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Best advice you'd give to someone attending college
Posted by DaniG • 9 days ago • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: college advice, dorm advice, fun, roommate advice, time management
Hey, our daughter is about to embark on college - but is still finishing high school. (They'll pay until she graduates, so she is moving into dorms and the whole process is brand new for her.)
What advice would you give her?
User Comments
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Soooo, 15 minutes goes by and you are all still trying to REMEMBER your college years? Is that it?
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Sleep with this guy named derek bowles... ;p
Get drunk, and have fun.-
OMG! THAT would educate her!!! For sure!!! She'd NEVER be the same!
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Stop your making me blush. ;P
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The only advice I can think to give is for her to make sure that she enjoys whatever it is she decides to do/take. Too many students decide they want to explore other areas after years of already dedicating their studies to something else. -
I don't have time right now, so I am going to post a link (not a shameless bp because I rarely post links here), for the sake of expediency, to a post I wrote in 2005, at the end of my sophomore year in college. It might help.
wonderlandornot.net/2005/05/12/lessons-learned-in-college/-
Thanks. I'm sending this on to her! I'll try to post back what she thinks. That ought to be interesting as well.
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I lived in the dorms for the first two years of college and my advice to her is to 1) not live in the dorms. The dorms are party-central and are "like, super-fun and junk". She'll adore it but that's where a lot of issues arise. Your daughter will meet a lot of people, probably gain 20 or 30 pounds, and regardless if she's a straight A, pillar of responsibility right now, she's likely going to try a lot of new drugs, drink a lot of new booze and go to a lot of parties. Not to mention, they're so overpriced it's practically extortion. She could get a decent little apartment off-campus with a couple of roommates for less.
As well, a lot of high schools don't adequately prepare students for the leap from high school to college/university. Many students think it will be exactly the same but within the first month after they've failed two or three tests, they get the bucket of ice water in the face wake-up call.
College professors don't spoon-feed their students. They don't scold you for not doing your homework and they don't write home to the parents if they notice the child is having problems and if you don't show up for class, they probably won't even notice. Professors don't care and when they are teaching 80-120 students in each class, they don't have time to care. She has to be VERY dilligent in taking notes, doing homework, studying and doing a lot of the work on her own or in study groups. And above all, no matter what, she MUST make an effort to attend EVERY class. The work load is exponentially heavier in college so she has to be prepared to deal with that.
I'd also strongly recommend that she make friends within her classes and join study groups. University is hard and unless she's a genius, she'll need to work with others to get the work done. Despite what the movies show us, college isn't just one big party and everyone just miraculously gets their degree without studying.
Other than that, I say enjoy the experience and get the most out of it.-
The dorms is where you meet the majority of people. EVERYONE should spend at least a year in the dorms for the social aspect alone.
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All good advice! I'm sending this on to her, too! I hate the thought of my little innocent angel...meeting up with...well, you know! :O
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DB, did you ever have a roommate that was wilder than you? Or were you the one the parents always feared?
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Not really. I got stuck in the goodey toe shoes dorm and when I moved out my roommates were tameish. Although they had there nights
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@ thecantankerouscan
Very sound advice. I love your avatar.
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She should definitely live in the dorms for at least her freshmen year. It's part of the college experience and where you live has no effect on how much weight you gain... that has to do with what you eat and drink, and no matter where she lives, if she wants to drink/do drugs she will.
But my real advice to here is this:
Be open minded and willing to try new things, and focus but still find time to have fun! -
Oh and the most important thing is avoid frat guys. The majority of them are complete douches
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That is a very good point.
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Don't go unless you know what you want to do, and if you're already going, answer that question before you do anything else. Be wise in your answer of course, as it too is important, but ANSWER IT! -
To simply go with the flow and enjoy it. One can never really be 100% prepared for anything. And she will only be her current age once in her lifetime, so she should make the most of the new experience. -
Every time one of her brand new friends wants her to do anything she knows she really should not ... which unfortunately will be many times, tell her I said to do this:
Go into a bathroom or separate room. Think about what these actions could do to harm her or them, if these actions were secretly being video'd or recorded, what would happen if they were made public. If twenty years from now, when she looked back, would she be proud of it or ashamed. These are hard to think about, or, could be considered boring suggestions, but it does matter. In case she doesn't realize it yet, 20 years isn't really a very long time, once one is looking backward.)
Tell her to be the leader of her group and only set good examples. There is plenty of time to party after she earns her degree.
Remember:
Sometimes the self imposed freedoms are really traps in disguise.
Never drink from a cup or glass she isn't holding in her own hand. Really.
Now, other than that, tell her to learn everything she can and have some occasional fun.-
Booooooooooooo!!!
Never question your friends, they know whats best. she should have 3somes, 4somes, 10somes, ect.
