Discussions
Criticism- Can you take it?
Posted by Shuttercraft • 8/15/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: criticism
I posted a comment on someones BC profile saying that they should check the spelling on his/her blog and this is what I got back.
"Please, buy some books about european film makers. Vá puta que o pariu! Go to hell! I got you baby. You are a loser. I know very well your frustrations. I found very funny your comment about my spelling, silly boy. I'm a special reporter who writes in Portuguese and French. I hate the American way. You are so mediocre, poor...Shame on you. The most funny that the fact you are "from a rural and somewhat empoverished part of the State of Oregon". You almost make me cry, poor guy. Artist? You are nothing. Go to the dictionary and searching "artist". It's far away from you. I might help you.."
Why can't most people take criticism?
User Comments
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Why can't most people take criticism?
You have said "most" above and I'm not convinced that is true. However, my answer is that those who cannot take in and benefit from constructive criticism tend to be insecure and immature people suffering from low self esteem.
In the Buddhist context inability to accept criticism is:
(1)i an attachment to reputation as it manifests when we desire to hear only praise;
(2) an attachment to self (egotism and immaturity);
(3) attachment to a strong sense of competitiveness and contention (egocentricity and low self esteem).-
Yeah, that about sums it up.
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Because they think they are always right!-
Indeed the lower the self esteem, the more swelled the head is and the smaller the "balls". In other words, those humans who bellow like bulls are almost always steers. lol
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It depends on the situation, but in general you have at least one of the following factors:
1. Projection
People often project abstract concepts, such as their religious or political beliefs, onto other objects-- abstract (their sense of self) or concrete (a sacred relic or ritual). To attack the belief is to attack the person, and they cannot uncouple themselves from their loony ideas long enough to examine them to see if they're sound. Egocentricity and simple egotism are often the causes of projection. This is also often the consequence of blind faith in the wake of the next possible cause: insecurity.
2. Insecurity
Similar to the first one, some people aren't confident about their beliefs so when someone says something that begins to expose their insecurity, they flip out and go all defensive. Insecurity is often associated with a sense of weakness or a fault the person is in denial about or perhaps acknowledges, but does not know how to address. To use your example, the person might have poor grammar and spelling capabilities, but rather than try to better themselves, they find it easier to cuss you out for addressing their weakness.
3. Immaturity
This is the catch-all reason. A person who has not gathered enough life experience or wisdom will be unable to reflect upon the situation and realize they might be wrong. Also associated with a egocentric mentality, immaturity is a cause that cannot be addressed by the other participants in a debate. If immaturity is encountered, it is best to stop arguing with that person immediately and let them learn the error of their ways elsewhere. Some day they might remember the debate/argument you shared and regret it, but since you have most likely moved on by that point, they have no choice but to use it as a lesson in ego detachment.-
I think you nailed it, VK--that's it right there.
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If the person's blog is a very well analysed and well written piece of writing, I would present your critique in a scholarly manner. eg "Your conclusions are interesting, but have you read the latest findings by Murphy and Rubinstein? They concluded that the gold rush brought more destruction than development to our state".
Compare this to "Your opinions suck, dickbrain; even a Form 1 students would come to more intelligent conclusions than you do". This line of argument would probably be counter-productive.
On the other hand, if the person's blog is not well analysed and well written, don't bother reading and critiquing it at all. Move on to more interesting material.
The response you received, shuttercraft, was way over the top and nasty. -
i always embrace some good constructive criticism in life - how will you ever better yourself without it??i've been a classically trained musician for years, so maybe i'm just used to it :-)
i think the response was definitely out of line. they shouldn't have put themselves out in a place like this if they didn't want any constructive criticism... -
I think that people who respond by throwing so many back are just afraid to fail themselves. I mean come one, a bit of feedback that is said to help you to get better at something, won't kill you. And in the end it's just feedback. You listen to it and then you do whatever you feel like...toss it aside or use it to become better. Making hateful remarks is just sad.
At the end of each semester at school we had our 'tips and tops' round. and here we evaluated all that had been done and all we had accomplished in our projects. I never liked this part of school, but in the end I did got better. -
Karl Marx once said that without the dynamic of criticism no society can progress.
Same applies to individuals. -
Thin skin, 'tis all.
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Oyy vey! How upsetting, I make spelling mistakes allll the timeeee because sometimes you type soo fast.
