Discussions
Can you still be happy an NOT be married?
Posted by Madlabent • 11/08/07 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: Dating, General Discussion, laws, love, marriage, relationships, religion
Another discussion got me thinking about what people view as committment and marriage. So, here is a question for those who are not married but in relationships and also for those who have some insight into this subject.
Can you be happy without being married? If your answe is yes, explain how that can be. If you answer is no, explain why you cannot be happy if you aren't married.
I planned on writing a post about this but my blog is not related to dating, love or relationships in no way, shape or form. Therefore, the time has come to bring the discussion to fellow bloggers.
Can you still be happy an NOT be married?
How so? or Why not?
User Comments
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You can be happy in whatever you choose to do. Some people are too selfish to marry. Some just don't believe in it. And some just don't want to be alone and marriage seems like the necessary commitment.
I have friends that are perfectly happy alone and there's nothing wrong with that. We are all different and want different things from life. Just because marriage is the "right" thing to do doesn't make it right for everyone.-
I totally agree. I was happy before I got married, but of course, I tend to think I'm happier by being married (at least, that's what my wife would want me to say or else I won't be happy much longer).
For those that are married, I found this applies 24/7...
Happy Wife = Happy Life
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Goodness, of course you can be happy without being married. You will not be happy in life married or not unless you are happy with yourself and your own life first. -
Um, of course. What exactly does a piece of paper from the state prove other than being *legally* bound to another? My boyfriend and I share a home, bills, and children. We aren't religious and don't really feel the need to be married to prove anything. We just are... and that's fine with me
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...but if you are in a relationship and aren't married, doesn't that mean that you are still single? Some may believe that they are commited to someone else and vice versa and they act like they are married when in reality, they are still on the market.
suburbqueen, your point about some people not wanting to be alone and marriage seems necessary for them brings up another wonder because although marriage is supposed to be a lifetime commitment, the woman or the man could up and decide to leave one day or stay and be with dozens of other people secretly. In those cases, people still end up alone.-
no, it means there is whatever level of commitment and exclusivity that the couple decides upon.
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I tend to think if you have to be happy without the relationship in order to have a happy relationship when it does happen
guidetolifeblog.com-
Yeap!
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I've been single (divorced) for close to 14 years and I'm generally happy. Marriage can be a great thing but being unmarried has been no problem for me. Sometimes people rely too much on others for personal happiness/contentment. -
if you aren't happy being you, you aren't going to be happy being, either, married or single! I've been happily married for 5 years. I was, unhappily married, for 5 years to my ex. I was very happy, inbetween marriages, too. But, once I left my ex, I started realizing that I liked me. I like who I am and what I have to offer. And, I think that is really what it is about. Not contentment with who you are but, excitement. -
Eh, no, not at all. Lots of people are unhappily married, lots of people are happily single and vice versa and a lot of people, like me, are happy to be in a committed relationship with no intention of getting married. I don't consider myself to be single, I am most certainly not "on the market", I have a loving, committed relationship with the father of my children and I am more than happy with that. As long as you as secure and comfortable with yourself then you will be happy regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not. There are lots of things to be happy about in life.-
That was meant to be in response to someone else's comment, sorry
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clairec23,
If two people are in a relationship and they are not married, can both of those individuals truly be happy?
There are so many laws and such that make it difficult for people to make decisions when it comes to things involving their boyfriend, girlfriend or partner.
For example, lets say something were to happen to your boyfriend (or anyone's partner for that matter) and he was severely ill, the hospitals, insurance companies, etc. would take his parents word over yours and they would be able to make decisions about what types of treatments he gets, etc. without even taking your opinions into account. While that may seem disrespectful behavior by them, you couldn't really take them to court or anything because they would have the say so legally when it comes to certain decisions.
Aside from that,
I agree with you to a certain extent, as there are very happy couples who don't plan to be married and they are satisfied with each other.
