User Comments

1. 

   4/03/09

   BeyondBeliefs

   Certainly where harm is apparent and / or imminent.

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2. 

   4/03/09

   jflower36

   I'm not understanding the question. Action should always be taken when a child is being abused. But that is so obvious that I know that must not have been what you meant. Could you explain more?

   [reply]
   1. 

      4/03/09

      ChildPerson

      Didn't mean to be confusing...but in real life things are a lot messier than they are in general discussions. So let me try to clarify some what... first of all remember there is no agreed upon definition of what constitutes abuse so when the word is used there are immediate problems in the discussion. If I provided all the details I think it would be easier to understand where I am coming from with this seed for a discussion. However, since this is in reference today to a real situation happening now, and involving family members I don't feel free to indulge a lot of details.
      
      So...for th esake of discussion lets agree that the level of abuse is such that IF it is happening, the state probably would take the children. But in the real world what happens is a lot of parties with vested interests are not in agreement. The police absolutely agree the children are at risk. DYFS says, well yes but the parent is in a program now and deserves a chance...and besides (can you here me snarl here?) the children may be embellishing...and of course as soon as attorneys are involved it really becomes muddy...
      The one good thing in this case is an "end run" has occured around the system to a private meeting with the judge, who having information that would generally not reach a judge (no, in the real world, they never get all the facts for many reasons) and a subsequent meeting to occur in 3 weeks with process begun to make it possible for extended family members to be allowed to take legal custody of the children until the parent is deemed safe to have the children returned... so, we in this discussion, for the sake of discussion and increased awareness, can pretty much blindly agree that there is abuse.
      
      And so...perhaps the question should be when is action not appropriate in cases of suspected abuse... and when is it absolutely essential...as when Beyon Beliefs says harm apparent/imminent...
      beyond all reasonable doubt. The "system" of course says let the system decide... for those who know too much about the system that is not and never will be the way to deal with child abuse.
      "Action" of what kind should always be taken? And by whom?
      
      I knew these children were abused (by my definitions which are basically simply if it harms a child, it is abuse) 6 years ago... however, other than rather limited attempts to raise awareness among family members closer in the line of extension, I did nothing but leave the area and hope for the best because of many factors that could have improved circumstances for the children...ie a neAction w marriage for one thing. At that time I made the decision that as bad as things were, the children were better off where they were, than to be removed and thrown into the "system." I still believe that.
      
      Thus... the question can be reframed to: in the presence of suspected child abuse, what action should be taken, by whom and when?
3. 

   4/03/09

   Tonyboy

   I am not sure what you mean. By action do you mean retribution?

   [reply]
   1. 

      4/03/09

      ChildPerson

      NO... never retribution. I don't believe in it.
      
      The discussion is intended to be really more simple than it seems on first glance. Child abuse is happening around us every day. Research shows we choose to ignore most of it either by resorting to complete denial, minimizing it, or "hoping for the best." Sad but true. Mandatory reporting laws of many professionals, have made people even more blind and deaf to situations around them. But that's another discussion...
      
      Actions often trigger circumstances beyond our control and lead to undesirable unintended consequences. No one wants to do "nothing" in the presence of child abuse, and yet that is the usual course of action, contrary to what people think they would do if they saw or knew of child abuse...
      
      But sometimes, as happened to me today, there comes a point... a tipping point one might say... where one finally knows something has to be done even if it leads to what may be worse situations for the children.
4. 

   4/03/09

   robinj

   You can only work within the guidelines provided by state government or legal authority to do otherwise might actually mess with cases being built.
   It is such a minefield because we are often making judgments based on our own beliefs of what is right and wrong

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   1. 

      4/03/09

      ChildPerson

      Yes... personal biases, religious convictions, cultural beliefs... you are so right...it is a minefield.
5. 

   4/04/09

   Tonyboy

   I would be very shocked and saddened if the majority of people saw something like what that picture in your blog shows and just did nothing.

   [reply]
   1. 

      4/04/09

      ChildPerson

      Be prepared to be shocked and saddened... and I say that without even being sure which picture of which one of my blogs you are referring to... I don't have it at hand at the moment but there is research that shows the majority of people admit to seeing all sorts of abuse and doing nothing...and a majority also admit to abusing children also. In the UK you have serious problems with child abuse, too. Not that any country doesn't, but some, like the UK at least are facing the issue so more is now known.
6. 

   4/11/09

   ChildPerson

   What You Can Do To Help Prevent Child Abuse
   
   Get Help: 1-800-4-A-Child
   1-800-422-4453
   Get Facts:
   www.aap.org
   www.americanhumane.org
   www.apsac.org
   www.aecf.org
   www.cssp.org
   www.strengtheningfamilies.net
   www.chapinhall.org
   www.childhelp.org
   www.childwelfare.gov
   www.cwla.org
   www.circleofparents.org
   www.ddcf.org
   www.friendssnrc.org
   www.ctfalliance.org
   www.childrenshospitals.net
   www.naeyc.org
   www.dontshake.org
   www.nca-online.org
   www.prevenchildabuse.com
   www.nfpn.org
   www.healthymarriageinfo.org
   www.nicwa.org
   www.archrespite.org/NRC.htm
   www.fatherhood.gov
   www.nursefamilypartnership.org
   www.preventchildabuse.org
   www.parentsanonymous.org
   www.preventchildabuse.org
   www.search-institute.org
   www.zerotothree.org
   www.childwelfare.go/preventing/overview/relatedorgs.cfm
   
   Get Well

   [reply]