Discussions
Childfree or Babies and a Big Family?
Posted by msbaby • 2/18/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: babies, family, parenting
I was of the opinion that many modern women prefer to be childfree and pursue a career over having babies and staying home to raise a family.
But the Nadya Suleman octuplets is making me wonder if women have decided that the workplace isn't all that it's cracked up to be and that they want to be mothers after all.
Is a life that is childfree with a career better?
Should moms stay at home and raise their kids or do you believe that women can balance a job and children successfully?
User Comments
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childfree, theres no way underworld that I'd have all those kids. I would like to have 1 and adopt 2 kids, but if its between no children and 4-10, I'd just choose not to have kids. -
I can't imagine what it would be like to have 10 children. Somehow it seems careless. How on earth could you care for that many properly?
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The older ones help.
Mine is a small household: my wife, me, and four surviving kids. By the time the third came, the oldest was big enough to help with some chores, and from then on the workload could be divided among an increasing number of people.
I think the 'frazzled housewife' situation gets to be a problem, when parents forget that kids can take care of some chores - and can learn that chores are part of life in a household.
(And yes-I've got chores that I do, too.)
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Childfree. At one point, I would have wanted to have kids--but my first husband had died and I was single. In my early 30's, I made a decision to go all the way in school and so I concentrated on school and then grad school. By the time I met my husband (now), I was in my late 30's and thinking that ship had sailed.
I still might adopt a child--but I won't have one naturally. -
Child free. My home environment, plus certain issues with a previous relationship of mine, have made me very jaded and uninterested in having a family. It's just more than I ever care to deal with at this point. -
Being a housewife with kids is now becoming a status symbol in certain circles. I plan on doing just that in the next few years, not because I think it's cool; it's just what I want to do.-
Seems a bit that way, huh? A little off topic yet related, something about that reminds me of all the "Real Housewives" series on Bravo. It seems that it makes being a housewife hip and cool, but at the same time, it doesn't show what that entails for the average person.
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Real Housewives has definitely helped raise the status of stay-at-home wives. I have been a housewife before. It is not easy, but I enjoyed it much better than working. If money is not a problem, especially, I think it's great when one person (mother or father)stays home. My children will both be in school this coming year. I would love to take cooking classes and learn to make awesome, healthy meals and be involved in various activities with my kids. My daughter used to go to gymnastics class, but my work schedule eventually kept her from being able to go.
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I have only seen the "real housewives" a handful of times. In my experience, there is nothing "real" about their lives and they don't qualify as "housewives."
More "reality" fiction. -
I've seen maybe 2 episodes. True! They should be called spa/tennis court wives, because they always seem to be at one of those 2 places gossiping their day away.
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Maybe we should type out a version of "real housewives of Blog Catalog"
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Real Housewives of Blog Catalog. I love that idea.
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Having children and staying home with them is a dream for a lot of women. So is remaining childless and pursuing a career.
I think it depends on the woman.
Personally, I can be an at-home mom only because we have chosen to live our lives with less. It is a choice that involves some amount of sacrifice, but I just don't want to miss these young years in my children's lives.
With that said, there is nothing about bearing children that makes my skills less sharp or my mind less active -- so I write and I participate in their education as fully as possible.
That's my choice so far. With the economy floundering, I don't know how much longer it will be possible. We're trying to take things one day at a time.-
Agreed.
Although, with the economy the way it is - many households will be forced back into a single provider family! -
"With that said, there is nothing about bearing children that makes my skills less sharp or my mind less active"
Honestly? Not at all? That definitely was not true for me. The moment my daughter was born, my perspective shifted in a very significant way that definitely took some of my "edge" off and diminished the drive that had made me a very successful professional before she was born. Obviously, I'm not any dumber than I was before she was born, but I would definitely say that my skills ARE less "sharp", in that they're far less focused and no longer my primary concern.
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I can see how after a few years that older kids could do a lot to shoulder the load in big families, but is that really fair to be asked to sacrifice their own childhoods to tend to brothers and sisters?
One of my friends was the oldest in a big family and she has a lot of resentment at being called upon to take care of her brothers and sisters. She says that the experience made her not want to have children of her own. To me, that's sad that her mother and father's decisions basically cheated her out of having her own kids. -
Yeah but at the same time i have a bunch of younger brothers and sister and i was expected to help with them, and it doesn't stop me from wanting to have my own. Everyone's experience will be different.
I think it depends on the person. One of my sisters would love nothing more than to settle down and raise a family after she finished college. But i want to pursue my PHD and start my career, i can't even imagine having kids in the next 5 years.-
It probably depends on the experience. For instance whether you felt that the kids were dumped on you to raise or whether you were helping your mom out and she let you know how much you were appreciated.
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In my opinion, or at least personally, I'd say being childfree is better. My worst nightmare would be to have kids to look after, I hate feeling tied down and having kids would mean I would have to put my plans on hold. Plus, financially I would prefer to not have to worry about feeding and clothing children when I can focus on becoming successful in my career.-
My sentiments exactly.
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Taking care of my nieces has made me realize that no matter how much I love them, I won't ever want or have children of my own.
But, do I think that mothers should just stay home and raise kids? Only if they want. There is nothing wrong with being a working mother if that is what you want (just like there isn't anything wrong with being a stay-at-home mom, either).
The only thing I do worry about is moms going back too early. Most agree that if moms *can* spend the first 12 months with their child fulltime, that's best, or at the least the first 6 months. But some can't, and others face losing the jobs they've worked for...so, overall, it's a very personal decision -
"The only thing I do worry about is moms going back too early."
I have wondered if moms leaving their babies too early to go back to work might lead to problems later on. There's no way a daycare worker can hold a baby and give it the love and benefit of human contact that its own mother could.
I wonder if daycare babies could get a less severe form of the condition that orphanage babies suffer due to lack of individual attention. I'm not sure of the actual name of the behavioral problem, but it's been reported to be so severe that some adoptive parents have had to abandon the children they adopted.
I think that if you don't have every intention of devoting the time to caring for babies that you bring into the world, the best thing is to make the decision to be childfree and there is nothing wrong with that. It's much worse to have kids when your heart's not in it or your lifestyle won't support it.-
You mean like reactive attachment disorder? That's very common in fostered/adopted children. Most of what I've read, sees a majority of development delays in children put into daycare at a young age (but by no means all children do), for extended periods of time. They also can have socialization issues and higher separation anxiety.
Daycare for infants is good, don't get me wrong. It allows the infant to experience social settings at a young age, and it gives the overworked mom a break But, really, it's best for the child to limit it to 2-3 hours 2-3 times a week (not for 6+ hour stretches all week, like I've seen when my mom worked in daycare).
But, as I've said before, some can't help it, especially in this economy, and I do understand that.
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great story,l but I am the opposite, I try to work and raise a child on my own. Its getting tougher and tougher every day in this economy, I pray for help someday. www.shefko.wordpress.com
Hopefully my story can help others out there. -
On first glance, it looks like you've had a pretty difficult time. Wishing you and your son the best.
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Good for women to work for a few years then go the family way but its just my own thought -
My opinion is do whatever floats ur boat. I still would love to be house wife and have at least 1 more baby,but some women want the big career,and blah blah blah...I say do what makes u happy
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