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Are you in love? Or are you in love with the idea of being "in love?"
Posted by bljohnso • 5/24/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children, Dating, love, marriage, MEN, relationships, women
You may think I'm pessimistic and cynical; I'd have to agree but you can't ignore the social phenomena of people falling in love with the IDEA of being in love. Rather, people getting caught up into thinking that being single is bad and being with someone is good. It doesn't really matter how empty the relationship is. Well, I don't subscribe to the mantra that if I don't get a partner right now then my eggs will dry up and I'll be forced to adopt. No, not me. Do you?
udothedishes.com/2008/02/21/if-you-dont-get-a-significant-other-right-now-t...
User Comments
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The statement reminds me of my grandmother. When I got divorced she said she wanted me to be happy and find a good man. I kept telling her I AM happy. My mother now does the same thing (what is it about 70 somethings and partnership
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First and foremost - you will never be truly happy in a relationship unless you are happy with yourself. You get back whatever vibe you are putting out. If you are putting out ... I need someone in my life to make me happy: odds are you'll end up in some co-dependant mess that you will never feel fulfilled in. If, on the other hand, you are putting out "I lead a great big wonderful happy life and would like to share that will someone who has the same" it will be an entirely different dynamic.
Being single is not bad at all - if you don't like spending time with yourself, who will? -
Your last sentence is so true.
Regarding 70-somethings, don't you feel like back in the day (20's,30's,40's) the school of thought was to get married young and stay married? I don't really know but I feel like people as soon as they could, got married and there were very few singles. Divorce wasn't an option.
Nowadays many relationships begin with dating, continue with marriage, and end in divorce because as you wrote, people feel like they need someone in their life to make them happy. -
I have to agree. My parents are both pre WWII babies - get married, raise a family live the American dream. It's not a bad thought; we just live in a different world.
Women, actually people in general, have taken the time to become more aware of themselves. As selfish as it may sound - we need to do for ourselves first. If you are not happy, you are not going to be any good to anyone.
I married at 23 - I am fairly certain that's why I was divorced by 34. Most 23 yr olds do not have a good sense of self - I think the 30's is a coming into your own time. The flip side is... I would not be the person I am today had it not been for my experiences - including the marriage and the divorce.
I am raising 2 girls (both teenagers). I encourage them to be themselves regardless as to what anyone else says. No one’s expectations matter accepts their own, not even mine. As long as they are happy with themselves, that’s all I really care about. -
the word LOVE is thrown around way too casually. i think most people have no idea that love is an action and a commitment - not just an emotion. i don't think u can say you have to reach a certain age to be in love - i fell in love for the first time at 22 and in 2 months (at age 23) i'm marrying my fiance.
that said, i had no problem w/being single...it took awhile for me to figure out not just want i WANTED from a guy/relationship, but what i NEEDED. and when i found that (and him) - it wasn't so hard. -
Neither. Love is an abstract mental construct used to justify staying together with another person. I don't need love; I have my antisocial tendencies! -
I am completely in love. After being in my relationship with my husband for the past (almost) nine years, we are way beyond the falling in love stage, or being in love with the idea of being in love. Loving someone is very different from that early stage of falling in love--or loving the idea of love. Truly loving another person means that you consider that person's position in any decision you make and putting their own needs and wants on the same plane as your own.
It took me many years to learn to love another person. I don't think true love ever comes easily but when you have an opportunity for it--all I can say is SEIZE THE DAY!-
Carpe Diem!!!!! -
Abso-freaking-lutely.
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That's lovely and well put. I'm in love too.
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To answer your 2 questions: Nope and nope. -
I have been with my husband for almost 16 years now, so am also way past being in love with the idea of being in love. We met when I was 20 and him 22, we have both grown mentally, emotionally, physically both together and seperately. -
I am actually in love. I think i have matured enough to see the difference now. I am completely myself around my boyfriend, we always have the most fun even if were not doing any thing at all, i trust him , were just very similar and honest and prefect in any way i can think of. So yes i am in love. -
I sometimes wonder what is love...-
Biochemically, it's about the same as eating twenty pounds of dark chocolate.
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You do sometimes aleare, I wonder all the time where it exists, hehehe( I was in love too)
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I'm in love with the idea of it. When I am single, I seem to have a selective memory only remembering the cute little things, and romanticize it. When I am in a relationship I feel trapped and remember the freedom of being single... so I bought a dog, he doesn't talk back, does what I ask him to, eats whatever I cook and is always happy to see me... I know my limitations in relationships so to be fair to the other party, I stay out of them until I am mature enough to grasp the concept of love -
i also agree with the last sentence.. and yeah i do agree that certain people not all.. are in love with the idea of being in love before they actually fall in love you know.
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Neither. -
@Poison... you are a rare bird indeed. And very lucky to have such an insight to your own point of view. You will probably do better than most in your relationships that you do choose to have.
I think when someone fulfills a specific need in us we view it as 'love' and become very needy to continue to have that need met. But it doesn't REALLY make it love. And sometimes people just WANT it to be 'love' in order to justify their need. But I also think you have to go through the stages of thinking you are in love and learning the difference to help you see it when it's real. So I wouldn't deny anyone the process or belief that they are in love. You can't learn other people's lessons for them yanno? -
I'm in love too but not in the normal fashion
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I fell in love with my partner when we were only fifteen and were engaged for three years. We separated through a stupid argument and she went to South Africa (6500 miles away from me)I never stopped loving her and when she returned to Scotland 38 years later we immediately got together again and I found out that she never stopped loving me. Our love is so strong we will never do anything to jeopardize it again. She was my first love and though we had other partners through the 38 years we are each others true love. Does that answer your question in a satisfactory way? -
Maybe with the idea of it, or more with that of wanting to be appreciated in general, but I don't think I'm ready to make any kind of commitment, or ever will be. -
I think love is alot like procreation. It HAS to be appealing...babies HAVE to be so adorable and bring joy to people, otherwise no one would want to go through the pain it takes to give birth. Sex HAS to be appealing. If orgasm was not the eventual point of having sex, people would also NEVER procreate...because it would just be this unsanitary pointless act. Love is the same....REAL love is hard, and it takes work. But initially there is the "falling in love" part that feels totaly amazing. No one would want to love anyone if they weren't on some level "in love" with the concept of love.
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