How unforch. -
Was it that important to point it out and was it that important for them to spend time having a hissy fit about it? I think not! -
I don't give criticism and I don't take criticism. Criticism doesn't interest me. -
I can handle and even appreciate criticism. Indeed I often seek it out. Criticism can give me a different and often needed viewpoint. Sometimes I accept it - after contemplation. Other times I reject it.
What offends are "put-downs." The "critic" who is primarily playing one ups on me. Such can quickly become a battle of egos. And blurs any valid criticism that otherwise might be absorbed.-
I think the value for me is where it's coming from and why and if I sniff the real reason (trying to be snobby or put me down) the person either earns my contempt or I just shrug them off permanently.
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Absolutely correct RIvy. I also face a lot of criticism which actually enriches me towards betterment of myself.
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Hm. I agree that the response was way over the top, but what would inspire you to leave a comment for a stranger telling him to check his spelling? Did you say anything positive about his blog at the same time, or was the appearance that you'd just dropped by to chastise him?-
I was wondering that. -
i was also wondering that
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Ooh, I think I know who this is. He once called me "creatively bankrupt" as well as "no imagination dead inside"
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oh, dear...
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I deal pretty well with criticism in general, and I always appreciate constructive criticism. If something helps me improve, I'm all for it.
It seems to me that people who can't handle criticism well probably have trouble separating themselves as a person from the results of their actions. If you criticize a person for poor spelling, they may feel you are criticizing their spelling skills, rather than the text in the blog, so they take it personally. I think being able to listen to any kind of criticism and interpret is as constructive and learn what you can from it, rather than being offended, is a skill that takes some practise.
But it also depends on how you critique someone, like Hels pointed out above. Personally, I never critique anyone on anything specific unless they ask me to. People tend to not like advice they didn't ask for, especially if it points out flaws in what they are doing. -
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Please don't link drop.
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Your link dropping technique sucks monkeys balls.
Too much? -
Oops ... sorry for the link. -
Congratulations you can take criticism
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It's like a mini-course in 23 seconds! Now I can take criticism just like the pros. Thanks, BC! [/informercial] -
Critism makes us grow, white wash evaluation ruins us
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Depends on the issue. Spelling wouldn't get me though and I usually know when I misspell. I take it better from friends though. -
If made in a constructive way, yes, I love criticism. It helps me to get better at what I do. If intended to tear me down or otherwise make the "giver" feel more important or worldly or [insert adjective here] than I am, then I ignore it. I'd never respond to any criticism with a series of nonsensical personal attacks, especially ones that reveal how valid the original critique was, and then make some bizarre offer to help you. That's just silly.
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Criticism is like help-it should be offered only when asked for. Gratuitous criticism is always offensive and unnecessary.
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So if you're passing someone who is struggling to get a door open with his arms full of packages, you should open the door (or offer to open it) only if he asks you to?
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@X
You wouldn't believe how many times I've been snapped at by women who were insulted by the fact that I opened a door for them... -
@X: I was referring mainly to criticism-not help. In the case of criticism, I'd abide by that rule 100%. In the case of help, I still think it's a good rule-but obviously there'd be exceptions.
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I agree 100% with nothingprofound. One shouldn't extend advice unless it's asked for.
@ MadameX
I this case I would certainly try to help the struggling party but I would like to ask if my help is needed. Some people are not very friendly, even if they are in need.
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I think one has to get used to criticism because it is the way of life. You can't go anywhere without encountering it. I have been criticized a lot in real life and to some degree harshly but I lived through it and I am glad to say I am still in one piece. You can't please everyone. You also have to be aware if it is a constructive or destructive one. If you turn destructive criticism as a challenge then it can be a source of good for you. But always remember, that you exists not to please people around you. -
I'm not really sure why people take it upon themselves, in a forum like blog catalog, to post criticism.
I'm not sure if the person asked you to criticize their blog or not. If the person was bugging you to read their blog, and you did, then posted the comment I could see it, but I don't really think people need to go around criticizing peoples blogs just to show their superiority and without provocation. I'm sure there are enough blogs out there that read well to keep you occupied.-
" I'm sure there are enough blogs out there that read well to keep you occupied." Isn't that the truth, cooper! It takes a great deal of commitment just to keep up to date with the 25 (or however many) blogs that a person actively follows.
