. -
Funny how for someone with such large ears, our aardvarkian friend doesn't hear very well.
Perhaps it's like hip dysplasia in pugs-- too much in-breeding is causing physical limitations. -
I think you're on to something. Either that or aardvarks are predisposed to selective delusions.
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Actually it's a well known medical fact that once women get past 25 they experience this extreme form of horniness you both attributed to Miss Pitt. The condition has been proven to only worsen with age that's why you always get those old women that flirt with delivery men or paramedics.
It has been well documented in the medical journals as "cockius happius femaliarum geriatricus" -
Jenn: Shhhh
Anok: Only quite nice! Bitch
Anin: -
@crpitt
Aside from the fact that thrifty and Anok have met you and supplied feedback I have sensed that you are probably nicer offline, and I'm not surprised to hear you and the others confirm this.
I think it is totally up to you how you act online and that will be reflected by how people respond to you, either negatively or positively.
I'm not sure I agree with you on that point. I have had people respond to my words in unpredictable ways and been amazed when they did. I tend to choose my words very carefully, and it shocks me when people respond to them as though the words were emotionally charged, or possessed a hidden meaning when they weren't, and they didn't.
IMO there are people who tend to read more into a comment than what's actually in the words, and that says more about them than it does about me and my words.
I believe this tends to happen more frequently on the BC forum in religious threads when people will become fierce defenders of ideologies, who demand respect for the belief systems they have chosen. Well, I respect everyone's right to make a choice of belief systems and/or philosophies but that does not mean that I will necessarily respect the choice they make.
It's my position that any belief system, theory or idea is open to criticism, and that only those that have made theirs into an idol will become egocentric defenders of blind faith. It's also my position that there are many spiritual pathways and that all are legitimate. In other words, I'm not fettered to the notion that there is only one true path.
Thanks for the link. The 10 Rules That Govern Groups is insightful and a great reference. -
But no one can make you act a certain way, if you want to act like an arse you can, but people will respond to you in a negative way.
I am not suggesting that people should act one way or the other, although it would be nice if everyone was pleasant.
ps: the you in the example is not you, it is a universal 'you'
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This is me but the wild part of me.
The part that I can't usually show in real life. -
@farangrakthai
Ah ha! now that's an interesting reply. Thanks for sharing it. FWIW I've always enjoyed our exchanges online.
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1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Yes authentic. I don't really need to make a special effort, in fact I haven't even thought about it I just act as I always do.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
No.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Same as Claire's comment. "I think it is totally up to you how you act online and that will be reflected by how people respond to you, either negatively or positively."
I know that's cheating but her comment is spot on for me.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
I can't think of any.
ps. excellent article.-
Cheat!
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@jafabrit
Thanks for commenting. I appreciate your forum posts and your sense of balance. I've seen you wade in and state a sane and sensible position of your own that has "chilled" others down exactly when that was what was needed.
I'm also happy to hear you haven't succumbed to the pressure to be "nice". I guess that means you come by it naturally. -
"I'm also happy to hear you haven't succumbed to the pressure to be "nice". I guess that means you come by it naturally."
TT thank you I have learned how to disagree magnanimously -
@jafabrit
- Indeed you have. I have been reading those "agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable comments" that you have made. Thumbs up!
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my true nature comes out when i blog-
@prophet
I'm happy to here that. Best wishes.
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Are you kidding?
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Certainly. However, the truth is its own defence. I merely remain courteous and let the situation prove itself.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
I didn't realise there was such a thing.-
@greenie
- Are you kidding?
Okay, so where do I go from here? Thank you for the spontaneous response. ... lol
Certainly. However, the truth is its own defence. I merely remain courteous and let the situation prove itself.
Yes, indeed you do. Those who have done nothing wrong do not require a defence, and the truth will be self evident.
At the very least one ought to have a Google Alert out on their username and their blog title. Thank you
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I terms of authenticity, I think the first question could easily be:
1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you OBJECTIFY PEOPLE?
a) Do you copy and paste messages into people's shout box?
b) Do you treat everyone like potential consumers?
c) Do you write spurious blog reviews like "Cool. Nice blog." ...Suggesting that you never read the person's blog.
d) Do you even write blog reviews? (I.e.--are you willing to GENUINELY give some of your time to appreciate others' efforts.)
e) Do you leave thoughtful comments on others' blogs?
(2) No, fortunately I haven't had that happen.
(3) Yes.