However, It seems that those who are ok with nto being married are in the minority while those who prefer to be married and believe that everyone should be are in the majority. The latter tends to shove the whole "marriage" thing down everyone else's throat and it seems that if you tell people that you are in a relationshp and do not plan on being married, they do not take your relationship seriously and they talk among others about how someone does not really love the other person, OR they do not want to be commited, OR they are playing games, etc., the list can go on and on.
It seems that if people are in a relationship, and they do not ever get married, the relationship is not taken as seriously in the majority of our society alone and then throw in the legal complications and one has to wonder, what actually defines a commited relationship?
The law and proper authorities doesn't take the relationship seriously if there is no piece of paper and the majority of society doesn't take the relationship seriously because of the same thing.
I watched the news when those miners had to be left underground a few months ago because none of the efforts made by the rescue team were able to locate them. When they decided to end the rescue mission, they had interviewed family members and loved ones. One of those workers had children from a previious marriage, but he was currently in a new relationship.
Although his girlfriend was there at the site.......they interviewed his Ex-Wife about how he worked and who he was as an individual. They didn't even take into account that she was not currently with him. Instead, the girlfriend was seen standing by a car for a few seconds and got little to no airtime, but the Ex-Wife had a long and drawn out interview about everything under the sun.
That could be used as a prime example of the nature of our society. They did not current girlfriend, even though she was the one who was with him at the time and had been with him, "in a relationship" all the way up to the day when he and his team were trapped underground.-
I can't say that's how things are where I'm from. As far as the law is concerned, I'm his common law wife, therefore I have the same rights as a wife. If the house we lived in was in his name only and he died, it would go to me and our children. His parents wouldn't enter into the equation at all. If he was in hospital, I am named as his next of kin, therefore I would be the one contacted by the hospital first.
My relationship is committed and sincere and the real thing. I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that. I've never come across anyone in everyday life that treated my relationship as less important than a married couples. I don't know that many married people but I know a lot of divorced people - nobody can tell me that those failed relationships carried any more weight than mine.
I don't know how things are where you live but over here, marriage is on the decline in general, particularly since divorce was made legal. I don't see the point of marriage, to me it is just one expensive wedding day followed by a life that hasn't changed at all. It works for some people and I know that there must be people who feel that marriage is the point that they are aiming for but it wouldn't change anything for me, we don't need to be married to be happy. I have never heard a reason for marriage that didn't already exist in my relationship. If I already have it, then I don't need anything else.
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clairec23,
I do not know where you live. In most places in the USA where I am from, there seems to be a lot of legal difficulties when it comes to couples who are not married and there also seems to be a lot of judgement or skepticism about such relationships.-
Yes, I agree...there are certain limitations to committed couples - the loved one ends up having little to no rights if something bad were to happen, in transference of property, or child custody cases, etc...
There are benefits to marriage, which can lead to security, which can help create happiness - but only if the couple was happy to begin with. -
Madlabent, several times you've asked whether couples can be happy without being married, then raised a host of external issues. It's certainly true that legal issues and outside judgments might impact couples who choose not to marry or for some reason cannot marry, but isn't that a different question entirely from "can they be happy?" The world is full of people who are happy despite encountering some difficulties. -
Tiffany! So glad to see you out and about.
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Shh! I'm still very uneasy and feel a little bit like I'm walking through mined enemy territory. I'm only here because I'm starting a webzine and I'm looking for writers.
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Congrats on your new endeavor and I wish you the best of luck! (Going away to shh myself now ).
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It is great that you and your mate have not been experiences some of those issues.
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I am in a committed relationship with a child on the way and not married. I am okay with that and even though we live in a small town at the moment.. we haven't experienced any discrimination or felt hostility towards us.
in legal terms, I do think that the law favors marriage. You get nice tax breaks, you can be on your spouse's health insurance, you can make medical decisions for them.. you don't have any of those rights if you are only a domestic partner... and that needs to change. Also in terms of career, I think companies look upon favorably employees that are married than those who are not.
