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Do You Guys Believe In Long Distance Relationships?
Posted by marcxtg248 • 2/20/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: love, questions, relationships
Tittle says it all. ^_^ Should long distance work or it's just a mere fantasy to have one? So far I failed 2 relationships with this kind of setup in a relationship. Should I shoot for another one or it's just a mere coincidence?
Mmmmm.
Tips and suggestions would be highly appreciated.Thanks
User Comments
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No. You can't get the feel if you are too far away. But still, it depends on a person. A neighbour of mine has her husband working oversea and they are still together. If you like that kind of set up, shoot for it. Pick a partner of the same wavelength. Otherwise, have a relationship with a blogger!-
"have a relationship with a blogger!" - cough cough cough paging ms x (a blogger)...... ^_^
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well yes, but both of mine in the past have failed. its really hard. for both parties. but i still believe in love. even long distance kinds. but u know what, long distance relationships are really romantic and passionate. when you do get to see each other, it's really passionate. love making and trying to savory every last minute.-
wow bloggernoob, we have the same faith as i see it ^_^. true,its really that hard. But I am really one of those guys who would like to believe that long distance do exist. It's just I think it's very seldom that it works, unless ofcourse like footiam mentioned that your both on the same wavelength.
Speaking of passionate, yeahhhh.....I still can vividly remember our first meeting when I came home from a 2 year haitus working abroad. All I can is bam bam bam bam ^_^
Hope all gets well for both of us
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sounds like you are very much in love. congrats! and good luck. just work hard at it and prove everybody wrong.
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marcxtg248, I've been where you're at. Before getting married, I had three relationships that ended where LDR (long distance relationship) was a factor.
NEVERTHELESS, once I was convinced that LDRs were not for me, I ironically met the most incredible woman. I was a month or two away from going to NY for law school (I'm from California) but it didn't matter anymore. Like I said, she's amazing. We had a LDR for three years and married each other once I graduated and got back to California. LDRs can work!
THINGS THAT WORK IN A LDR:- Communication: phonecalls and IMs are definitely not as fun as face-to-face interaction but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. Frequency and the quality of conversations is what ultimately determines a good relationship.
- Understanding:
during my first year of law school, my true love called me once a week since she knew I'd be busy most of the time - for most folks, that's not good enough. But hey, as long as you have that mutual understanding of your unique circumstances, there is definitely hope for a healthy, growing relationship.
- Keep Busy: loneliness sinks in often but what helps the most is to focus on your career/school/individual growth more so. If you two are meant for each other and you KNOW you'll end up together for the rest of your lives, take advantage of the free time you have now. My wife did that by being more active in her local church and hanging out with her friends.
Btw, this assumes that the LDR is a TEMPORARY condition - the ultimate goal is to be able to be in each other's presence. Yikes, I wrote a lot - this is probably a good enough topic for a future blog! lol Thanks for making me write!
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Three letters Mewie...... W-O-W
That's a very detailed explanation and I really didnt expected that I could get that kind of answers. But WOW, you said that perfectly.
Your words are inspiring and really deep. You really bring meaning to what you say. It's like your speaking from the heart.
Anyway thanks for the comment mate. Kudos for you man ^_^ you rock \m/ -
I definitely agree with Mewie on the keeping busy. I've been in LDR for 2 years now and its great if you know how to make the most of it. We both keep busy, yet still keep in touch. Otherwise we'd get nothing done and stick to each other like super-glue!
MSN, webcams, emails and online games are my suggestions. Also, here are some wonderful sites for LDRs:
www.lovingyou.com/content/love/longdistance.php
www.lovingfromadistance.com/thingsforldrcouplestodo.html
Hope it helps!
xoxo
- Communication: phonecalls and IMs are definitely not as fun as face-to-face interaction but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. Frequency and the quality of conversations is what ultimately determines a good relationship.
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LDRs only work in a real sense if there is some end to it in sight. My hubby and I met online and had an ocean between us for a year and a half, but we were always working toward being together. I think having an end to the LDR is *key* to the success. People can't just keep holding on indefinitely.
This all assumes that the LDR began as long distance and doesn't have a continuing LDR theme (such as serving in the military, merchant marines, etc). I don't have any experience with those, though I do know some who do and they make it work, mostly from sheer perserverence.
Incidentally, hubby and I have been together 8 years.
VG-
Thanks troilee for the comment. You have a nice point with that thought of "having an end to the LDR" and the "people can't just keep holding on indefinitely" is so TRUE in the real world.
Nice to hear and its really uplifting that LDR still exist. I do hope I'll get a change of fortune when it comes to LDR. May God bless us all ^_^
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My husband & I had a long distance relationship (Canada vs. New Orleans,) for 7 years before we got together, so it CAN work. That's not to say it was easy, however!-
Not so easy huh ^_^ tell me your secret then Prolly it can help a few of us
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I don't have a "secret," per se, but clearly, I'm not "afraid" of being alone.