(4) You make good points (in your article), especially for those who are highly active in forums & social networking sites. I'm curious, however, what you think of the relationship between authenticity and trivial twitter messages? That's the type of inauthenticity that bothers me--a shift from 'content' presence to 'marketing' presence.-
@avecchioni
- Thanks so much for this high quality feedback. You are excellent when it comes to reading between the lines. Your questions are focused exactly on the inauthentic behaviors we experience in social networks when we meet bloggers who are projecting an artificially "nice" persona in order to secure traffic.
I'm curious, however, what you think of the relationship between authenticity and trivial twitter messages? That's the type of inauthenticity that bothers me--a shift from 'content' presence to 'marketing' presence.
When I first joined twitter I did so for the purpose of chatting with friends who are primarily BC members. Twitter was great for short keep in touch chats. Within less than 2 weeks I had hundreds of followers who were not readers of my blogs and who I did not know.
I did some investigating and quickly ascertained that most seemed to be internet marketers. I then blocked all the people I did not know and changed my account so it was "private".
In the past a person's ability to blog well, to secure backlinks and to create an actual blog centered community were the status quo. Now it's one's broadcast range that has taken that paramount status. The blogosphere is full of articles on how to use twitter to effectively promote one's blog and it all comes back to the broadcast ability one has (ie. number of followers).
I currently use twitter in a very minimal way to announce the publication of my most recent posts and to chat with a small circle of freinds only. I have made my account public again and I'm not into collecting token followers so I can increase my broadcast range.
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1. I would say I am authentic online mostly because I am kind in real life, so why create an unkind alter ego? I certainly don't try to lighten my words too much by imbuing them with kindness that doesn't fit the content though
3. There is, however, a balance that can be obtained. Become too offensive and your niche of readers shrinks drastically.-
@TheHeathen
- Thank you for sharing your POV and practice.
I appreciate the fact that you are "the real you" online.
So many bloggers are attempting to turn their blogging into a money making opportunity that they are inclined to treat readers as potential customers. Personally, I find this to be very annoying. I do not have monetized blogs and I don't frequent or link to blogs that are being pimped out for an income. I use a Firefox browser so I don't see ads and I never ever click on ads on blogs. When I want to purchase anything I purchase locally.
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I'm me everywhere. People can take it or leave it.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Yes. I simply ignored them afterwards.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes and I try to be mindful of other's, but I don't go out of my way to avoid stepping on toes. You can't please everyone.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
No, but appreciate the links you've given.-
@Suzie
- Yes and I try to be mindful of other's, but I don't go out of my way to avoid stepping on toes. You can't please everyone.
I have never doubted that the real "you" is the person you are both in your blog and in the forum as well. And I also agree with your statement. We can't please everyone either online or offline. There will always be those who don't like us and that's okay. There are many other bloggers that they can choose to befriend.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate it.
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I can only be me. One of the reasons I use my own photo and my own name is 'cause it's just me. I try to be polite and let things fall, but I think my opinion is as valid as the next persons.
I don't have any links to tools for online reputation management. Thank you for yours, but people would do better if they manage themselves and not their reputation. I am my reputation. Some like me, some hate me, some love me and still some loath me. That's just the way it is.-
@dcarroll
- I think that some members who have posted here aren't aware of reputation management tools and what they are used for. Their use can be simply explained. They are tools that help you determine what is being said about you, your blog, your business, and your brand.
In my blog post I included these 6 tools:
Google Alerts www.google.com/alerts
Yahoo Pipes pipes.yahoo.com/pipes/
Social Media Fire Hose tinyurl.com/68vlrj
Trackur www.trackur.com/
TweetBeep tweetbeep.com/
Technorati technorati.com/
The following Online Reputation Management Guide will show small businesses how to assess, build, track and monitor their online reputation. In most cases, you can follow these simple steps to easily grow your personal brand and/or small business.
PDF download outspokenmedia.com/downloads/ORM-Guide.pdf
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I'm 100% completely, absolutely a fraud.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
I don't think so.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Pass?
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
No I don't.-
@dbowles
- I had you spotted as a fraud
the first time you posted to the forum ... lol SNORT
Not really, thanks for taking the time to contribute.
Blog on!
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(1) I am not fond of the word “nice” as I think it inherently implies a lack of authenticity. I go out of my way to support creativity, original expression and positive social connectedness while clicking quietly past not-so-hidden agendas, egos and shadow boxers. I am authentically me even though I cannot disclose my real identity.
(2) Yes. As labor relations is part of my day job, I cannot afford to be misunderstood so I am a very careful writer in a work context. If business is your purpose, you need to be mindful and attentive of everything you write. If entertainment is your purpose, you can say what you want as long as you can live with your mother reading it...
