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Break-Ups - clean break or linger in each other's lives?

Posted by sjtavo • 9/15/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: break-up

Looking for a consensus. I'm a firm believer in when you break up, you break up, cut all ties, delete pictures on social networking sites, set your profile back to single, etc.... A friend of mine insists that while he and his girlfriend are broken up (supposedly a month ago), he needs to take baby steps to eliminate her from his life... so he hasn't done any of the above and nor has she. Isn't a break-up supposed to be just that - BREAK-UP and move on?

User Comments

9/15/09

DailyBeerReview

It should be that way, ideally. But sometimes there are complicating factors, like you go to school with them or work with them or some other reason you may see them often. Or children would be an extreme case.

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1. 9/15/09
  
  sjtavo
  
  ok, assume no complicating factors - you don't work together, have children together, live next door, etc....
2. 9/15/09
  
  DailyBeerReview
  
  Well, I think it's usually nice to just move on. It probably depends on a few other things, like how long you dated or if you knew each other before you dated as friends for a long time. I can think of two of my exes that I dated for a while. One we grew up together, so I valued that friendship even post-dating. I even went to her wedding. But we're not close and have rarely even communicated. The other girl, we broke ties, probably said hello a few more times after that, and I never heard from her again, and I don't care and I'm sure she doesn't either.
9/15/09

HollytheHousewife

Well I can't assume that because I'm going through a divorce,and we have kids. So we're connected for life....

Now if we didn't have children,I would hope that we could be civil to one another,but not bffs just civil.

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9/15/09

sjtavo

I can understand maintaining a civil relationship afterwards, even more so if you have children together. But I guess I feel like a clean break means purging that person out of your life - maybe down the road you can have a civil friendship, but would you really keep pictures of the two of you kissing on your social networking page??

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1. 9/15/09
  
  DailyBeerReview
  
  Those are things that didn't even cross my mind. I never dated in the computer age. I've been married since 1997, so I've never had any relationship that involved social sites or computers really. But now that you brought them up, for sure all of those public pictures should be deleted and any references to you as a couple should be gone.
9/15/09

Floormodel

if you can make a clean break, it's often best. Obviously there are circumstances that make it impossible but if you can, do. Why keep yanking the scab off a healing wound? it only leaves a deeper scar.

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9/15/09

lotusb

I think relationships and love in general is personal. VERY personal. No one knows what really went/goes on between two people who had or have a relationship because no matter how much you think you know someone; no one shares EVERY detail with other people. So when a couple breaks up, HOW they choose to do so is between them. Some people drift apart easily some linger, some prefer to remain friends. Some people make the wrong decision regarding how they break up, some make the right one. Persoanlly, my last ex and I are still strong presences in each other's lives. Sure lines get blurred this early on in the "break up" but generally it works for us and although other people judge it, we have to do what works for US.

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