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Best Way to Prepare and Eat Aardvark?
Posted by gtally • 4/20/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: aardvark recipes
It has come up in some other discussion threads -- what is the best way to dress, prepare and eat aardvark? Please share your favorite recipes and wine pairings for the humble ant bear. This is a chance to use your mother's old recipe, or even get creative and showcase a cutting edge gourmet or fusion cuisine dish. Bon Aardvark-tit!
User Comments
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Dinner, candlelight and sweet words if you wanna eat this Aardvark!-
Not that type of dining. -
Drink warning donkeh!!! -
Your making yourself to easy
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Donkeh, we'd love to have you for dinner!
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I'm not being in a fivesome with you four pervs.
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Well, first you have to clean it. That's a must.
After that, I'm sure you'll need something to counteract the bitterness...-
Mmmmm yeah clean me out baby.
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Gimme back my brain bleach.
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Yes, I think aardvark is a very tricky meat and either only a thorough cooking or soaking the antbear in lye will eliminate the possibility of salmonella poisoning.
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You could always turn it into jerky.
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It's not the salmonella that is the danger it's the extremely chewy meat and the very real possibility of contracting the black death that is the real chef's conundrum with Aardvarkius lavendium.
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So...the stink isn't the biggest problem. Is that what you're saying?
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Well if you insist on eating Aardvark you will have to put up with the fishy smell and the slight taste of aniseed.
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Apple in it's mouth and a rhomboid onion up it's arse then spit roasted (although the fruit and veg might need to be removed for that).-
Ohhh you're bad!!! But I like it!
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Polybore knows all about spit roasting. When making arrangements for the polybore wedding polybore popped into the local butchers to ask their advice. "Am thinking of having a spit roast at the wedding can you guys help".
Well after they had regained their composure and the paramedics had departed the reason for their hilarity was explained. That was the day polybore's innocence died, corrupted by butchers. -
oh polybore you mean you aren't an altar boy? -
In a kilt and combat boots? Not likely.
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I'm hungry now!
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Anyone for aardvark sushi? It's got a fishy flavor and is as dicey as fugu for neurotoxins, but nothing a little pickled ginger and wasabi can't hide.
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@shipitt
You look like the type that enjoys a good spit roast.
@Gtally
You cant eat Aardvark raw it has to be cooked to kill the flesh worms and deflakify the skin. -
Oh no, Anin, not at all. The Japanese perfected this years ago. A good set of sharp sushi knives can carve the aardvark like carpaccio and render it edible in its raw state. "Cooked" with a little sea salt and lime, then rolled in seaweed with salmon roe, antbear is delicious when served still pink.
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2 scoops of ice cream, some soda and some Aardvark
Enjoy
R. -
I think I just threw up in my mouth , deflakify ugh
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I hear Aardvark and dumplings are to die for! -
You keep your mouth off my dumplings!
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@ I think I just threw up in my mouth , deflakify ugh
That's right I forgot the sprinkles, sorry
BTW That is an old take on a kiddy Garden joke on how you make a Elephant Float-
Rozie, I think aardvarks are really good with ice cream, especially if you stuff them with marzipan first.
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Aardvark flakes are a delicacy in Peru.
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Where do the aardvark flakes come from, I wonder?
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That's like asking why a leprechaun's charms are lucky.
I'd rather not know... -
Mostly from my back but the real "beluga" flakes are from my "personal area" connoisseurs say these flakes have a more musky gamey flavour than the back flakes.
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lol, i just remembered what "charms" means in England
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@ Rozie, I think aardvarks are really good with ice cream, especially if you stuff them with marzipan first.
Yum Yum Sugar On Top-
But where would you put the cherry?
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@ But where would you put the cherry?
Right between the...-
Ears?
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If you like ears, fine by me
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I do like to keep my spare cherries between my arse cheeks if that helps any?
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So long as it's not near any other alleged aardvark delicacies, I think I'm fine
Case in point ^
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@ I do like to keep my spare cherries between my arse cheeks if that helps any?