(3) Yes. IMHO, no good comes from trashing other people. It is possible to be respectfully hard on ideas without engaging in personal attacks. The behavior of anonymous, nasty critics on the internet is a phenomenon I observe with head-shaking amazement. It is particularly ugly on YouTube. My theory is that the internet is a relatively new frontier; a certain lawlessness naturally accompanies rapid expansion. But things will change over time if those who lead continue to model behavior that is desirable.
(4) No, but as I’m new here, I really need to learn about these tools. Thank you for the detailed tips on your blog. I learn something everyday here on BC from you, t-squared.-
@cindy
- It is possible to be respectfully hard on ideas without engaging in personal attacks.
Agreed! I really enjoyed reading your comment above and as you already know, I dig your blog. Without doubt, it's giving free rein to creativity that renders us forever young. I have it on my blogsurfer.
P.S. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on the post as well.
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TT I loved your blog post and commented, so I guess I'll just kind of reiterate my thoughts here.
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"? I am me regardless of who agrees and who doesn't.
While what I write about has a few guidelines to adhere to, and when I'm reviewing even if I don't like it I try to find at least a couple things I'll compromise on, overall if I can't be me and say what I want, I have no real reason to be writing.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
I've always been the type where if I feel something is false, I'll call it out. I don't believe in dishonesty or hiding behind a mask, I don't do it, and I won't allow those around me to do it.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Depending, there is a fine line between catering to your audience and being yourself. While you should be respectful and not openly "bash" something or someone, you can't hold your tongue and pretend to agree or disagree just to have others accept you.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Nope, right now my blog is a little young so I only manage my reputation in the hopes that people can find interest in what I have written so far, and to add more posts over time that will attract more people.-
@WTReviews
- Depending, there is a fine line between catering to your audience and being yourself. While you should be respectful and not openly "bash" something or someone, you can't hold your tongue and pretend to agree or disagree just to have others accept you.
I couldn't agree more. Thanks so much for your comment here and the one on the post as well. Best wishes for successful blogging.
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Interesting discussion as usual, TimeTheif so here are my answers:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
~~~ WYSIWYG and this isn't an operating system So I am myself online + offline.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
~~~ I can't judge anybody intention but checking the whole blog can clarify whether the author is real or not.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
~~~ Indeed. Why insulting others means that I exsist? If someone want to have resepect, he/she should start respecting others at first!
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
~~~ Will check the tools @ 1st-
@somemuslimman
- I can't judge anybody intention but checking the whole blog can clarify whether the author is real or not.
Yes I think an overview of the whole blog may reflect the author's authenticity. It's been a long time since we chatted. It's good to hear from you. Thanks so much for replying.
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
No, maybe in public I need to feel more comfortable to speak about my topic. Online I speak only about my topic and feel very comfortable.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
N/A
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes, the best blogs are one's which the writer's passion for the topic shows through. Passion is killed by a fake presentation.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
I blog about space habitation. I have found that the AIAA and the NSS are great resources for blogging about my topic. Professional societies about your topic are a must to join.-
@aronaora
- No, maybe in public I need to feel more comfortable to speak about my topic. Online I speak only about my topic and feel very comfortable.
... Yes, the best blogs are one's which the writer's passion for the topic shows through. Passion is killed by a fake presentation.
Exactly! And, like you reveal above I keep my focus. I stick to writing on the topics that fulfill the purpose of the blog. -
Also, I tend to post less polished ideas then I would ever say in real life on my blog. I'm less shy on my blog, I guess.
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Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
“Nice?” Meaning would I tell people what they like to hear so that they I can tolerate my online presence, visit my blog and accept me in the inner cliques? Uhuh, then I am not nice.
I do respect other people’s opinions but I do have a strong personality and don’t ever conform just for the sake of peace. I speak my mind on my blog and will never write something just because I think that it would be ‘popular’ with people. I am opinionated, bitchy, and don’t care of other people’s opinion of me.
I don’t do online cliques and I don’t mix with people online who are into cliques. I have seen on forums how people start out with a ‘nice’ online personality and then adopt vicious online personality just so they can be accepted by online cliques. Just sad, very sad, what some people would do just to gain online popularity.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Yes. I am pretty good at just ignoring people online, and that is what I have done with the person.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
I can’t speak for other people’s behavior and what is important for them; I rather concentrate on my own behavior and what is important for me. I don’t like rules and I don’t like it when people are telling me what to do. I behave exactly the same way online as I do in real life. My actions in real life have not landed me in jail, yet, so I don’t think anyone needs to tell me how I should behave. In that same breath, I will not dictate to other adults as to how they should behave.
If some people think that it is cool to be obnoxious online just because they are enjoying anonymity, they can just go ahead and have their sad fun, long as they are not interfering with my online experience. Because I will not tolerate it.
