Discussions
Do You Know Anyone with Cancer?
Posted by busylizzy • 2/25/09 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: Cancer, fighting cancer
What emotions did you go through as a friend or family member?
How did you react when you were told? Do you think you over or under reacted?
Were you a caretaker or did you help out by doing more chores or giving rides etc..?
Did you ever have nightmares, intense fears or be otherwise overwhelmed by that person's uncertain future?
What was your reaction to that person's surgery? Baldness? Other issues?
Did you want to keep the info to yourself or tell people? Some people are quite private.
Did you go on a search for cures, alternative medicine, or foods to eat that fight cancer?
User Comments
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I worry about it all the time. My cousin just died a horrible death from liver cancer, two days before Christmas. It was awful.-
I'll bet your cousin was in a lot of pain. Sorry for your loss. I'll bet it scares the begeebers out of you.
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Absolutely! She was a first cousin and not so far removed genetically. So it's a fear in the back of my mind.
My cousin started out with colon cancer and it spread to her liver. She had a cutting edge procedure to reconstruct her liver, a technique still in its infancy. But it bought her another 18 months of life. It wasn't the cancer that technically killed her; it was liver failure. But sometimes the cure is more fatal than the disease.
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A few years back my mother-in-law did the early retirement thing, joined a gym, went to the doctors, and out of the blue .. was diagnosed with cancer and given three months to live.
It was hard for me trying to get information, because all the information was originally had, and shared with the mother-daughter and it was tough on to relive most of it and repeating information that made them angry or sad. I would get pieces of information and search all about it on the internet to understand.
That was the time I started my "Battling" series of blogs, (eg Battling Cancer cancer.BattlingForHealth.com) with the concept to help people like me .. people whose lives have been touched by other people “Battling The Monster” diseases such as cancer.-
My goodness! You have a lot of battles! I checked out the Monster/Cancer battle blog. Good job, keep up the good work. I'll bet you felt so frustrated trying to find information to understand what was going on. Thanks for sharing.
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My son-inlaw came home from Germany (in the service) last summer, he was diagnoised with stage III lymphoma. He has had 2 tumors removed and is working on six months of chemo and rad. He is 25, my daughter is 21 and they have a 2 year old son. It has been hard as they are in IN and I am in AZ. We do a lot of phone talking and because I am a nurse I get asked a lot of questions. We are trucking through it as he has a lot to live for.-
So young! And to have a young child! I still have it in my head that we shouldn't get cancer until after our kids are grown and moved out! I'll bet you wanted to move in and take care of the household and make everything "okay again."
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Someone here at BC has a great blog on his struggles and victories in cancer. I'll find it asap!-
Now that I found what I was looking for...not sure it is cancer he is struggling with. I will have to dig a little bit more. However, it is a blog about his struggle with health and his faith in God.
"The Life of Thomas"
www.blogcatalog.com/blogs/the-life-of-thomas.html
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What emotions did you go through as a friend or family member?
My Mother was just diagnosed with cancer the in November. I was worried about her mental status, because my young cousin had died of cancer and staff infections from surgery.
How did you react when you were told? Do you think you over or under reacted?
I hope I was strong for her and spoke words of encouragement and love to her, and promised to be with her through all her appointments, surgery, treatments etc. Then I went home and cried on my hubby's shoulder.
Were you a caretaker or did you help out by doing more chores or giving rides etc..?
I have been the caretaker of her and my stepfather (both in their 70's) and have already nursed my stepfather through two different cancer surgeries and yet another is coming up next week. My mother has had her surgery and I am driving her radiation treatments which are 100 miles from here 5 days a week for the next 7 weeks.
Did you ever have nightmares, intense fears or be otherwise overwhelmed by that person's uncertain future?
No! I have placed it in the Lord's hands and I just try to be there for them whenever they need something
What was your reaction to that person's surgery? Baldness? Other issues?
With all the cancer's they have been through, neither have had to have chemo yet. so no baldness or sickness. Just fatigue from radiation, and irritability sometimes, otherwise they have been in good spirits.
Did you want to keep the info to yourself or tell people? Some people are quite private.
My parents gave me the permission to tell anyone, because if it can help someone else they are happy
Did you go on a search for cures, alternative medicine, or foods to eat that fight cancer?