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It worked for me. I met my partner online and we knew each other for 10 years before we met in person, only then did we become a couple, and then we dated - while living 3 hours away from one another - for a year before moving in together. We have been together (in person) now for 7 years.
So much of it depends on the personalities and social proclivities of both people. We are both really homebodies who do not enjoy socializing outside the home very much. I think that is a big part of why it worked fine for us. The absence of the other wasn't constantly being thrown in our faces the way it would be for people who are more prone to lots of social activities.-
yeah I think it really boils down to meeting your perfect match for LDR to work. if he/she is willing to sacrifice as you are,then for sure LDR will work.
congratz mate with your relationship. man,this feels good that I know that there are still some existing fairy tale stories about relationship in this earthly world.
wish both of you the best of luck for years to come ^_^
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it can work and did for me before i moved back to california to be with my g'friend. one piece of advice...if you say you're going to call her that night, make sure you do! -
Yes. I'm working on one now. Being comfortable and secure with who you are as an individual is key, as it is with any relationship, but more so in a long distance one. Communication of feelings is important as is trust. Nothing beats the anticipation of and actually seeing each other again... but yes, I also agree that there needs to be an actual end somewhere in the future of the distance between each other. I feel that the distance really gives a chance to know each other, as well as yourself.-
thanks for the comment wholeliving. as i quote you on "distance really gives a chance to know each other", this is a different way to look at it.i'd say very constructive and thanks for that idea. mmmmm. you guys are such of great help.
appreciate it.
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I think it also depends on HOW far away they are? If they're like an hour or two away, then that's not too bad. If they're on the other side of the country, well, that's VERY different.-
an hour away or two wouldn't qualify as a LDR I suppose. if there's such a setup then Its wise not to start a relationship with that person then.
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Yes -
I believe LDR can sustain . As others have said , it all depends on the persons involved . distance is very much a factor but it depends on which stage of your relationship you are in, IMO . -
Well, if it's more than an hour or two away, then it probably won't work. I mean, unless it's only for a short period like less than a year and eventually you guys move in or closer together.
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My boyfriend moved from Michigan to LA last October and we decided that are relationship was worth dealing with the distance. Since I'm married to my job and my friends are great at keeping me busy my mind is always occupied.
Turns out that LA isn't so hot and he is driving back home for good.
If it is meant to be....then it is meant to be. -
Well, I have had an ongoing long distance relationship with Johnny Depp. It is both long distance in miles and a long distance from his mind since he has no idea he's in a relationship with me. Hee!
I'm a dork.
Other than that, I like to live by the motto: if it's meant to be, it will be. Anything takes work in order to make work. Having someone around you constantly has its challenges as well.-
LOL I think that was the best answer ever!
VG -
AMEN troilee ^_^
but blonde I like your humor really with the johnny depp thing I almost fall down from laughing at my seat ^_-
"if it's meant to be, it will be"---> so true.same principle with what Muslims belive with their phrase "Inshallah" (God's will) -
Ha! Thanks guys! What can I say? I have a vivid imagination.
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NOpe i dont beleive in that. If you both love each other you can't live a single day without him/her. Everyone has its opinion on that but i do not beleive in long distance relationship.-
It's just me, but I think if you really both each other then yo should be open minded and you CAN live a single day without him/her.
Were you affected in anyway with a history of having an LDR? -
If you both love each other, you will always be with each other, even from a distance. You will always be in each other's thoughts & heart.
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amen ^_^
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just to answer the question --- yes, I do. for now because I am into one. We will be turning 5 years this year and we have sort of get together once a year for 2 years and hopefully we have another plan this year. I know there is a bad side to it (loneliness and insecurities at times!) but I guess it ok. Deep understanding is a must if you want to have 1 that will last longer.
good luck to u!-
Thanks sunshineforlife ^_^ good luck to yours as well.
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Do I believe in them?
Mate, I did it for about 6 years and it was not easy at all.
She was living in Texas and I was all the way over here in New Zealand.
I would fly to the US twice a year or so and she came over to NZ a few times.
In the end she moved over here and we are now married and have a 9 month old daughter.
One thing is must say is that it is not an easy thing to do. It is to date one of the hardest things I have ever done.
I guess you really have to look at the relationship, weigh out your options and see if it really worth taking it further.
If things don’t work out it could leave you emotionally distraught and depending on personal circumstance, they don’t come cheap.
In my case it was well worth it. Good luck.-
Yet another fairy tale story....
I am really happy for you mate. Congrats with your new baby as well. More blessings to come and thanks for advice.
