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Encouraging kids to call him "dad"
Posted by bexablancas • 21 days ago • Subscribe to this Discussion [RSS] • Report This Topic
Topics: step parents family
A guy I know recently got married to a woman with 2 children from a previous marriage. The father is still in the their lives and sees them every other weekend. However, she and this guy encourage the kids to call him "dad." Well I guess the kid's biological father got pissed and threatened this guy to stop acting like he's their father. I mean, I think it's good for him to try to have an active role in these kids lives, but I think it should be limited to the boundaries of the step parent. What are you thoughts?
(P.S. this guy is sort of delusional, he expects them to want HIM to walk them down the aisle when they get married. I just think he's overstepping his boundaries.)
User Comments
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I totally agree... I have or had a 13 yr old step son. He asked to call me mom,and I sat him down and explained...I would Never be his mom or take her place. We decided on another nick name which is what my neices and nephews call me, (Ha,Ha)...is what they call me,but I told TJ that I'm his #1 HaHa-
Hmm....well I don't think it's so bad if the kid actually WANTS to call you mom. That's kinda sweet
These kids in particular are definitely being TOLD to call this dude dad, which is just...weird.
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It can be difficult letting go of kids. I know I would find it tough too. Maybe they ought to be gentle and play it cool, give it time -
I called my step-dad pop...maybe they should give a nick-name like that,but only if the kids are comfortable with that.
It was my idea to call him that,and my bro still to this day calls him by his name. Some kids don't ever feel close to a step parent and that's ok to.
Its asking a lot of a child to go through a divorce or even a death of a bio parent then just except a new person stepping in and taking their mom or dad away from you...at least that's how u feel -
*However, SHE and this guy encourage the kids to call him "dad."
That, in my humble opinion, is an epic fail on her part. If the children had a dead beat father it would be more understandable, but her insistence that her children call the new guy "dad" is a direct "FU" to the father, not to mention putting undue stress on the kids. Clearly they can tell it upsets their real daddy, kids ALWAYS know. I think as a mother she should re examine her priorities and focus on what's best for her children and not what's best for HER new life.
Sorry for that little rant but when my mother died they insisted I call the new broad mommy and guess what, I may have complied here and there but ultimatley it ended in full blown resentment.
As for the guy, we yeah he needs to step off. He is not, nor will he ever be, their father and by pretending/insisting/inserting that they refer to him as such will eventually strain the relationship. He will never be number one and that should have been made clear to him. I actually agree with you "delusional" statement and for some reason I am getting a "ready made family" vibe from this story and that NEVER ends well.-
Totally agree with this. She's definitely trying to stick it to her ex. And I understand why this guy wants these kids to like him and he expects to be the father figure in their lives (he claims that he's the one they'll be seeing the most, so that's why they should get used to treating him like their other dad) ... it still doesn't change the fact that these kids need to decide for themselves how close they want to be with their new stepdad. You can't force relationships, especially ones that are supposed to be familial.
(I always hated my (ex) step mom and sure as hell never would have called her "mom," but that's another story...)
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I totally agree. In this situation, I blame the mother. The new husband takes his cues from her. Obviously her relationship with her ex is strained. But, yes the new guy is a bit clueless too. He needs to learn what it means to actually be a father. That means doing what's best for your kids, not yourself!
Divorce sucks, but adults need to keep the kids' needs in mind more than their own.
These poor kids must be confused and stressed. -
Let the children decide. -
Exactly, let the children decide. I had a step-father since I was 6 years old, but I also had my dad too. I called my step-father by his name, because simply, he wasn't my dad. My own children have gone through this as well. Their dad is active in their lives and I would NEVER try to persuade my children to call my boyfriend "dad", even when we get married. I don't expect my boyfriend to assume the "dad" role either, I expect him to love them and be there for them, nothing more. They have one father. For children whose dads aren't in their lives, that may be a different story, but it's still better to let them decide. They'll only resent you if you don't.
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