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Best one liners...

Posted by thefloatingfrog • 12/03/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: funny, hilarious, humor, jokes, laughter, one liners

Tell us our best one liner jokes.. here's some..

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home. I went over. Nobody was home

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

What's the definition of a will? It's a dead giveaway.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

User Comments

12/03/08

Onchong

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

My favorite song is Devil Woman, and I dedicate it to my mother-in-law.

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

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12/03/08

thefloatingfrog

haha love the last one

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12/03/08

Onchong

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

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12/03/08

roadgurl5

(one of my favorites) from Henny Youngman:

"A hooker walks up to me on the street and says, 'I'll do anything you want for fifty dollars.' and I told her, 'Great, paint my house.'"

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12/03/08

toadsticker

two cowboys walked into a bar....the third one ducked

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12/03/08

LynneaUrania

They told me in high school that I was ugly...

(I use that one in various contexts, like the time when a proprietor complained about somebody breaking his mirror)

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12/22/08

Mizdemeanor

I'm not into working out..my philosophy: No pain..no pain.

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12/22/08

rickbman

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying"
- Woody Allen

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions."
— Woody Allen

10356
"My one regret in life is that I am not someone else."
— Woody Allen

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1/13/09

ankit1186

"Recession is when your neighbour loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours" - Ronald Reagan

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