I have done tons of research so that I can further explain to them what the Doctors are talking about, and find out what is good for them to eat and things they should avoid, but plus it keeps me well informed, so that I can ask questions to the Docs when something comes up.-
This is very hard on you! Too bad the radiation is so far away. The drive itself is exhausting! Telling other people is hard. Who do I tell? Who do I not tell? Do I do it in person, mail, email, phone? There never is a good time or place. We did a phone chain kind of thing because it's emotionally draining on whoever is making the calls. I was a big research person - have lots of literature and bookmarked websites! I hope your parents can grow into their 90's!
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Right now there are a lot of people within my life circle battling cancer. I can straight away think of 5. It's heartbreaking to hear anyone go through it, whether I know them personally or not.
I was 11y/o when my mom died of cancer - I had no clue what it was. When explained it was "acute" - silly me thought it was OK b/c it had "cute" in the word! Again, I simply didn't have a clue!
Emotion-wise: I was very casual about it. She was really strong and I never saw her sad or mad during the whole thing - well except when I strolled in one day to see her in hospital with a fractured heel 3 days before an athletics championship!
I think Chemotherapy is the hardest to watch.
Should people keep it private? Hmmm... is it fair? I think about that question every time I think about this stuff. My reason for that is b/c the real complications where kept hidden from me and I hated my family for a very very long time - I still have trust issues with them. They knew things weren't working out, and they know which day to wait for 'the call'... I guess they judged it on my age and how much they "assumed" I could handle. So when she died I was so shocked (and the only one that was too) and was numb for days.-
Wow! I think you should have been told rather than suddenly shocked. You could have been eased into what was going on with little snippets of info as time went on. On the other hand, who wants to approach a child and out the blue say "Your mom's gonna die"? Nobody wants to volunteer for that job!
I got into a big arguement with the school counselor over what to tell my daughter. She wanted me to give the doom and gloom speech. I gave my daughter (10 at the time)the science behind what was going on and what to expect from chemo and radiation side effects but didn't use the C word or talk about dying. My odds of surviving were good so that's how I looked at it. If things change and my statistics look bad, then we'll have "the conversation." She has since learned what breast cancer is, just from all the fundraiser and awareness commercials on tv. -
Yes, it would of been a more pleasant process. I'm slowly learning not to fault people when consumed with so much emotion - how many times do we make mistakes in those times? Surely everyone.
Still hurts thinking about though. Only b/c I was left dealing with it alone - everyone else had there time before so were a lot more self-controlled and emotional healthier.
Your way sounds awesome for your daughter! IMO sharing the time and experience helps in the moments as well as in the long run. Great stuff
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The best love I have ever known among humankind was a platonic relationship with a woman of my temple when she was afflicted with cancer. I blogged about her in LOVING INNOCENCE last August or September in the entry title, "The Kiss."
The kiss given to the woman whose beauty has faded will do more healing than the chemo, and far more than words.-
You are very good for one's soul!
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Just a peripheral note here, on the dna modifying capacities of cell towers.
www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1027699/14-die-cancer-seven-years-living...
In corrolary, if electromagnetics waves can cause cancer, why wouldn't they cure it?-
Harvey - read the article. I've heard what have been termed "urban myths" that electric blankets, heating pads, and phone wires cause cancer in the past. Those have supposedly been debunked. My best guess is that these items have too low power for any effect. Perhaps the tower in the article puts out enough power and that over a long period time, cells do start to mutate. Perhaps it's an accumulative thing. As for why radiation in contrast is used as a cure...it's very focused and very intense. It shrinks and kills the tumors which are more susceptible than "normal" cells. The surrounding body parts are affected too- brittle bones for life, burns akin to sunburns, swelling, scar tissue that'll show up on xrays. That's my best guess to explain the very good point you make.
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What emotions did you go through as a friend or family member? My grand niece was born with cancer. They didn't find it until she was one. You go through mixed emotions.
How did you react when you were told? Do you think you over or under reacted? I was standing there when my Mother received the phone call. My emotions ran from care for her and for the sadness and despair my Mother was feeling.
Were you a caretaker or did you help out by doing more chores or giving rides etc..? No
Did you ever have nightmares, intense fears or be otherwise overwhelmed by that person's uncertain future? Of course.
What was your reaction to that person's surgery? Baldness? Other issues? My niece was only one, so the loss of her hair really didn't matter much, however, she became so weak in the end of the treatment, she was no longer able to even hold a vanilla waffer in her hand. We weren't sure if the cancer or the treatment would end up killing her.