My motto is that I don’t have to like everything that I read online, and I certainly don’t have to agree with other people’s opinion but I can certainly respect other people’s opinion. I accept that we are coming from diverse backgrounds, have different experiences which influence our opinions and our social behaviors.-
@whitesockgirl
- I really appreciated what you had to say in your comment. Obviously you are strong willed and self directed like myself and not inclined to succumb to the pressure to be artificially "nice".
My motto is that I don’t have to like everything that I read online, and I certainly don’t have to agree with other people’s opinion but I can certainly respect other people’s opinion.
I particularly identify with what you have expressed in your last two paragraphs. Thanks so much for taking the time to share where you are at with such clarity.
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An interesting and very well written post about one's online presence, personalities, opinions, and behavior. I enjoyed the post TT and left you a comment.
As for me, the online person you see and read is pretty much the true me. I am one of those people who view the glass as half full and generally am happy. I don't enjoy picking fights or frankly getting involved in heated debates online. That's one of the reasons I try and stay clear of religions and political threads. I just don’t enjoy reading people’s barbs at each other and seeing people harass each other online. I don’t find it “nice” and avoid confrontational threads.
I completely agree with The Core Rules of Netiquette quote from TT's post of Do unto others as you’d have others do unto you. Imagine how you’d feel if you were in the other person’s shoes. Stand up for yourself, but try not to hurt people’s feelings.
Anyway that’s just me but I am being true to “thine own self” when I state these feelings and thoughts with you all here. It’s just how I am.-
@recyclecindy
- I value what you have shared regarding your response to confrontation. My natural inclination is not one of avoiding confrontation. I have spent a lifetime trying to learn two lessons. (1) The power of fail to engage. (2) When to walk away from a situation that has turned "sour". The lessons amount to learning how to: "Stand up for yourself, but try not to hurt people’s feelings. "
Thanks for your comments here and on my blog and congrats! with regard to your good news.
{{{HUG}}}
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I am an idealized version of me. I am taller, thinner, and have a much better singing voice online than off. I am who I'd be if I had unlimited time to edit and organize what came out of my mouth and had a point all the time.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Not so much with my blog, but I do get that from e-mails and message boards. My sense of humor tends to be very dry in reality. That doesn't come through sometimes, especially if I forget to add a at the end of something or tag my posts as "humor". When it's happened that I've offended someone and they've taken the time to tell me I have offended them, I take the time to apologize.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
I have no desire to add to the stupidity and hatred in the world, either online or off. I try to make sure my posts show that it is what I think or how something relates to me rather than make blanket generalizations. On the reader side, I respectfully disagree with a lot of stuff I've seen on BlogCatalog and other sites. If I think I can answer without resorting to "you idiot" as punctuation, I do. Otherwise, I don't bother dignifying it with a response.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Can't think of any. Nice to know there is stuff available. Thanks.-
@radioflyer
- I enjoyed reading your feedback here and also enjoyed my brief visit to your blog as well.
My sense of humor tends to be very dry in reality. That doesn't come through sometimes, especially if I forget to add a at the end of something or tag my posts as "humor".
Like you I have a very dry sense of humor but unlike you I'm moving away from the use of emoticons. I choose my words carefully and that's where my responsibility ends. Those who read my words have a responsibility too and that means that they ought to read the words without attributing emotions to them, or speculating where I am coming from. If they are in doubt then it's their responsibility to ask me, rather than acting like they are mindreaders or jumping to conclusions.
This very thoughtful part contains some wisdom and some excellent advice:
I have no desire to add to the stupidity and hatred in the world, either online or off. I try to make sure my posts show that it is what I think or how something relates to me rather than make blanket generalizations. On the reader side, I respectfully disagree with a lot of stuff I've seen on BlogCatalog and other sites. If I think I can answer without resorting to "you idiot" as punctuation, I do. Otherwise, I don't bother dignifying it with a response.
There's far more to be gained and nothing to be lost when one chooses to fail to engage, and simply focuses on their blogging rather than becoming involved in silly spats on a social forum.
I've been learning this and trying to retain the lesson because I'm a blogger who is here to promote my blogs. I have many people in my everyday life and in other venues online that I can socialize with and experience no conflict at all when doing so. That's when my time and energy ought to be focused.
Thanks for your contribution and happy blogging.
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I am 100% authentic online to where I even use my own name. What does that ell you? I got started online to promote my book so I wanted people to know the real me. I have three blogs and all are personal. I try to be nice all the time but sometimes my views will set someone off. I really don't try to be confrontational just to get comments.-
@kzemek
- Thanks for your comment. If you'd like to read the post and comment on it too I'd welcome that.