But as far as marriage being a commitment. It can be that..however it's not necessary to affirm a bond or commitment you have with each other. A piece of paper isn't going to prove that. -
of course you can, who says marriage is the key to happiness. another person can not make you happy, they can bring you happiness by what they do, but if you're not happy with who you are, there is no relationship that can change that. i know some miserable married unhappy people and i know some single unhappy people.
and what if you are married to a horrible man or woman, you can't be happy. -
Of course, you can be happy if you want to. YOu have heard of unhappily married, haven't you? -
I'd be sort of interested in knowing what prompted the question of whether you can be happy without being married. -
I'm sure you can be happy and not be married. Just like you can unhappily be married. It just depends on what you focus your thoughts.
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I'll let you know once my divorce is finalized. Although I am pretty sure I am going to be REALLY HAPPY!
www.lovebabz.blogspot.com -
I consider myself an Otaku, I do not need a girlfriend or a wife. I am happy with just me and my anime. };o)
If you do not know what otaku is.. Google is your friend.-
You got me curious about "otaku."
I too am happy with just me. Instead of anime, I have my art and other interests.
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I am extremely happy NOT to be married to my first two wives...that count? However, I have never been happier than I am with my current wife...11 years this year. -
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Statistically people are happier when they are married than if they are single or in a defacto relationship. so there you go! -
Sure! -
I'm very happy not being married. I'm not monogamous and I have absolutely no wish to be domesticated or "mate in captivity". I value my freedom and my privacy and I like seeing lots of women instead of being limited to just one. -
Everyone has own way to be happy. Wether married or not.There are people who are married but not happy. And there are also not married who are unhappy. So it depends
vicy-lifeisdifficult.blogspot.com/ -
but what about who r not married and not in any relationship ? -
i am not married but me and my girlfriend are living for 2 years together. i think that you have to be with person that you love more then you. and if you are marreid or no that don't change anything.
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I don't understand how marriage is related to happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. Marriage is a legally binding marital committment. No relevance here as far as I can see. No?-
i agree with you
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great. true! I am married to myself, first. I love to love and love living my life - I embrace life, my lovers, soulmates, my readers, everybody. i find it hard to cope with other mind-sets, expecially those ones changing their minds and ideas about "marriage" in nanoseconds :-)
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Agreed ModelElaine,
We are all responsible for our happiness, or even more important -FULFILLMENT!
Marriage can help tick the box in terms taking on the world with another, love an dsupport and if any good to induce and accept personal growth.
However the most important space in our life for ' Happiness' lies between the 5 inches between our ears! US. -
you can be happy or unhappy either way. It is not others that make us unhappy, it is in us that makes us unhappy and we just see it in others -
I wouldn't be happy since I have been married to my childhood sweetie for going on 18 years!! -
...and if you were happy being married and that person died, you would cease to be happy because your happiness would have been dependent on them? I don't think so. Happiness is an individual thing.-
In my case, it would take a very long time to be happy again if he died and given the nature of my relationship with my husband I doubt I would ever be AS happy as I am (was) being married to him. My happiness isn't based on or dependent on being married, but it is definitely a product of it.
I guess I am the odd one out, but it is really how I feel. -
Understood--completely-- since I nearly lost my husband this past summer--BUT, my happiness, in total, is not dependent on him.
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Sorry to hear it. How scary.
It is probably never a good thing to base one's happiness on anything or anyone. For me, it is just so hard to envision myself happy without my hubby since we have been such great buddies for most of our lives.
I always tell him I would be miserable if he left me all alone but I'm sure a new wardrobe and a couple of trips to Tahiti would help ease the pain, hehe.
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LOL! I don't know how any gets through it, really. My dad died 2 years ago and I have no idea how my step-mom faces each day. She does, though, and is relatively happy despite it all.
