Discussions

Don't Call Me Sir

Posted by DaneMorgan • 10/06/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: aging, birthdays, salutations, sir, titles

As I rush headlong and haphazardly toward my 42nd (or 41st? 43? at this point does it even matter any more?) birthday, I'm ever and more aware of the steadfast and relentless creeping of gray in my beard, and the need to shave a progressively smaller portion of my head.

Now, given that I've lost 116 pounds in the last year in a half, it's not all bad news, I suppose. I can actually stand straight up and, glancing downward, see my toes. For the young among you that probably doesn't sound like so great a victory, but, some of us, probably more so than most, those of us who spent our formative years in the haze of the exuberant excesses of the eighties, we must take our victories where we can find them.

The first time i felt old, though only momentarily, was actually quite some years back. I was still in the Army at the time and was angling hard and calling in favors to get assigned to a detail to prep the stage and provide security for a Molly Hatchet concert. One of the privates asked me what movies she had been in. And when they listed Guns 'N Roses as classic rock, it was a serious blow to the ego raised in the glorious Southern California Cult of the Culture of Youth.

Having long since renounced that sunny land of my birth, trading the beaches and bikinis for the harsher harder sands and tans of the Arizona desert, I resolved myself to the fact that I wasn't twenty any more and that indeed, as George Carlin once had observed, all of the Playboy Centerfolds were now much younger than me. I took comfort in the acquired knowledge and wisdom I had amassed, just as the desert, while not so apparently pretty as the beaches, had a special, hard won beauty of it's own. A beauty that is won through trial and hardship, through the facing of adversity and learning to do more with less, as all plants and animals in that domain must to survive.

Now in the drained swamplands of the Southeast Missouri Boot Heel, and indeed, yet another decade and a bit more older, I look to the Cyprus Tree growing from the lowland marsh and the weather, but still serviceable old barns that haunt the edges of the vast soy, wheat, rice, cotton and wheat farms in the region, or to their tall, often rusted, and constantly faithful companion silos. They reassure me that even as I age, my usefulness can continue.

But this latest blow, that I honestly think I only began to notice as I pondered another anniversary marking the passing of my allotted time, is perhaps the harshest of all to bear.

You see, I've noticed a lot (I mean a LOT [really I mean basically ALL]) of the younger women I contact throughout my day have a tendency to call me 'sir'. And I mean all the time. Every time they speak to me.

When I was in the Army, we enlisted men resented being called 'sir', for we actually worked for a living, unlike the officers, who, by virtue of their commissions, must be called 'sir'. I know that some of what I feel hearkens back to that, as even all of this time later I still retain some of the soldier in me. I know too, that some of the 'sir's I encounter are a product of the culture here in the south, or at least the edge of it.

If I were still in the land of my birth, surely I would be called 'dude' at least occasionally still, but not here. here I am 'sir'.

I don't want to be 'sir'.

Don't call me 'sir'.

User Comments

10/06/08

ekim941

Yes Sir. I mean um... Dude

[reply]
1. 10/06/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I like Dude.
10/06/08

kat822

is this a post dean or a discussion, did I miss the discussion question?

[reply]
1. 10/06/08
  
  ekim941
  
  Well, lets' discuss this. Is it Sir, dude, Dane or Dean.
  
  I'm confused now.
2. 10/06/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  It's a post, but if anything in it moves you to comment I'm happy to discuss.
3. 10/06/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Heh. I gave up so many years ago on having anyone actually call me by my name....
  
  Dean, Dan, Dana are all common, even in print. And things as far off ad Darrel and Darren occur in speech frequently.
  
  I answer to pretty much anything but sir these days.
10/06/08

DrowseyMonkey

Yikes, too long .. but I won't call ya sir, I'm guessing that the gist.

[reply]
1. 10/06/08
  
  ekim941
  
  I guess you are feeling more Drowsey than monkey tonight.
  
  I didn't mean that like it sounded
2. 10/06/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Yeah. I can tend toward long.
  