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Discussion questions:
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I am authentically me. LMAO! Which includes my good points and my bad points. I have different conversations at other sites - only because of the TOPIC. (In otherwords - at gambling sites, I discuss gambling... Etc. But I wouldn't really go out of my way to discuss gambling ALL of the time here.)
But I am me. I express my opinions, change my mind from time to time, have laughs and sometimes get upset...
I am ALWAYS who I am at the moment that I am in.
That doesn't mean that I don't change from time to time... I do. Sometimes my moods dictate my actions - just like in real life.
But what you get is what you see - ALL of the time. There are no pretenses... I've had people meet me after knowing me online - and they say that I am the same in person that I am online. I even spent over a week with my ONLINE best Friend - and it was BEYOND awesome. Me and the Hubby stayed with her --- and WISHED we could stay forever, we had such a GREAT time!
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
I'm generally a very nice person - although I am opinionated, I am generally a peace maker.
There have been people who have been upset with me - but I generally find that the people who get upset are people who INFER tone or things that I do not mean - and generally after a great deal of explaining or trying to help them, they understand.
I believe making that extra effort to try and be nice to people is important. If they don't understand then I try and help them understand. If they don't agree - I let them know - it's OK to not agree on a specific topic.
Online Flamers or people who like to be vicious and mean love people like me... LMAO - cause they think they are doing something COOL to make me do the extra work. But EVENTUALLY they give up - because I'm not going to get "THAT" rattled - or pissed off at them.
I usually shoot straight from the hip - and don't say things I don't mean.... Although - I have been misunderstood at times - I will make the effort to clear up the misunderstanding.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Absolutely - I try to remain respectful to everyone - even flamers. I try HARD to find the good in everyone. But yes - it is important that we try to ALWAYS be respectful of others... And that should be a part of WHO you are... And your online presence should be WHO you are.
Otherwise you're not YOU!
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
I'd add Bloggeries to that list. It's a decent little forum - for building blogs and blog information. I haven't been there in a little while - but I like to offer my reviews to new and prospective bloggers.-
@wagerwirch
I've never doubted your authenticity online. Thanks for sharing your feedback. I appreciate it.
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- Your shameful, opportunistic spamming of this thread with irrelevant blog links has been reported.
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TT - would that be spamming? I mean in a way he is trying to show the differences in the two personalities of his blogs.
So I'm trying to be the intermediary here. (Yeah - he didn't write much, but some folks don't write books like me... LOL!) But it does show that he has 2 different personalities involved - and showing the links to them...
And yes - he truly didn't answer the questions - but just imposed a quick statement.
However - would it truly be spam?
I am asking honestly - because I have sometimes left my link - in a discussion so that people could click on it to "SEE" what my point meant... (does that make sense?) - instead of making them click all the way through my name to find the blog... etc. And I wouldn't want someone to consider that to be total spam...
In my humble opinion - it's 50-50% chance that this is spam...
But I just didn't want you to be upset - because he "MAY" have been trying to give a legitimate explanation or showing of what he meant...
And if you think it's spam - then I wanted to understand the reasoning behind it - because I don't want to do the same thing in the future.
Sheesh - that makes total un-sense. LOL! -
@chucklin
- Well, as I reported this post and it was not removed Admin must have decided that I was wrong about the links. That means I owe you an apology, so I'm here to say I'm sincerely sorry for making the wrong call.
In the future I will do exactly as Admin has advised all of us members to do. When in doubt click the report button and don't post anything.
By doing that I will not be inviting threadjacking AKA off-topic dialog, arguing and challenges, and if I'm wrong, I will not be placed in a position of having to apologize.
Once again, I'm sorry I made the wrong call.
Best wishes for happy blogging.
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Oh tt baby,hunny,swettie get over it. Rules and regulations were made to be broken. Its not the end of the world if someone drops their link. This is blog catalog,its supposed to be a place to promote and share blogs.
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Ayuh Holly - but TT is using a form of online etiquette...
She is the host of this thread - and she knows the TOS completely.
As a hostess/host - she is "sort-of" responsible for making sure that those who post within it are not breaking the TOS (and what I mean by responsible is that she oversee's for as long as she is participating in the discussion - or is involved with it - or unless it gets out of hand.)
I think she's doing the right thing - I just wanted to see if I was wrong or not about that particular post being spam...
Not questioning it - but just kinda seeing what is acceptable behavior and what is not... Yanno?
But I also wanted to say - that while this IS BlogCatalog - and we do share blogs - the TOS does say that while in the FORUM discussion area - we aren't supposed to place links in the threads UNLESS they are directly involved in the conversation - or are a reference to the conversation, etc.
