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Do you Believe in Arranged marriages??

Posted by wenfri • 6/06/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: arranged marriage, happiness, marriage, wedded bliss, Wedding

Do you?

I know a few people who have had their marriages arranged.

Would you go for one?

User Comments

6/06/08

JacobDiv

heck of a lot smarter than the romance myth we pursue.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Gee I don't know about that.
  
  I married my high School Sweetheart and still married after 35 years
2. 6/06/08
  
  JacobDiv
  
  it's a beautiful thing when it works.
  
  should everyone buy lottery tickets, because of the rare winners?
3. 6/06/08
  
  morgantj
  
  misterDog, amazingly some would argue that the chances of winning are 50/50. Either you win or you don't. Obviously the odds are far different. But I see this kind of attempted justification all the time that just simply reeks.
6/06/08

Daudleikr

If I was in my mid-30s and found myself owning 15 cats and spending my days knitting jumpers for them... maybe then, yes.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Then would the marriage be for you, or the cats?
2. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Just jumpers for your kitties. Be creative girl LOL
6/06/08

voodooKobra

I'd rather be single.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Even when you are old??
2. 6/06/08
  
  voodooKobra
  
  You don't know me very well. I'm VERY antisocial.
6/06/08

calais50

I think they can be a good thing as long as you have good parents who give you some veto power in the matter. Individuals are easily swayed by looks, prestige, etc, but parents take a very skeptical approach.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Could be if both parties are agreeable I guess
6/06/08

morgantj

wenfri asked, "would you go for one?"

In most cases, if it is arranged, then you don't have a choice in the matter.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  IN this day and age I think there would be a lot of young men and women who balk severely at the thought of it
2. 6/06/08
  
  morgantj
  
  Is an arranged marriage designed to optimize the "love" effect, or optimize something else like status, genes, finances, ect...? I think it is designed to optimize these other things.
3. 1/22/09
  
  ranist22
  
  "Most people confuse "arranged and forced". Don't fall into that one. There is a world of difference.
6/06/08

Anok

I believe in them, as in they exist.

And I agree with the financial and social aspect of arranged marriages on that principle.

However, humans don't fit neatly into financial and social arrangements, and the heart of the matter is that as adults, we should have the ability to choose for ourselves.

It's nice if an arranged marriage works out for someone....just as it' snice if a romantic marriage works out for someone. But if an arranged marriage doesn't work out, and the couple is miserable (or even abused) then teh resulting end is that someone else took control of your life and in a very detrimental way. (Presuming that the marriage was not a choice, and not dissolvable by divorce, as many cultures dictate).

If a romantic marriage doesn't work out in a similar manner, at least you made that mistake on your own.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Yes it would be a shame if a pre arranged marriage was abusive and they couldn't get out of it.
  
  That just doesn't seem right somehow
2. 6/06/08
  
  Anok
  
  I'm just all for people making their own decisions, as adults. If someone *chooses* to participate in an arranged marriage, then it's all on them
  
  Personally, however, I'm very glad that I didn't allow my parents to pick someone for me. They can't even pick out clothes for Christmas gifts - never mind someone I could stand to be in the same room as for the rest of my life
6/06/08

globalgirl

I personally could never do so.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  got it
6/06/08

globalgirl

I personally could never do so.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Don't blame you
6/06/08

globalgirl

I personally could never do so.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Understood LOL
2. 6/06/08
  
  MadameX
  
  Are you sure, GG? You seem to be waffling a bit.
3. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
4. 6/06/08
  
  globalgirl
  
  **grinning and laughing @ Wenfri and MadameX's response to my mistake!***
  
  I was testing out my new Perl BlackBerry and didn't realize it posted three times. Sorry!
  
  But, in case you don't get it:
  
  I personally could never do so.
6/06/08

richrf

I'll pass, but I know of people that it works for. From what I can tell, it works no better and no worse than other tried and true approaches.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Yes if does work for some.
6/06/08

clioandme

I believe that if the parties getting married believe in arranged marriage, and are adults, then let 'em do it. Just don't get me involved.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  I'm behind you all the way
6/06/08

lordiwanttobewhole

I couldn't give another individual that much power over such an important decision in my life. If I choose wrong then I will know where I went wrong and how I can learn from it. I will know why I made that decision by knowing what circumstances led to that decision.

We need to be able to make decisions in our lives and be accountable for them right or wrong!

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Yes but who told your parents
2. 6/06/08
  
  lordiwanttobewhole
  
  who told my parents what?
3. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  If they decided to arrange a marriage for you, who would tell them you disagree.
4. 6/06/08
  
  lordiwanttobewhole
  
  me?
5. 6/06/08
  
  Anok
  
  I think Wenfri is getting at the point that cultures that promote or still use arranged marriages don't give the kids a voice in it. It is a rather rigid system, and to go against your parents wishes (even just talking about it) could get you excommunicated from the family, from the community, from your religion, or worse.
  
  Often times telling your parents to pound sand is a very, very bad idea. (with regards to certain cultures)
6. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Anok
  
  Thank you for saying the words I couldn't think of
6/06/08

LaurenLanita

Well...I wouldn't want to "Have" to accept the arrangement but I might be willing to listen to suggestions.
Lol...kinda like a matchmaker.

