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Are you selective in making friends?
Posted by dialoguewithyou • 10/15/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: bloggers, friends, pals
When it comes to making friends in 'real' life, how picky are you in making friends?
Is anyone who lends you a hand in friendship welcome to be your friend?
or
Do you give yourself time to think and decide before you accept anyone as a friend?
Do you keep people in two broad categories: 1) acquaintances & 2)Friends;
OR
Is anyone you know is a friend??
User Comments
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I find I'm quite selective but I don't mean to be, it just takes me a long time to grow to trust people, always been that way but I'm starting to relax that a bit at my ripe old age of 25.
How about you?-
I too am quite selective in making friends, I don't tend to share everything with all of the people I know
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you can a read of my views on the topic at:
dialoguewithyou.blogspot.com/2009/10/are-you-selective-in-making-friends.ht...
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I definitely separate my friends from my acquaintances. Life has taught me that real friends are few and far between. As a result, I am extremely cautious when it comes to giving someone the "friend" title.-
thanks for sharing
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Well I don't and that's my problem. I would just love to trust everyone and be friends. -
I don't make friends. I allow friendship to happen-
excellent point
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well said crazyTsu -
Tsu, do you take the same approach to romantic relationships? That is always my position on those--they really don't stand a chance if you go shopping for them and then attempt to construct them through the artificial framework of dating--but the majority of the world seems to think I'm crazy. -
@artificial framework of dating
Where I come from, I would be lucky indeed if I could date.. as CA would have put it "Artificial" is relative (LOL)
What's natural anyway? You see a person for many months or years and someday realize you are in love? Well if that works for you who is anyone to say anything?
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I will never be friends with someone who is weird or who likes to have pointless arguments for the sake of arguing to prove they are intelligent. Other than that, I'll be friends with anyone. Unless they'll end out killing me of course.-
define weird
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Yup,me to...the more the marrier
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Was that a freudian slip? Marrier?
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Tehehe...so mr. Calli what do u do?
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I... I've got to go... I'll... I'll see you around!
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I'm selective. I like NORMAL people. I don't tolerate any kind of mental issues that the person hasn't taken the time to treat. I don't have time for that crap. Given that condition I make friends easily (for a Finn anyway).
I also have a high threshold for people I consider "a friend" but I call more people friends than I consider friends, because to a Finnish speaking person an "acquaintance" is a damned hard word to pronounce! I may replace it with "pal" or "mate" if I really don't want to call someone a friend. Also I call people friends in a conversation, because it's self-explanatory and I don't have to sway from the actual story to explain how I know this person. I just know them and that's it whether or not they're a true friend.-
I must add here that by saying I want my friends to be normal, I didn't even think about people with a brain dysfunction or abnormal body of some sort. (If you read ahead you know why I wanted to clarify.) What I mean is that I won't allow "a friend" to "drag me down" or abuse me in the name of friendship, and these sort of people are very likely to have a mental problem of some sort. And that is what I meant by "normal". If I notice that a person is not mentally stable, (and I pick up on it rather quick these days), I simply avoid getting too close to them for the sake of my own sanity and self-esteem.
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Well u definately have people all defined and itemized
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That's what I do best. Analyse, define, categorise. And mind you, mental issues were not on my inexcusable -list before I actually started hanging out with people with narcissistic personality disorders, bipolars, depression, co-dependency, psychosis - you name it and I've very likely had a friend with it. As soon as they go on the meds or have therapy, I'm cool, but I know too many that know they have a problem but won't take care of it even if it was treatable, and if that's what they choose, my choice is not to be around them. And that is not to say I was perfect myself, but my issues don't make others suffer with me - I hope anyway.
(I assume that comment was for me.)
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Yea the comment was for you. Well that's kinda sad that you would only be friends with someone who is on meds....you know meds even if prescribed aren't always the answer.
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Well, as I said meds or therapy, as long as you at least TRY to get over it, I'm your best mate, but if you're not taking responsibility in your own well-being, I will not allow you to drag me down into your hole with you. TRUST ME, I've been there. I've spend YEARS trying to keep a friend afloat, and I seriously did not get anything out of it, it was a one way street where that friendship was going.
Another one cost me the friendship of numerous other people, because I kept taking her side over my own best judgement, because I loved her, and even though I knew she was unreasonable in her demands, I sided with her, because she was my best friend. That resulted into our mutual friends abandoning both of us, because I was being unfair to them as a result. Was that fair? Wasn't that sad? And if you now say that they were not real friends for leaving us, you have a warped view on friendship. I was being unfair and I deserved to be abandoned. But I won't make that mistake again. If a person cannot function within the rules of the society, count me out of her or his friends.
A lot of mental issues comes with abuse, and that is something I've taken too much of as well from several boyfriends. Never physical abuse, but I've been yelled at and accused for things I had no control over, put down and disrespected, and if that's the kind of friendship I should be ready for, call me selfish, I don't care. -
mate, don't you let your friend define what you are today.. move on and have fresh experiences by dropping the past where it is - in the past
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Mate, I'm not letting them define anything. The fact remains that ALL the people I have SUFFERED to be around had a mental disorder of some sort, or a personality disorder (worse still) and I'm not putting myself through that again. I simply don't need to. What was SAD was that I was previously drawn to people with issues, because they seemed more interesting to me than normal, functional every day people, and it wasn't a good thing. When I realised this about myself, I realised that hey, normal people ARE ENOUGH. You don't have to have an existentialist crisis every day of the week to be interesting. And you don't have to walk around like you were God's gift to man kind to be interesting. The darkness of these people, to me was what I though was a sign of intellect or depth of character, or something rather, but in the end, all it is is a mental problem. I used to go right toward it before, now I go right around it. I don't get ATTRACTED to it anymore, I can see through it.
