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Do You Date People With Kids?
Posted by lotusb • 10/26/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children
If you are (or were) single with no children, would you consider dating someone who already has children from a previous marriage or relationship?
Why or why not?
User Comments
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As I shuffle ever closer to 30, the chance of someone having kids increases.
I think it would depend on the relationship they had with their ex and children, the children should come first and I wouldn't want to damage a parent/child relationship. If there is room for both in that persons life, then I don't see why not. Although I wouldn't want to be in the kids life until I knew for sure that the relationship was going somewhere.-
Yea, I know what you mean. I think the drama of the ex is much scarier that dealing with someone elses kids. I actually love kids, I just don't like baby mama drama.
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I love kids too, but the drama is no fun at all, as I have seen it a lot already with friends.
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Yes, I date my husband.-
No fair...lol.
Gotta imagine you dont have a hubby or kids. -
Then, it would be a no. I didn't date much before my husband. I'm horribly shy. I'm still horribly shy. I communicate best through writing. I'm a weirdo
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Then how did you meet your husband?
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He was the aggressive one. He kept bugging me until I talked to him.
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I did once...and married him. In retrospect, it presented a lot of issues that I never anticipated. I came away thinking it was, at the very least, something to enter into very cautiously.-
I always felt like there would be less of a desire to have children again if a partner already has children. And even if he wants more, the mutual newness that comes with two people's first child is gone.
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There is a little of that, but every child is different. The novelty doesn't really wear off. The hard thing for me was more being up against a wall of being limited because they weren't my kids. When they were young, they were in a bad situation and I really wanted to fight for custody of them, but my husband did not. And since they weren't my kids, my hands were tied. It was painful to stand by and watch, especially since they didn't have any sense of the legalities, and I was the one they were looking to for answers.
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i wont mind dating one... -
I don't think I'd be a good role model for kids at this stage in my life. So no.-
good answer.
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Yea I would date someone who had children from a previous relationship because those children where there before I got there and they are part of the package. -
I dated someone with kids when I was in my early twenties. I know....WHAT WAS I THINKING!! Maybe it was the allure of the "older" women. Who knows?
I loved the kids, but it didn't work out so well with her.
It's a non-issue now because I'm married, but I wouldn't have a problem with it. -
I did date a couple people with kids. I ended up marrying one with three but they were older. It is not always fun to date someone with kids but I had a daughter so I couldnt be to picky. I paid hell with three teenagers that their mother bad talked me. I learned alot. -
Step families don't get along all that well. I speak from experience! Kids don't like having two mothers or fathers. Who has authority?-
i beg to differ, my son LOVES the fact that he has daddy, mommy, Cat (daddy's girlfriend) and Ant (mommys fiance)
he likes that there are 4 instead of 2 people to dote on him, he has even learned to ask from the other what one wont give....very manipulative but its a healthy sign....
so I say, all kids are different, some adjust well and some dont...
not all children balk at the sign of step parents...
its our job to make it fun/loving and not so damn taboo -
@ exit....that does seem a bit one sided. I have had a step father and I love him like my own father.
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I have to disagree with that, too, Exit. I have two stepkids, now 17 and 19, and one stepgrandchild. I've actually been separated from their father for more than five years, but I am still close with the kids. The 17-year-old still calls me "mom", and has even asked about the possibility of coming to live with me when he turns 18.
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Wow! 8-0
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@ lotus:
i totally beg to differ:
"I always felt like there would be less of a desire to have children again if a partner already has children. And even if he wants more, the mutual newness that comes with two people's first child is gone."
i think the mutual newness will be there even with having a child from someone else....
is the feeling of newness gone when u buy shoes? NO
because every pair is different and u feel that feeling EVERY SINGLE TIME....
i think the only people who shy away from having more are the people who werent equip to have them in the first place, so being a step parent just reaffirmed that they dont want children......-
That may be true. The one person I came close to was a guy I was "seeing" who had two kids. He had them most of the time and told me he would never want kids again. I felt like he was kind of jaded, although I repected his reasons. We never went anywhere cause I know one day I'd want kids of my own.
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I'm in the same situation as Claire. Being over 30 the pool of guys to date now skews towards divorced guys who very likely already have children. I wouldn't ming dating someone with kids but, as Claire said, I wouldn't like to get to know them unless the relationship was serious. I don't know what I would do if he doesn't want more children.-
That is a good point Deray, not something you would want to bring up on the first date, but something you would want to know fairly early on.
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date younger dudes -
Urggh no thanks!
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Benn there done that DB, seen it many times, I pass!
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Look... I'm trying to find a sugar momma... so... hearing you reject the idea of dating a younger guy is quite disheartening..
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I think you will have to aim for the older older lady
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So... like 40? ;p
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I was iffy when I got involved with my present (and forever) partner. He has a son who's a teenager now but wasn't then. I had my two sons and they couldn't be any more different. I was worried about his son not caring for me, aan issue we had to overcome and his exwife being a problem and she still is but we laugh at it now. When I divorced twenty some years ago my dating pool was made up of divorced men and wodowers for some reason no solo man was willing to take on a woman with two kids she raised alone. When I met my Dave I decided to just live it and see what would happen. I lucked out.
We kept his son out of the fray until we knew we were going to last more than a month or two. My two met him early on because I really had no choice, I had them 24/7. -
Mark my words, H-E-Double Hockey Sticks NO! Not ever never. I have friends that are somewhat of baby mama chasers, and I've seen to much to even go down that path. I need a clean slate to create my own baby mama problems, not take over somebody elses.-
I laugh at this because my hubby and I are the original-issue parents of our kids, but if you told me one or the other kid was his from a previous marriage, I could justify an argument that he treats that one differently than mine. I think those relationships would be incredibly hard to navigate! Although, I met an woman who did so beautifully. She made no pretense of being more than their friend - never agreeing to discipline. "If they need disciplining, their father will see to it,...eventually," she said. I've never met anyone else like her. And she was happily married!
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I have nothing relevant to contribute! I thought the link was Do You Hate People Who Have Kids? Ha!-
Lol! Although "hate" and "date" tend to have parallel factors....that wasn't at all my point today.
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I haven't but there is nothing wrong with a milf
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Lol....
Somehow I knew youd say that... -
What can I say..
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It depends on the situation. I love children. However, if the mother is okay with my prospective presence in the child or childrens life then I will have no problem with pursuing the relationship. I want to respect the man that I am dating and also the mother of his children. In other words, no baby mama drama, for me.
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