It's bad enough when I screw it up myself, wouldn't want anyone else to help me.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Hahaha I do a good job of screwing things up myself.
6/06/08

JillSaxon

I'd trust my mom to pick the guys I date. She knew me better than anyone else is ever going to. I'd have to pass on the arranged marriage, though.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  I would never have trusted my mom to pick dates for me LOL
6/06/08

puanthanh

Love to hear what you do other than in blogcatalog. I saw you always here. Seems to the superhero(unwanted)

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Work on my new blog wendysreel.com and my other blog. Also belong to Online Business Allaince
  
  Not sure what you mean your other statement though??
6/06/08

DrowseyMonkey

Well, it's not for me, but I do know women living in arranged marriages, and they did so because of cultural beliefs, meaning their marriages were arranged but they were okay with that because that was normal or traditional to them. Just based on the few people I know in such situations, it seems to be a gamble ... much like what they call "love marriages" are also a gamble.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Marriage is a gamble no matter if it is arranged or not
6/06/08

thewriterspulse

I once arranged a marriage between two chipmunks and parakeet. Funny story: they were eventually busted for drug charges in Minnesota...running a mobile meth lab out of a stolen school bus.

Go figure.

[reply]
1. 6/06/08
  
  wenfri
  
  ROFLMAO
6/07/08

kaguvkov

No not at all. In some cultures they still practice this kind of arrange marriage in order to prevent their assets not to be thrown away for other people. That is why they arrange their marriage for that reason. Some also arrange marriage for the indebtedness of their family.

[reply]
1. 6/07/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Agreed some families are trying to protect their assets but wouldn't a Prenutial Aggreement do the same thing??
  
  Yes others marry for money as well. Thought I married money and boy was I sadly mistaken LOL
6/07/08

atlasbear

I think in America today it is a horrible Idea, but it works in some cultures. Not everyone falls in love at least you would have a partner.

[reply]
6/07/08

atlasbear

I think in America today it is a horrible Idea, but it works in some cultures. Not everyone falls in love at least you would have a partner.

[reply]
1. 6/07/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Could you even imagine trying to tell the youngsters of today who they are going to marry.
  
  Think it would be a true disaster
6/07/08

app2usadvisor

Heard of eharmony.com ?
Works in USA on the same concept as an "arranged marriage" of 'some other' cultures.
Profile matching/compatibility/background check etc. etc.

Also I had an observation, would invite comments on that - in eHarmony ads I have only seen same race couples so far!!

[reply]
1. 6/07/08
  
  wenfri
  
  Yes I have heard of eharmony
  
  How can that be classified as an arranged marriage??
  
  They can chose whom they want to meet or not??
  
  Can't they??
6/07/08

Norski

I "believe in arranged marriages" in the sense that I acknowledge that they're a part of some of the world's cultures.

I wouldn't have been entirely comfortable with one, maybe, since I grew up in America - but that doesn't mean that I think they're a bad idea.

There's room for abuse, but the method we have in the west, of deciding who to marry on the basis of who's nearby when we get hot, may not be the ideal either.

Actually, I think that there's a lot to be said for a culturally-sanctioned system of arranged marriage. Mature adults, with the long-term welfare of their children in mind, should be better able to decide on a spouse with more wisdom and discretion than a hormone-addled adolescent (think Romeo and Juliet), or a sozzled 20-something in a singles bar.

[reply]
6/07/08

furniture27

My wife is a divorce lawyer and I can tell you that many of them do not work out.

[reply]
6/07/08

DVS

Given that marriage is an artificial thing that goes against our human nature, I don't really see that it matters a jot if it's arranged or clings to the western illusion that it is not arranged (but really is) At least in an arranged marriage the whole thing is tied together by strong religious ties..it's more likely to succeed.

[reply]
6/07/08

wildStarr3

Ugh! Yuck!! (gagging...)

[reply]
6/08/08

uncleche

It is just last month that I learned about arranged marriages still existing in this modern world. No offence, but I thought uit was something from the past. It is very difficult for an African to accept an arranged marriage nowadays.

[reply]
6/08/08

burraakk

i am married for 20 years ..we had met each other by means of a friend of us. and we are still good friends ,my wife and me :))
do we love each other ? we love each other with a great love ...
arranged marriages ?
if you have diffculties on it cos of some personal and social reasons some friends may help u to meet someone for a possible marriage:))
..But i think arranged marriage may not be accepted in these modern days ..

[reply]
12/15/08

deepas345

Well I do have some insights as

deepasubbaraman.blogspot.com/2008/05/indian-arranged-marriage-scene-and-its...

deepasubbaraman.blogspot.com/2008/05/adventures-on-arranged-marriage-journe...

[reply]
12/15/08

freeatlast

I'm for anyone who can arrange a marriage between me and gael garcia bernal. Thanks.

[reply]
1/22/09

vijayanths

In India most of the marriages are arranged. (can't believe? but it is true)Will you believe if I say that my elder brother saw his wife just at the time of wedding.

But most of these marriages are successful. Women in India are really great.They are the ones who save the marriages for ever.

[reply]
1/22/09

ranist22

Arranged marriages are fine for some and not for others. (I didn't have one). Marriages in eastern countries include the families for generations to come, so it is important to choose a person who fits in. The western concept is more individualistic, a marriage being two people who unite, a private affair. Both concepts are adapted to their regions and I've heard people on both sides disagree with both concepts.

[reply]