You have your entire life to be an adult, but college only lasts for 3-6 years (ish). And remember, it's not about doing whats right or wrong, it's about doing what makes for the best story -
It's about growing up and not wasting the money for the education. It's not all wily fun. She needs to be glad she has the ability to go to university. Look around at all of the children and young adults who do not have this privilege.
I know you're funny but Dani is sending hr daughter off into the great unknown with all the pitfalls. She is concerned. S**t I don't mean to be boring, I want her to have responsible fun. There are great memories to be had even when one is circumspect. Hey, she could start a new trend in doing this.
Stop being such a bad boy! -
I agree it's about going to class hungover, wasting money on alcohol, and having willy nilly fun.
You don't really start learning anything until your 2nd/3rd year anyways! -
What a crock! Sounds like that might have been your excuse for wasting valuable time and cash'ola.
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Going to class was the waste of time. I shouldn't be able to go to the first day of class, and then for tests and still get an A or B in the class. So I'm not wasting any money, I pass the class which is the ultimate goal right?
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I agree with Theresa. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the whole college experience but she has to be responsible as well. There is plenty of time to party after she's received her degree.
It sounds like DanniG's daughter may have received a scholarship? If this is the case, she is expected to keep her grades at a certain level or all funding will be taken away and she's on her own. Why give up a free education for the sake of a few beer? I had to pay for college myself and it's a whole different ball game when the money is coming out of your own pocket and you have to work two jobs just to get through. You're not as willing to waste money on alcohol and have willy-nilly fun.
Eighty percent of the students who go off to college with this care-free attitude come trudging back home at the end of the semester either refusing to go back because it's too hard or not allowed to go back because they've flunked out. DanniG's daughter won't be one of them if she keeps her head on straight.
And the best piece of advice I can offer - don't listen to Bowles. -
Im paying for my own college. And I have plenty of willy nilly fun, and I also passed my classes. Drinking and partying does not equate to failing.
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Not everyone is like you or as smart (ass) just joking. I still think you should fix something for TGng Dnnr and hide it in a cupboard.
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I pride my self in my smart assness. ;p
I might be riding in an ambulance on Thanksgiving. So I might not even get to eat the dinner let alone make something ;p
Besides. You didnt carve Clyde. -
Would it make you feel better if I go stab little Clyde with a knife? He feels safe and secure. My little orange pumpkin. He'll be pumpkin tiramisu next week. SSSHHHH.
Why will you be in an ambulance? Planning on faking a tummy ache?
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One more very important subject.
Tell her to do things or go places with a friend ... never to go alone and to "Be Frosty." In other words to be alert of her surroundings and not naive. Tell her to question what others say ... in her own mind, and go with her gut instincts. Common sense ... well I'm sure you've said all of these types of things to her before, but I have a niece who attended University of MD, and we went over these matters ... a few times.
Best Advice: "BE FROSTY."
I say this to all of my family members. Well, you have to in todays' world. -
I too started college while still in high school. My advice would be to stay focused on getting settled with class. Establish study time, and find people in each class who may want to join study groups or form study groups. Enjoy the college experience and stay away from the drugs. -
Don't get into heavy drugs and finish coursework before getting wasted. I'm serious about this too. Dorms are like recreational pharmacies. -
If I wasn't the mother....party like a rock star
If I was the mother...MAKE GOOD GRADES...and party like a librarian -
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Hi. I just passed all this on to Heidi - and I'm letting her respond to you all. Here goes:
@DB: You're funny. I can't believe you were placed in the goody-two-shoes dorms. You must have been climbing the walls.
@ Cantankerouscan: I have received one scholarship - but we have a "fast track" program within the high school, so I can get college credit paid for by the schools - and yes, I do have to get C's or better.
@Theresa: Where's the balance between being smart and being a jerk? (DaniG here: she's not sure she completely understands 'Frosty.')
@Holly: the "party like a librarian" made my day! Very funny.
Thanks to everybody for your responses. Heidi-
Where is she going? I know that Colorado (the school) is real big on drugs. I have a few friends who go there.
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DB, you're soooo smooth. Like you think I'd tell you which college she is going to... For you, she's going to an all girl convent with razor-wire fencing and mean dogs inside. Oh, and NOOOOO beer. (That ought to discourage you. lol!)
Seriously, on this high school program, she's going to a nearby school - Mesa State College. She'll be there for at least a semester. If she likes it, she'll probably stay. If she doesn't she's going to try for Regis or University of Denver. Those cost SOOOO much more, though. She really doesn't want to be carrying around college debt for the next century. We'll see.
@ Daily: (*Heidi scratches off ornithology from list.) Glad you mentioned it. -
I looked at all those colleges but out of state tuition would have killed me. Regis is pretty expensive. And if I wanted to meet your daughter I would just 'meet up' with you when I go boarding in Jan ;p
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Don't take BS courses like ornithology. Don't F it up b/c the money isn't unlimited.-
See above - she scratches ornithology off her list... Hahaha!!!