So you have 2 in a warm dark place, or are you packing four of them?-
And can Anin tie the cherry stem in a knot in his mouth?
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Cherries or haemorrhoids?
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I'd be more impressed if he could tie them with his arse cheeks.
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Haemorrhoids? In the U.S., we get *hemorrhoids,* just as God intended it.
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I can put a stem between those cheeks and tie it into a recognisable portrait of Abe Lincoln complete with top hat and homosexual inclinations.
@gtally
Well you are god's chosen nation. -
Maybe we can all just get along and agree to talk about hemorrhoids using the universal language of esperanto.
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Strong shots of coffee, however nice, can never be an international language, haemorrhoids on the other hand.....
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Jelly beans?
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You leave my testicles out of this!
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Ugh. That'd be licorice. The aardvark already said he's anise flavored. But maybe that's a clever ruse so we don't truss him up, gut him like a fish and eat him. Hey, wait a minute! I think he's stalling for time!
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The aniseed flavour that permeates my meat comes from my heavily pus filled anal glands, which I use to mark my territory and seal envelopes.
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Oh Gawd, is that the slightly menthol flavored stuff I've been licking all these years to seal my envelopes? Aardvark pus? I'll never mail another letter again!
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why oh why do I continue to read this... it is like trying not to look at a bad accident!
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@Arcticulates. We're talking about fine dining, here, and the aardvark is merely stalling for time by inventing disgusting maladies. Dinner will be courtesy of Anin. And remember the old adage, "Never look a gift aardvark in the snout."
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I think drunken Aardvark slow roasted might be the way to go. -
Ewww... talking Aardvark in my head screaming don't eat me! (run screaming) -
Possibly crispy and a l'orange...-
But my nipples are inedible.
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You clearly no nothing about marinading.
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It don't matter how long you marinade them they are malarial.
Unless you are going to marinade them in some kind of quinine solution I would advise strongly against it.
Three nipples in has been known to be fatal. -
You're just trying to use the old "fatal nipples" ploy to get out of being dinner.
Bah! That trick is as old as a Warner Brothers anvil. Tell it to someone who isn't wise to your wily aardvarkian ways. -
Well if you are prepared to take a chance and play Aardvark nipple roulette with your life that is up to you, but don't say I didn't warn you.
The World health organisation has classified my nipples alongside Malawi and the Mekong river delta region of southern Vietnam as the world's three biggest malaria hotspots.
I have had all the celebrity UN ambassadors trampling all over my nipples and talking to people who live in the adjacent area about how dangerous a threat to life they really are.
But I said if you are willing to take a chance "Go ahead punk, pick a nipple" -
You might as well just hold up a sign that reads "Wabbit season." It smells of desperation.
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Fat nipples? "puffy nipples" or "nibble worthy nipples" are far more user-friendly terms for those I'd say.... My opinion, anyway.
But ising them in an Aardvark thread is very wrong either way
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GAGG! (coughs and vomits slightly)
Since I just got back from Paris, I think the solution is to bang it all to hell with a giant mallet to tenderize the meat and then serve it filleted, pan roasted, with a red wine reduction. For sides, some nice potato puree and a green salad.-
I refer the Francophile to the answer above, pick a nipple still 36 more on the left to choose from.
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Alright, serious cooking requires serious BBQ
Marinate Aardvark in a cherry + Worsteshire sauce combo for 24 hours.
remove, sprinkle with seasoning (50% salt, 25% pepper, 25% garlic)
Roll up into a smoker net, place in smoker and allow to smoke for two hours. For best results, use "Aardvark Boy" brand smoking wood chips.
Remove tender Aardvark from smoker, place on 550 degree grill and cook for two minutes each side.
Dab gently with Aardvark Boy brand BBQ sauce.
Remove from heat and enjoy-
"The above forum post was sponsored by... Aardvark Boy brand BBQ Sauce. For the best in fine aardvark eating."