Cause the forum area is not a LINK FARM - it's more a discussion on how to do things better, getting to know one another, etc.
Right?
So it's ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL Good.
Right?
Hey - how did your trip for this week go so far? Everything good? You get a chance to talk to your dad or at least talk out your feelings at the site? I really hope so kiddo - cause that would be super awesome for you. And your girls - and I really hope everything turned out to be great!
Hugs to everyone. -
@ww what does tos mean?
And I went to the cemetary,but didn't have the guts to say what I truly felt. I never do,it is so weird. I'm not scared of anything in this whole world,I could stand up to the prez of the USA,but when it comes to telling my loved ones what I feel,I chicken out everytime. Kinda pathetic huh? -
Not pathetic - HONEST.
You could tell him inside your own mind and heart Holly. That would be enough, I think.
TOS - down at the bottom right click on that link... It means TERMS of SERVICE. -
Yea,ww I will one day.
Tos- thx
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1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
I am brutally me on my blog and most social networking sites (forums excluded dependant on their TOS). Often sharing too much information (my latest post for example is creating a cringe effect), it is my belief that in being you, you are better able to attract and connect with others
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Yes. I have used it as ammo for a new post and/or added disclaimers to the beginning of posts if I felt the need
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
No. I think that some people, myself included, are crass and/or blunt by nature and as a result feelings may get hurt. On blogs, I think it is a reflection of you and therefore I have a take it or leave it approach. On forums and whatnot, I am a tad more respectful as it is not my place to decide what is appropriate and what is not on someone elses site
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Nope-
@endlesslyshesaid
- I think that some people, myself included, are crass and/or blunt by nature and as a result feelings may get hurt. On blogs, I think it is a reflection of you and therefore I have a take it or leave it approach. On forums and whatnot, I am a tad more respectful as it is not my place to decide what is appropriate and what is not on someone elses site
I am also blunt and plain spoken by nature and I find that online I experience cultural differences that I don't experience where I live. We western Canadians who live on small islands are independent minded survivors. We are rugged individualists, iconoclasts, and as this community is to a large degree an artists' and musicians' colony, we are as creative and as eccentric as all get out.
We don't strive to be "nice". In fact, here that word has a negative connotation that equals being "phony".
Although we are very forthright and opinionated individuals, we also comprise are very industrious cooperative community, where teamwork prevails. In this place we can to be "true to our self" and speak freely, provided doing that does not include making hateful, bigoted and/or racist statements or chauvinist or misogynistic statements, or condemnation based on religious beliefs. Our community is diverse and vibrant, so uttering that kind of nasty stuff, which seems to be common in online communities where the majority are Americans, results in being ostracized.
You have a very personal blog and your readers are along for the ride. Although you are aware you have an audience and may hold back to some degree, you are not writing to please an audience. Your writing is cathartic; it's the kind of writing I do in a private journal.
You have said: it is my belief that in being you, you are better able to attract and connect with others
If you had inserted the "like minded" prior to "others" then I would agree with you.
Thanks for contributing.
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PS TO ALL:
YES... In real life I usually have a foot stuck in my mouth too.
Sometimes both feet.
LMAO! -
1) Yes. I do not feel any obligation to be nice as I'm sure anyone who knows me on this forum can attest to.
2) All the time, but that's not only online. I know there's something I could do to cut down on that a LITTLE, but it would involve sacrificing something more important about my blog and myself. (Hint: Look at the upper left hand corner of this post.)
3) Everyone defines respectful differently, but by my definition, yes. But that's a part of me, and thus really it isn't a balancing act at all.
4) No.-
@jeremyjanson
- Thank you for taking the time to participate in this thread. I appreciate the fact that you did.
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Right here!-
@autoprocanada
- In what way do you think that answers the questions I posed in the OP of this thread?
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Absolutely, 100% me. I recently blogged:
And that’s what you’ll always get from me – the truth.
Oh, I know I make stuff up.
But the fiction is honest, and if you want to know who I am, just read me. It's all there.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
Of course. Text is always open to interpretation because the reader imposes their own delivery style on it. Emphasise the wrong word and it's a World of Offence. Easiest way is to correct the misread without making a fuss about it; you're as likely to have misunderstood their response as they did yours. Just restate your position.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
We're all more confident behind our keyboards in remote locations; some folk use that as an rationale to be rude. I'd say show good manners to strangers, and make up your mind over time whether they deserve respect. But I'd say that about meeting folk in the street too. My online life is much like my real one; I say nothing about folk online that I wouldn't say to their face.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
Nope. I'll manage my own reputuation thanks.-
Text is always open to interpretation because the reader imposes their own delivery style on it. Emphasise the wrong word and it's a World of Offence. Easiest way is to correct the misread without making a fuss about it; you're as likely to have misunderstood their response as they did yours. Just restate your position.