You sound like that comment is from experience. Did you not find an immediate use for ornithology? Hmmm. What a shame.
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My advice?
1. Pursue a degree that will allow you to make a decent living.
2. Stay out of debt and live frugally.
3. Enjoy the hell out if it while it lasts.
4. Stay away from Derek Bowles. -
Do not gain the freshman 15 - try to minimize the pizza intake, be careful around the greek life and steel fruit from the caffeteria. steel some coffee cups and silverware too as it will be come indispensable.
She'll need a hotpot (at least that's what we called them) and some instant cocoa/coffee as well as instant soup. when you're sick and can't make it to the caffeteria, it's nice to have something hot to eat/drink.
study - because when it comes to getting a real job, it won't be enough that you graduated, they will find out what your grades were as well. and the student who earned a 4.2 will get the job, not the one with a 2.9
and have lots of sex. =) -
Why is everyone saying stay away from me?
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I definitely didn't - I'd be on you like white on rice.
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Just kidding Derek. ;-)
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Think of it as an adventure and don't take it too seriously. Don't stress yourself out.-
But Derek is out there!!!!!!!!!!
And the chastity pitbulls are not fully trained yet!!!!!!! -
*sigh*
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And by *sigh* I'm sure he means "Dani's absolutely correct." -
*grumble mumble*
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Ah, I think Derek will be a remarkable catch...in a decade. Coincidentally, that's about the same time the chastity pitbulls' eyesight will be failing, and that will put us over the hump on the Heidi shift as she'll be 28 then and can change the diapers all by herself. I wonder what my chances are of getting her to 20 before she brings home some horny, fertile little buggar that wants to call me "mom." (*DaniG buries head in hands and sobs....)
That said, I do hope that whatever son-in-law we end up with will have as great a sense of humor as Derek. Justa donta toucha da merchandise-ah unlessa youa ready to buya!!! Or Uncle Vido will come and breaka you knuckles... -
I like to try things before I buy them. ;p
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How many have you bought???
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0, not having a job means I can only try them out for a day or 2, then return them
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My point is, I don't think you are in the mind frame to "buy." (Not that you won't be forever, but now, I don't get that from you.) And there's plenty of rentals on the market for the recreational test-drivers. You don't let a kid borrow a Bentley to hack around in. They'd just take it out and treat it like any old dune buggy and wreck it without apologies or conscience. (DaniG ponders the possibility of Heidi bringing home a dented dune buggy...and winces.)
Why is it, Derek, that you have the singular ability to make my teeth itch? -
I think I've gotten 12 more wrinkles since this conversation started. (DaniG huffs off to brush teeth and apply wrinkle cream...again!)
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probably because Im a smooth criminal?
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I know. I know... (DaniG practices the sit/stay/attack commands with chastity pitbulls.) In truth, these problems are Heidi's now. She's over 18. As parents, we're here to grind our teeth. I hope she has fun and meets people with great senses of humor. I also hope she puts her time to good use and gets a degree that will serve her well - and one that she enjoys. I'm anxious for her to bring her new friends home. I think that will be a lot of fun!
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Okay... here's my advice (not that Heidi needs it! There's plenty here!)
1)Spend some time at first making lots of new friends (and dating NO-ONE seriously). You will have plenty of time to figure out which of your new friends will be life-long and which won't. You don't have to decide that in the first 5 minutes. (Ditto with guys.)
2)Re: the weight gain thing... Watch out for that dorm food. It's worse than McDonalds for fat and calories. Seriously. And make time for exercise on a regular basis. Little habits like taking the stairs instead of the elevator will make all the difference.
3)Don't forget why you're there. College is about preparing yourself for the next step in your life. It's a great place to learn new things... so be willing to stretch your brain a little. You just might find that challenging yourself leads you to something you'll really love.
4) Tell your Mom EVERYTHING.
(okay, okay.. I put that in there for Dani.) But seriously, don't forget that whatever happens, your folks are there to be a support system or a listening ear. The phone works both ways.
That's it. Good luck and Have Fun!!-
Great advice, Midwest. Heidi is loving all these good words. She gets home at night and checking out this thread is the first thing she's doing. It's great to hear it from a number of perspectives. Thanks to everyone!
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Only take four classes your first semester.-
Oh yes, and be smart with those college boys. A wise woman once said to me, "If a man leaves his woman for you, he will surely leave you for another woman." and I might add..never sleep with your roommate's boyfriend that just doesn't work out well for anyone.
And finally, whatever THAT is..it probably isn't just a rash.
