Discussions
Dealing with grief
Posted by kebelle • 2/13/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: bereavement, death, grief, mourning, sorrow
I'm grieving. How do you deal with your own grief?
User Comments
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I'm really serioue with my grief.
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Be present
Be nonjudgmental with yourself. -
Theres a good blog deals with this sort of thing very sensitively, it's written by an undertaker so he sees a lot of grief everyday.
deathsweeper.blogspot.com/ -
I take it head on. I look into it and don't blame myself! -
A few ideas. I'm serious. Get a space where you can make a lot of noise, get a pile of pillows, kneel down and beat the the hell out of them, start slow and build up. The grief will probably make you want to stop. Do this on and off for a few days, don't hold back with the anger that you feel for whoever or whatever. Recognise that it's not them you are hitting itis a representation of your anger and don't feel guilty about it. Allow yourself to cry, howl if need be. If you can scream oas loud as possible good. Try a tunnel on a highway where you can make a lot of noise.
Also go to thework.com Byron Katie. This is brilliant. But you need to get the anger to surface to access the grief.
And remember there's always people that really care for you even if you don't always see it. -
One day at a time. I know what happens to me as I have been through it several times. The first two/three weeks I do NOTHING, I totally give into it. Last time after the initial phase I put myself on a grieving schedule and got myself a notebook. Daily I wrote a list of things I needed to do to get through the day. It ranged from, cry/sob or wail 30 mins in the shower, get dressed, put on makeup, read 30 mins, find a joke (I started a little joke book), call someone and share a joke, watch a fun movie, listen to fave music etc etc. Basically I wanted to distract myself as much as possible till the pain eased. Most important call people you trust who are willing to listen and are not afraid of hearing your grief or try to quell it.
Everyone deals with it differently and their are various stages of grief, but yes, please do search out websites that talk about grief and see what might work for you to help you to ease your way through it.
www.inloving-memory.com/grief-recovery-tips.php -
thank you guys... you really help me...
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You might also consider accupuncture.
Grief and the lungs go hand in hand in traditional Chinese medicine. Because of this consider reducing dairy and mucous forming foods for a while.
And also consider simple relaxation techniques and simple affirmations.
There's a need for physical release of the emotions, not just intellectualising. Other wise it just hangs there, I'm very experienced at this because my son died. I am not a therapist but have developed strategies to deal with massive grief for myself.
And talk to someone
Still wishing you well -
Thank you acousticguitarist. Yeah, I'm also looking into acupuncture.
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Our heart goes out to you as you deal with this grief. We wrote an article which has helped a few carry on the lives of those who have moved on. Hopefully this will help a little.
www.imaniceperson.com/PHP-Nuke/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=177&m... -
Time heals all wounds. Just remember that much like a kidney stone, this too shall pass. -
Don't take drugs (prescription or otherwise) or drown your sorrows in alcohol. You must go through the grieving process. It's better to feel it now and let yourself start healing, rather than numbing yourself, and postponing the grieving process.
I went to the funeral of my cousin yesterday. Three weeks before, his older brother died. I have no idea how my aunt and uncle are coping, losing two sons within three weeks, but I do know that they must allow themselves to feel and grieve. That's the only way to get through in a healthy way.-
Thank you for the advice... that's really hard to imagine about your aunt and uncle to have two sons died within three weeks. my condolence to your uncle and aunt.
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I planted a tree for my grandmother last year. Little rituals can be helpful over time. -
Total distraction. It works. -
I cry alone; I think and rationalize. I cry some more and think some more and cry some more. And so on until God heals me. Then life's face is beautiful again. The Fearless Blog -
mostly i (deliberately) forget to grieve because it hurts so much. but it's not healthy i realize. because feelings when not dealt with will always be there.
as to how i deal with grief, i just make sure i doesn't drown me. LIFE is suppose to be beautiful, no matter what, so i just have to be that LIFE.
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I pray and I cry a lot..writing sometimes helps...taking photos...anything to keep busy -
Sadly, loss is a fact of life. Yet, following loss, their needs to be a healthy healing, a healing that allows life not only to simply continue, but with joy and determination. What are the elements that make up healing? Whether suffering from a divorce, loss of a child, loss of a parent, spouse, or other loved one, we go through certain stages and reactions. Not only is it different for each person, it is different with each loss. Based on the nature of the relationship, we must take into consideration the history we had with that person, the strengths, the troubled aspects, our ego strengths, the intensity of the love and the unfinished fragments of the relationship.
There are many feelings in common that people go through in the stages of grief; as well as an often overlap of these stages. The stages include shock, denial, anger, depression, and transition, integration and adjustment. There is a great deal of emotion a, during loss, we move from one stage to another and then back again. A few steps forward and a few steps back – be reassured that this back-and-forth movement is perfectly normal.
While moving through the stages of grief, know that:
• Healing takes TIME.
• Healing requires PATIENCE.
• Healing is SLOW.
• Healing means MOVING BACK AND FORTH IN PROGRESS.
• Healing means BEING EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE TO YOURSELF.
• Healing means BEING KIND AND LESS JUDGMENTAL TO YOURSELF.
• Healing means allowing whatever FEELINGS TO SURFACE, knowing that they are subject to change.
• Healing means that SOME DAYS ARE EASIER THAN OTHERS.
• Healing means ALLOWING feelings to be present.
• Healing means its OK to CRY and express doubt.
• Healing means the ability to take in the POSITIVE while acknowledging the negative.
• Healing means allowing OTHERS to come in and offer support.
• Healing employs SELF-ACCEPTANCE and allowing yourself to be “in the moment”.
• Healing is about creating BALANCE in your life.
• Healing is about enjoying NATURE and spending enough time to slow down, breathe the air and see the trees.
• Healing is about EXERCISE and adequate NUTRITION.
• Healing is about using POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS about yourself and your world.
• Healing is about feeling SAFE within yourself.
• Healing is about LISTENING TO YOUR INNER VOICE.
Lastly, when we can share our bereavement experiences with others who are going through the same thing, we are participating in our own as well as each others healing. It is important to recognize that the wounded healer, in healing the wounds of others, is healing his or her own wound. This back and forth process of listening and being emotionally available to yourself and others is useful in moving forward. The humanness of a shared experience is healing; when we recognize that we are not alone and isolated, we feel a sense of security knowing what the larger community can offer.
With sincere healing wishes, Gloria
creativegrief.blogspot.com
THE HEALING POWER OF GRIEF: The Journey Through Loss to Life and Laughter (Sourcebooks, Inc.; ISBN 1-932783-48-2) by Gloria Lintermans & Marilyn Stolzman, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., is a step-by-step grief recovery guide to provide the mourner with the tools needed to successfully navigate the painful, emotional ups-and-downs of grieving. A valuable “Healing Power of Thought” journal is included, a daily roadmap for healing and recording important, positive progress all along the way. -
i believe it is healthy to grieve, allow yourself to do so. i believe there is no time limit. Also keep in mind physically they may be gone but we are left with the wonderful memories that can not be destroyed. sorry for your loss.
http:// mattersoftheheart-moth.blogspot.com -
I am not sure any of us can offer you more than suggestions and even then .. they may not work for YOU.
You need to find the thing that makes "your" heart feel better ...
We all grieve differently.... Some of us cry, some get angry, some laugh .. and all of those things are ok. Search within yourself & consider the person you lost as well & you will find your answer ...
best of luck to you!
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