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I think criticism should probably be couched in a constructive form. But the reaction you got showed a person full of anger and you just happened to be a target. The broad brush of the attack, against "rural," Oregon" and artistry were ridiculous and show someone a little over the edge. -
the critic should be aware that he himself is as much, if not more of, a target of criticism as the writer. if you're willing to give criticism, then you ought to be aware of the consequences of your ostensible generosity. in short, you deserve everything that was said to you. -
I don't mind if someone tells me something is wrong with my blog.. Being deslexic I tend to miss a word sometimes that isn't spelled right... I would rather someone tell me something is wrong so I can fix it then have a thousand other people see the mistake and think I am an ignoramous, or whatever else comes to mind when they see mistakes in a blog. I also want to know if a link isn't working so that can be repaired also.. Personally I think it should be considered a common courtesy for other bloggers to be understanding and let me know if there is a problem with my blog. -
It's unfortunate that you got upset by that persons critic of your blog. -
Most great writers have had the benefit of one or more editors to look over their work, but they were usually people they chose. On BC, we are to some extent putting our work out there and, since we don't have editors, might appreciate a little constructive feedback. Rants and raves against one's work are not helpful, thoughtful comments, even with criticism, can be beneficial, and I think most welcome. Comments on spelling, typos and the like are not needed or particularly helpful. That borders on nit-picking.If someone is writing in English as a second or third language, most are doing better by far than the majority of us could even remotely do in the same circumstance. One should focus on the overall meaning and leave off the technical critique. If someone chooses not to use spell check that shouldn't be a big deal.Dyslexia is actually a marker for above average intelligence, and if we see signs of it in someone's writing, we might want to pay closer attention to the meaning in it and dismiss shortcomings in form. I believe the nobel prize winner in literature, Winston Churchill, had dyslexia. Would that I could be as cursed by it as he was.
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Nope. I like to think I can, but I can't really.
Altho I've heard it said many times that when 1 finger is pointed at someone else, there are 3 pointing back at youself. I'd like that to be enough for me when I get criticism from somebody, but it usually isn't! -
Well, I've found the key to dealing with criticism is to understand that the person offering the criticism usually has motivations/needs of their own.
Sometimes it's genuinely to help.
Sometimes it's a part of a greater need for control.
Sometimes it's to deflect one's own insecurities/perceived flaws and in turn, demonstrate superior intelligence/understanding and puff up the ol' ego.
And sometimes it's just a learned way of communicating/interacting with people.
It helps to try to understand these things and then look at what's being criticized, to see if there's merit-- and whether adjustments really should be made.
Or if there are just other motivators afoot. -
When a blog is so poorly written or so badly misspelled that I have difficulty reading it, I may either decide to leave and never return or I might decide to suggest a spell and/or grammar checker to the author. Which choice I make will depend on whether or not I like the blog well enough to want to return.
If, however, I do make such a suggestion and I get that kind of a nasty, OTT reaction, that person can forever cross me off their list of readers.
As far as me taking criticism, it depends. If it is constructive criticism, I'm all for it...I like seeing another perspective, even if I ultimately disagree with it. But if it is just an excuse to be rude or nasty, I either ignore it or skewer the critic on the point of my (virtual) pen. -
I am good with taking criticism if I ask for evaluation of my work. When I was an actor, I was reviewed and sometimes got bad reviews--I feel I grew from some of the reviews I received even if they were sometimes painful. Criticism helps us grow. If you put yourself out there as a professional artist, then you are asking for critiques--but it should come from people who have the knowledge and position to critique you.
However, I don't really take kindly to people who give me criticism when it's not asked for--particularly by people who don't know me well. -
Like all others... my viewpoint is, if the criticism is constructive, that is, it helps you for being better, then we all are ready to accept criticism.
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what are you saying exactly you dont think I can take criticism and who are you to say this to me and what gives you the right and and and -
Constructive Criticism Is Key To Progress! -
This is a good one.
I think most of what can be said about that have already been said.
But also another thing is simple unwillingness to accept. Doesn't have to be rational.
I honestly think that criticism is actually good, to grow yourself at whatever you do and also as a person. It's the simple willingness to give time to someones opinion of your work and then make an objective decision on whether or not to change is what actually makes you better. Or could be just me though. -
Yikes...Special Reporter in Portuguese and French...I think I've seen someone like that round here recently kicking up a stink
Way over the top response from her...unless you said "Sort out your spelling, moron"... Telling her to use the spellchecker is going to help her improve her blog, she should be grateful for the advice.
It depends on the situ whether I can take criticism. I like to think that I take constructive criticism well, but if someone starts laying into me and is criticising me just to be mean I take it quite badly. I submitted my old blog to a really harsh blog review website and the person who reviewed my blog really just insulted me rather than offering harsh but constructive advice like they normally do, and I got really very upset about it. -
I remember that crazy loon!
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