That is not to say that I don't socialise with mentally ill people any more, because I do. I just don't make the mistake of believing that the kind of relationship could be balanced and equal, which I believe to be the core of any friendship. I can be a friend to some of them, but I don't expect them to be a friend to me, if you know what I mean by that.
The past is there for a reason, it gives us experience and knowledge. Ignoring it would be foolish. -
We do tend to become a product of our experiences. It is each one's own calling whether they want to remain there.
If interacting with the mentally ill makes you comfortable or satisfied in any way there is no problem to anyone and shouldn't be for you either -
I'm sorry but I didn't understand what you meant by that last sentence. Like at all... Could you rephrase, please? I don't want to make assumptions as to what it was that you tried to say.
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When it comes to making friends in 'real' life, how picky are you in making friends?VERY PICKY
Is anyone who lends you a hand in friendship welcome to be your friend?DEPEND ON THE 'REAL INTENTION'OF FRIENDSHIP S/HE OFFERS
or
Do you give yourself time to think and decide before you accept anyone as a friend?YES I DO
Do you keep people in two broad categories: 1) acquaintances & 2)Friends;
OR
Is anyone you know is a friend??THE FIRST ONE ,AS FOR THE 2ND ONE,I'VE KNOWN AS STRANGER MOST OF THE TIME-
Thanks for sharing your views
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Nope. Just trying to be one ... -
I find it rare that others are actually friends to me... I often end up in one-sided friendships that leave me high and dry when I really need someone.
I actually married my best friend which is pretty cool because both my wife and I always have each others back and yet we won't let each other slip if one of us is out of line. We play video games together watch action movies together, we pretty much like the same stuff, and she is much better looking than me so in most respects in the friend department... I am doing pretty awesome actually! I would definitely trade all the good friends in the world for a wife like mine!-
wow! indeed you are lucky to have married your best friend
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I'm so close to my mother and sister than friends just pale in comparison. I'm way too picky- want everyone to be magnificent and I make and lose friends very easily. I find that many people in the end realize that family is what it's about. -
all friends from my experience have an expiration date, you change and if your friends don't keep up with you,,,you lose them,,,or you wanna lose them.-
I haven't experienced that yet. Just a few weeks ago, I spent a wonderful weekend with two girlfriends I met in 2nd and 6th grade (I'm 43 now), and my best friend from high school and from my freshman year in college are still in my life on a daily basis.
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@danielpeci
That's something new for me. Thanks for sharing!
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it takes time. and chemistry. -
If someone is nice and down to earth, and doesn't just assume they have a higher rank in life, then i can see them as a friend almost instantly. -
I have a lot of acquaintances but very few friends. Most of my friends are my classmates since grade school to college. I'm a very picky person when it comes to this circumstance, but I have friends that I didn't expect we'll become friends that we end up so close as to sisters and brothers. And yes, I keep that categories (acquiantance and friends) -
I just have a few friends, not because I am selective, perhaps because people near me are selective.....
Online friendship: Is not it a part of our real life? -
There are gradations of friendship, but it's not something I give much conscious thought. I can't see any benefit in sorting through the people in my life and putting them into the "friend" or "acquaintance" bucket, and I suspect that if I tried to do that, I'd really end up with about a dozen shades in the middle. What's the value of the label?
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Good point MadameX.
Thanks for sharing
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I have a couple of very close friends, and then some folks I spend less time with but still enjoy for varying reasons.
I'm not the sort of person to hang out with a ton of different people peripherally or in a surface way. I'd rather have a good group of solid people I can rely on. -
No, I ususally jump in head first with people. I am cautious enough to know what kinds of people I avoid...for my own reasons. But mostly I dont end up around the kind of people I'd avoid anyway. -
Very selective! Making friends is not that easy for me. -
I get along with most people. I generally strike up a simple conversation with people when out and about, we are talking about a couple sentence conversation. I do typically talk to anyone but when it comes to an actual friend that is a different situation. I have 4 good friends who I fully trust and would do anything for. -
No. I dive in and worry about the waves later. -
I am friends with almost everyone I meet. Now who I'll trust -- that's a whole other story.-
very true
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I just keep adding them on my buddy list as my online friends or in person, If I don't like them anymore I just stay away from them and find a way to let them know that I am not happy being with him/her anymore as my friend in the right time. -
i make friends very very easily, i find it important to make everybody my friend in some way, however I am very cautious of people at the same time and create clear boundaries
I like to talk to everyone, even strangers, if they are open enough to communicate but... who i let into my own personal environment is another story -
Real-life friend-making comes very easily to me. The person must share some of the similar qualities that I possess. The person must be honest. The person must be communicative even if a little prompting is needed. Arguments and negativity can stay far far away. I don't classify people as friends or acquaintances.
Online friends I am obviously more cautious with. -
I don't have any friends. But that's because I'm unlikable, and a real bitch. And i hate people.Especially right now.-
Awwww...
digital hugs for the mean bitch. ( )
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My best friend in the world, to this day, is my best friend from high school. I was just thinking about this the other day; there is an old saying that you "don't choose your family", and it's usually meant in a bad way, but I think it's also true that you "don't pick your friends" and I mean it in a good way.
I don't have many friends, but I have a connection with those few I do have that seems to belie any possibility of mistaking them for anything casual or coincidental.-
Thanks for sharing your views Dane
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Friends usually have "picked" me instead of the reverse. Like MadamX, I've friends from grade school. The thing about friendship - is to make the effort to keep it going by mail,etc...and not take it for granted!
I would like to pose this question? Are you - your best friend? If you value and love yourself, then you become a magnet to attracting friends who will love and value you! If you think you attract certain people, why? Could it be that you are sending out certain vibrations that attract certain types to you?
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