I agree with you. And, if restating your position does not lead to understanding then I'm no longer going to persist in communicating with that individual at all. Life is short, I have freinds both online and off-line who have no difficulty when it comes to understanding me. They are the people whose opinions I value so they are the people whom I will devote my time and energy to.
I'll manage my own reputuation thanks.
I'm puzzled by your response to my question about reputation management tools.I believe you did misunderstand the nature of these tools and how and what they are used for.
In a nutshell, these tools are for your own individual use. You can use them to determine who is saying what about you, your blog, your business and your brand online, and exactly where and when they said it.
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I'm glad you ask such a question. There is to many over polite people, I hate it. I feel everyone will go quiet if you say your REAL opinion about something. But as I always say its better to have one true reader than 100 polite nobodys. Basically I call them 'The General Public'-
- IMO cyberspace is much like everyday life. On one end of the scale there are phony people, and on the other end there are trolls. Granted there are a minority of people who lose their inhibitions and hide behind anonymity to hurl insults at others in cyberspace, but luckily the majority of those I meet online are authentic individuals, who are worth knowing.
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Question(1)
I try to be "nice".
Question(2)
Not yet.
Question(3)
Yes.
Question(4)
No. It is not an issue that I know well.
I feel myself when I write in Italian but in English or Croatian I completely lose my identity; it is as if I were possessed by an idiot (a gentle one I hope!).-
@mxoso
- What a challenge it must be to for you to write in English rather than Italian or Croatian. I am only fluent in one language and admire those who have taken on the challenge of learning additional languages. Thanks for contributing and best wishes for effective blogging.
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A mastery of prose, slang, word choice etc. is very difficult to attain in multiple languages. Best of luck to you.
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Discussion questions:
(1) the me you get on-line is the me I am off-line and I don't think I nice up for on-line time, if anything I'm a little more brash on-line and a little stronger in my opinions.
(2) I've had that happen a couple times but I figure they might be taking my words the wrong way so I usually try to reexplain myself.
(3) I think it's important to be respectful in everything we say and do whether on-line or off so my level of respectfulness doesn't really change.
at I'm always the person I seem to be. I think it's important to be myself, it's the only person I'm very good at being. If I befriend a person and it turns out that they are playing a role or trying to be someone they're not I actually am disappointed.
I think the people here who've gotten to know me off this site can attest (I hope) to the fact th-
@FloorModel
I think it's important to be myself, it's the only person I'm very good at being. If I befriend a person and it turns out that they are playing a role or trying to be someone they're not I actually am disappointed.
I'll second that. Thanks for commenting.
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Verizon accredited -
I'm way nicer off-line. I tend to vent or goof off a lot online. I'm normally pretty reserved in person.-
@hatingtherain
Thanks for contributing.
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no , i'm really a chimpanzee
my buddies tried to escape but they got them
news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/merseyside/8135148.stm
i will read the post after eating some bananas, I've just finished writing a scale book-
@acousticguitarist
- You're not fooling me. I know a red panda when I see one. G'night.
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Sorry for the delayed comment-I finally have a free moment from motherhood to get back on BC.
I make every attempt to be me on-line and, in many ways, find it easier than face to face interactions. I view blogging in the same manner as anything I write. It gives me great freedom to express myself in the purest and most geniuine way. That being said, I do tend to think about the reader as I write and may unknowingly edit in an effort to make it reader-friendly. I am trying to wean myself whenever I find myself doing so. I believe those who pretend to be someone else on-line not only short-change the reader but also themselves. It lessens the power and impact of those of us who wish to feel connected within the online community rather than isolated. I appreciate the honesty and sincerity in your posts, TT, and for that I thank you for reminding others of its importance as well.-
@lapy55
- I make every attempt to be me on-line and, in many ways, find it easier than face to face interactions.
Thanks so much for sharing where you are at. I don't find it easier to be me online than I do in person. I think this is because in person I'm physically animated and less verbal. I rely on body language, facial expressions, and gestures.
Offline I'm far less "chatty" than I am online. And since the head injury I find myself constantly struggling to find the correct words to express what I want to say. Thankfully, this is improving and is expected to continue to improve.
I believe those who pretend to be someone else on-line not only short-change the reader but also themselves. It lessens the power and impact of those of us who wish to feel connected within the online community rather than isolated.
I agree whole-heartedly, and I thank you very much for the compliment too.
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(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Yes. What you see is what you get. I am 100% 'me' online.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?.