Did you want to keep the info to yourself or tell people? Some people are quite private. She had many supporters.
Did you go on a search for cures, alternative medicine, or foods to eat that fight cancer? Absolutely, and her Mother implemented them.
P.S. She has been in remission for 8 years now.-
Poor little baby! All doctors agree that the cure seems worse than the disease itself! I hope your little niece stays in remission and has a wonderful, long life!
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We just found out about a month ago that my aunt has bone cancer (she's very bad off now). I've also had other aunts and uncles with various types of cancer. At first, it is shocking. Then the sadness sets in. It just seems so prevalent these days.-
Alot of cancers are caused by the environment, especially manmade pollutants. The American Cancer Society has a huge list of known carcinogens. Wish this info was general knowledge so people would better be able to avoid them. And industries could be stopped from manufacturing and polluting with them. Make sure you stay atuned to your own body and never dismiss anything as being minor.
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I've known three: my grandmother (breast cancer), my biological grandfather (maternal--brain and lung cancer) and my step(?) grandfather (liver cancer). I was surprised, overall, but I didn't really react at all. By the time I was born, my mom had lost contact with most to the extended family, and what little interaction we had with those that remained was full of conflict, so I was--for lack of a better word--apathetic about it, I suppose. -
These were people you didn't know except for stories or you had difficult relationships with. No emotional ties, either way. My grandfather died from difficulties due to lung cancer - I was mad at him for smoking like a chimney for many years. His house literally had a cloud cover that hovered about 2 feet below the ceiling. My gr. grandmother died of pancreas cancer but I hardly ever saw her anyway, maybe once a year or so. No emotional tie to her.
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Yes, I just recently lost a friend to cancer
mythoughtsalways.blogspot.com/2008/08/my-thoughts-goodbye.html
My grandma had uterine cancer after she had chemo her heart began to shrink. A year before she passed I dreamt that she had died. That night I had insomnia. The day she passed away I woke at 6:15 AM which was uncharacteristic of me. I think I knew deep down on that day.-
Read your post and left a comment.
I don't know if this is related, but I had to take a heart test called a MUGA scan to see if my heart was strong enough to tolerate one of the chemo meds.
Why can't everyone just grow really old and die in their sleep while dreaming of rainbows and unicorns? -
It's been quite some time ago. I'm not sure my gram had to do that. Most of what was going on with my gram was kept from me. I'm the sensitive one and everyone thinks they're protecting me and it ticks me off more than anything.
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Shirley - the MUGA scan may not have even been invented yet...
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My best friend is fighting breast cancer and a person I call Dad (he is like my adopted dad) just found out he has lung cancer, I am in denial it has not hit me yet with both of them, even though my friend has had 3 operations on her breast I still am not accepting it.
I did not know how to react when I seen her losing her hair, I read up hints and tips on the internet and it all seemed so stupid so I was myself and we joked about it, she said it was the best thing to do it made her smile, we even sat watching youtube together figuring out how to make her some cool hats! it was not successful we sewed our cloths to the hats (warning when hand sewing do not rest the fabric on your knee to hand sew your jeans will become a part of the hat!
Arrangements have been made with my friend over who shall look after her son (she is a single mother) and still now I do not see her not being here. Also with my "dad" he has only just found out he has cancer and he is making arrangements "just in case" Other then that I can not see a day without them. -
In the USA there is a program called Looks Good Feel Better which is basically a fun makeup party. They teach about skin care, make up tricks, hats, scraves, turbans, jewelry, wigs and care and more. Each patient received a free totebag a ton of makeup in it. I was once told I was lucky that I didn't lose my eyelashes - and I didn't have any as we spoke! It's associated with the American Cancer Society. See if your country has something similar. Check them out at www.lookgoodfeelbetter.org/general/facts.htm
How to react to her baldness - I wouldn't look in the mirror for a week! My mom said I looked good. Yah, right, shut up. So assume your friend's self esteem is going to be very low for awhile. My own opinion is not to talk about and go on with your lives. Your friend will be cold in the winter, not having hair. A pretty beanie, even for wearing to bed, is nice. I got a fleece one with cats all over it. But it was too small, so my daughter wears it! Funny - she's stealing my chemo fashions! LOL!
Making arrangements "just in case" is good. No one wants their survivors having to do all that stuff while grieving and vulnerable. At least pick out who and what you want.