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I just know someone's going to steal that product name eventually - does have a certain ring to it
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Everyone knows you can't actually BBQ an Aardvark because we are highly flammable due to the fact we share 69.2 per cent of our DNA with olives. Throwing an Aardvark onto an open flame could take your face off.
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Danny- if you find you need a witness down the road as to the copyright, let me know.
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=) why thank you... I'd owe you a dinner then... How bout Aardvark? Do you like BBQ? I also prepare candied Aardvark... kind of like sweet ham
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Oh, that's done as a spiral cut, isn't it? I hear they're lovely at holidays.
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Yes, Aardvark goes great with white wine.
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Eh, bartender forget the wine...I'll take a Corona. Forget the lime. Had my share of sour for the day.
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Recipe for Sweet Hawaiian Aardvark
Preheat oven to 450
Make sauce...
50% orange juice, 50% pinapple juice
Add 1/4 cup of marichino cherry juice
Add brown sugar until sauce is thick,but spreadable with a pasting brush.
Place Aardvark in the center of a deep 1/4 sheet cake pan and pour sauce over Aardvark.
Use marichino cheeries and pinapple chunks to decorate Aardvark.
You may also score the ardvark with a perring knife to make it look "purdie"
Sauce should fill pan basin, at least an inch deep.
Allow Aardvark to bake... remove periodically and and use a ladle to reglaze sauce over Aardvark.-
The key to perfectly-roasted aardvark is indirect heat. Gtally, what wine would we serve with this delicacy?
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White wine. At least with the Sweet Aardvark recipe.
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Legbamel, I'm leaning towards a nice, clean chilled Sauvingon Blanc, if we eat the white meat parts of the aardvark. For the dark meat parts of the antbear, such as the snout, I think a classic Cabernet would compliment the gamey flavor really well. (Although the aardvark has protested every wine pairing I've suggested, so far).
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Stuff said aardvark into a wood chipper; collect the pieces and scatter in the garden, mixed with mulch, as a fertiliser. Grow basil in the mixture.
Order a pizza. Chop the fresh basil and put on top after the pizza arrives.-
could be a little messy coming out of that wood chipper.
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No doubt, but the aardvark is too big for a Cuisinart.
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Shredded aardvark is like pulled pork, only with a gamey flavor and a hint of naughtiness.
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Four words: Don't forget the garlic!-
See "seasoning" in BBQ Aardvark post above. =) I shant forget the garlic
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If you cut slits in the skin, you can insert whole cloves just beneath it for extra flavoring in the meat.
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Really good BBQ requires some heat, so I recommend jalapenos stuffed in all the aardvark's holes.
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I think the aardvark would like to start with a fine scotch sponge bath by several naked and nubile maidens.-
Maidens? I thought the Aardvark would prefer nubile and naked lads.
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I never really contemplated that issue...
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Hmmm...makes you wonder about the pink donkeh, doesn't it?
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How very dare you! The Aardvark has slept with loads of over 25 women that I picked up in over 21 clubs!
Just because I am lavender it don't mean I will sleep with boys......what kind of boys? -
Very young ones...
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Well if it's good enough for Aristotle.....
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I just think that I have no business eating an Aardvark. On the other hand, I suppose I would remove the organs first and have the liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti.-
I don't think you can eat their livers. Toxic, you know.
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Or rock hard from excessive alcohol consumption.
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We don't have a liver we have an organ called Mahoon's splunket that does much the same job as a conventional liver but can also pick FM radio and recycle my unused sperm into extra saliva, if needed.
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The best way to eat a wild animal. Gut it and skin it. Roasted over an open fire, turning every minute. Red wine fan so 1998 Penfolds Bin 398... mmmm.. and for desert Honey Ants.. straight from the guts of the Aardvark...-
Sounds delicious!
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Eating aardvarks should be illegal. Please don't eat our friend!-
Too late! His days are numbered!
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I would imagine eating aardvark would be like eating land lobster. Boil the aardvark, crack it open and add a little salt and butter.-
And bring your aardvark bib!
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