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Don't Kids Say the Funniest Things?

Posted by MidwestMom • 9/23/08 • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: children, humor, kids, parenting

I have been cracking up lately at the things my five-year-old comes out with. Since he was two he started sentences with words like, "actually", which is very funny coming from a toddler. He also holds out his hand when he talks, fingers together, palm facing himself, sort of like a statue of Caesar. It's like he's five going on fifty-five. (I'm starting to think we've let him watch too many political speeches this season.)

Well, in addition to his standard mispronounced words like "frickles" (for freckles) and "whole and tired" (whole entire -- like "Have you been doing chores for the whole and tired day?!?" Um... that would be Yes.), he occasionally comes out with something so authoritatively stated that I can no longer stand it.

Last night we were at the supper table, and in his most professorial voice he said, "Mom... I used to think that when I swallowed my food it went down to my toes. Now I know it only goes down to my knees."

Both my husband and I snarfed our drinks.

Are mine the only kids that come up with this stuff?

User Comments

9/23/08

annz

Zoe's too young to really say funny things like that, but I have a story from a few years ago. We had a bunch of friends over, including a woman who was about 8 months pregnant and her 3 year old daughter. The mother had apparently been talking to her daughter about pregnancy and childbirth and such things. The girl went and sat on my husband's lap and started asking him questions:

Girl: "what are you drinking?"
My husband: "beer"

Girl: "where did it go?"
My husband: "in my tummy"

Girl: "will it come out again?"
My husband: "not right away, it's going to stay in my tummy a little while"

Girl: "maybe it'll come out your vagina?"
My husband: ... hands her to her mother to let her answer that one.

[reply]
1. 9/23/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  Oh... that is funny!
  
  My own kids thought that was what your belly button was for (a baby door). My oldest son was four when his baby sister was born. He was distressed that he had one (a belly button) and was relieved when I told him that *wasn't* where the baby came out. "Phew!" he said, "that would really hurt!"
  
  I replied, "You have no idea."
2. 1/08/09
  
  parentconsensus
  
  Please see my note below AND the tools one. I'd LOVE to include this one on my website if okay!
9/23/08

NikkiCorrupt

Children are funny but you have to watch what YOU say because they are liable to repeat it.

[reply]
1. 9/23/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  That is the truth!
  
  Another one from my son: "You can only say cuss words when you're using tools. At least that's when Daddy uses them."
9/23/08

MidwestMom

Well, ladies... we must be the only one with hilarious kids! Thanks for playing.

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9/23/08

clioandme

Keep writing it down for future reference. It's amazing how much I've already forgotten from my own.

[reply]
1. 9/23/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  You know, Mark. We actually have an ongoing conversation with our kids about what funny things they used to do when they were younger... and we always have a great laugh about it.
  
  There's nothing kids like to hear about more than their own stories.
  
  Thanks for the good advice.
2. 9/23/08
  
  whiteline
  
  @markstoneman: I agree, I can't even begin to recall some of the early things. They always made me laugh though.
  
  @ MM: With a house full of boys, MM, I'm not sure enough time has passed for some of their current antics and sayings to be funny
3. 9/23/08
  
  clioandme
  
  @MM: Those kinds of conversations might not be as frequent when they're teenagers.
9/23/08

MidwestMom

Ha! That's true, Troy. But I *bet* that once you can find the humor in their 'antics' they'll be the ones who will tell just as many stories about YOUR antics!

It's part of what makes parenting fun, isn't it?

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1. 9/23/08
  
  whiteline
  
  There's a lot of truth in there - well said MM *runs off to bury past antics*
9/23/08

xmarks

My kids like to sit behind me on the couch with their legs against my hips. Then I have to stand up so they can show me how big my butt is. Then they figured out that my wife laughed harder if, when I stood up, they spread their little legs out as far as they could go before reporting my "size".

[reply]
1. 9/23/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  That's a good one!
9/23/08

bradhart

The best out of my soon to be ten year old son of late was as follows and thankfully I had swallowed the coffee and put the cup down.

(Liam comes wandering out of his room about 5:00am and I am at the computer in the living room enjoying my moment of silence)
"Good morning, are boogers nose poop? Can I have some pop tarts?"

[reply]
1. 9/23/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  non-sequitur of the year! LMAO!
2. 1/08/09
  
  parentconsensus
  
  Brad, please see my note below. I would really like to put this on my site as a family funny...let me know!
9/23/08

Anniepooh

Too much to mention in this house, but your son's food comment is hysterical!

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9/23/08

TragicComedy

I don't have any kids but my nieces provide some amusing stuff. When they were younger and saw a baby crying, they would say that the baby was leaking.

Reese used to get wedgies a lot and anytime she would pick at it we would say, "You have a problem, Reese?" Eventually she started to think that wedgies were called problems so now anytime she gets one she says, "I have a problem."

One of my friend's nieces, then 2, was listening to my friend and I talking about some problem. Very matter of factly she looks at us and says, "Sucks to be you." We found out later she had just watched Blue Crush and evidently that was said in that movie.

[reply]
1. 1/08/09
  
  parentconsensus
  
  Oh man...these are great too again, please see my note below. These would be great!
10/09/08

BeInWonder

Aunt to my son: "Hi, Monkey."
3 yr old Son: "I'm not a monkey, I'm a little boy."

My son was sick at 2: Mom, I'm broken. You have to change my batteries.

After watching me throw up into the toilet from morning sickness: "Mommies poop out of their mouths?"

[reply]
10/31/08

Louise

Mine make me laugh when they pick up things you say but really shouldn't...

carminesuperiore.blogspot.com/2007/11/mind-your-language-carmine-quotes-no2...