I wish the best for you, your friend and your dad! -
Thank you for your reply, wow it felt good to just blurt it out there, I have not done that to anyone as I have always been the "strong one" and people put a lot on me, mind you compared to my friend and dad my life is a breeze.
As for Looks Good Feel Better I looked it up and there is nothing like that here so it is time I have some companies and people some shaking and waking up calls! We ended up ordering hats and beanies of eBay.
Sometimes I just feel so helpless and wish I could do something!
Thank you for the hints. -
I stand corrected there is a Looks Good Feel Better here yet no one knows of it! **grins** now they will!
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Woo-hoo! Maybe you can go along as a guest. I brought my mom. It was a fun get-together.
BTW - It's therapeutic to talk or write about what you are experiencing emotionally. I actually learned that in my college creative writing class. I wrote a poem about miscarriages and it ended up getting published! Ain't I a morbid person poet!! I also started blogging about cancer, partly as a catharsis (sp?) for me as well as putting it out into the world for people who need to hear someone else's story and feel not so alone.
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Unfortunately we've had alot of cancer in my family. Some have recovered, some have died and some are sort of inbetween....
"What emotions did you go through as a friend or family member?"
I think the hardest one on the family was my counsin getting diagnosed when she was 2 years old, She ended up having one of the first stem cell tranplants instead of a regular bone marrow transplant. She survived and is now 19 but the cancer and treatments really defined her entire life and still offers struggles all these years later. Her life really have been a challenge and a confusion of emotions from all sides.
All of my grandparents have had cancer, two survived two didn't. The two that survived are married and it wasn't kept a secret. Everyone was worried but kept informed and supported each other. With my other two grandparents the case was different. They were very secretive about having cancer. My grandfather had failing health for years so his death wasn't a surprise, the surprise was that his Death Cert listed the cause of death as complications of cancer. They never told us he was suffereing from that on top of his other health issues. My grandmother was a really big shocker because she was really healthy. She didn't want anyone to know and kept it really quite expect from her sister that took her to doctors appointments. It was a really big surprise that we got a call to inform us that Grandama was dying and that nothing else could be done. I talked on the phone with her regularly and she always kept up with the it's all going well line.-
Personally I like to know what's ahead. It's painful no matter what but when the death is unexpected it's like being hit in the head with a bowling ball!
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A year ago, my dad's brother (my uncle) got sick suddenly. It was discovered he had Leukemia. He was too weak to receive a marrow transplant and died within a week of finding out he had Leukemia.
Now, my mom's mom (my aunt) has the same thing (Leukemia)happening with her. Whenever they try to give her fluids, they go into her lungs. She's only known about the Leukemia for a short while and is dying now.
How weird for the same sudden illness to strike 2 members on 2 sides of my family a year apart! -
I'd like to suggest a related blog to you:
The Price of Love is a book about a cancer journey, from the viewpoint of a partner. It isn’t easy to face the likelihood of your wife’s death when she is only 32, supporting her whilst propping up yourself and two small children.
It isn’t easy to face up to the inevitable, to take the blows, to live for now and to brace for the future. It isn’t easy to start to build a new life, whilst honouring the old one. It isn’t easy to go through all this and to emerge safely on the other side, but it can be done, and it must be done.
The Price of Love is about the despair and joy of death and life, and about the nature of friendship and betrayal along the way.
It’s about children, about parents, about love, and grief, and hope.
It’s a human story, for any woman who ever had a family, and for any man who never thought he’d lose it.
thepriceoflove.net/ -
My father is a retired firefighter from NYC, he was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. Luckily they found out early enough and so far (6 months later) he's doing alright no chemotherapy or anything. -
I have worked in oncology ward ...
Many things and many stories. It strengthens one's spirit-
Ro - I don't think I could have your job. I tend to be a sponge and absorb everyone else's saddness. You must be very strong.
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I cannot answer from this perspective. I was the one with cancer but I am in remission one year since February 8th. My husband could answer all the above questions and then some. He feared very much for my life...and the future. I know that for a fact. And he took care of me....100%. He brought me food, drove me everywhere. I had a LOT of appointments. I was pregnant too so I had a doctor appointment almost everyday between regular appointments, high rish appointments, oncology checkups and chemo days. To say the least I needed him more than ever at the time and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. -
Hi everyone,
I'm wondering if you would stop by www.lgpof.org. There you will see our desperate struggle with hope and despair.
Thank you in advance. -
no, thank God.
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