  I remain unapologetic, though.
10/06/08

josephgelb

i hear that its just out side dem coast cities if i dont call people sire they think im crazy

[reply]
10/06/08

kat822

THank Dean thought these tired eyes were losing it, if it makes you feel better I hate being call Mame

[reply]
1. 10/06/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Ma'am, you mean?
2. 10/07/08
  
  kat822
  
  hey i said my eyes were tired evidently my fingers were too
10/06/08

timethief

@Dane
g'evening
I have never thought of you as a "sir". I think of you as a "marketing guru". Happy Birthday.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I knew there was a reason I liked you.
10/06/08

satijournal

What' really bad is when you're just about to ask her out, she calls you sir. DOH! I decided to finally get married when that started happening to me on a regular basis.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  That's really one of those ouch moments,man. Nothing worse than thinking, "man, she's kinda hot" and then she 'sir's ya.
2. 10/08/08
  
  drjay1966
  
  Oh god, yeah, that is bad....
10/06/08

loverofjazz

no point in fighting it friend. the older you get, the more often this will happen. even if you get yourself a custom made "don't call me sir!" t-shirt. might as well relax and accept it.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  How about if I got me a custom made blog "don'tcallmesir.com" to go with the tee?
10/06/08

Theresa111

Dane, What say we knight you and then you can be known as "Sir Dane."

When is your special Happy Birthday, day? Life begins at forty. Enjoy it.

Everyone thinks they will always be around. And I believe that the days seem to fly by. We all need to take advantage of all the days we have and share with one another.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Oh, I'm not missing out on any enjoyment of life. I just want to enjoy it as dude.
10/07/08

jackpayne

You are such an articulate wordsmith that I cannot see anyone denigrating your social status with the lowly title of "Sir." Something more like, "Your Lordship" would be more appropriate.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I'm never quite how sure to take you, but I believe I'll take it as a compliment.
10/07/08

blackzero85

So, elder brother dane, what would you like to be called?

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  Friday13
  
  There will have to be a poll between Dude and Your Lordship.
  
  I vote for Dude!
2. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Dane works for me, or dude... Hell almost anything but sir works for me.
10/07/08

Shy

I have a habit of calling males not Sir but handsome, I just know it will get me in trouble soon! (maybe that is why I do it)

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Hmmm... That might be a workable tactic. I'm pretty sure it would work on me.
10/07/08

HelloAnnie

Sorry Dane...mm...your avatar does show your strong profile.

I just got called madame and I only revealed my lips.

For years, when we were expats, my maid called me Mdm, the electrician called me Mdm, the driver called me Mdm, and the cashier at the grocery stores did that too.

But no sir, I do not like to be called Mdm, makes me feel old. Besides, we all make a living, not born with a silver spoon in the mouth.

If you walk in Bali, you will be called Sir or Mr. It is common. So the tropics is out for you if you don;t want Sir. From bartender to touters on the beach, you will hear Sir this Sir that, how are you Sir, Good morning Sir.....nobody knows Dude.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I'll have to remember that when it's time to retire. I really want to retire back to my desert though, so I should be somewhat safe.
2. 10/09/08
  
  HelloAnnie
  
  OOww experience tropical islands. You will see a different side of life.
10/07/08

kdawg68

that was brilliant - should've been a blog post it was so good.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Thank you. Actually a new strategy I am working on is the idea of "blogging" where the people already are (ie at the social sites).
10/07/08

Anok

I will never call you "sir"

But only if you promise to n ever call me "cute"

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  will you still call me Franchesca?
2. 10/07/08
  
  Anok
  
  only if you were that cute outfit when I do
3. 10/07/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  wait...I thought you abhor "cute"?
4. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  How about cuddly?
5. 10/08/08
  
  Anok
  
  No no no. Cuddly is out.
  
  Wait, you never struck me as the cuddly type, Dane - are you hiding something we should all know about?
6. 10/09/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I LOVE to cuddle.
  
  There, I said it.
7. 10/09/08
  
  Anok
  
  *GASP!* I am shocked I tell you!
10/07/08

ThriftShopRomantic

Having been "ma'amed" for a few years now, I feel your pain. Although I was Senorita'ed at a Mexican restaurant recently, and I rather liked that.

Can we Senor you?

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  what about "fraulein"
  
  "Fraulein Thomson - was machst du?"
2. 10/07/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Heh, it's of the ma'am level of severity, I think.
3. 10/07/08
  
  kdawg68
  
  can I refer to you as a "filly"?
4. 10/07/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  At least it's keeping to a theme.
5. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Fraulein is actually the youthful variant. Frau is the Ma'am equivalent.
10/07/08

napalmtongue

Dane,

I can't help but be amused. I share your age and am also a So Cal native who has traded the 'valley' for the gently rolling plains of northern Texas. When I visited here as a kid and would go to the store, everyone who heard me talk would say, "You're from California." I never knew we had an accent (and I still deny to this day that I do).

Congrats on the poundage loss. That is quite an accomplishment. As for the hair loss, at least you didn't cave to an eighties fad and slap a mullet on your head, and with luck, are not still listening religiously to My Sharona.