[reply]
10/31/08

Shirlatude

When my son was about 6 or 7 (he's 15 now) we were on a road trip. We passed a Christmas Tree farm and he said: "Look at all those wild Christmas Trees Mom". I know I've forgotten a lot over the years, but that one sticks! Shirl

[reply]
1. 10/31/08
  
  MidwestMom
  
  I like that one!
10/31/08

farangrakthai

One of my daugthers, when she was about 6, asked me in Singapore, "Where are old people like grandma and grandpa, I do not see old people here?"
"I guess they are in special places where people take care of them" I replied
Back to Europe for holidays, we were in the car in a small town and she asked me" Dad, here, do they put the young people in special places, I do not see them?"
Well...

[reply]
10/31/08

footiam

Adults too!

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10/31/08

kat822

one of my students turned to another student and said....You are so ugly even kids with no legs run away from you....ok I did kinda chuckle at that one

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1/05/09

Cassandrajane

I love reading this stuff!

I started watching my 5 year old nephew and on the second day he decides to tell me out of the blue, "I used to chew on my toenails but you know what learned me? I choked on one."

I was torn between gagging and laughing.

[reply]
1/08/09

MidwestMom

We were at Mass on Sunday for the Epiphany, and during the sermon, our pastor was talking about all the searching the wise men must have done to find Jesus. He urged us all to start the search and keep with it. My three year old daughter stood up and called out, "Hey! Fr. Nelson! Baby Jesus is right there! He's in his manger! Right there!!" while she pointed frantically at the large nativity up on the altar. It was hard to clap my hand over her mouth fast enough. I was laughing too hard. He thanked her publicly -- by name.

[reply]
1/08/09

parentconsensus

Hey all, these are HILARIOUS. I have a section on my fledgling website www.parentconsensus.com called Family Funnies...and so many of these I would love to use there (with your permission of course!) I would be glad to include a link to your blog. So you can either give me permission here to use OR go to this link and submit, okay? (If you have picture to include, please do or I'll find something!) www.parentconsensus.com/index.php?p=Form_Family_Funnies

Thanks. This was a fun discusssion to read MidwestMom....kudos!

[reply]
2/02/09

salandrob1

V v funny! I'm compiling a book of kids' quotes called The World According to Kids - anyone interested in submitting some of these? No payment involved, just fame and fun knowing you'll make others laugh. Check out www.sallycollings.com/twak. (I'm also the author of Sophie's Journey - about Sophie Delezio - and Positive, which will be out next month.)
Look forward to reading your gems!
Sally

[reply]
3/15/09

Rooviemaker

Kids do say funny things and come up with some great words, but moreover they've inspired me to make up words to help describe them and the things they do In TheKidDictionary :
(www.TheKidDictionary.com)

Examples:
WISHJACK (WISH-jahk) v.: To maliciously blow out the candles on another child’s birthday cake.

KODICK (KOH-dik) n.: The child who refuses to cooperate in the taking of a family photograph.

SNOOT (SNEWT) v.: To suck in rather than blow out when blowing your nose.

ORTHODONTREPRENEUR (ORTH-o-DAHN-truh-prenn-orr) n.: A child interested in knocking all of his own teeth out in the interest of a hefty payday from the tooth fairy.

SLEDENTARY (SLEDD-en-tehr-ee) adj.: A child’s state of being so bundled up to face the winter elements that they cannot move.

INVISIBOOBOO (in-VIZ-uh-boo-boo) n: – The site on a child’s body where you unnecessarily applied a Band-Aid to appease them when they got hurt, though did not bleed.

THREEMAGEDDON (three-muh-GED-in)–n.: The supposed hellfire and brimstone that would erupt should an annoyed mother reach the third digit while counting aloud to 3 to get a non-compliant child to get his act together..
“ONE !….TWOOOOOOO !!!!….. ”

More on this and the book they came from at: www.TheKidDictionary.com

Or check this video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYbjqujLPgk

[reply]
3/15/09

maxisangry

Yeah, kids are awfully stupid.

[reply]
3/24/09

radioflyer1980

My son asked about God when he was about five. My wife and I thought we did pretty well... until we heard him re-explaining God to one of his friends. God is big and old. He's like a dinosaur Power Ranger.

Even worse was the story of Easter. Jesus died on the cross. He was buried on Good Friday, but he came back three days later on Easter Sunday.

The kids in class looked horrified. One spoke up, wide-eyed, "You mean Jesus was a ZOMBIE?!"

[reply]
5/15/09

Alcomum

In the car yesterday, my 4 year old son started shouting "God! God!" I was like "what's wrong?". And he said "nothing, I'm just talking to God. But why is he not talking back to me?"

Wee pet!

[reply]
5/15/09

MarriedMayhem

When my brother was young, my mum and dad would play eye spy in the car. It was my brother's turn and he chose the letter 'w'. Mum and dad drove for about 30mins guessing the whole time, making sure whatever he had chosen could still be seen. When they had thought of everything possible...he said rather satisfied, looking up and pointing...'woof'

[reply]
1. 5/16/09
  
  Alcomum
  
  LOL - when we play I spy and it gets to the 4 year old's turn, he says "I spy with my little eye, something beginning with blue". And it is always the sky!
5/16/09

farangrakthai

They do. Reminds me of one of my daughters living in Thailand with me and when in Europe asking "Dad, do they put young people in elderly home here? I do not see any"

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5/18/09

MarriedMayhem

One little boy in my class was playing with this oversized My little Pony, stroking it's mane. He got this strange faraway look and casually said 'I wish I was a girl'.

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