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You know, I think deep down we all just do what we have to and there must be some switch in our brain that forces us to just move on and be as happy as we can be when someone close dies. I just can't bear to think of it! I've been with my hubby as friends since 12 and married since 19. :o
Of course, a bottle of rum and a cabana boy on a white sandy beach certainly can't hurt to help the process along haha.
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Of course you can be just as happy, so long as both people are in agreement that marriage is not for them.
Then again, come tax time, you might not be as happy....if being married gave you a bigger return! -
Wow, a question right out of the 1950s. -
Marriage ruins your life. -
Single and Happy is my comment -
Ofcourse you can still be happy and not married. You can be happy and married to. Marriage makes life harder, but it can also make it better. Snowbaording makes life harder too, but it's gosh darn fun. So being harder doesn't make it worse. If you find someone you really want to share your life with, then being married is better. Check my blog out about real relationships... coming soon... as soon as they approve it. It's just been added so it might take a bit.
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I was happy when I was single. I'm happy now that I'm married (okay, most of the time :)). Being single can cause trials, but so can marriage. The bottom line is that happiness doesn't have anything to do with one's marital status. Like so many others have said, happiness is a state of mind that an individual achieves on their own. You should never depend on a relationship to make you happy--that's just asking for disaster.
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A very well-measured comment.
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AMEN!
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I agree with those who have said words to the effect of: happiness is a a state of mind and that your state of mind has nothing whatsoever to do with being legally married, being a common-law spouse or being single. Your state of mind has everything to do with what you choose to dwell on between your ears and all thoughts are subject to change.
I'll take this further and say that people who think they need to be married or need to have children to be "happy and complete" are immature, insecure and misguided people, who could benefit from therapy. IMHO those of the foregoing description are not suited for for either marriage or child rearing because they are either looking for a "parent" or a "child" as opposed to a "partner".
It seems these unhealthy and unhappy people are legion in our north american society, where serial monogamy is the order of the day and 6/10 marriages fail within 10 years of registry. -
Yes. -
I say yes. Happiness starts within. If you're not happy by yourself can you really be happy with someone else? I'm single, not seeing anyone and quite happy. I think if you don't need someone to make you happy, maybe you'll be happy whether you're married or not. -
I've never understood this question ... and that's why I wrote a post about it way back in December when I was approached by 15 Minute dating blog.
www.15minutedate.com/blog/2007/12/06/happily-single-%e2%80%93-it%e2%80%99s-... -
Dammit.. I need to get me a catalogue bride from Indonesia! -
i was with my husband for 6 years before we got married. We were fine not being married its just a piece of paper. then the kids starting getting older and stuff. So feb 9 of this year we got hitched. threw a bonfire grilled some soy dogs, drank way too much.
Doesnt feel much different.
I did have to wait in line at the dmv and pay for another license. that was BS-
I think the question was about being in a relationship or not. But maybe I misunderstood.
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I would be completely miserable for the rest of my lonely, hideous, and no-doubt short life without my most wonderful kind and giving wife. And I'd say that even if she wasn't dictating this.-
That is so beautiful and true about you and your wife. Both good people!! How refreshing to hear!
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For the last 10 years I've been a single dad raising my two boys. These have been the happiest 10 years of my life.-
Ya, but you're just a VERY happy kinda guy! You radiate happiness! It just jumps off the page. How wonderful! AND how good for your boys.
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Robin Love, I'll be you watched the old Disney movie "Pollyanna" over and over and felt bad for the little girl because she was such a downer!
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She was my hero Don, just like you are.
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Yeah Robin, I am happy most of the time. But there were times before. . . but we won't go there.
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Your question implies you can be happy and be married.
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Yes. Happiness is a choice you make between your ears.
thistimethisspace.com/2007/10/24/happiness-is-a-decision-made-between-the-e...
see also above www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/can-you-still-be-happy-an-not-be-married#... -
Maybe the question should be "Can you be happy?" -
No,I wanted love and have children for my life.they make happy for me.
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