Which translates to trust your instincts and never fool around with a boy for the first time in the dark. -
OMG!!! You're too funny! And you're right!!! She is only taking four classes this first semester. I think that will make it a little easier on her. (DaniG squeals with pride. "My baby is all grown up!!!) Well, almost. O.K., not even close. Alright already...Another 10 years of nonsense - then...My baby is all grown up!!!
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Four classes is a very good idea particularly if you plan to go to graduate school. I took two classes each summer to make up for it. Four classes allow for a much higher grade point average and hence, a better graduate school. I ended up at Harvard because of my lighter load and very high average.
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How did you like Harvard?
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Oh yeah? I went to the University of Hard Knox ;p
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Are you sure "Knox" was on the welcome sign?
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what else would it be?
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Are you sure the sign didn't read "University of Hard?" I think you are summa cum laude!
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Honestly, I found the professors to be aloof/stuck-up and the teachers' assistants to be wormy butt kissing nazis. But I wouldn't trade that little expensive piece of paper. It has really opened doors for me.
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Very interesting. There are two women where I live. One bows to the alter of Harvard; the other says she turned them down because she thought it was full of arrogant snots. I do believe the diploma would have power though.
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Don't come home too much.-
B-b-b-b-but Brian...How can we sick the chastity pitbulls on the creepy boyfriends this way?????
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I've only sent boys so far. When my daughter goes, I'll probably move in with her and give up sleep.
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Yes. Someone told me, "One boy? One weiner to watch out for. One girl? Thousands of weiners to watch out for..." Not consoling at ALL!!!
Lucky for me, her dad and I split child care 50/50. I called the first 10 years. He gets the second. -
Thatsalotta weiners!
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So many weiners...so little time!!!
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Don't worry, Dani. Sex is good...even with the wrong person.
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OMG!!! I'm having a coronary! NP, you're killing me!!!! Really!!! As soon as I hit the send button, I'll die...for sure...not kidding here...Are you suggesting that my darlingly innocent BABY could...could...could...(*DaniG cannot even bring herself to finish the sentence. She clutches her chest...winks at Brianomaracroft - who knows that death will increase blog ratings - and...collapses. Obit to follow.)
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Sorry, you had to die so young. But at least you have the consolation of knowing that Brian will write your obituary.
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My blog rates haven't sky rocketed yet. Hey, Brian? How long do I have to wait for fame on this dying thing???
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everyone is some ones daughter/son ;p even you!
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There will not be justice in this world, Derek, unless you are blessed with six (count 'em, 6) gorgeous daughters - each with a horny boyfriend like yourself. I will then laugh when there are a dozen dirty-diapered children chasing after you calling you "Grandpa!" (*The first bright thought DaniG has had all day.)
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If I have a daughter she will be forced into lesbianism, and I will make them grossly overweight
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Good luck on that.... (*Dani snickers....)
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You have the power to change the world. You can do anything you want if you put all your heart and mind into it. The first change starts with you. Allow yourself to grow, be inspired, learn, understand, work hard and you will excel, I know it. Sometimes you may fall, but but pick yourself right back up and learn from your mistakes and get right back in the race. If you learn how to think, and not just entertain what everyone wants you to think, you will have skills that will follow you anywhere you go in life and will enable you to accomplish anything. I love you and support you. I trust you will make the right decisions.-
What great words Morgan! Heidi says you sound a lot like her dad! (That's a major compliment to her dad because your words were eloquent and caring!) Thanks.
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Oh, when I went up to university I never took advice from anyone. I knew it all, you see. :-)) It's a great experience; I'm sure she'll love it; I did, the whole thing, academic and social.-
If you never took advice from anyone when you went up to university my advice to would have been, get drunk every night, say yes to drugs, get pregnant, don't study, skip class, and waste your life away.
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Well, you get pregnant if you want to. :-))
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Not if you don't take my advice.
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If I were going to college for the first time, I know what I'd want to learn...Mandarin. Not only speak it, but speak it fluently. And write fluently. If I were 18 again, I’d be blogging in two languages…English and Mandarin. Imagine the future of any American student who could accomplish that. I read blogs Chinese blog that write in English... excellent blogs. Is there ANYBODY here on BC that can blog in both languages? For those who can, the future belongs to them. What England is to America, very soon America will be to China and India. The wise parent will guide their child to the future of the global economy.-
Probably very good advice. We don't have Mandarin teachers here - I think that would have to be an independent study through our local college as no one there speaks it either. Scary.
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Frosty.
In the movie Aliens. Hicks tells Hudson, on his way with Rodriguez to monitor the deserted hallway, Hicks says, "Stay Frosty." To which Hudson responds, "I'm on it." He got eaten by the Alien Monster. ooh. He said he was going to be frosty but the Alien was much bigger and had acid for blood.
It is a reminder to stay alert and on your toes, without hearing, be careful. OK mom.
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