You will get no 'sir' from me.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  yeah, I don't think anyone can really understand the cult of youth that exists there without actually growing up with it.
10/07/08

drjay1966

When I was in my late twenties, somebody asked me if I went to Vietnam, and then didn't seem to believe me when I said I was seven when the war ended. That was when I decided to shave off my beard. Way worse than being called "sir"....

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I've had younger people ask if I was in Vietnam, but I think it had more to do with their not having a firm grasp on the chronology of that conflict than confusion about my age.
10/07/08

dosox

Okay... Sir

[reply]
10/07/08

clioandme

I gave up on being bothered by the whole sir" thing about a decade ago. And really, is "buddy" any better?

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Maybe, maybe not, but I really do prefer dude, or just my name.
10/07/08

ChicaX

I call any man regardless of age Sir, and any woman regardless of age, young lady. It's just how I roll. I wouldn't be upset by one calling you "Sir" as most folks don't have that much manners these days.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Not upset... Just a strong preference against.
10/07/08

wehireu

I will call you sir only if you tell me about where you work or you are at an important function, wedding, funeral, etc.

Sir has its place, especially with young kids who are causing trouble, people who are being rude, and other such things.

[reply]
10/07/08

myriadlife

I think Sir is cool, respectful, at any age. Don't be so sensitive! I would rather be called Madam than young lady, I don't dig false flattery. Every age has its benefits:)

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  ChicaX
  
  Haha Myriad if that was in reference to my comment, I must say that older women were not really a part of my life at all, the only one's i've really got to know were all in nursing homes, and I was their caretaker. They adored being called Young lady. of course there were some that wanted to be called Madame too.
10/07/08

RTBjr73

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude, i feel your pain.

the gray hair that I am amassing does not make me feel old. The cracking and popping of joints don't make me feel old either.

It's when my 12 year old son asked me a few months back..."Dad, who was bo Jackson?". That's when I felt old.

[reply]
1. 10/07/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Yeah, it's those little things like that that really get you. You can always find an excuse to dismiss those physical reminders, but that temporal disconnect with someone half your age just hits you in the head like a two by four.
10/08/08

Betsuzdav

I prefer to be called by my name when introduced to someone, but if it is a stranger "miss" is great and "ma'am" is not so great. So, I understand what you are talking about Dane. I like Dane. It is a nice name and If I met you I would address you as such.

[reply]
1. 10/08/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  I bet we'd get along fabulously.
10/08/08

harleyblues

Ok than, Happy Birthday MISTER

hb~

[reply]
10/08/08

buffedstuff

Happy birthday Dane may you age like a fine wine and may all the good thing in life encircle you and those you love.

[reply]
10/08/08

RecycleCindy

You lost 116 pounds -- Dude that's fantastic!

[reply]
1. 10/09/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Yeah, it's almost a whole person.
10/08/08

iriegal

Dude, yah mon!! losing 116 lbs should "warrant" a SIR.

Cause DAT IS MUCH RESPECT MON!

okay, Happy "born" day!!

YOU DAH MAN MON!

[reply]
1. 10/09/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Heh, either that or I'm two thirds the man I used to be?
10/09/08

Betsuzdav

I know we would get along fabulously Dane

[reply]
10/09/08

DaneMorgan

I may have given the wrong impression here...

My birthday isn't actually until December 3rd.

But I appreciate the well wishes nonetheless.

[reply]
1. 10/09/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Hey- you and I share a birthday!
10/09/08

DaneMorgan

BC will simply have to get us cake. I prefer the kind that says New York Cheese in front of it.

[reply]
1. 10/09/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  I fear instead it would just be a never-ending birthday thread. I like to leave those sorts of things to Claire to deal with.
2. 10/09/08
  
  crpitt
  
  Happy Birthday
3. 10/09/08
  
  ThriftShopRomantic
  
  Now, Claire, you KNOW you don't want to go there.
4. 10/09/08
  
  crpitt
  
  I know I have been lucky so far!
12/01/08

lordiwanttobewhole

I don't like being called m'ame. I'm 37 and m'ame makes me feel very old.

[reply]
1. 12/01/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Well, take comfort in being younger than me!
12/01/08

jafabrit

Great write up, but I think you are lucky if you are noticed enough to be called sir. You get to my age suddenly you become invisible

I was floored the first time I was called M'am at the age of 26, but put it down to being in Texas at the time.

[reply]
1. 12/01/08
  
  DaneMorgan
  
  Heh, I'll never be invisible. I'd be too dangerous if I were invisible.
2. 12/01/08
  
  jafabrit
  
  Yes, being invisible has it's uses, says she who puts knitting on poles, snicker! snicker! beware the gang of graffiti grannies with their knitting needles.