I have had a couple of stalkers since I started my blog. One woman's whose boyfriend was a heroin addict, spent more time and energy than I could imagine sending me flaming emails about how horrible junkies are/were. Another man who seemed to have a thing for exotic dancers asked me to marry him. I ignored the latter but for the woman, I sent her what I thought was a thoughtful email trying to explain the mentality/rationale for why junkies do the things they do. I actually got a nice note back from her after some back-and-forth correspondence.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
I think *people* in general need to conduct themselves in a manner that is respectful to others and still remain true to ourselves. I don't see that is different in the blogging world as it is in real life.
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?.
I honestly don't.-
@Melinda
- I think *people* in general need to conduct themselves in a manner that is respectful to others and still remain true to ourselves. I don't see that is different in the blogging world as it is in real life.
I do agree with you. I include myself as being among those *people* who could use some improvement. When it comes to learning how to ignore and fail to engage those online, who I have been allowing to "trigger" me, I recognize I need to do some work on that.
Re: reputation management tools
I think it's very important to know what others are saying about you and your blog online. As you are writing a book and there may be passages in your blog that will appear in the book. I think it's important for you to be aware of who is referring to them and/or using them, and in what way they are referring to them and/or using them. At the very least I think you ought to consider setting up Google Alerts. -
Oh, I have Google alerts for Melinda Roberts Tyler, Melindaville, Melinda Tyler, Melinda Roberts, etc.
I didn't realize that was what you meant--every day, I get alerts sent to me via email so I know exactly what is being said about me and my blog and I also do searches on a regular basis. -
Melinda I was thinking about this the other day, after reading your latest post.
How would you feel if someone asked you about your blog topics in real life? Do you talk about it as freely as you write? -
@Claire--when I decided to go public with my story--I decided to do that in every realm, which includes face-2-face, as well as my online presence.
I talk very frankly about my life and experiences to anyone who asks--both online and offline.
There is one caveat though: Two of the universities in which I do adjunct work do *not* know of my past (two of the universities I adjuct at do) but it's not like I am hiding it from them--it has just never come up and I see no reason to bring it up right now. I never talk about my profession on my blog--as far as the exact name of the places I work--so I don't think it's any of their business.
However, once the book is published (that is IF it is published and I have every reason to think it will be), I do plan to tell all universities about my past, etc--because I think they should know.
It takes courage sometimes to do things for the greater good. I honestly believe my story is important and will do more good than it will harm. -
I think it must be because you are in a good place with it all and with the book and foundation you have somewhere to channel it all? Otherwise it would be mentally exhausting I should think?
I think your approach to telling, or not telling, the universities is a good one.
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@TT
I just read your blog post. I tend to think of myself more as a musician than a blogger in pretty much everything I do, but I find your article is very applicable to musicianship as well. It's an interesting read. Good job.
(1) Are you authentically "you" online or do you make an special effort to be "nice"?
Yes and no, and no. I think I'm authentically "me" online in that I don't express things that I don't genuinly think. There's no mask or character over what I write, it's just me. On the other hand, as a performer selling myself like you would a brand name, I find myself in a situation where "image" is quite important, so I've made it a habit to always consider what the reaction might be to something I post (and where I post it) before I actually post it. As the "image" I'm trying to cultivate as a performer is more or less identical to how I am privately off the stage, it's not really a problem. But I'm quite libertarian by nature, and I know not everyone would agree with me on all my views, so rather than alienate potential listeners, I might on rare occasions simply choose to refrain from writing something. Then again, I express much of my personal views through my music, so potential listeners who would be put off by my views would probably not listen to my music anyway. Still, I do keep half a brain cell working on this whenever I'm writing something online.
(2) Have you ever experienced an online situation where someone attributed emotions and motives to you that did not exist? If so, how did you handle it?
No. But people have on occasion approached me in a strangely familiar fashion, as if they knew me better than they actually do after having listened to me perform. But I guess that's to be expected, it seems to happen with most performers.
(3) Do you agree that for bloggers it’s equally important that we manage our online presence in a manner that’s respectful of others, while still remaining true to ourselves?
Yes. Being respectful is important both online and offline. In my opinion there's never anything to be gained by being disrespectful to anyone. Even if you disagree with someone's views, disrespecting them will only make them shut down the possibility of considering your point of view at all (if they did in the first place).
(4) I provided some links to tools for online reputation management in my post. Do you have any additional tools for online reputation management that you would like to share?
No tools per se. But I think the best reputation management is to think twice about what you put out there. If there is something you don't want someone to read, don't write it in the first place. The internet is a very open place. Whatever you put into it, will eventually reach whoever wants to read it, and not necessarily in the context you intended it.
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