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It works for a while, and then it doesn't.-
yeah exactly what happened with my past 2 relationships which brought havock into my life. like what gerri50 has said,they dont come cheap -_-
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Long Distance does say it all- long chance of it working. Unless your say 85 or so and aren't dating around that much. Joxe - Brian Morgan -
yea if you want a friend.. long distance relationships really don't work.
anthony -
No...no...and wait a minute....no. -
any kind of relationship can fail one day! it doesn't depend on how far away you are from your partner!
good luck on your new search! -
i just thought of this: physically absent makes the heart forget? mmmmm
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no, they DO NOT WORK. I tried, and I had to move 1400 miles away to make it work. its just not humanly possible. we are visual creatures, just like any other animal. You can't replace that.
sorry -
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They don't work. People are only as faithful as their options. You have lots of options when you have a lot of distance between 2 people. -
Guess it also depends on the maturity level of the individuals
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perfectly said whoeliving ^_^
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Why yes, yes I do. And sometimes the longer the distance, the better the relationship.
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mikster, the longer the distance is better the relationship? :O
can please tell us why?
or is it with the thought that "whats the point of having a relationship if you are both physically absent?"
but like what most commented, LDR should only be a temporary condition for it to work. else yes, i am inclined to agree that LDR wont work without that basic condition. ^_- -
Um...that was sarcasm on my part.
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you got me there LMAO
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Depends on the distance -
hi am back again. hehehe
well, i think LDR does not work for all. if you can trust so much and have a big lovable heart and u are sure of faithfulness then LDR even half of the world apart will still work. if near distance relationship requires compramises it is the same with LDR.-
welcome back ^_- you ain't cupid right
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I think an hour away or two does qualify as an LDR, especially if your jobs clash so that you only get to see each other every two or three weekends. I had a long distance relationship for two years, and it was HARD. We're four years into our relationship. The problem I found was that one person always makes more of an effort to see the other person. Yes it was me who made the effort and believe me, I'll never let that son-of-a-***** forget... Anyway, now that we live together, I appreciate us much more.-
infact i alread added you in my list of "blogs to read everyday" ^_^
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Only relationships I've had were long distance. They were all depressing disasters, haha. I think that if handled properly - very carefully - they can succeed, though. It's just a matter of properly balancing a lot of things, and not over-romanticizing your time together in real life. It's good to lead separate lives, have separate friends, things you do, etc. so that if things fall apart, you won't lose everything - I learned that one firsthand. And in general, whenever you meet in person, it's best to just act like a normal couple together - long distance romances, I've observed with people, can fail when they make their time together in real life way too lovey dovey and "perfect." That kind of pressure isn't good, and in general, if you planned to live together at some point, you wouldn't really be prepared for it if you'd been over-romanticizing what time you'd had together in real life before. If you need to argue, then argue. If you want to just spend an evening on the couch instead of doing anything particularly romantic and just take it easy together, that's good too. A lot of people go into long distance relationships with expectations that "it will be like this all the time when we live together!" when they go the extra mile to have an amazing time together when they see each other beforehand. And in general, relationships take a lot of upkeep, attention, and general caring. If either person slacks off at all, the relationship's toast.-
phew, that's some thoughts you got mate. really appreciate it.you might as well start blogging about relationships and stuffs cuz you sure know what you are talking about ^_-
kudos to you! -
I've read a lot of good, intelligent indepth discussions online about relationships, lots of good advice, basically, haha. And I've observed enough relationships - both good and bad - and gone through enough failures myselfto have at least some amount of capability to give advice on the matter. I've written a fair number of entries on love and relationships so far, after all, and plan to keep that a semi-regular blogging theme, so long as I can keep finding things to blog about in regards to them.
Failure in love though I am, and in the ridiculous unrequited situation I am, I figure that hey, if I can offer any words of value and help people out, that's my intent, haha.
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all of my relationships are long distance and it never worked out. well it might worked out if both of us had made a consideration with each other. I still believe in long distance relationship as long as you have effort and your main goal is to be with each other on the right time. =)-
i know how you feel cha, its really a pain in the arse to carry a LDR. its should be a two way street else its bound to fail.
but you know what? inspite of everything,dont loose hope with love. someday cupid will surely hit the bullseye or miss again
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long distance relationship is so hard to maintain and nourish, ive been in serious long distance relationsip for quite a year and no matter how i loved my partner, temptations are really very near, to make the story short, he end up brealing with me and choose to settle with the new girl who just leaves nearby of his place, i was so sad really and really get hurt, but as what the great author said,"it's not what we hold in our hands that is ours,rather it is what is left when we open our hands and let go". -
Yes some long distance relationship, including mine, work. I've been in a long distance relationship with my first and only boyfriend for more than 3 years. We didn't start with a long distance relationship though since we were very good friends before we became lovers and had to separate. Being in a long distance relationship is not an easy journey - there are so many obstacles but I believe as long as both person desires to maintain that relationship no matter what comes their way, it will last. Most importantly, both person has faith - with each other and with God's promise ---- Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen..... --- for in the end all things will work together for good if being with that person is your purpose in life.
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